I know, I know.

I don’t CARE! I like him anyway: he purty. I propose a toast to Ben Affleck’s enduring aethetic appeal, and to make that toast we shall raise a glass of this newfangled Brewmaster’s Black Lager from Okanagan Springs that I just tasted today, as I was being interviewed for a podcast in the back room of a pub, which is generally the way I like to be interviewed if it can’t be on the deck of my shiny new yacht or the terrace of my beach villa in Costa Rica. Yes, black lager; that is what I call affirmative action, and I intend to affirm it as frequently as my diet will allow. This has been an un-paid-for plug inspired by Ben Affleck’s hawtness. You may now return to your regular gossip links.

Poor Elvis (Lolebrity)
Cruise with Captain Charon (raincoaster)
James Franco is a wanker (AgentBedhead)
St Angelina consoles sadly unfabulous Pakistanis (BusyBeeBlogger)
Gaga’s got some meat on her bones at last (CeleBitchy)
Oh come on; next you’ll be telling us her boobs are fake! (CelebDirtyLaundry)
The caftan does JSimp no favours (CelebritySmack)
I’m on a (filthy) boat! (CityRag)
This is an awkward triangle! (CojoStyle)
Jennifer Aniston attacking by proxy (DListed)
Billy Ray Cyrus produced a goth? (GabbyBabble)
Taylor Swift has the best hair in the NFL (HaveUHeard)
Someone PLEASE give Dennis Rodman a radio show (INeedMyFix)
Some Twihard’s dreams are coming true! (PerezHilton)
Eli Roth wanted for questioning (Pajiba)
But Mommy IS white trash (PoorBritney)
So Cougartown is bi-curious now? (SeriouslyOMG)

The photographers are out to get Katherine Heigl (Websters)

Dear Kanye… (SeriouslyOMG)

Good Girl/Bad Girl hair wars: Beyonce vs Kate Moss (Lolebrity)

Wedding bells for gays in California (Mollygood)

Jennifer Aniston is being “actressy” again (Jossip)

Joan Rivers is too sweary for England (PerezHilton)

Led Zeppelin wins best live act: what year is this? (UKPopSugar)

Billy Ray Cyrus is a metaphor machine (Radar)

George Takei gets a marriage license (JustJared)

Paris Hilton schooled on puppy abuse (WizbangPop)

Jennifer Lopez takes Skeletor for a walk (PinkIsTheNewBlog)

Eddie Murphy has a big head (DListed)

Usher is a sexpert? (ImNotObsessed)

Ho-down at the Bunny Hutch (CandyKirby)

Tara Reid not dead, waitressing at pirate bar (GoFugYourself)

Get Smart is on BoobieWatch Patrol (NinjaDude)

Will Smith vs Willow Smith (DailyStab)

Scott Baio’s baby’s health scare (CelebritySmack)

Chris Rock has something in common with Pete Doherty (AgentBedhead)

Heidi Fleiss puts the “mad” in “madam” (Defamer)

Cameron Diaz goez bawled (Lolebrity)

Gladys Knight’s got a whole new band (Websters)

The Class War: Sheen vs Richards (CandyKirby)

Is Liv Tyler really talking about her marriage? (DailyStab)

Lisa Simpson files for divorce (GabbyBabble)

Amy Winehouse enters Israeli rehab for…opiate addiction? (SeriouslyOMG)

Jennifer Aniston is hungry for John Mayer’s weiner (AgentBedhead)

Katie Holmes is a bully (CeleBitchy)

Kat von D thinks “Some day my prints will come” and there they are, right on her arm (CelebritySmack)

We regret to inform you: Robert Redford is engaged (DListed)

Billy Ray Cyrus is supportive of his daughter after all he put her through(?!?!) (ImNotObsessed)

Meanwhile, Miley’s on MySpace, eating her clothes off (Defamer)

Handbag fetish reaches its apotheosis: Madonna’s castoffs worth more than a kiss from Clooney (ICYDK)

Oprah finds religion in green smoothies (IBBB)

Elizabeth Hurley’s assets do not depreciate with time (JustJared)

Michelle Williams in Cannes (PopSugar)

Nicole Kidman’s due date? (CelebrityBabyScoop)

Shia LaBoeufcake is horny! (Towleroad)

Clay Aiken is saving himself…forever! (Defamer)

Julie Newmar is Cougarwoman! (Copyranter)

Speaking of Catwoman, Sean Young’s drunken tirade earns her a one-way ticket to rehab (Dlisted)

Craig, Daniel Craig, defends new Bond flick (AgentBedhead)

Ricci, Christina Ricci is groped by an ape (CelebritySmack)

The economics of Amy Winehouse (Derober)

Thank you, Jesus! It’s Viggo Mortensen! (TheMeatScale)

Britney Spears blah blah crazy blah blah paparazzi blah… (IDLYITW)

Ali Larter and the Chocolate Suite of Diet Doom (DailyStab)

Spice and Nice (CelebrityBabyScoop)

Gwen Stefani: baby on board! (CelebrityDirtyLaundry)

Lindsay Lohan is on and off the wagon like a pioneer with a weak bladder (CeleBitchy)

Eva Longoria uses dead people to hook up with George Clooney? (People)

Con artist poses as Heath Ledger’s dad (NYP)

Sandra Oh, explained (GoFugYourself)

Adrian Grenier’s nuts! (HolyCandy)

Nicole Richie is tiny again, caffeinated again (ImNotObsessed)

Presenting: Britney Spears in Alfred Hitchcock’s The Paparazzi (GalleryOfTheAbsurd)

Yes, Uma Thurman is, in fact, perfect (Egotastic)

Miley Ray Cyrus is legal in at least ONE way now (Mollygood)

Verne “Mini Me” Troyer ambushed by accusatory paparazzo (PerezHilton)

Crispin “Rat Catching” Glover’s ex takes to YouTube for some teary vengence (Gawker)

Drew “He’s My Best Friend” Barrymore is fully Mac Guy compatible (WebstersIsMyBitch)

YOU don’t know how to cure constipation! Tom Cruise DOES! (Youtube)

And Adam Sandler knows Tom Cruise…or at least is willing to blurb on his behalf (EvilBeet)

The Tom Cruise Scientology video you haven’t seen! (YouTube)(for now!)

Quiz: Who’s your TV boyfriend? (CelluloidBlonde)

Attention bloggers: Adopt A Writer! (AdoptAWriter)

Brit-onomics: how Britney Spears feeds multitudes (Defamer)

How not to be Heath Ledger (Gawker)

Britney is sick “in a good way,” feeling philosophical (TMZ)

Rambo vs the Governator (AgentBedhead)

Kate Moss looks like her mother (DailyStab)

George Clooney goes after Britney with a baseball bat (AllieIsWired)

Ashley Olsen always looks like you’re about to hit her with a stick (ImNotObsessed)

The Hannah Montana terrorist has been arrested (TrashyCeleb)

Jennifer Love Hewitt tells you 10 things you don’t know about women (POTP)

Dolly Parton’s plastic surgery roundup (CelebrityCosmeticSurgery)

Stephen Colbert gets the Mount Rushmore treatment (CelebritySmack)

Anderson Cooper puts his foot down on the Heath Ledger mania (HolyCandy)

Was Katie Holmes pregnant before meeting Tom Cruise? (CrazyDaysAndNights)

Britney gave Drew Barrymore a run for her money (NinjaDude)

McDreamy in uniform, sigh… (PerezHilton)

Pamela Anderson is a vegetarian dish past its freshness date (Copyranter)

RIP, Big Martha (FromScratch)

What the stars are mouthing silently (TheLiteraryPursuit)

Today in Job Satisfaction News: Paris Hilton imitator sick of Paris Hilton too! (AgentBedhead)

Mike Tyson does the pokey hokey-pokey. You put your right cross in, you take your right cross out… (GabbyBabble)

Heidi Montag cute, stacked, delusional (FatbackAndCollards)

Dennis Quaid’s babies overdosed! (HolyCandy)

Pamela Anderson is exquisite, corpse-like, strangely tentacled (GalleryOfTheAbsurd)

Kate Moss stays classy, threatens Sienna Miller at a drunken party (FemaleFirst)

Ben- congratulates -Nnifer on her pregnancy (CelebritySmack)

Munchkins get their star (Popbytes)

Interspecies compassion (CityRag)

Lachey is back, biotches! (DailyStab)

Beyonce’s booty is back (GoFugYourself)

Johnny Depp sings the hits of the Seventies: the Eighteen-Seventies! (EvilBeet)

Will Ferrell has a murder-boner (FunnyOrDie)

The Bachelor stays single (Defamer)

Audience freakouts are Oprah’s Favorite Thing (Jezebel)

Yet another angle on the Jen vs Angie thing! Isn’t that so last year? (HuffPo)

Dear Rachel Bilson, quit stalking me (Craigslist)

Manolo says, risible in reality.