Real Housewife (there are ersatz housewives? who knew?) of New York Kelly Bensimon’s poorly chosen bikini displays the disfiguring scar she received in her recent, botched dorsal fin-plasty.

Sacha Baron Cohen, Jennifer Aniston and John Cusack enjoy a quiet Saturday night together, crank-calling Angelina Jolie. What do you think fueled this phone frenzy? I’d guess a few Wild Turkeys (like Jen’s last five movies).

Paul Newman has enemies (raincoaster)
Hogwarts uniforms get a fashionista makeover (Ayyyy)
Gaga is a MONSTER! (Lolebrity)
Liam Neeson elbows drunk anti-semite aside for part (CelebrityBeehive)
See Taylor. See Taylor’s Momsens (AgentBedhead)
If I were marrying that man, I’d hide my face too (BusyBeeBlogger)
Jon’s Hamm is free range (CeleBitchy)
Marion Cotillard should have bought a matched set (CelebrityCosmeticSurgery)
Rod Stewart is a new parent (sorta) (CelebDirtyLaundry)
Celebrity pumpkinheads (CelebritySmack)
Dear Raccoon McPantsless (CojoStyle)
Canada’s most perennial export shows her assets. Again. (DailyStab)
Kim Kardashian doesn’t eat anyway (earsucker)
Your cokepants are safe! (EvilBeet)
Is there anyone this famewhore won’t date? (GabbyBabble)
Lady Gaga wearing half a My Little Pony (HaveUHeard)
This woman has the world’s most powerful cellphone (INeedMyFix)
This is the World’s Greatest Chick Flick (PerezHilton)
Britneyland is another country (PoorBritney)
Paris Hilton is dating up (PopBytes)

I know, I know, we just had him, but for some reason I just feel like featuring him again today. The only problem is, I can’t decide which picture to use.

Do you like this one?

or this one?

Let’s drink to that with a nice, refreshing Screwdriver, from the official index to Mad Men Cocktails.

Mean Disney Girls just a bunch of drama queens (raincoaster)
At least they were free of Yoko in there (Lolebrity)
Reznorvision coming soon to your screens? (AgentBedhead)
The Face of Kotex! (BusyBeeBlogger)
Some people will do ANYTHING to impress Sandra Bullock’s castoffs (CeleBitchy)
Spot the cyborgs among us! (CelebrityCosmeticSurgery)
Violent repeat felon seeks custodianship of Lindsay Lohan (CelebDirtyLaundry)
Michael Bolton, it is FAR too late for respect! (CelebritySmack)
Gaga a Go-Go (CityRag)
Naomi Campbell’s feet are HUGE (CojoStyle)
Yes, everyone but me DOES have a book deal (DailyStab)
Macaroni Rascals (DListed)
A foursome isn’t just for golfing and bridge? (EvilBeet)
Sly, stylin’ (GabbyBabble)
Brigitte Nielson is looking younger (GoFugYourself)
Get your Bieber Babies! (HaveUHeard)
Michael Bolton is the Rodney Dangerfield of show pony has-beens (INeedMyFix)
Catching up with Bristol Palin’s favorite show (IBBB)
Oh holy Jeebus, even Hilary Duff has a book deal (JustJared)
This will be some actress’s lowest career point (MovieLine)
Baby Buble (PerezHilton)
B from the block (PinkIsTheNewBlog)
Backney! (PoorBritney)
The Mysteries of Minnelli (PopBytes)
Jon’s got a Ham in his pants (SeriouslyOMG)

Quote of the day: Jackie O would not have camel toe.
Tim Gunn

Apparently, looking like a hermaphroditic Moroccan bellhop is going to be big in 2011. And camel toe.

Everybody looks fab in go-go boots (Lolebrity)
Bill Gates’ Manhunt profile (raincoaster)
Tony Blair’s criminal mind (TheShebeenClub)
Ben Afflecks’ red carpet reign of terror (AgentBedhead)
Miley Cyrus’s grunge stripper look (AmyGrindhouse)
Caption Hamfleck! (BusyBeeBlogger)
Brad no longer Pitted? (CelebCosmeticSurgery)
Lou Reed snubs Susan Boyle (CelebDirtyLaundry)
Dream couple to reunite? (CeleBitchy)
Julia Roberts graded C (CelebritySmack)
Celebrity mug shots (CityRag)
Diane Krueger wins another fashion award (CojoStyle)
Tom Brady’s crackup (DailyStab)
Everybody loves a man in uniform! (DListed)
Look who has a record deal and you don’t (GabbyBabble)
Who wants to see Goopy yodel for two hours? (HaveUHeard)
Karl is laughing at Diane too (INeedMyFix)
Jon Hamm discussing porn and … you’re not still reading this are you? (JustJared)
Tacky press release of the day (MovieLine)
Megan Fox takes over Ben Affleck’s role in Dogma (PerezHilton)
Britney’s bodyguards bio’d (PoorBritney)
PUT THE MAKEUP BACK ON!!! (SeriouslyOMG)

I bet the jail rolled out a red carpet, too. Wet with the blood of the innocents

via: cvxn:worstfuckingideas:whydoihaveablog:

Oh Lindsay, leave it to you to have a perp walk attended by a glitter-tossing entourage. Or, wait, maybe this was that crazy Brazilian religious nut who would shake her head and throw off drifts of solid gold dandruff. And then you’d be prison lovers, and then you’d be released and forget her but remember the name of her good coke contact. That would be so you.

Lindsay Lohan: what a mug! (Lolebrity)
Nicole Dobernig haz a flamewar! (raincoaster)
Lin Yu Chun cheated by plastic doll! (Shoeblogs)
Ransom note art (ManoloHome)
Truck that, chef! (ManoloFood)
Ask Auntie Plumcake (ManoloBig)
A lil drinkie-poo? (TeenyManolo)
I’m at a loss for a compost metaphor here (ManoloBrides)
A hem! (ManoloMen)
Elvis, now with 75% more Awesome (AgentBedhead)
Brad Pitt’s moneyballs (BusyBeeBlogger)
Taste the Gaga! (CeleBitchy)
Glamour model goes too far down the alphabet (CelebrityCosmeticSurgery)
Happy Restraining Order Day! (CelebDirtyLaundry)
There’s something about Zac (CojoStyle)
Inflation on the Jersey Shore (HaveUHeard)
Wino is regressing to fetal (INeedMyFix)
The Brostitute (Movieline)
Guess the guns (PopBytes)
Phoebie Cates is still 18 (SeriouslyOMG)

Crystal Renn, now 50% off

via Blackbook

Yes, through the magic of Photoshop, the world’s top plus-sized model is feeling less than 100% today. About thirty pounds less.

Are you a celebrity blogger who’d rather drink than link (and wouldn’t we all?) email me at raincoaster at gmail:
I’m starting a linking service to do your work for you! And I’m working on an ad network to launch in the fall.

Mel Gibson blames the beaver (Lolebrity)
Bad morale (NSFW!) (raincoaster)
Gatsby wanted (Manolo)
Celebrity Dads: Bale vs Fiennes (TeenyManolo)
Ho’s! (ManoloFood)
Wedding wood (ManoloBrides)
Fatboy? Slim! (ManoloBig)
What’s black and white and red and green and pink and blue and… (ManoloHome)
The Anti-Gwyneth! (AgentBedhead)
Pink black and blue (AmyGrindhouse)
Least fortunate Dita von Teese thumbnail ever (BusyBeeBlogger)
Pattinson, NOBODY cares about the nipples (CeleBitchy)
Lohan SOBER! (CelebDirtyLaundry)
The vampire facelift! (CelebCosmeticSurgery)
JLoHew, GIVE ME THAT DRESS IMMEDIATELY (CelebritySmack)
Jada stepped into a goldfish (CojoStyle)
Green Lantern black and blue (DailyStab)
Pocket Aces (EvilBeet)
Pamela Anderson does not meet provincial standards (GabbyBabble)
Wounded cougar on the loose! (HaveUHeard)
Maroon 5′s misery (INeedMyFix)
Mourning the Hills (IBBB)
So what DID Courtney wear? (PopBytes)
Let us just pray they don’t become a couple (SeriouslyOMG)

I was going to make fun of this woman for dressing like a lesbionic Martian flapper, but then I looked at the fine print and realized HOLY SHIT THAT’S VERUSCHKA and she is entitled to dress any way she likes.

And now, to the technology-themed link roundup.

I’ll have you know that Jackie Chan has never seen that troll farm in his life! (Lolebrity)

Is it time to upgrade to a new Mom? (TeenyManolo)

A scientifically-enhanced Madonna choking a chicken (Shoeblogs)

YouTube needs to take the Cure (Manolobig)

Modern superfoods not so super if you ask me (Manolofood)

Weddings go Back to the Future (ManoloBride)

Everything New is Old again (ManoloHome)

A return to classics at Louis Vuitton (BusyBeeBlogger)

Dakota Fanning travels forward in time (CeleBitchy)

Elton John was on hold for 43 years (CelebDirtyLaundry)

Kim Kardashian, new and improved (DailyStab)

Modern medicine + Twitter = EW! (EvilBeet)

Kick Ass 2.0 (GabbyBabble)

Alien Couture Blazer of the Future (HaveUHeard)

Canadians are fashion-forward (INeedMyFix)

Internet to blogger, internet to blogger… (IBBB)

Boy George has been using that I Hate Megan Fox app (SeriouslyOMG)

Prince shuts down his website, probably issued press release via carrier pigeon (Bossip)

Trent Reznor is the Anti-Prince (AgentBedhead)

The science of Ozzy Osbourne (AllieIsWired)

Lilo’s twitter account needs an upgrade from “Horribly Tacky” (AmyGrindhouse)

America, at this precise moment in time (BestWeekEver)

Reznor 2.0 on the way (BricksAndStones)

Rachel Dratch 2.0 on the way (CelebrityBabyScoop)

The future of Old Dude tv (CelebrityBeehive)

Hate Megan Fox? There’s an app for that (CelebrityCosmeticSurgery)

Don Johnson is a New Math genius! (CelebrityMound)

Mel Gibson vs technology (CelebritySmack)

Re-engineering the Calendar Girl (CelebVIPLounge)

Practical science for Lindsay Lohan (CelebSlam)

What, there are people who still use these? (CityRag)

Some icons are worth preserving (CrazyDays&Nights)

Thanks to modern science, we know what a catsuit made of Skittles looks like (Crunk&Disorderly)

Colin Farrell looks into the future (DListed)

Blogger vs Viacom (FourFour)

War of the Nerds (Gawker)

Alien Couture of the Future (GoFugYourself)

Cameron Diaz encounters Alien Growth Ray (HollywoodBackwash)

Amy Winehouse’s home-made cigarette carrier (HollywoodRag)

Scarjo channels Bardot (HollywoodTuna)

The Dion Spawn has been scanned (ImNotObsessed)

Tori Spelling has the very latest thing in wheels (JanetCharlton)

Ziyi Zhang transforms into sport star! (JustJared)

Fun with photos (of billionaires and their supermodels) (LaineyGossip)

The internet drives some people crazy (MaterialBitch)

If he could turn back time (MovieLine)

Vintage Bieber. No, that is not a typo (PerezHilton)

Test tube babydaddy Ronaldo (PinkIsTheNewBlog)

Amy Winehouse returns to the past as she steps into the future (UKPopSugar)

New priestly crime not the same as the old priestly crime (WizbangPop)

Blogger of the moment, in the mo (PopBytes)

Medical science to solve mystery kidnapping (RadarOnline)

Cedric Diggory is a trending topic? (ASL)

It’s like America’s Funniest Home Videos, courtesy of YouTube (SquareEyes)

Download Sheryl Too Thin and Too Tan Crow (TenGossip)

Cameron Diaz uses ancient sexual technique (TheBosh)

Kate Moss’s better living through chemistry (TheSkinny)

All of YouTube vs Xtina (WorldofWonder)

Twitpics of the Rich and Famous (YoungBlackAndFabulous)

You know, if Gwen Stefani had worn those back when she was still single, she’d still BE single. I mean, Diesel Jeans I know. Depends Jeans are something for which the world as we know it is not yet ready.

Johnny Depp’s awesome flashbacks (Lolebrity)

raincoaster’s emo moment (raincoaster)

That’s his “rainbow face” (Shoeblogs)

Home Depot turns me on (ManoloHome)

Hatch your own commie pinko! (ManoloFood)

World’s ugliest majorette (ManoloBig)

Are you diva enough for this? (ManoloBrides)

New Dad State of Mind (TeenyManolo)

Ebony and Ivory and PDA (AgentBedhead)

From the iPad of the Artist Formerly Known As Sane… (AmyGrindhouse)

…and by “paps” we mean photographers, you pervs! (BusyBeeBlogger)

Elle MacPherson is horny, leathery (CeleBitchy)

The quiff of death (CelebDirtyLaundry)

Oh my god, it’s contagious! (DListed)

Pot informs kettle of its noiritude (HaveUHeard)

World’s craziest grampa (INeedMyFix)

Kelsey Grammer vs Sigmund Freud (SeriouslyOMG)