Ayyyy!

John Mayer commemorates this day with historic haircut (CelebrityDirt)

Christina Aguilera is overcome at the emotional celebration (CandyKirby)

Asbestos is the opiate of the people…the people who go on Scientology cruises (AgentBedhead)

Madonna and Justin Timberlake entertain the masses (DailyStab)

Let them eat brioche, say Angie and Brad (ImNotObsessed)

Brazilian shoemaker poses with accessibly-priced, responsibly-manufactured footwear (DerekHail)

Britney Spears blew $61 million dollars in one year and you earn no interest on your tax refund (CeleBitchy)

Gadfly of the establishment the DC Madam dies under mysterious circumstances (Jezebel)

The Man keeps the People down yet again (DListed)

Comrade Ricky Martin launches human rights hotline (ICYDK)

Performers reenact the effect of Capitalism on the Worker. Also: hawt (CelebSlam)

People Magazine now the official newsletter of Doublethink (Websters)

The Opiate of the People just got the cover of Time (Mollygood)

SATC collective maintains party line (PopSugar)

Rehab a rehab: do I smell a new Vegas-themed commune? (Defamer)

At least someone was on hand to sound the death knell for protest marches: Million DJ March (Gawker)

Control of the means of production means Stella McCartney will keep you in pretty, lucite chains (GabbyBabble)

The overlords stick together even on AI (CelebritySmack)

Jenna Bush O-Face (Webster’s)

20 most expensive celebrity divorces (CustomizedGirl)

Amy Winehouse is not exactly “clean, green power” (Yeeeeah)

Brad Pitt is not black enough! (PopOnThePop)

We have a Scientologist DOWN! Repeat: we have a Scientologist DOWN! (TheBlemish)

Former child star begins the long slide into bankruptcy, boozing, and B&E’s (AgentBedhead)

It’s La Pequeña’s world. We just live in it (Dlisted)

George Clooney keeps a lid on it (JustJared)

JC Chasez does not Chace Crawford (Mollygood)

Gold digger headed straight for the center of the Earth (DailyStab)

Win a date with Barack Obama! (Stereohyped)

Someone needs to tell Demi Moore it’s just a metaphor (ImNotObsessed)

Lucy Liu wants to be a WASP fashionista popsicle zombie (ICYDK)

Top Model walks? (Defamer)

Most historically inaccurate films (YahooMovies)

Robin Williams soon to be EX-Mrs.Doubtfire (ExtraTV)

Artificial Sweetener Valley High (Gawker)

Tom Cruise and John Travolta abducted by aliens! (CircusHour)

At American Idol, every moment is happy hour (GoFugYourself)

George Clooney, straight up (AgentBedhead)

Mary Ann FTW! (Celebritysmack)

Owen Wilson discovers he’s not Jesus (Defamer)

Discovers he may be dating Jennifer Aniston (Star)

Maybe Ginger Spice is Jesus? (Dlisted)

How to annoy Mariah Carey (CelebrityCosmeticSurgery)

Jodie Foster just can’t catch a break (Celebitchy)

Madonna is afraid of you (ImNotObsessed)

Lindsay Lohan is a do-it-yourselfer (SeriouslyOMGWTF)

Betty White kicks ass (Cityrag)

Iggy Pop will not be stopped (Mollygood)

Eddie Van Halen is back in rehab (PerezHilton)

Bigfoot invades LA (CircusHour)

Jodie Foster and her sons (CelebrityBabyScoop)

Britney Spears hates her life (PopOnThePop)

Julianne Moore spits on Spitzer (JustJared)

Cindy Crawford’s child is beautiful beyond the lot of mortals (Celebslam)

Your latest “Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie to marry” rumour (HollywoodRag)

Anonymous vs Gossip Bloggers (Valleywag)

Ten worst nude scenes of all time (Papermag)

Mariah Carey, Kenneth the Page, a Unicorn, and a good deal of lycra (Defamer)

Heath Ledger’s Nick Drake music video (raincoaster)

King Arthur’s been dead a long time: Pete Doherty is UK Hero of the Year (AgentBedhead)

Nicole Richie is Roxie Hart in Chicago! (CelebritySmack)

Hillary Winehouse makeover (PrettyOnTheOutside)

The Beautiful People looking…not so much (SeriouslyOMGWTF)

Prince Harry’s undercover operation is terminated (DListed)

Britney Spears to join the British army (TheSpoof)

The Croc Widow vs the Croc Papa (PerezHilton)

Pink’s Sapphic sideshow KO’d her marriage (Celebitchy)

The Boozehound Awards (Pajiba)

The littlest Scientologists have names now (EvilBeet)

Karl Lagerfeld’s vampire kisses have no effect on bloodless troll (CircusHour)

Kate Beckinsale is a cunning linguist (Websters)

Victoria’s Secret is out (TheBlemish)

RUN, OWEN WILSON! RUUUUUUUN! (Yeeeeah)

Brad Pitt’s monchichi haircut (CelebWarship)

Katoucha Niane’s body found in the Seine (GabbyBabble)

True Confessions: My torrid affair with Buddy Hackett (moonbeammcqueen)

The Great Kate Beckinsale Quiz (Esquire)

What has Barack Obama done for you lately? (BarackObamaIsYourNewBicycle)

Rita Skeeter exclusive: Harry and Hermione hook up! (PerezHilton)

Anna Wintour vs Carine Roitfeld, duelling fashion editrixes (Gawker)

The Key to Happiness (RuPaul)

Dina Lohan knows art when she sees it, bitch! (Defamer)

George Clooney gets all the tail, but none of the luv (AgentBedhead)

Celine Dion is the queen of the world! (fourfour)

Break out the black armbands: Sean Bean married again, dammit! (Celebitchy)

Brangelina’s brood hit the slopes (Popsugar)

Without Mandy Moore and CheezWhiz, you are nothing (CrazyDaysAndNights)

Celebrity mansions! (Cityrag)

Rumer Willis gets tossed back onto the mean streets (Celebslam)

Jessica Alba discovers she’s Latino (ICYDK)

Victoria Gotti rises from the dead, Elvira of the Light (HollywoodRag)

Owen Wilson goes back to work, Jennifer Aniston soon to put another notch in her diaphragm case (AllieIsWired)

Monsters who get chicks (Maxim)

Jennifer Lopez to give birth to Steve Austin twins (DailyStab)

Free the Pink! (CelebritySmack)

Katherine Heigl wearing my grandmother’s sofa (ImNotObsessed)

FitCeleb, the new blog on the block (FitCeleb)

The Brangelina Wedding rumours: a timeline (Defamer)

But how is Jen taking it? (JustJared)

The Britney Spears wedding rumours (CelebritySmack)

Britney’s secret childhood, not-so-secret deflowering (Jezebel)

Robbie Williams won’t be checking into the Paris Hilton (AgentBedhead)

OJ Simpson’s girlfriend severely beaten: OJ to search for “the real beaters” (Celebitchy)

Max Liron Bratman gets his first magazine cover; his mother gets her first understated makeover (CelebrityBabySmack)

Courtney Love steals Christina Aguilera’s makeup, Frances Bean Cobain steals Courtney Love’s (HolyCandy)

And Rihanna was all, like, you di’int, and Jay-Z was all, like, oh yeah I DID and...(Bossip)

Uma Thurman is smoke-free, ready for spermination (ICYDK)

Win a date with Death (and Ted Nugent)! (SeriouslyOMGWTF)

Win a divorce for Valentine’s Day! (POTP)

British elegance: Lily Allen fists herself on her new tv show (Dlisted)

Dakota Fanning will not pull a Britney for art (EvilBeet)

Farrah Fawcett and Ryan O’Neal’s son arrested for DUI and drugs (BackseatCuddler)

Amy Winehouse tells a tale of two Blakes (CelebWarship)

Isla Fisher has definitely, maybe lost the baby weight (DailyStab)

Wendy seeks Peter Pan on the red carpet (GoFugYourself)

Katherine Heigl plays dress-up with medical personnel (ImNotObsessed)

Janice Dickenson gets a new face: Kimora Lee Simmons’! (PerezHilton)

Courney Cox has fallen and she can’t get up under the weight of those extensions (Websters)

Who wore it better, the Division Championships (SecondCityStyle)

Britney busts loose, boots bodyguard (PerezHilton)

Kirstie Alley’s body thetans get the better of her (Websters)

Heath Ledger had ingested the entire alphabet, but it was all legal (Yeeeeah)

Delta Burke is an institution! Also in an institution (Celebitchy)

Mary-Kate Olsen is a purse hoarding hobbit (ImNotObsessed)

Sienna Miller is pretty, useless (AgentBedhead)

Adrien Grenier is veg-friendly (TheMeatScale)

Kirsten Dunst also institutionalized, not an institution (DailyStab)

Jordana Brewster is going to be a star someday… (Defamer)

Christina Aguilera doesn’t NEED your oxygen! (fourfour)

What happens in Miss Nevada stays in Miss Nevada, at least until she showers (Dlisted)

Brittany Murphy is 65, but her lips are only 3 months old (GoFugYourself)

Scientology is one big, dysfunctional family (HolyCandy)

Amy Winehouse may swap rehab for prison (CelebParasite)

Flight of the (Steven) Seagal (HolyMoly)

Tabloid roundup: the week in oversexed hobbits (Mollygood)

Who wants to look like a celebrity? Everyone, apparently (CelebrityCosmeticSurgery)

Dick Cheney and Donald Rumsfeld slaver over the juicy, tender souls of the innocent (CelebritiesEating)

Wacko Jacko will crash the Grammys (CelebritySmack)

Republicans and nerds put the “trade” in sex trade (Jezebel)

Support Orama! (Orama08)

Rehabilitate ‘08! (Derober)

Puppy Bowl! (WithMalice)

Uneasy Riders: Brad Pitt vs Tom Cruise (Defamer)

Canadian celebrity gossip blogging smackdown! (Gawker)

Sam Lufti is no René Angelil! (Jezebel)

Smells like…Holy Spirit! (MoonbeamMcqueen)

What’s new for Old Spice Girls (AgentBedhead)

Tom Jones insures his chestrug for seven mill (CelebritySmack)

Angelina Jolie was sperminated the old-fashioned way (Celebitchy)

Nicole Richie’s big win over Christina Aguilera (Gabsmash)

TomKat’s latest project (HolyCandy)

Halle Berry’s babydaddy is prettier than you, her (DailyStab)

John Mayer rocks the Borat nutsack bathing suit (WeLoveCelebs)

Lindsay Lohan’s loose lips (HollywoodBackwash)

Viggo’s (fashion) Promises (GoFugYourself)

Milo Ventimiglia is not amused (ImNotObsessed)

Tom Cruise is subdued at the Saggies (AgentBedhead)

Tom Cruise’s Wehrmacht ID (FrontierEditor)

John Travolta checks out the competition (Defamer)

Did you know: Without Scientology, you’re dead! (Mollygood)

Teh LOLcats h8 Scientology (raincoaster)

Amy Winehouse’s widower-to-be can hardly wait! (CelebritySmack)

Worst-dressed at the SAGGIES (Yeeeeah)

Pete Doherty loves teh kittehs (Dlisted)

Justin Timberlake is bringing the Ewok back (DerekHail)

Beckham’s boyzilian (Towelroad)

Perennially Possibly Pregnant Angie rocks the muumuu (TheBlemish)

Certifiably Insane Bjork rocks the Marushka Doll in Vegas look (BestWeekEver)

Debra Messing rocks like an Egyptian (WebstersIsMyBitch)

Jamie-Lynn Spears is hard-partying, baby-making (CelebWarship)

Kiefer! Kiefer! Kiefer! Donald! Donald! Donald! (Celebitchy)

Paris Hilton goes to a lesbian club, leaves with Brittney Gastineau (EvilBeet)

Kate Beckinsale’s pussy was on fire (HolyCandy)

Hayden Panettiere saves the whales! (ImNotObsessed)

Mischa Barton brings a Yeti back from Sundance (DailyStab)

New Kids On The starting Block? Or Not? (PerezHilton)

Your gossip blog unicorn chaser: St. George the Divine (GoFugYourself)

Knut the Polar Bear is a fanged, clawed psychopath. O RLY? (DailyMail)

Perez Hilton forms a foundation for premature babies. Awwww. (TeenyManolo)

Simon Cowell is a LOT friendlier than we thought (EvilBeet)

Kathleen Turner is STILL big. It’s the romcoms that got small! (AgentBedhead)

Ben Affleck has still got it, but alas is sharing it with Jennifer Garner (DailyStab)

Is Angelina Jolie pregnant with twins? (X17)

Tori Spelling is an unstoppable baby-making machine (HolyCandy)

Amy Winehouse is in rehab. Check back every ten minutes for updates, though (I’mNotObsessed)

Britney Spears tries to pick out some new children (US)

Clay Aiken haiku (Mollygood)

Star Jones makes sense? Wha??? (HuffPo)

False gods of celebrityhood (Cityrag)

Agent99 lives! (SeriouslyOMGWTF)

Steve Buscemi 2.0 (Websters)

Drug dealer to the stars selling more than weed (Defamer)

Doris Lessing, blogger-h8er, Nobel Laureate, feels sorry for chick-lit stars (Gawker)

John Travolta is a klass act (CelebritySmack)

Slim Shady goes dark (WendyWayrad)

Kate Moss parties with preschooler on New Year’s Eve (TheJellyfisher)

Attention: Britney Spears is a big deal (Webster’s)

Amy Winehouse plans post-prison baby with her self-cutting old man (Celebitchy)

George Clooney’s dual-fisted red carpet action! (TheMeatScale)

Amy Winehouse hits the (peroxide) bottle hard (SeriouslyOMGWTF)

Pamela Anderson demoting “husband” to “babydaddy” (Dlisted)

Paula Abdul flips out, speaks in tongues. Who knew she was Evangelical? (CelebWarship)

Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt’s date at Chuck E. Cheese (CelebrityBabyScoop)

Mariah Carey, speed (dating) freak (HollywoodRag)

Britney scores a quin-fecta! (Mollygood)

Johnny Depp is the cover of the Rolling Stone (PopSugar)

Halle Berry wants to stay pregnant forever! (ShowbizSpy)

Joey Buttafuoco’s sex tape scandal (EvilBeet)

Avril Lavigne is knocked up (IsThisHappening)

Tom Cruise rocks the Austin Powers look (HolyCandy)

Henry Rollins, unlikely Garbo imitator (CelebritySmack)

Joaquin Phoenix has adult literacy issues (AgentBedhead)

Britney Spears smokes while pumping gas (GabbyBabble)

Spears family finds Dr Phil not the soul of discretion (Defamer)

Bono wears his “preliminary hearing” suit (Gawker)

Tractor sickness affects 1 in 3 children who operate heavy machinery.

If you suspect your child is at risk, switch them to light manual work and consult your doctor. No sense in getting a perfectly good six-wheeler ruined by kiddie puke.