Brace yourselves, for this week’s puzzle corner ain’t a pretty sight. It is with great perverse pleasure that we bring you a visual buffet of Wonky Celebrity Boobjobs. You know these female celebs by their faces, but how well can you recognise them by their mangled melons?
Answers will be put up on Wednesday morning. In the meantime I will be down at the bowling alley, crashing those pins with a pair of rock hard implants.
Jason Priestley bringz it (Lolebrity)
Who’s on Hollywood’s All Strop Team? (Defamer)
Poor Pete apoplectic over petrol prices (AgentBedhead)
Marrying for money never works, even when you’re Mariah Carey (POTP)
Not even Amy Winehouse dares stand up a Russian billionaire (CelebritySmack)
A million celebrities and only one nose (CelebrityCosmeticSurgery)
Charlie’s Angels reunion (DailyStab)
Mark Wahlberg vs the Golden Boys (ImNotObsessed)
Battle of the Jennifers: Aniston vs Connelly (CandyKirby)
Mary-Louise Parker really gets into her sex scenes (SeriouslyOMG)
Hermione bags an elephant (CeleBitchy)
How R.Kelly walked (Stereohyped)
Hilary Duff will not play your cameltoe games! (IBBB)
Queen Bee Amy Winehouse fires the beehive-builder (PRInside)
Kate Beckinsale demands butt double (HolyMoly)
Keanu airs out the pallor (DListed)
Charlize Theron speaks out about the Will Smith slap (JustJared)
It may not be obvious to many of you, but these lovely ladies have had extensive work done on their proboscises. But only one of them did it out of medical necessity because an evil poacher had shot off her beak. Can you tell which one, dear readers (interestingly, this is also the one with the best surgeon)?
Lance Bass seems like a nice unflappable young man. What could Kathy Griffin have possibly suggested to make him react in dismay?
(a) Something incredibly bawdy involving Gina Gershon, Bill Clinton and an entire humidor
(b) Declaring himself a heterosexual to see if he can seduce Lindsay Lohan away from her DJ girlfriend
(c) Paying money to watch “You Don’t Mess With the Zohan”
(d) That LaToya Jackson would look so much better with her hair up and away from her face
Picasso’s got a lot of dough (Lolebrity)
The problem with Pete Doherty’s crotch (AgentBedhead)
Jennifer Lopez does not care about your dying mom (Gawker)
The Fresh Prince of Calabasas goes back to high school (Defamer)
John McCain’s melanoma (CelebrityCosmeticSurgery)
The real-life blade runner wins Olympic appeal (Disembedded)
Nikki Cox’s incredible inflating face (Websters)
Gwyneth Paltrow is tall, gorgeous, and leaking (Jezebel)
Full-frontal fellas (DListed)
Party animals Pete Doherty and Amy Winehouse party with animals (SeriouslyOMG)
Brangelina’s kids are pregnant! (CandyKirby)
Denzel Washington gets the House of Wax treatment (ImNotObsessed)
Celebrity Dad Faceoff: Viggo vs Denzel (TeenyManolo)
Mischa Barton’s specialty underpants (DailyStab)
The Gary Busey trading card! (GalleryOfTheAbsurd)
Kiefer Sutherland…what was I saying? *swoon* (CityRag)
Paris Hilton in rickrack attack! (CelebritySmack)
NKOTB -> OKOTTV (Mollygood)
raincoaster haz a famus (FamousPeople)
Lance Armstrong picks up Owen Wilson’s sloppy seconds (PerezHilton)
Ooooh SNAP. Those high-falutin’ docs in Switzerland with their fancy “degrees” and “beards” and “sterile operating equipment” are gonna be SO ticked off.
Lorielle New –beloved “celebrity” who has been applauded word-wide for her groundbreaking work in roles in cinematic masterworks like “Dirtyglitter 1: Damien” where she positively defined the role of Svetlana, and her fantastic turn as Bikini Assassin in the insta-classic “Armageddon Boulevard” has finally secured stardom by being the first genetically human being to be actually transformed into a Carassius auratus, a.k.a a common goldfish. No word on Ms New’s future plans, nor have we been able to confirm rumors that Jocelyn Wildenstein has offered one million dollars to anyone who could bring her Ms New’s liver in a tin of Fancy Feast.
Gwyneth Paltrow wears what the Manolo tells her to (JustJared)
Renee Zellweger, charter member, Starfuckers Incorporated (DailyStab)
Elisabeth Hasselbeck and My Little Pony: which one of these is slumming? (CandyKirby)
Shia LaBoeuf may or may not have gotten lucky(? if you call it that) (WendyWayrad)
John Cusack refers Paul Leydon to the hand (JeanJacketsBad)
Bloody Hell! Pete Doherty is insane (SeriouslyOMGWTF)
JLo goes all, like, Alpha Mommy on Nicole Richie (IBBB)
Adrien Brody is marrying retired Aunt Selma from Miami Beach? (ImNotObsessed)
Flat busted: Amy Winehouse arrested (People)
Ellen DeGeneris gently gyno-probes Ashlee Simpson (CelebritySmack)
Harrison Ford’s Brazilliant deforestation PSA/man-on-man chest waxing video (Defamer)
Celebrity cosmetic surgery slideshow (CelebrityCosmeticSurgery)
Betty and Veronica: still best frenemies (CounterfeitChic)
Madonna is a natural beauty on “Today.” And what planet? (DListed)
Mariah Carey to turn Empire State Building gay (HollywoodRag)
Heidi Fleiss on her high horse again (WOWReport)
The happy(?) couple: Carmen Electra and Rock Himbo #3 pose for engagement pix (Websters)
Encounters with Seth Green (Mollygood)
Jonas Brothers kill and bury Elvis Costello, Johnny Cash’s musical cred (MTVBuzzworthy)
Clay Aiken thinks people from Omaha are stupid (EvilBeet)
Rachel Zoe is one cougar who never changes her spots (GoFugYourself)
Scientology teaches Katie Holmes to speak in tongues (CeleBitchy)
Scientology’s niece speaks! (AgentBedhead)
Whoa, get a load of Jodie Marsh’s…tan lines! They’re so incredibly…pronounced!
Just as one British glamour model has decided to retire her trusty pair of silicone melons, so another must rise to the occasion and take up the mantle of those hallowed 32GGs. Only then will the delicate balance of the universe be restored.
Robert Downey Jr is a cunning linguist (Jossip)
Amy Winehouse doesn’t have a leg to stand on, almost (WendyWayrad)
NKOTB are miracle workers! (AgentBedhead)
Lindsay Lohan parties with fellow leggings abuser (DailyStab)
Simon Cowell and Ryan Seacrest’s Tryst night (DListed)
Ellen Page (1 nomination, 0 Oscars) severely disses Jane Fonda (6 nominations, 2 Oscars) (Defamer)
Courtney Love’s purse pharmacy (Yeeeeah)
Jeri Ryan Seacrest, Pamela Anderson Cooper, and Boy George Bush (PrettyOnTheOutside)
Disney Superstar goes naked Down Under (CircusHour)
74 reasons to hate TMZ (Gawker)
More than you needed to know about Roseanne Barr’s ladyparts (CelebritySmack)
Doogie Howser hates Britney Spears (WebstersIsMyBitch)
Jamie-Lynn Spears hurt in drunken brawl (CeleBitchy)
Gangland rumbles reach new low: nursery school (Bossip)
Aging Canadian surgical curiosity and sex cougar invited to White House (ICYDK)
Simon Cowell haunts Maternity wards to bathe his skin in life-giving placenta (HollywoodRag)
Halle Berry is a golf fanatic? (CelebrityBabyScoop)
Your dose of downer: Celebrity incomes (HuffPo)
Posh Spice and the Adams family (JustJared)
Drew Barrymore heckles for charity (WendyWayrad)
Naomi Campbell’s body fluids are felonious (CelebWarship)
Woody Harrelson is built, bald, and bare (Defamer)
Luciano Pavarotti pulled an Ashlee Simpson (Gawker)
What are the Presidential candidates like in bed? (TheStranger)
William and Harry react to the verdict in the Princess Diana inquest (PerezHilton)
Botox: it’s all about a jarring lack of self-awareness (CircusHour)
Demi Moore’s bloodsucking leeches (CelebrityCosmeticSurgery)
Victoria Beckham attempting takeover of “Baby Spice” role (Mollygood)
Britney’s partner in fashion crime to be Christian Audigier (Styleguide)
The Britney-FedEx breakup starts a trend (ImNotObsessed)
Kate Moss weighs 98 pounds soaking wet: the proof! (ICYDK)
Like shooting fish in a barrel: Rob Lowe blackmailed! (HuffPo)
Kylie Minogue speaks out about breast cancer (CeleBitchy)
Whitney Houston’s boobs and Dionne Warwick’s face at Muhammad Ali’s Fight Night (Bossip)
Tom Ford is Gay James Bond (DListed)
Britney hitches her star to the comeback tour bus (CelebSlam)
Sharon Stone’s basic instinct is to keep her knees together, thankfully (SeriouslyOMGWTF)
Hayden Panettiere terrifies a small child (WWTDD)
Jessica Alba wore black to her baby shower (DailyStab)
Ashlee Simpson vs Mariah Carey (Yeeeeah)
Vlad loves Georgie (KnowledgeIsPower)
Tony loves Georgie (raincoaster)
Stop Uwe Boll, save the world! (AgentBedhead)
V for Valtrex attends wedding (CelebritySmack)
The Cruise family triplets (Defamer)
Jennifer Aniston’s Plan C (HollywoodOffender)
Angelina Jolie’s gestational diabetes (CelebrityDirt)
Paris Hilton wins contest she was born to conquer (GabbyBabble)
Drunkblogging The Hills (ImBringingBloggingBack)
Stuff Young Jewish Adults Like (StuffYoungJewishAdultsLike)
Hillary’s hidden heroism! (Gawker.com)
raincoaster, revealed (TheGrassyKnollInstitute)
“There’s no-one bigger than Johnny.” (AgentBedhead)
The ageless and well-lubricated beauty of Priscilla Presley (CircusHour)
Flying penguins discovered (BBC)
Kate Hudson baits her Owen Wilson trap with babies, apartments (CelebrityBabyScoop)
Lara Flynn Boyle’s face: a medical opinion (CelebrityCosmeticSurgery)
Jessica Alba is practicing parenting on loaner charity children (Bastardly)
Keith Richards admits to drug use. No, not an April Fool’s story! (TheRadReport)
At least somebody still wants Britney Spears (DailyStab)
Cindy Crawford is immortal (CelebritySmack)
Left: NY Fashion Week, February 2008
Right: “Trembled Blossoms” screening, March 2008
What a subtle difference a month makes! Everything – hair, shirt, pearls, jacket, undereye circles - looks to be the same, except that the mouth has been significantly downsized to a mere sliver of its former self. It’s almost as if its contents got tired of Brittany’s inability to change her clothes and absconded to take refuge with the hopefully more diversifyingly attired Lara Flynn Boyle.
