Ayyyy!

I don’t honestly think we’ve had Trent before, so here is the lovely Nine Inch Nails founder in all his post-heroinal, pre-steroidal glory from a few years back. He’s so thick and beefy lately that he’s got double chins behind his ears. Not. A. Good. Look.

Instead of toasting this with the obvious choice of a protein shake, I suggest a nice goblet of Mansinthe: sure, Absinthe tastes appalling, but it sets the goth/emo tone and whatever doesn’t kill you makes you stronger, right? Aw, shaddap and write a poem about the taste of wormwood, whydoncha?

Chairdancing With The Hotties (raincoaster)
Bobby Trendy, Big Mouth (Ayyyy)
Johnny Depp-O-Rama (Lolebrity)
Lindsay Lohan’s badass, coke-seeing escape attempt (CelebrityBeehive)
Heather Graham has swimmer’s ear (AgentBedhead)
David Arquette mistakes Howard Stern for Oprah Winfrey (AmyGrindhouse)
Caaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan!!!! (BusyBeeBlogger)
Suddenly, there’s not a dry seat in the house! (CeleBitchy)
The end days are upon us: even men hate Jennifer Aniston now (CelebDirtyLaundry)
Bad Panda! (DListed)
That’s a whole LOTTA tablecloth, Keira (GoFugYourself)
Taylor Swift is still an angsty teen (HaveUHeard)
Raisin on board! (INeedMyFix)
Perez Hilton, nice guy? (PerezHilton)
Does Britney Spears have a crush on George Stephanopoulos (PoorBritney)
Michael J. Fox goes back to Back to the Future! (SeriouslyOMG)
Adam Sandler makes a lousy lesbian (ASL)

If it were literally anyone else on Earth, I’d say this was just too Bing Crosby, but Downey is edgy enough to keep it from being boring. I like to think he’s the reformed bad boy who’s clean and sober, but still a little crazy. Now, if those jeans had been skinny hipster jeans, or the hat a titch smaller, I’d have said (rightly) throw that sad fashion victim under a bus for the good of humanity, but my boy is too smart to be a sucker to somebody else’s trend, thank GOD.

So let’s raise a cup of Irish Breakfast Tea to a clean and sober and still kooky Robert Downey Junior.

Britney Spears, like you’ve never heard her before (raincoaster)
The Ages of Lindsay Lohan (Lolebrity)
Bai is Back! (AgentBedhead)
James Franco denies he has class (AmyGrindhouse)
Kristin Davis is holey (BusyBeeBlogger)
And ours, too, Taylor (CeleBitchy)
Mariah Carey falls hard…for backup dancer? (CelebDirtyLaundry)
Look what ol’ ceiling eyes landed (CelebritySmack)
Lindsay Lohan’s high school yearbook photos? (CityRag)
Elmo’s playmate on SNL (DailyStab)
Charo and…Iggy Pop??? (DListed)
Fergie rocks the Merv Griffin caftan (EvilBeet)
Nicole Richie has her Tinkerbell costume all ready for Halloween (GabbyBabble)
They’re even recycling bachelors now (HaveUHeard)
I think that’s Ann-Margret’s body, Bret (INeedMyFix)
NOBODY remakes The Duke (MovieLine)
Sex and the Single Hobbit (PerezHilton)
Daniel Radcliffe is retro-fabulous (PinkIsTheNewBlog)
KFat takes the munchkins to mingle with proles (PoorBritney)
Brad and Zahara ditch the old ball and chain (UKPopSugar)
This divorce WILL cost a pound of flesh (SeriouslyOMG)

Crystal Renn, now 50% off

via Blackbook

Yes, through the magic of Photoshop, the world’s top plus-sized model is feeling less than 100% today. About thirty pounds less.

Are you a celebrity blogger who’d rather drink than link (and wouldn’t we all?) email me at raincoaster at gmail:
I’m starting a linking service to do your work for you! And I’m working on an ad network to launch in the fall.

Mel Gibson blames the beaver (Lolebrity)
Bad morale (NSFW!) (raincoaster)
Gatsby wanted (Manolo)
Celebrity Dads: Bale vs Fiennes (TeenyManolo)
Ho’s! (ManoloFood)
Wedding wood (ManoloBrides)
Fatboy? Slim! (ManoloBig)
What’s black and white and red and green and pink and blue and… (ManoloHome)
The Anti-Gwyneth! (AgentBedhead)
Pink black and blue (AmyGrindhouse)
Least fortunate Dita von Teese thumbnail ever (BusyBeeBlogger)
Pattinson, NOBODY cares about the nipples (CeleBitchy)
Lohan SOBER! (CelebDirtyLaundry)
The vampire facelift! (CelebCosmeticSurgery)
JLoHew, GIVE ME THAT DRESS IMMEDIATELY (CelebritySmack)
Jada stepped into a goldfish (CojoStyle)
Green Lantern black and blue (DailyStab)
Pocket Aces (EvilBeet)
Pamela Anderson does not meet provincial standards (GabbyBabble)
Wounded cougar on the loose! (HaveUHeard)
Maroon 5′s misery (INeedMyFix)
Mourning the Hills (IBBB)
So what DID Courtney wear? (PopBytes)
Let us just pray they don’t become a couple (SeriouslyOMG)

You know, if Gwen Stefani had worn those back when she was still single, she’d still BE single. I mean, Diesel Jeans I know. Depends Jeans are something for which the world as we know it is not yet ready.

Johnny Depp’s awesome flashbacks (Lolebrity)

raincoaster’s emo moment (raincoaster)

That’s his “rainbow face” (Shoeblogs)

Home Depot turns me on (ManoloHome)

Hatch your own commie pinko! (ManoloFood)

World’s ugliest majorette (ManoloBig)

Are you diva enough for this? (ManoloBrides)

New Dad State of Mind (TeenyManolo)

Ebony and Ivory and PDA (AgentBedhead)

From the iPad of the Artist Formerly Known As Sane… (AmyGrindhouse)

…and by “paps” we mean photographers, you pervs! (BusyBeeBlogger)

Elle MacPherson is horny, leathery (CeleBitchy)

The quiff of death (CelebDirtyLaundry)

Oh my god, it’s contagious! (DListed)

Pot informs kettle of its noiritude (HaveUHeard)

World’s craziest grampa (INeedMyFix)

Kelsey Grammer vs Sigmund Freud (SeriouslyOMG)

It’s Leslie Hall. Don’t question, just hit Play.

Oh, but she didn’t make just one hip-hop album. Oh no, girls and boys: she made several albums!

Peaches marked down (guest post for CelebrityBeehive)
Maddox Jolie-Pitt has a message for youze (Lolebrity)
Crystal Renn’s a big bust (ManoloBig)
Celebrity Dad Faceoff (TeenyManolo)
Bookcase got back (ManoloHome)
Baby got ripped off (TheManolo)
Paris Hilton IS happy to see you (AmyGrindhouse)
Caftans and the Country pix (BusyBeeBlogger)
It’s ice princess vs ice princess in the smackdown of the century (CeleBitchy)
Gabriel Aubry is MINE!!! (CelebDirtyLaundry)
This used to be a fun house (CelebritySmack)
These are NOT the kind of darts I want to use on Gwyneth (CojoStyle)
But when is Kate Hudson getting a neck implant? (DailyStab)
The hardest-working pants in no-business (DListed)
Pratt wants to fist the world (EvilBeet)
Gwyneth: nothing but Goop (GabbyBabble)
Someone made a Solange purse (GoFugYourself)
Tim Gunn critiques superhero outfits (NPR)
Hugh Jackman, all wet (HaveUHeard)
LiLo is going up the river (INeedMyFix)
not-so-golden girls (IBBB)
Rihanna goes French (JustJared)
Ricky Martin vs Arizona (LitelySalted)
Blame Mister Rogers! (Movieline)
The Brady Bundchen (PinkIsTheNewBlog)
Let’s Play “Who’s More Famous?” (UKPopSugar)
Britney needs a hairvention (PopBytes)
Bret Michaels update (SeriouslyOMG)
Lindsay Lohan doesn’t have a disease? (Gawker)
Russell Crowe stabs Jon Bon Jovi in the back (ASL)
Nightmare on Kellan Street (TenGossip)

Let’s give it up for the hardest-working man in no business: the virtually unemployable yet always indomitable David Hasselhoff! Yes, the look may say “ageing gangster gigolo” but it’s a look to which I’ve been partial ever since that Star Trek episode where they went back to the Twenties. The shoes! The hats! The loud, loud suits!

Jennifer Aniston has the hardest-working plumbing in showbusiness (Lolebrity)

Lin Yu Chun and William Shatner completely work over Total Eclipse of the Heart (raincoaster)

Hardest-working Pratt in PR (AmyGrindhouse)

Hard labour in Hollywood (BusyBeeBlogger)

Ebert’s wife is the hardest-working spouse in tv (CeleBitchy)
Want to work hard for internet glory? (CelebrityBeehive)
Jessica Simpson too lazy for basic hygiene (CelebDirtyLaundry)
The hardest-working gossipeuse on Ustream (CelebritySmack)
Work hard for immortal mayhem! (Virgin)
It’s hard work, burying your soon-to-be-ex-husband alive (CelebToast)
Scott Baio works hard at being a twit (CityRag)
Jennifer Lopez just doesn’t work hard enough at Teh Fab (CojoStyle)
The hardest-working broodmare in the reality tv stable (DailyStab)
Do you want to work for Glee? Or just plain old money? (FirstClassFashionista)
Brenda wants to struggle! (FourFour)
JSimp shows off the hardest-working Spanx in fashion (GabbyBabble)
Peaches is the hardest-working junkie Scientologist celebuspawn starfarker in Coachella (Gawker)
Jennifer Hudson is working something out (GoFugYourself)
Rihanna’s Rib Recovers from exhaustion at hospital (HaveUHeard)
American Idiots spend hard-earned dollars on tickets to Broadway shows calling them idiots; how stupid is that? (INeedMyFix)
A Britney blogger’s work is never done (PoorBritney)
After all that work, you need your rest (IBBB)
It’s hard out here for a pimp (LitelySalted)
Busey wants you to WORK, lazy grocery imps! (Manolo)
James Cameron has been working WAY too hard (Movieline)
Glee does its Madonna homework (work) (PinkIsTheNewBlog)
Who’s been working hard? (UKPopSugar)
It’s cruel to put Zombie Bea Arthur to work! (PopBytes)
Secretariat has some guns! (SeriouslyOMG)
The Heat is On…Jake Gyllenhaal (TenGossip)

I’m just sayin’!

Michelle “Bombshell” McGee gets her feelings hurt (Lolebrity)

Game On: Help Sandy get revenge! (CelebrityBeehive)

Would they make a Jesse Sandwich? (AgentBedhead)

Adam Ant will probably get hit on by Jesse James next (AmyGrindhouse)

Skank behaves skankily (TheSuperficial)

PoorSandra.com coming soon (PoorBritney)

Tabloids to go all-Bullock, all the time (X-17)

Is this the next Jesse James thing-on-the-side? (BusyBeeBlogger)

The Vanilla Gorilla in Playgirl? (CeleBitchy)

Jesse James will not quit (CelebDirtyLaundry)

Jesse’s second mistress has manface (RightCelebrity)

D.I.V.O.R.C.E? (CelebritySmack)

Five loser-pickers offer expert advice to Sandra (PopEater)

“Sandra, you can keep my kid!” (Gawker)

Bullock’s bulletproof prenup (INO)

Advice Sandra can live without (Movieline)

Emma Thompson also dates a pig, just like Sandra (UKPopSugar)

Was Sandra packing a passenger? (PopBytes)

This? This is genius. And no doubt about to be a best-seller with single girls, who are up to their ears in articles on how to date hot men who bore them senseless (anything rather than be single!): just get him one of these super-turtlenecks and voila! Problem solved, and so much less stressful than just telling him to shut up.

M is for Muffle It, Heidi (AgentBedhead)

Shut Your Mouth! Elijah Wood is 29 (AmyGrindhouse)

Mad Man murdered by silence (BusyBeeBlogger)

Ben wants Jen to STFU (CeleBitchy)

Siskel shushes Ebert (Movieline)

Cows take Kiefer for a ride (PopEater)

Tina Turner is HOW old? Shut up! (CelebritySmack)

Say What? (DailyStab)

Monjack seeks to gag WarnerBrothers (DListed)

Amy Winehouse erases Blake (HolyMoly)

Things Jennifer Aniston DIDN’T say (PopBytes)

Denise Van Outen speaks in code (UKPopSugar)

Mariah’s dress covers her hidden charms (CityRag)

Hugh Jackman speaks! (LitelySalted)

Diddy did? I’m speechless (LaughingStork)

Clare Danes speaks for the autistic (INeedMyFix)

Pete Doherty continues to be unspeakable (CrazyDays&Nights)

Jay Leno hasn’t spoken to Conan (EvilBeet)

Ugly Betty silenced (GabbyBabble)

Alicia Keys has no comment (INO)

NBC slides Conan some hush money? (JustJared)

Zelda Rubenstein has gone dark (Movieline)

Jon Voight wants you to STFU HATERZ (PerezHilton)

Mariah shouldn’t talk! (ASL)

Lance Bass is quietly emo (TenGossip)

Chris Matthews puts his foot in his mouth (Gawker)

Shut up, Kanye (Lolebrity)