Ayyyy!

I’m on what I call the Diva Diet: I don’t eat fattening food or drink alcohol unless someone else pays for it. That way, it has no calories! And most particularly, a Sapphire Collins has even fewer, because every fool knows bubbles are calorie-free!

Link Challenge: Booze!

Megan Fox was sotally tober when she said that (AgentBedhead)

Amy Winehouse boozed (AmyGrindhouse)

Brooke Shields defends the Paladin of Pisco, her Saviour of Sake, her Kamikaze Knight (BusyBeeBlogger)

Octomom isn’t drunk, just crazy (CeleBitchy)

Has Meghan McCain gotten into Mom’s pillbox? (NYDN)

Boy George’s sobering good looks (CelebritySmack)

Lady Gaga, straight up (BST)

STOP THE PRESSES VICTORIA BECKHAM IN FLATS (CelebrityDirtyLaundry)

Emmy Rossum pulled over, apparently just in time (CelebuWreck)

This video is psychoactive (Crunk+Disorderly)

LiLo to sober up? (DailyStab)

Ho, Ho, Ho, somebody got into the leftover eggnog (Gawker)

Is that a mickey in your pocket or are you just Come On, Get Happy to see me? (DListed)

Bennifer 2.0 on the rocks? (EvilBeet)

George Clooney is a tall drink of … where was I? (INO)

A sobering thought for Brooke Hogan (IBBB)

Dear Miss California, have a cocktail and calm down (JustJared)

Confucius sez just because there is vodka in the Green Room, doesn’t mean you have to drink it (PerezHilton)

Tarantino transvestites, tipples (FAB)

Medical emergency: blogger needs cocktail STAT! (Websters)

Is anyone sober on Twitter? (SeriouslyOMG)

Adam Lambert’s fans are drunk on his love (TenGossip)

Shitney Beers is the fiercest hillbilly trannie! (OMG)

No, I’m not drinking it. I’m just promoting it for a good cause. One must enter into the spirit of things, as it were!

Dora, the Gender Stereotype Explorer (AgentBedhead)

Chris Brown does not understand the meaning of “misdemeanor” (AmyGrindhouse)

Hayden Pannettiere doesn’t know what she does for a living (CandyKirby)

Britney Spears’s uterus makes a break for it (CelebWarship)

Forgive me, Xenu, for I have sinned (CeleBitchy)

Give me your tired, your poor, but not your Amy Winehouse (AllieIsWired)

Donald Trump talks sense? (CelebritySmack)

The LA Kings are truly desperate (CelebuWreck)

Drew Barrymore’s new job: Kate Moss impersonator (DListed)

Jimmy Kimmel is not f*cking Sarah Silverman (EvilBeet)

Matt Damon, centurion (GabbyBabble)

Reese Witherspoon deliberately upstages costar (JustJared)

The Princes of Hearts at large (UKPopSugar)

Betty White is Always Prepared (SeriouslyOMG)

as if Travis Barker doesn’t have enough problems (Websters)

The best Peaches Geldof beatdown you’ll read all damn day (HolyMoly)

B-Ball A-listers (AgentBedhead)

Brad Pitt hot coffee vid (AmyGrindhouse)

AlpacaAlpacaAlpacaAlpaca not as much fun as a llama (BWE)

John Mayer has found true love (CandyKirby)

Britney’s Circus comes to town (CelebritySmack)

Gladiator aprons are the new black (CelebuWreck)

Feel Kanye’s pain (DailyStab)

Octomom poses for a portrait (POTO)

Vanilla Ice finally mans up (EvilBeet)

Hell hath no fury like a baseball player scorned (GabbyBabble)

Someone should tell Jennifer Aniston about SmartCuts (HollywoodBackwash)

Katie Holmes is pure, detoxed, exhausted (HollywoodRag)

Mario Lopez has yet to meet Miss Right (Websters)

It’s not the size of your caulk, it’s how you use it (IBBB)

It’s now officially okay to laugh at Sherri Shepard (ImNotObsessed)

The Young Victoria premiere in London (UKPopSugar)

The Return of Super Dave! (SeriouslyOMG)

This will not end well (HolyMoly)

Make mine a double. I need the caffeine to counter the No-Name Cold And Flu Extra Super Megatron Strength tabs I picked up off that guy in the alley.

Slumdog Millionaire or Future Nike Factory Worker? (TheBlemish)

Beverly Hills Millionaire or future therapy patient? (AllieIsWired)

at least he can still fly (AmyGrindhouse)

Does Rihanna have an undiagnosed head injury? (WizbangPop)

Times are tough for everyone as U2 does an honest day’s work (YouTube)

As does Debra Messing (GoFugYourself)

Will Joke For Food (ASL)

The Butterscotch Stallion puts the feedbag on (Websters)

Social media at its most anti-social (IBBB)

Duffy’s duff (SeriouslyOMG)

Lindsay and Lily: when drama queens collide! (UKPopSugar)

Duchess of York, Countess of Cavalli (Grazia)

Happy belated birthday, Jensen Ackles (TenGossip)

The Britney Spears circus is a tease (ImNotObsessed)

Like, dating is hard (EvilBeet)

Bruce Springsteen vs the Evil Empire (GabbyBabble)

Snoophammad? (HolyMoly)

The return of the Wino (PopBytes)

First Lady not second best (POTP)

Lindsay Lohan plans ahead (DailyStab)

and it takes a LOT to mortify Kanye (CelebuWreck)

Freebies aren’t good enough for Octomom (CelebritySmack)

Scarjo rocks the purple turban? (AgentBedhead)

Jonas Brothers go topless (Towleroad)

I’ll get healthy if it kills me! Have I said that before? What do you expect, I’m utterly stoned on flu medicine! In any case, that great theory about spinach, that you can put it in anything because it doesn’t have any flavour? Is a myth. My mouth has an aftertaste known only to raw vegan extremists and pedigreed racehorses.

Skittles Vodka: just shoot it (BWE)

Hugh can do it (AgentBedhead)

Miley? Can sue it! (AmyGrindhouse)

He knew it! (AprilWinchell)

Beth Ditto just nudes it (CelebWarship)

Mickey Rourke talks sh*t (CelebritySmack)

Jane Krakowski’s cans can’t (CelebuWreck)

Barrymore on Grant? (CandyKirby)

Britney on Trent? (GabbyBabble)

Jessica splits her pants (CeleBitchy)

Courtney Love, heirophant (GoFugYourself)

All hail Tina Fey (EvilBeet)

A new job for Aubrey O’Day (DailyStab)

Peck or Sidney Poitier? (TeenyManolo)

Celebrate the Harriet Carter way (IBBB)

Heidi Klum’s got tubby, eh? (DListed)

Someone’ll get it from Michael Bay (Defamer)

Gwyneth will get it from Oprah Winfrey (Defamer as well, this was too good to skip)

Announcing James Roday (SeriouslyOMG)

Lily Allen’s overexposed tittay (Websters)

Blogs invaded by Jordan’s Peter Andre (UKPopSugar)

Ivana Trump goes on holiday (HolyMoly)

and this concludes our rhyming-on-flu-meds experiment for this evening.

All I can say is, I’d better damn well be losing weight. Tofu, people! I’m consuming tofu! Of my own free will!

Has it come to this?

Katy Perry kissed a girl and broke a mirror (Websters)

Are Ellen and Josh the new Kiki and Herb? (TenGossip)(raincoaster)

Kate Hudson recycles (ASL)

Courtney Love, put that back where it belongs! (SeriouslyOMG)

Courtney’s sandblasting not party-resistant (PopBytes)

Unicorn chaser: Tiger Woods is a daddy again (WizbangPop)

Beyonce hates her feet? (UKPopSugar)

The Rihanna/Chris Brown lesson (EvilBeet)

ARoid (CandyKirby)

SJP goes dark (JustJared)

Brace yourself for Fantasia (IBBB)

I dream of … Maiysha? (GoFugYourself)

Kate Winslet worships her bum (GabbyBabble)

It’s Jennifer Aniston’s party and she’ll cry if she wants to (HolyMoly)

Madonna reenacts the Pieta (Defamer)

Kate Moss has met her Evil Understudy (AgentBedhead)

Britney burgled? (CeleBitchy)

Do you think any of these people could hold down a real job? (CelebritySmack)

It’s a health kick, what can I say? Sliced ginger, hot water, and maple syrup. Still better than well whiskey!

3 girls 1 cover (TenGossip)

Salma Hayek in disguise as a librarian (ASL)

Elisabeth Hasselbeck is a Salma Hayek impersonator (CandyKirby)

Miley Cyrus sez Asians are goofy (Websters)

Britney’s still a two-fisted drinker (OMG)

Joaq toaqs (CelebWarship)

Grandma Fonda’s got a blog! (CeleBitchy)

How to date a Scientologist (AgentBedhead)

Introducing Neko Case (UKPopSugar)

Phelps thrown overboard (JustJared)

Lindsay Lohan hits the road (EvilBeet)

Madonna has issues (CelebritySmack)

Pet one-upmanship downsizes for the Recession (CelebuWreck)

Mack Rourke (Defamer)

Pity Jessica Alba! (AmyGrindhouse)

Pete to teach! (HolyMoly)

Sometimes you open a wine only to realize you should have left it unmolested for a couple of more years, minimum. And so it is with the Finca Flichman 2007 Malbec; currently, you could use it to cut the grease on your stove hood, or stain your deck, but I wouldn’t recommend drinking it for 24 months at least, unless raw velociraptor blood is your drink of choice. Which, knowing this blog’s readers, I don’t entirely rule out.

President Obama’s Inauguration Speech: full text (raincoaster)

Juliette Lewis speaks from the heart (AgentBedhead)

Kelly Osbourne busted for beat-down (AmyGrindhouse)

A complete beginner’s guide to Martin Luther King, in standup (BWE)

Blake more Incarcerated than he expected (CelebWarship)

John Cleese nekked (CeleBitchy)

The Paris Hilton Rerun channel (CelebrityDirtyLaundry)

What’s up, Doc? (CelebritySmack)

Lindsay Lohan celebrates early (HolyMoly)

Madonna will give you what for (WWTDD)

Joiquin Phoenix’s new pseudeolife (Defamer)

Can a vagina win Miss Congeniality? (EvilBeet)

Nobody messes with Julia Farking Roberts (DListed)

Angelina Jolie/Paris Hilton One of these things is not like the other (CandyKirby)

The City, The Headband, The Recap (IBBB)

Britney’s got a book deal (ImNotObsessed)

The DC Celebrity Roundup (UKPopSugar)

Benjamin Button = Forrest Gump? (SeriouslyOMG)

Katy Perry satin it (Websters)

Remember what Jessica Rabbit said. “I’m not bad. I’m just drawn that way!”

Fergie Ferg, Queen of Etiquette (Websters)

Never look a gift Tyra in the mouth (SeriouslyOMG)

Hayden Panettiere illegal, ejected! (ASL)

Jimmy Carter robbed! (WizbangPop)

Kate Moss’s day into evening look (UKPopSugar)

Ryan Seacrest low-fives (JustJared)

Britney and Justin’s awkward moment (ImNotObsessed)

Whitney Port’s bikini malfunction (IBBB)

A toast to Brad Pitt! (CandyKirby)

Ben Affleck and Jennifer Garner know Latin! (GabbyBabble)

Lil’ Kim attempts to upstage bereaved family (EvilBeet)

Wedding planning gone wrong (DListed)

Glenn gets too Close (HolyMoly)

Ann Coulter, 47, we salute you (Defamer)

For this, I went to Harvard? (CelebritySmack)

Pete Doherty’s career needs a shot in the arm  (AgentBedhead)

Britney Spears’s four letter lyrics (AmyGrindhouse)

This has nothing to do with patriotism and everything to do with Campari and red vermouth in a tall glass with a lot of ice, a twist of orange peel, and a sizzle of soda. Thanks to the day I had, it may have everything to do with several of them!

RuPaul, Heather Locklear, separated at birth? (WOWReport)

PerezHilton on minute 14.5 (Websters)

Kathy Griffin is being sent to her room (ASL)

Before they were famous: Al Pacino (SeriouslyOMG)

Celebrity Twinsies (GiggleSugar)

Topless and wet! (UKPopSugar)

24 slideshow (HolyMoly)

Topless and wet times TWO! (Defamer)

Dakota Fanning: mini actress, mini dress (JustJared)

SJP looking to bolt? (PopBytes)

RIP Mouseketeer Cheryl (JanetCharltonsHollywood)

Britney’s New Year’s date (IBBB)

Lily Allen insists she has a talent! (ImNotObsessed)

Porn industry going down for last time? (CandyKirby)

Kate Moss beer belly or baby belly? (CelebWarship)

Katie Holmes visibly off her “vitamins” (GoFugYourself)

Hugh Jackman in leather (CelebritySmack)

Pete Wentz, Ambient music icon (CeleBitchy)

Santa Reznor brings gifts on Epiphany (AgentBedhead)

I don’t even like icewine, which is weird because I am normally all about the dessert wines and so I am somehow vaguely unpatriotic for not liking Canada’s national dessert wine, but perhaps it has something to do with the bottle that had been open two years and stored next to the pickles and olives in the fridge which was my first taste of icewine.

Yeah. That’s it.

Celebrity Dad Faceoff: Santa Dads (TeenyManolo)

Katie Holmes gets the makeover of her life! (Websters)

Because she really needs it (SeriouslyOMG)

Tony Parker thinks he has in vitro telekinesis (ASL)

Britney’s triumph of hope over experience (WizbangPop)

Partygoers must be on Pixie dust (UKPopSugar)

Pamela Anderson is the new house model at Vivienne Westwood (ElleUK)

Greatest gifts of all time, anywhere (CandyKirby)

Is this Mary-Kate? Or Ashley? (IBBB)

Happy 28th to Christina Drooguliera (Defamer)

Zac Efron at Children’s Hospital (JustJared)

Rihanna brings the bootaloons (GoFugYourself)

Bono is a Freudian (GabbyBabble)

William H Macy’s mercury levels well within safety limits (EvilBeet)

Pete Doherty’s arm assploded! (HolyMoly)

Karl Lagerfeld gets the funk up (FakeKarl)

Lily Allen is in the wrong line of work (DListed)

Smells like Beef Spirit? (DailyStab)

Click for a Cause (CelebritySmack)

Paris Hilton, burgled again (CeleBitchy)

Is ScarJo the new Jennifer Aniston? (AmyGrindhouse)

Buy a $1 beer and fight $cientology (AgentBedhead)

Well, if this doesn’t get me fired, nothing will.

Ashlee Simpson tries to rent out Bronx (CelebWarship)

RIP Bettie Page (BusyBeeBlogger)

Usher ushers in another son (BlackCelebrityKids)

The palace takes protective measures against Paris Hilton (TheBlemish)

Viggo relives WWII (HolyMoly)

At last: proof Lily Allen wears underwear (SeriouslyOMG)

Clay Aiken is a lucky, lucky man (POTP)

Ho, ho, ho, George Clooney (AgentBedhead)

Merry Christmas, y’all! (AmyGrindhouse)

Desperate fabric shortage in Russia! (CelebrityDirtyLaundry)

The REAL reason Hollywood is going on strike! (CelebuWreck)

Paris Hilton claims she’s proof blondes aren’t dumb (CeleBitchy)

Jerry Springer, however, shows unexpected signs of intelligence (CelebritySmack)

Demi Lovato needs a better PR (EvilBeet)

Karl’s Kristmas Karols (FakeKarl)

The Golden Globes nominations (CandyKirby)

These are the greatest church jokes? (IBBB)

Who’s your favorite British man? (UKPopSugar)