Ayyyy!

Kiefer Sutherland, engaged(?) is eager to demonstrate his kwyut diggnitty (lolebrity)

Katherine Heigl bites the hand that feeds (Defamer)

Obama’s firing! Obama’s hiring! (Gawker)

Blaaaaaaaake Incaaaaaaaaarcerated takes out a hit on Pete Doherty (AgentBedhead)

Daniel Craig gives Quantum of Solace the finger, or part of it (SeriouslyOMG)

Why do insects hate America? (CandyKirby)

George Clooney hates fake boobs (CelebritySmack)

Mark Wahlberg and everyone in England hates David Beckham (POTP)

Michael Madsen’s wife beat him up (Mollygood)

Cameron Diaz pitches a fit over a tee (CeleBitchy)

Jolie vs Aniston, coming soon to a theatre near you (DListed)

Alanis Morissette will make you weep for her, dammit! (Websters)

Cat vs Cake Box (CityRag)

Catalogue of the Damned (IBBB)

Clare Danes distains the paparazzi (ImNotObsessed)

Kate Hudson’s son is hatefully handsy (DailyStab)

Lindsay Lohan in Pains (DanasDirt)

Cheeta has been Cheeted! (PerezHilton)

Chris Martin vs Brad Pitt (JustJared)

Cameron Diaz goez bawled (Lolebrity)

Gladys Knight’s got a whole new band (Websters)

The Class War: Sheen vs Richards (CandyKirby)

Is Liv Tyler really talking about her marriage? (DailyStab)

Lisa Simpson files for divorce (GabbyBabble)

Amy Winehouse enters Israeli rehab for…opiate addiction? (SeriouslyOMG)

Jennifer Aniston is hungry for John Mayer’s weiner (AgentBedhead)

Katie Holmes is a bully (CeleBitchy)

Kat von D thinks “Some day my prints will come” and there they are, right on her arm (CelebritySmack)

We regret to inform you: Robert Redford is engaged (DListed)

Billy Ray Cyrus is supportive of his daughter after all he put her through(?!?!) (ImNotObsessed)

Meanwhile, Miley’s on MySpace, eating her clothes off (Defamer)

Handbag fetish reaches its apotheosis: Madonna’s castoffs worth more than a kiss from Clooney (ICYDK)

Oprah finds religion in green smoothies (IBBB)

Elizabeth Hurley’s assets do not depreciate with time (JustJared)

Michelle Williams in Cannes (PopSugar)

Nicole Kidman’s due date? (CelebrityBabyScoop)

Shia LaBeouf and Karen Allen: cannes i hav dis danse? (Lolebrity)

Anyone can become President: even Tom Cruise! (AgentBedhead)

Angelina Jolie mistakes own vagina for clown car (DailyStab)

Putting the “ass” in “class:” Sharon Osbourne to teach Charm School (CelebritySmack)

Class and self-confidence by Ann Landers (Famous People)

Nice day for a white wedding, Jessica Alba (People)

Cameron sez sex is the best! (ImNotObsessed)

Headline of the Day! (CandyKirby)

Live a stress-free life with Heather Mills! (CeleBitchy)

Jessica Alba’s shotgun wedding (PerezHilton)

Who Dat? (Mollygood)

Eric Dane is the new Jude Law (JustJared)

The Pivert Babemobile (Defamer)

Emily Gould, a person of whom you’ve never heard, overshares (Gawker)

The Hoff hassled to the tune of $25,000 per month Hasselmony (USAToday)

Vince Vaughn is the Flabby Flasher of Griffith Park (CelebSlam)

Akon guilty of criminal assault on the truth with intent to blow smoke up your ass (AgentBedhead)

Hollywood selling out (no, that’s not a tautology) (Derober)

The jailbird diaries of Pete Doherty (HolyMoly)

Britney’s Total Fitness? Somewhere between couch potato and Basset Hound (TheBlemish)

America’s Next Top Flight Attendant? (IBBB)

Gossip Wars: attack of the necroporn pimps! (Defamer)

Who is this “Dalai Lama” of whom you speak? (Gawker)

Scientology vs the Little Guy, round N+1 (XenuTV)

Naomi Campbell shuts barn door, gazes wistfully after horse (CelebritySmack)

Get M-K O’s look! Then, presumably, get much-needed corrective lenses (CircusHour)

Ashlee Simpson just isn’t worth it (DListed)

Cameron Diaz issues statement about the death of her father (CeleBitchy)

Johnny Depp will never work with Renee Zellweger again as long as he lives (DailyStab)

Blake, Incarcerated, Forgotten (TheSun)

Scarface (GabbyBabble)

Putin’s poontang  (BittenAndBound)

Victoria Beckham’s Pink Taco is 34? (JustJared)