Miss Venezuela spreads her wings

Apparently, they’re taking the pageant name literally now. Here is Miss Venezuela in her National Costume…apparently Wales is now a part of Venezuela? This photo was snapped just before the now-infamous altercation with emcee Harry Potter.

Tara “I’m a drug addict, not a pedophile” Palmer-Tomkinson.

Co-starring with Mickey Rourke in The Boxer?

Cocaine is a helluva drug, people, and with an $800 dollar a day habit it doesn’t matter how many nose jobs you throw at it; you’re essentially throwing good money after bad cartilage. Tara, the woman once rumoured to have taken Prince William’s virginity, is invited to the wedding, but wants to get her nose done first. At this point, however, it becomes a Michael Jackson situation: there needs to be something there to work on in the first place.

Let’s toast Tara’s heart’s desire with your choice of a Mad Fairy cocktail or a Donkey’s Nob (made with Coke, of course).

And some gossip links:

Rebecca Black is SO JEALOUS of this woman (raincoaster)

Hugh Jass has nothing on this guy (Lolebrity)

Karl Lagerfeld, now *I* want to kill you (Ayyyy)

Vodka: is there anything it can’t do? (Manolofood)

The Anti-Gwyneth makes a mean Monte Cristo (AgentBedhead)

I’d cut off her head for that hat (BusyBeeBlogger)

There was an Octomom who lived in a shoe(box)... (CelebDirtyLaundry)

Did anyone see Perez Hilton or Michael Lohan at the scene of the crime? (CelebritySmack)

Princess Margaret is dead, so who will be the bad fairy? (CelebVIPLounge)

Kim Kardashian, Turkey, these things write themselves (DailyStab)

Courtney Cox is no Friend! (EarSucker)

Rebecca Blacklash! (FitFabCeleb)

PETA will get her! (GirlsTalkinSmack)

Who harshes on Robin Sweetest Man In Showbiz Williams and lives???? (HaveUHeard)

Planet Earth takes Lady Gaga DOWN! (HollywoodHiccups)

Tinkerbell’s new rival (INeedMyFix)

Fix! Fix! The fix is in at People! (MathewGuiver)

Old Britney vs New Britney (PoorBritney)

Looks like SOMEBODY got a little too close to their Origami Latte this morning!

Peaches rotten, dropped (TS)

Katy Perry, Cthulhu Pornstar! (Lol)

Is school for fools? (YBF)

Axl hates bottle service (SOMG)

Situation: Buttaface (PB)

Robert Tophattinson (UKPS)

The not-so-young and restless (PITNB)

Miley sees dead people (LS)

Vancouver just got prettier (JJ)

Britney stole Harold Ramis’ old glasses (INMF)

Gerard Butler goes fishing (HUH)

Ellen Pompeo is HUUUUGE (GB)

Miss California, deadbeat (G)

LeAnn Rimes hates babies (EB)

Kim Kardashian is a pimp (DL)

Katy Perry isn’t just into girls (HM)

Dennis Hopper has always been big (DD)

Susan Boyle’s got a new crib (DS)

Shoepants? Pantshoes? (CD)

Lilo stamps out drugs! (CR)

How to stuff a wild bikini (CS)

Russell Simmons, caped crusader? (CM)

Bullock is back, bitches! (CDL)

At least they’re off the Dead Kennedy kick (CB)

Boy George has seen Gaga’s gagas (BBB)

Shakira needs help! (AG)

Lilo, how low can you go? (AIW)

Monica Belluci, you’re no Demi Moore (AB)

Specifically, we dance to spunky Aussie sensation Tina Arena‘s “Now I Can Dance” video, which features a dazzling parade of quirky fabulosity culminating in a special guest appearance by someone who is the very embodiment of quirky fabulosity, and who I bet you didn’t know could play guitar like that, didja?

“Now I Can Dance“

Tina Arena

So I hope this finds you well
Sun is shining down eastern valley ways
There’s some news I need to tell you
Give my Mother a kiss
Tell her I’m ok
I recall her words
“If it’s too easy
It never lasts
I have compromised
But I’m finally free of the past
Now I can dance
Clouds have all disappeared
Freedom
I hold so dear
Cause nobody knows me here
Though I can only imagine the sadness
In your eyes
Please understand
Now I can dance
All alone the other night
I came to realise we’d be friends for life
It was always meant to be
For some people the heavens can get it so right
Like an angel you see
You have graciously offered a hand
You’d be so proud of me
Now I’m finally taking a stand
Now I can dance
Clouds have all disappeared
Freedom
I hope so dear
Cause nobody knows me here
Though I can only imagine the sadness
In your eyes
Please understand
Now I can dance
Now I can dance
Now I can dance
Clouds have all disappeared
Freedom
I hope so dear
Cause nobody knows me here
Though I can only imagine the sadness
you eyes
Please understand
Now I can dance
Though I can only imagine the sadness
In your eyes
Please understand
Now I can dance
So I hope this finds you well
Sun is shining down eastern valley ways
So good
Be free
Can dance and laugh and just be me
So good
Be free
The clouds above have disappeared

I think someone had better explain to literal-minded Miss Germany what is meant by “foundation garments.”

Light-fingered Miss Phillipines had better get that back to the Imelda statue at Madame Tussaud’s before they find out it’s missing.

Miss Cayman Islands leads the crowd in a rousing chorus of “Hands Up.”

For this, we have to Blame (Miss) Canada. Sweetie, where’s your pride: those aren’t even Fluevogs!

Link Challenge: Booze!

Megan Fox was sotally tober when she said that (AgentBedhead)

Amy Winehouse boozed (AmyGrindhouse)

Brooke Shields defends the Paladin of Pisco, her Saviour of Sake, her Kamikaze Knight (BusyBeeBlogger)

Octomom isn’t drunk, just crazy (CeleBitchy)

Has Meghan McCain gotten into Mom’s pillbox? (NYDN)

Boy George’s sobering good looks (CelebritySmack)

Lady Gaga, straight up (BST)

STOP THE PRESSES VICTORIA BECKHAM IN FLATS (CelebrityDirtyLaundry)

Emmy Rossum pulled over, apparently just in time (CelebuWreck)

This video is psychoactive (Crunk+Disorderly)

LiLo to sober up? (DailyStab)

Ho, Ho, Ho, somebody got into the leftover eggnog (Gawker)

Is that a mickey in your pocket or are you just Come On, Get Happy to see me? (DListed)

Bennifer 2.0 on the rocks? (EvilBeet)

George Clooney is a tall drink of … where was I? (INO)

A sobering thought for Brooke Hogan (IBBB)

Dear Miss California, have a cocktail and calm down (JustJared)

Confucius sez just because there is vodka in the Green Room, doesn’t mean you have to drink it (PerezHilton)

Tarantino transvestites, tipples (FAB)

Medical emergency: blogger needs cocktail STAT! (Websters)

Is anyone sober on Twitter? (SeriouslyOMG)

Adam Lambert’s fans are drunk on his love (TenGossip)

Shitney Beers is the fiercest hillbilly trannie! (OMG)

Some day we’ll meet again
And away to his beautifully restored beachside mansion we’ll go
To be happy forever I know!

The VERY odd couple (BusyBeeBlogger)

The Basterds are coming! (AgentBedhead)

The Shat vs Sulu (CelebritySmack)

“Discretion” I do not think this word means what you think it means, Madame (DailyStab)

Ali Lohan skipped her grandfather’s funeral because of a bad hair day (CeleBitchy)

RIP Rudy Ray Moore (Defamer)

Hawt bachelor Sumner Redstone is on the market! (EvilBeet)

The Palin porn movie is cast (GabbyBabble)

International superstar Phoebe Price works the catwalk (DListed)

Rebecca deFugay (GoFugYourself)

Miss Loseriana (CandyKirby)

The Hills go to Cabo and take the blogosphere with them (IBBB)

We’ll always have Cloris (Mollygood)

Are YOU Anne Hathaway’s mystery lover? (Websters)

Even Giselle can’t make these pants look good (PopSugar)

Miss Venezuela may have won Miss Universe this year but at the other end of the spectrum, it looks like Katie “Jordan” Price walked away with the Miss Vegas Showgirl Who Wandered into a Booksigning title.

Gotta say I don’t envy these girls one bit, nope not at all.  No matter how nubile you are there are only so many ways you can pose alluringly against a pedal boat before your back gives out and arms fall off.