Salma Hayek and her friends and family present your wholesome gossip links for today.

Are you a celebrity blogger who’d rather drink than link (and wouldn’t we all?) email me at raincoaster at gmail: I’m starting a linking service to do your work for you! And I’m working on an ad network to launch in the fall.

Dolph Lundgren is the King of Rock and Roll (raincoaster)
Friday Caption Contest: Macho Murse Edition (Ayyyy)
This is why you will be fat (AgentBedhead)
Roger Federer’s bottle service (BusyBeeBlogger)
Hot Guy Friday (Celebitchy)
Happy Birthday, MPerr! (CelebrityFashionWatcher)
Timberlake is officially middle-aged (CelebDirtyLaundry)
Brigitte Nielsen is ageless (CelebritySmack)
Tatty Baby Daddy game (CityRag)
Steve Jobs can prevent porn on your iPhone, but he can’t stop this (DListed)
Betty White to destroy Dan Brown at the bookstore (HaveUHeard)
Kat Von D is unique (INeedMyFix)
The Kids in the Hall of the Funeral Home (SeriouslyOMG)

Does this blood make me look fat?

If I’m going to Get The Look, I’m sure as HELL not wearing it sober! This calls for a Naked Martini, otherwise known as three ounces of gin and an olive. In fact, it calls for three or four of them.

Seriously, it looks like The Manson Family Goes to Burning Man.

Are you a celebrity blogger who’d rather drink than link (and wouldn’t we all?) email me at raincoaster at gmail:
I’m starting a linking service to do your work for you! And I’m working on an ad network to launch in the fall.

Eat, Brains, Love (Lolebrity)
Marilyn Monroe was crafty! (raincoaster)
Less of a teaser and more of a threat, I’d say (AgentBedhead)
Christina Ricci can dial a phone without using her hands (AmyGrindhouse)
This is why they call them Twits (AnythingHollywood)
Matthew McConaughey in see-through top (BusyBeeBlogger)
There are two good reasons ScarJo lost this role (CeleBitchy)
Happy Birthday Sea- DON’T HIT ME!!! DON’T HIT ME!!! (CelebrityFashionWatcher)
This might make me like Justin Bieber (CelebrityDirtyLaundry)
First Christopher Hitchens, now Michael Douglas (CelebritySmack)
Nicole Kidman’s architect is Fisher-Price (CityRag)
Jesus is a Bieber impersonator (CojoStyle)
Up With Juggalos! (DailyStab)
Holy crap, that Mel Gibson doesn’t mess around (GabbyBabble)
The blonde leading the blonde (GoFugYourself)
Natalie Portman and Mila Kunis in White Hunter, Black Swan (HaveUHeard)
How long is this woman going to have to dress like this before the pregnancy rumours start, people? (INeedMyFix)
True Blood: Get the look! (Whatevs)
What a hoser, eh? (JustJared)
This blog is unapologetically pro-tux. Dapper formal wear for all! (PerezHilton)
Levi Johnson has a clean Slate (PinkIsTheNewBlog)
Now it’s Britney who’s Drrrrrty (PoorBritney)
Celebrity alma maters (UKPopSugar)
The Brady Bunch get summer jobs; this is not a repeat from 1972 (SeriouslyOMG)

In honour of the imperfect, yet impeccable Emma Thompson, seen here toasting her long-overdue Hollywood Walk of Fame star with a pig (not ex-husband Kenneth Branagh) we are returning to our boozy-style links. Today your gossip links are brought to you by a good British pint of what looks like lager, which would be very woman-of-the-people of her.

As for me, I’m on the wagon or rather on the stationary bike until I lose ten pounds and at least one letter of the alphabet.

It’s Nick Jonas’ World (Lolebrity)
World’s LEAST cute octopus found (raincoaster)
Red shoe diaries (Shoeblogs)
Celebrity Dad Faceoff: Harry Connick Jr vs Idris Elba (TeenyManolo)
Getting PRIMED for action (ManoloBig)
Show us your drawers (ManoloHome)
Soba what? (ManoloFood)
Lindsay Lohan’s best movie in years (AgentBedhead)
Renee Zellweger gains 20 lbs (BusyBeeBlogger)
Sean Bean soon to make raincoaster wife #5 (CeleBitchy)
Botox is sacred to Hindus? Who knew? (CelebCosmeticSurgery)
Lady Gaga insists she’s an incestuous ghost (CelebDirtyLaundry)
Emma Watson IS Twiggy (CelebritySmack)
There’s ONE part of Megan Fox that’s still natural (CityRag)
Sylvester Stallone’s rug does not have cherub imagery (CojoStyle)
Sandra Bullock wins! (DailyStab)
The Megan Fox shot the world is not ready to see! (DListed)
It’s Emma Thompson’s world (LaineyGossip)
No, it’s Iman’s world (GoFugYourself)
Jack White does not like hipsters (EvilBeet)
JBieb has gotten to Marky Mark (GabbyBabble)
Jen Garner and Hugh Jackman are like buttah (HaveUHeard)
Sum 40 now (INeedMyFix)
What, the arrow-shaped vajazzling didn’t help? (IBBB)
“Did y’all know that King Tut’s penis is missing?” (MovieLine)
Yoko Ono vs Steve Jobs (PerezHilton)
Britney has a secret (PoorBritney.com)
Britney Spears does not know how to get dressed (SeriouslyOMG)

While I adore Richard Branson and Dita von Teese, I do not think one could  accuse either of them of being particularly literal-minded.

I dunno about this new accessory line from Pierre Cardin the master of perfume licensing and the go-go boot. I think he’s definitely lost touch with the world of accessories, don’t you?

Fergie, Duchess of Plonk! (TrueSlant)

Did you say “caged FEET?” (TheManolo)

Gary Coleman: the jive is strong with this one (Lolebrity)

Ashton overshares (AgentBedhead)

George Clooney’s in town: lock up your brunette strippers! (BusyBeeBlogger)

Kristen, honey, it’s only a couple of pictures (CeleBitchy)

Dustup in the Desert! (CelebrityBeehive)

NASCAR loser (CelebDirtyLaundry)

Lindsay enjoys the taste of clean living with Victoria Hervey and SamRo (CelebritySmack)

Canuckistan rising! (DailyStab)

Gaga gaga? (EvilBeet)

Megan Fox auditions for Victoria’s Secret…at LAX (HaveUHeard)

Pink didn’t marry him for his brains, you know (INeedMyFix)

Don’t worry, Madonna will adopt him (IBBB)

Animals at the zoo (UKPopSugar)

Um, what is going on here? From the look on her face, it would seem that the lovely and talented Michelle Williams has lost a bet and been forced into this unflattering, bedazzled and ruffled sack of fug for her Cannes premiere. Her eyes say “Help me” while her body says…well, we can’t hear what it’s saying because it’s being smothered by an overgrown pillowcase.

Ian McKellen, Lord of the Blogs (TrueSlant)

Ian McKellen is DONE with this shizznit! (Lolebrity)

PJs for all! (TheManolo)

Someday my prints will come (ManoloHome)

Sheer silliness (ManoloBrides)

Blind flood puppy update! (ManoloBig)

Celebrity Dad Faceoff! Hugh Jackman vs Stephen Moyer (TeenyManolo)

Inside John Malkovich’s head (AgentBedhead)

Kate Moss burgled! (AmyGrindhouse)

Porn model now porn actress (BricksAndStones)

Rock Out to Beat Cancer (BusyBeeBlogger)

Britney wigs out! (CeleBitchy)

Celebrity trade wars (CelebrityBeehive)

Jonas Brothers UNCAGED! (CelebDirtyLaundry)

Butt Paris! (CelebritySmack)

Celebrity sex swapping (CityRag)

Rachel Bilson is a fembot? (CojoStyle)

Russell Brand, Elle of a guy (DailyStab)

Justin Bieber is a gift from god (EvilBeet)

Orange silicone creature frightens children (GabbyBabble)

JLo IS SATC (GoFugYourself)

Bono’s back! (HaveUHeard)

Padma dates down (INeedMyFix)

Don’t worry, Lindsay, this happens to everyone (IBBB)

James Franco goes ape (JustJared)

Cats get Lost (Movieline)

Jake Gyllenhaal brings teh sexay…to the front row? (PinkIsTheNewBlog)

Lily Allen schlubs out (UKPopSugar)

Grace Jones, superhero! (PopBytes)

The hottest men on tv (SeriouslyOMG)

Apple Tablets Revealed! (Lolebrity)

The latest on Channing Tatum’s boyparts (AgentBedhead)

JLoHew is Bedazzled (AmyGrindhouse)

Megan Fox in her element (BusyBeeBlogger)

American Idiots (CeleBitchy)

Wyclef Jean’s Haiti video (CelebritySmack)

Marky Mark 5.0 (DailyStab)

RIP Spaghetti-O’s (DListed)

Michael C. Hall has Hodgkin’s (JustJared)

Naughty, naughty! (Movieline)

Rihanna: say W? (PopSugar)

Courtney Love has strange body growths (LitelySalted)

Publicity hound dogs dead girl (INO)

Casey Johnson and Brittany Murphy: Obit Crit in an Age of Celebrity (raincoaster)

Bill Gates on Manhunt? (raincoaster)

Mr Bean goes to the Spanish Parliament (Guardian)

Iran. Iran so far away (Gawker)

Guido 2.0 (Lolebrity)

Eli Roth hacked and attacked by 200 Mexicans (Twitter)

Remix Trent Reznor (AgentBedhead)

Ellen Photoshops her way into the AI lineup (AmyGrindhouse)

RPattz and KStew ambushed! (AllieIsWired)

Lilo is robbed! (BusyBeeBlogger)

Rihanna’s outfit slashed! (INeedMyFix)

Pete and Ashlee hack the paps (CelebritySmack)

Redmond O’Neal busted again (CelebrityDirtyLaundry)

Mariah Carey’s jewels cased (HolyCandy)

OctoDoc takes the rap (CeleBitchy)

Angel stops cougar attack (DListed)

Celebrities caught in action (CrazyDaysAndNights)

Mischa Barton turns hooker (DailyStab)

The LA Coroner is mystified (EvilBeet)

Sean Penn is a stooge (GabbyBabble)

Madonna takes the rap (INO)

Halle Berry hacked! (JustJared)

Gay blades Jim Carrey and Ewan MacGregor come out (Movieline)

JSimp’s hairy sitch (PopSugar)

More deets on the Bear Jew Werewolf Shark attack (TenGossip)

Joan Rivers is a threat to national security (LitelySalted)