Ayyyy!

This? This is genius. And no doubt about to be a best-seller with single girls, who are up to their ears in articles on how to date hot men who bore them senseless (anything rather than be single!): just get him one of these super-turtlenecks and voila! Problem solved, and so much less stressful than just telling him to shut up.

M is for Muffle It, Heidi (AgentBedhead)

Shut Your Mouth! Elijah Wood is 29 (AmyGrindhouse)

Mad Man murdered by silence (BusyBeeBlogger)

Ben wants Jen to STFU (CeleBitchy)

Siskel shushes Ebert (Movieline)

Cows take Kiefer for a ride (PopEater)

Tina Turner is HOW old? Shut up! (CelebritySmack)

Say What? (DailyStab)

Monjack seeks to gag WarnerBrothers (DListed)

Amy Winehouse erases Blake (HolyMoly)

Things Jennifer Aniston DIDN’T say (PopBytes)

Denise Van Outen speaks in code (UKPopSugar)

Mariah’s dress covers her hidden charms (CityRag)

Hugh Jackman speaks! (LitelySalted)

Diddy did? I’m speechless (LaughingStork)

Clare Danes speaks for the autistic (INeedMyFix)

Pete Doherty continues to be unspeakable (CrazyDays&Nights)

Jay Leno hasn’t spoken to Conan (EvilBeet)

Ugly Betty silenced (GabbyBabble)

Alicia Keys has no comment (INO)

NBC slides Conan some hush money? (JustJared)

Zelda Rubenstein has gone dark (Movieline)

Jon Voight wants you to STFU HATERZ (PerezHilton)

Mariah shouldn’t talk! (ASL)

Lance Bass is quietly emo (TenGossip)

Chris Matthews puts his foot in his mouth (Gawker)

Shut up, Kanye (Lolebrity)

I’m on what I call the Diva Diet: I don’t eat fattening food or drink alcohol unless someone else pays for it. That way, it has no calories! And most particularly, a Sapphire Collins has even fewer, because every fool knows bubbles are calorie-free!

Link Challenge: Booze!

Megan Fox was sotally tober when she said that (AgentBedhead)

Amy Winehouse boozed (AmyGrindhouse)

Brooke Shields defends the Paladin of Pisco, her Saviour of Sake, her Kamikaze Knight (BusyBeeBlogger)

Octomom isn’t drunk, just crazy (CeleBitchy)

Has Meghan McCain gotten into Mom’s pillbox? (NYDN)

Boy George’s sobering good looks (CelebritySmack)

Lady Gaga, straight up (BST)

STOP THE PRESSES VICTORIA BECKHAM IN FLATS (CelebrityDirtyLaundry)

Emmy Rossum pulled over, apparently just in time (CelebuWreck)

This video is psychoactive (Crunk+Disorderly)

LiLo to sober up? (DailyStab)

Ho, Ho, Ho, somebody got into the leftover eggnog (Gawker)

Is that a mickey in your pocket or are you just Come On, Get Happy to see me? (DListed)

Bennifer 2.0 on the rocks? (EvilBeet)

George Clooney is a tall drink of … where was I? (INO)

A sobering thought for Brooke Hogan (IBBB)

Dear Miss California, have a cocktail and calm down (JustJared)

Confucius sez just because there is vodka in the Green Room, doesn’t mean you have to drink it (PerezHilton)

Tarantino transvestites, tipples (FAB)

Medical emergency: blogger needs cocktail STAT! (Websters)

Is anyone sober on Twitter? (SeriouslyOMG)

Adam Lambert’s fans are drunk on his love (TenGossip)

Shitney Beers is the fiercest hillbilly trannie! (OMG)

Working till dawn and need a little pick-me-up? You could do worse than a Tequila Sunrise. Or maybe you couldn’t?

Tequila is really like a choose-your-own-adventure novel except everyone has the same ending:

Emotionally distraught-> drinking in large quantities sounds like a good idea -> you are so not getting back together with this person so stop trying -> puke.

You’re barely legal -> cheap shots at the bar provided by strangers -> dancing on said bar -> puke.

Where was I? For some reason really fuzzy this morning…

Celebrity Dad Faceoff: Burton vs McQueen (TeenyManolo)

Paris Hilton, Global Village Idiot (Websters)

Gamer on! (TenGossip)

Affleck amok! (ASL)

Channing Tatum Fighting! (JustJared)

A minute Mike Myers moment (SeriouslyOMG)

Kate Winslet vs the Daily Mail (INO)

Holy cow (WizbangPop)

Kate Moss needs help finding a man (UKPopSugar)

Jack Black’s on-set orgy (GetLippy)

Rihanna, pixillated (HolyMoly)

Karl Lagerfeld on Twitter (FakeKarl)

anal bleaching is the new Kazakhstan? (Movieline)

Megan Fox is, like, smart (EvilBeet)

Intern George’s Fug cocktail (GoFugYourself)

Free Chocolate (DailyStab)

Stark Trek trailer (AgentBedhead)

The Oprah riots, dissected (AmyGrindhouse)

Katy Perry is on fiyah! (BusyBeeBlogger)

Porn star or network anchor quiz (Gawker)

Seriously, two Strongbows and I was down for the count. My liver’s gotten soft during the dry spell. As a proud Irish-Canuck, I’m mortified. But, of course, as a proud Canuck, I can always get another liver for free.

Trent Reznor is nervous (AgentBedhead)

Instead of watching television, you could just watch really, really stupid people all the time (AmyGrindhouse)

Lohan banned (BusyBeeBlogger)

Rihanna recovers from apparent temporary brain injury (CeleBitchy)

Bruno is out (CelebritySmack)

Blog commenters have more sex (Gawker)

Which reminds me, have you commented in the caption contest yet? (TeenyManolo)

or the Celebrity Dad Faceoff? (TeenyManolo)

Johnny Depp saves lives? (EvilBeet)

Jamie-Lynn Spears is legal! (DListed)

U2’s latest charity case (CelebuWreck)

Kylie is an unnatural beauty (GabbyBabble)

Getting it too right (GoFugYourself)

Robert Pattinson a dick at Dicks on Dicks (INO)

Ashton Kutcher topless and…and who cares what else? (JustJared)

Announcing the best chest in the world (raincoaster)

Hollywood’s golden couple reunites (SeriouslyOMG)

The Jade Goody retrospective (UKPopSugar)

Why has Jamie Oliver got it in for Bob Geldof? (HolyMoly)

Kristen Stewart talks about some howlers (TenGossip)

Seth Rogen will make the little babies cry (Websters)

Because the gossip blogging world has been on one long debauch since before Christmas, we’ve had a nice, restful layoff waiting for something, anything, new to post. It’s finally arrived, and to celebrate we shall raise a glass of something properly festive: a Champagne Cocktail (we at Ayyyy recommend the French 125, a French 75 with cognac instead of vodka; well, actually we recommend two. But definitely not four and we speak from experience, although our top story might just tempt us, sob).

Craig Ferguson just broke my heart (SeriouslyOMG)

One hit wonder vs one hit wonder (AgentBedhead)

Lilo sets us straight (AmyGrindhouse)

His Aspen froze! (BestWeekEver)

DIY Celebrity Wikipedia entries  (Cracked)

Happy Nonyverssary! (GhostOfAFlea)

Patrick Swayze update (CeleBitchy)

Celebrities as novelty hookers: the economics (CelebritySmack)

A girl for Bennifer 2.0! (People)

Isla Fisher isn’t loving the lawsuit life (UKPopSugar)

Bono confesses! (HolyMoly)

Stop! In the name of Adorableness (DailyStab)

Lisa Marie sez Scientologists do TOO do drugs! (Defamer)

Thank you for being a plastic injection moulded homunculus (DListed)

Godly author takes entire good BOOK in vain! (Gawker)

Has-been vs blogger (EvilBeet)

Is Karl a pimp? A ho? An alien? (FakeKarl)

Patricia Arquette files for divorce (GabbyBabble)

Owen Wilson needs your help! (CandyKirby)

Jerry O’Connell and Rebecca Romijn have twins (CelebWarship)

For some people, it’ll ALWAYS be too early for a comeback (IBBB)

Brad Pitt channels William H. Macy (JustJared)

Paris Hilton’s nose grows, rhinoplasty scheduled (Websters)

Ann Coulter: only her plastic surgeon knows for sure (CelebrityCosmeticSurgery)

Let’s just say it’s been one of those days. Actually, it’s been two of those da- make that “one of those weeks.” And it’s still only Thursday morning!

Vote for me! (ShortyAwards)

Nine Inch Noels (AgentBedhead)

Obama Bogarts (CeleBitchy)

Eddie Murphy gives Batman the kiss of death (CelebritySmack)

Jeremy Piven leaves Broadway for career as thermometer (DailyStab)

YOU don’t know how much Will Smith gave to Scientology. I DO!!!! (Defamer)

ScarJo donates bodily excretions instead (DListed)

What happened to Jenny McCarthy? (HolyMoly)

Kate Hudson and Anne Hathaway team up to induce diabetes (ImNotObsessed)

Separated at Birth, the Royal Edition (ASL)

Yes, Men, No, Zooey (EvilBeet)

Jennifer Aniston thrilled about upcoming Cougar Birthday (GabbyBabble)

The Invasion of Chynna (CandyKirby)

Suri is riding dirty (IBBB)

Gwyneth Paltrow’s favorite holiday recipes (JustJared)

Ben @ tha UN (PopSugar)

I dunno about where you are, but here in Vangroover it’s almost cold enough to turn water into ice! No word of a lie! We Canucks need something warming to get through our long winters.

Scientology, the Musical! (AgentBedhead)

ScarJo vs Cosmo (AmyGrindhouse)

Meryl Streep smacks the big ape (SeriouslyOMG)

Madonna is DOWN! Repeat: MADONNA IS DOWN! (CeleBitchy)

Sharon Osbourn catfight: They don’t call them cougars for nothing! (CelebritySmack)

Will Smith will not have your baby (HolyMoly)

But Naomi Watts and Liev Schreiber are picking up the slack (DailyStab)

And Cate Blanchett stands by on deck (GabbyBabble)

Celeb shirtless shots slideshow (UKPopSugar)

Robert Downey Jr is Shirtless Holmes, master detective (Defamer)

Socks in peril! (DListed)

Courtney Love = Madam (EvilBeet)

GILFs of 2008 (CandyKirby)

The Shoe Heard Round The World (IBBB)

Ben Affleck is an Operator (JustJared)

Katie Holmes stars in: Not Without My Daughter! (Websters)

If you ask me, eggnog is the perfect breakfast food. You’ve got your eggs, your protein, your dairy, your fat, your… nog. And it’s even better with a shot of something in it, whether that be espresso or rum or all of the above, which reminds me of the time a woman at Starbucks asked me to make her a “tall, non-fat, non-dairy, no-egg eggnog latte.” To which I sensibly replied, “I’m sorry, we don’t have those, because God didn’t mean for them to exist.”

Not long after that I was given the opportunity to embark on a glamorous and rewarding career as a blogger!

The End of the World is Nigh! (AgentBedhead)

Britney hits the road (CelebWarship)

Britney can’t contain herself! (Yeeeeah)

Elisabeth Hasselbeck hates brown people, Catholics, Episcopalians, hippies, and internationally recognized thinkers (CeleBitchy)

Bruce Willis and Demi Moore’s daughter comes out (CelebrityDirtyLaundry)

KFed’s shocking reality (CelebritySmack)

The imaginary must-read! (CityRag)

Matthew Broderick arrested??? (HolyMoly)

Anne Heche is working on replacing what she lost (DailyStab)

The role Jack Black was born to play! (AmyGrindhouse)

Priscilla Presley and David Archueleta in the May/December version of Twilight (DListed)

Nicole Kidman can work wonders with Christmas wrapping paper (EvilBeet)

Ben Affleck in: Celebrity Danger Dad! (HollywoodOffender)

Save NeNe! (CandyKirby)

That annual tradition: The 12 Days of Harriet Carter Christmas! (IBBB)

London goes dark for Twilight (UKPopSugar)

Grammy nominations are in! (PopBytes)

Jimmy Kimmel kills an old lady (SeriouslyOMG)

Blake Lively loves dogs! (lolebrity)

Gary Coleman is white trash? (Defamer)

Dakota Fanning, however, is not (AgentBedhead)

Eva Longoria Parker shills candy (DailyStab)

Bottom feeding on the LA dating scene (CelebritySmack)

Heather Mills is the earthly vessel of the divine principle of Schadenfreude (CeleBitchy)

Torontonian schools whiny busker/Oasis frontman attacked (HolyMoly)

We can’t believe it either, Jessica (PopSugar)

Jennifer Aniston is unbelievably thrilled to see you (ImNotObsessed)

France lays the smackdown on grifting for Xenu (Mollygood)

Smells like tween spirit! (BWE)

Britney Spears cleans up real good at the VMAs (EvilBeet)

This woman’s got her head screwed on wrong (IBBB)

Katy Perry’s stylist goes into production of silk purses (GoFugYourself)

Quote of the day: Katy Perry is nothing but Diablo Cody with an actual stripper’s body, instead of a former stripper’s body (FourFour)

Matt Damon vs Ben Affleck face off! (SeriouslyOMG)

Girls Gone Wild: Disney fake lesbian edition (Websters)

The real father of Bristol Palin’s baby (Radar)

Don’t you have to be a diva to throw a diva fit? (DListed)

Shia LaBruised recovers from cougar attack (Defamer)

Golden Girl, you are not so Golden (BusyBee)

The first rule of Aloe Vera Club is… (AgentBedhead)

The Hoff is an EMPEROR! (CeleBitchy)

Kelly Osbourne has a black eye (CelebritySmack)

Your Daily Kiefer (DailyStab)(Sigh)

Tequila: Lost, but not forgotten (Defamer)

How can we be lovers if we can’t be Nicolette Sheridan Friends (DListed)

Britney spends time with her tots (GabbyBabble)

Top 10 Beauties (CandyKirby)

Ben Affleck is outward bound (PopSugar)

The political also-ran catfight. What the hell: there isn’t anything else on. (CNN)

Ben Affleck has a despret! (Lolebrity)

Celebrity Dad Faceoff: Ewan McGregor vs Justin Chambers (TeenyManolo)

Kelly Rowland drops nearly a half-mil on booze (POTP)

Ben Affleck must have dumped Jimmy Kimmel (CeleBitchy)

Reasons Jack Burton can save your pathetic life (Pajiba)

I’m sorry, but this time Michael Jackson has gone too far (SeriouslyOMG)

No, really. Michael Jackson has gone too far (DListed)

The Jonas Brothers phenomenon, decoded (Defamer)

When it comes to Gael Garcia Bernal, life is SO NOT FAIR! (Websters)

Angelina Jolie pals around with porn stars (CelebSlam)

Selma Blair is Sad Stripper Barbie! (TheBlemish)

John Mayer is a mutant spy (Gawker)

Iron Man vs The Dark Knight (Derober)

Tori Spelling imitates black hole, collapses inward on self (ASL)

Disney arrests 32 Tinks, Cinderellas, and Snow Whites (Radar)

Amy Winehouse does charity work… for a pub (UKPopsugar)

Donald Trump buys Ed McMahon for 50 cents on the dollar (Mollygood)

Zac Efron, Speed Racer (JustJared)

Harry Potter and the Leaked Stills (ImNotObsessed)

Dear Fergie (IBBB)

Tyra rocks the Sarah Jessica Parker look (FourFour)

Ellen and Portia to marry (CandyKirby)

The Good Guys: Johnny Depp, Colin Farrell, and Jude Law (DailyStab)

Rock of Love? Ship of Fools more likely (CelebritySmack)

Madonna is ageless! (AgentBedhead)

Dere’s nuttin lyke a Dame Helen Mirren in a bikini (Lolebrity)

Her Majesty’s only suitable consort: James Bond (Websters)

Aubrey O’Day: when drag queens go bad (JustJared)

Jordan: when drag queens get it right (GoFugYourself)

Justin Timberlake gets a makeover (Defamer)

In unrelated news, Amy Winehouse has gained weight (Towleroad)

Finally, Ben Affleck understands what all those high school health classes were about (ImNotObsessed)

The private hell of the professional autographer (Radar)

Kate Hudson goes the distance to whack some balls (PopSugar)

Emmy nominations; Katherine Heigl surprisingly absent (SeriouslyOMG)

The Goot is a lover AND a fighter (Mollygood)

Breast Dressed: the Estrogen Gladiator (CandyKirby)

The Peroxide Twins do lunch (IBBB)

HBO tells Seth Rogen that Canadians don’t deserve entourages (HollywoodBackwash)

Pete Doherty is wanted? (GabbyBabble)

Claire Danes is the Skeleton in Red (EvilBeet)

Katie Holmes commits the ultimate fashion crime (DListed)

Heidi Klum’s body not perfect enough for insurance company (DailyStab)

Amy Winehouse spotted in a bathroom stall (CelebritySmack)

Chav Pride! (AgentBedhead)

Dress your children in Avril Lavigne (CeleBitchy)