This.

Or anything either of these two have touched, unless it’s had a thorough de-lousing. They look as fresh as the stage curtain at a strip club, if somewhat more full of volatile chemicals.

Looks like SOMEBODY got a little too close to their Origami Latte this morning!

Peaches rotten, dropped (TS)

Katy Perry, Cthulhu Pornstar! (Lol)

Is school for fools? (YBF)

Axl hates bottle service (SOMG)

Situation: Buttaface (PB)

Robert Tophattinson (UKPS)

The not-so-young and restless (PITNB)

Miley sees dead people (LS)

Vancouver just got prettier (JJ)

Britney stole Harold Ramis’ old glasses (INMF)

Gerard Butler goes fishing (HUH)

Ellen Pompeo is HUUUUGE (GB)

Miss California, deadbeat (G)

LeAnn Rimes hates babies (EB)

Kim Kardashian is a pimp (DL)

Katy Perry isn’t just into girls (HM)

Dennis Hopper has always been big (DD)

Susan Boyle’s got a new crib (DS)

Shoepants? Pantshoes? (CD)

Lilo stamps out drugs! (CR)

How to stuff a wild bikini (CS)

Russell Simmons, caped crusader? (CM)

Bullock is back, bitches! (CDL)

At least they’re off the Dead Kennedy kick (CB)

Boy George has seen Gaga’s gagas (BBB)

Shakira needs help! (AG)

Lilo, how low can you go? (AIW)

Monica Belluci, you’re no Demi Moore (AB)

So Princess Eugenie is all, “What? WHAAAAT? Tavi told me it was totally in!”

Courtney Love, Chickenhawk.

Mark Twain sings the Greatest Hits of the 70′s (Lolebrity)

Gangsta! (MaterialBitch)

Oscar Campaign Violations (Movieline)

Courtney Love sics the FBI on Ed Norton (PerezHilton)

Nazis for Jordan! (UKPopSugar)

Suicide a felony? (PopBytes)

Beaver shot (SeriouslyOMG)

St. Angelina bails out (ASL)

Tyler Durden’s Rules (CopyBlogger)

Keith Urban is an icehole (Manolo)

Canucks Amok! (Gawker)

The Crazies come out at Midnight (TenGossip)

Rapper quarantined! (WOWReport)

Crazy young drunk girl vs crazy old meth mom (LitelySalted)

Tiger Woods drained (JustJared)

Suri ditches the ‘rents (IBBB)

Lady Gaga attacks! (INeedMyFix)

Prada axes models (HollywoodBackwash)

This is what DIVORCE is for, people (EvilBeet)

Avril Lavigne crosses the line (DListed)

Kelly Ripa’s biker cred (DailyStab)

The Mischamobile got towed (Celebslam)

Pete Doherty’s babysitter sentenced (AgentBedhead)

The White House Party Crashers claim their first scalp (CelebDirtyLaundry)

Blog hijacked! (CelebritySmack)

Kirstie Alley, frontman (CeleBitchy)

Did someone steal Daniel Boone’s hat? (HolyCandy)

Hugh Jackman gets cut! (BusyBeeBlogger)

Levi Johnson’s court order (AmyGrindhouse)

Ah, who am I kidding? Like I can afford brand-name drugs. I dunno what this is, but it dried up my nose just fine and hasn’t seemed to cause any sideaffex at al an i bot ity frum lenny out bac. i is fien.

oohmaz bad hare day (lolebrity)

dawn uv tha Twavatar (agentbedhead)

blak i’d p’s do robotface (amygrindhouse)

vangroover food prOn (busybeeblogger)

tila tekeela liarliarpantsonfire (celebritysmack)

maree antwanette at the brit awardz (holymoly)

jsimp seeks p-casso (celebitchy)

jiimmy kimmmmmellll gets it rite (celebdirtylaundry)

adam lmbert disconnex u (dailystab)

the ollllyimpic liveblog (gawker)

brangelina breeds monshishi (laughingstork)

st. angelina goez bak to her rutes (dlisted)

boggerpocalypse at b5 (earsucker)

saveypood no i did not make that up stoned thats what it actually said (movieline)

oh noes save teh fayk babehz~! (litelysalted)

what is this a photoshop contest (ibbb)

hello ur lyin (evilbeet)

meenwyle penny lane still undervalyood (gabbybabble)

undies win kellan lutz over (ineedmyfix)

menz fashun brit awardz im confyoozed wherez kfed (UKPopSugar)

axl roze 2 okkazhun (seriouslyomg)

i beeleev u have a hit (tengossip)

soaffie munks fone iz on vybrayte (theskinny)

Olympic Medalist Moguliste Hannah Kearney of the US isn’t sure which to admire more: her gold medal or the sweet bouquet of BC Bud with which she was presented.

This is what she sees later that night (Lolebrity)

Stephen Baldwin does NOT fancy vampires (AgentBedhead)

Brittany Murphy’s shaky Foundation (AmyGrindhouse)

Tila Tequila falls on butt, suffers brain injury (AllieIsWired)

Bono has come back to me (BusyBeeBlogger)

Stephen Colbert brings it: 1812, The Rematch! (CeleBitchy)

Kiefer is down for the count! (CelebDirtyLaundry)

Jennifer Garner goes Elektra on VDay (PopEater)

Kevin Smith, mad Twitterbomber (CelebritySmack)

Hate NBC? Love families? Make them pay! (CelebrityVIPLounge)

Hugo Boss shops Canadian (DailyStab)

Joe Biden, you’re no Dick Cheney (Gawker)

Robert Pattinson is open to homoeopathy (DListed)

Britney’s special Valentine (EvilBeet)

The Olympic Schedule (HaveUHeard)

A year in the life of LiLo (IBBB)

Kelly Osbourne is still alive (INeedMyFix)

Perez and John Mayer sittin’ in a tree… (LitelySalted)

Pups & Order (NastyNets)

Make your own star baby (TenGossip)

Nekkid Brit: keeper or throw back? (UKPopSugar)

But are we, in fact, the world? (PopBytes)

Movie mulligans (Movieline)

At last we learn the backstory to the shot herd ’round the world. Oh Snoop, we’ve all been there.

Claire Danes knows how to work a trenchcoat (Lolebrity)

Celebrities! They’re not like us! They can walk in these shoes! (CelebToast)

The best 404 message online (AgentBedhead)

Om Nom Nom WHA???? (AllieIsWired)

Brittany Murphy, Casey Johnson, Basic Health Rules laid to rest (AmyGrindhouse)

Demon in sheep’s clothing (BWE)

Anne Hathaway flips the bird (BricksAndStones)

Alexis for Alexis! (BusyBeeBlogger)

Ooh La Little Girl Lingerie? (LaughingStork)

Kate, I think you dropped something (HolyMoly)

Sandra Bullock will cut a bitch (LitelySalted)

Forget Mischa Barton, try Carole Channing! (LaineyGossip)

Kristen Stewart in court for prostitution (TMZ)

Ralph Lauren snubs in public! (CelebrityMound)

Ellen for President? (CelebrityDirtyLaundry)

Tom Brady’s 2-month-old can run??? (CelebrityBabyScoop)

Oooh, ACDC MUST DIE!!!! (CeleBitchy)

Jay-Qui? (CelebrityVIPLounge)

Possibly the most terrifying headline I’ve ever read (CelebritySmack)

Kanye survives horrifying ordeal (CelebSlam)

Bublé‘s bongo bowl (CityRag)

Dennis Quaid’s farmer’s tan (CrazyDaysAndNights)

The Real BabyMamas of Atlanta (Crunk+Disorderly)

Brangelina lives! (DailyStab)

Paris has gone to the dogs (DanasDirt)

Nicknames of the literati (Gawker)

The return of PuppyBowl (DListed)

Betty White is terrifying (EvilBeet)

Small Wonder it was cancelled (FourFour)

Janet Jackson is a Janet Jackson impersonator (GabbyBabble)

Best Dressed/Worst Dressed at the Grammys (GoFugYourself)

Snooki’s makeover (ImBringingBloggingBack)

Qween no longer on Scene (INeedMyFix)

How Hugh Jackman rolls (HaveUHeard)

World’s most expensive benchwarmers (HollywoodBackwash)

Flack pointedly does NOT deny Paris Hilton is dumb (HollywoodRag)

Sniff Beyonce for $50 (HollywoodTuna)

KFat achieves self-awareness (ImNotObsessed)

Leif Garrett busted NOT A FLASHBACK TO 1975 (Janet CharltonsHollywood)

Virgins versus Texting! (JustJared)

PETA vs Avatar (Movieline)

Jessica Biel definitely not Jewish (FitCeleb)

Frances Bean taking singing lessons (PerezHilton)

Stock Anderson Cooper Adorable Story (PinkIsTheNewBlog)

Russell Brand shoots, scores (UKPopSugar)

Jamaican Bobsled Team not so cool (WizBangPop)

Orlando Bloom is all wet (PopBytes)

Kelly Clarkson in flamewar (RadarOnline)

Re-Enchanted (SeriouslyOMG)

Tila says the butler didn’t do it (ASocialiteLife)

Conan O’Brien’s Valentine to Britney (SquareEyes)

Saffy, darling, are you slumming in this movie? (TenGossip)

John Mayer needs to take off the Wayfarers (TheBosh)

Mischa Barton wins Best Supporting Hose (TheSkinny)

Although he may be a little childish…

there’s really no question that Hugh Jackman is well-adjusted.

Paris Hilton’s truth in advertising (Lolebrity)

Michael Jackson, still dead (AgentBedhead)

Celine Dion shooting blanks (AmyGrindhouse)

Shakira: wigger, PLEASE! (HolyMoly)

Eat, Pray, Love, Get A Really Bad Bathtub Bleach Job (BusyBeeBlogger)

Emanuel Ungaro calls Lindsay Lohan “Destroyer of souls” (CeleBitchy)

Marlee Matlin tells world to STFU, get a life (HollywoodInsider)

I’m the Gossip Queen of the Universe!!! (CelebritySmack)

Yet more Robert Pattinson pix (TenGossip)

Emma Watson is, like, totally a commie pinko satanist (CelebJihad)

Kathy Griffin and the Fresh Prince: is this what you call the Dream Team? (SeriouslyOMG)

And the Nightmare Team: Brandon Davis and Avril Lavigne (PopBytes)

Smells like…Has-been! (LitelySalted)

Lilo is cutting (AllieIsWired)

Levi gets out of his Levis for Playgirl (TheAwl)

Kate Moss is a furry (UKPopSugar)

Why is NOBODY talking about Wino’s new freckles? (ICYDK)

Find SamRo a new girlfriend (CityRag)

oh wait, someone already found her one (Gawker)

Behold the moose knuckle of Robert Downey Jr (DailyStab)

Kristin Stewart lets a 4-year-old dress her (INO)

Carrie Prejean to put her video experience to good use (GabbyBabble)

The country music a-wars (EvilBeet)

Who’s the wind beneath Rihanna’s buffalo wings? (JustJared)

Francomania! (Movieline)