It’s time to announce a winner on our Scary Supermodel caption contest, and here it is:

Carole
May 19, 2011 at 10:34 am

Champagne wishes and Botox dreams.

Congratulations and imaginary swag to Carole! To celebrate her great victory, we virtually offer this stickfigurriffic silver caviar dish. It makes me think of the lovely Janice, somehow. She reminds me of a really glamorous Baba Yaga/Dita Von Teese cross, splashing around starkers in a giant caviar dish filled with Champagne and propped up on the bones of fallen models of years gone by.

Give Princes Hot Ginge and Old Married Dude your best in the comments:

Fake Royals more attractive than real ones?

Caption this avatar of grace and beauty in the comments. The winner gets fabulous imaginary prizes!

She's asking for it. Give it to her in the comments

Do what you do best in the comments section.

Sup dude?

Don’t forget to enter this week’s chillen-themed Caption Contest with Sunny Suri Cruise and her handler.

Here are some back-issue winners and their fabulous, completely imaginary prizes:

DVF is a birdbrain

lali
April 7, 2011 at 12:02 am

Diane von Furstenberg models a Thanksgiving hat from her Autumn/Winter 2011 collection

Congrats and imaginary swag to lali, a first-time winner. To celebrate her mighty triumph, we virtually present the Oscar de la Renta Feather Cashmere/Silk Knit Top. Hopefully it’s her size.

Next up, we have everybody’s favorite Dorothy Parker channeler/Galactic and Hollywood princess, Carrie Fisher, looking like Ozzie Osbourne losing big at an online casino.

Carrie, Fisher of souls

dr nic

April 9, 2011 at 8:37 am

Dang, no Force Lightning this time either.

Kudos and imaginary swag to dr nic! To commemorate his her momentous triumph, we hypothetically present the entirely virtual and presumably protective against imaginary forces chainmail bandana and a whack of lightsaber lessons with New York Jedi.

Finally, we have our Zeta female, Catherine Zeta-Jones, looking like she’s starring in the softcore version of Zardoz (I’d watch that, provided they didn’t pair her with the 70-something Sean Connery).

Catherine Zeta-Jones starred

Frontier Former Editor
April 16, 2011 at 6:35 am

“To access your T-Mobile account information, press star star . . . .”

We’ll just give him a moment to collect himself. Sometimes men come unglued in the presence of true star power.

Better? Okay, to FFE, a returning champ, we hypothetically present the very Zeta-Jonesworthy weapon of mass destruction, the Flos Table Gun Table Lamp.

Do what you do best in the comments to Tom Cruise and his little bundle of sunshine and thetans.

Who's Suri Now

You know what to do. Do it in the comments:

I think it’s pretty clear there can be but one cocktail accompaniment to this, and that is a Naked Martini, otherwise known as gin, straight up (note not neat; “straight up” is shaken or stirred over ice to put a little water and oxygen into it, and gets it nice and cold, and now your cocktail trivia lesson for today is at an end).

And now, your gossip links, including the one from which I stole that picture:

And this is what happened to Steve Jobs, Viggo Mortensen and Julian Assange (raincoaster)

Help poor John Galliano find another job! (Ayyyy)

Winedown with Jean-Georges! (ManoloFood)

I am Woman, Hear me roar! (Lolebrity)

He’d better never date Jessica Simpson (AgentBedhead)

“Hustler?” Gee, I knew she was looking for work, but golly! (BusyBeeBlogger)

We should feel sorrier for her because she’s wearing THAT (CelebDirtyLaundry)

The Empress of Lucite just got some more plastic (CelebritySmack)

Lock up your lesbians! Xtina is single! (DailyStab)

America is a Miley-free zone? (EarSucker)

Gee, Catherine Zeta-Jones, haven’t seen much of you lately, comparatively speaking (FitFabCeleb)

PWND! (GirlsTalkinSmack)

We LOST track of Evangeline Lilly (HollywoodHiccups)

Gwyneth Paltrow’s hip bones make the cover of Self (INeedMyFix)

Marilyn Manson official scrapes the bottom of the barrel (MathewGuiver)

Because nobody watches Britney vids for the singing (PoorBritney)

RIP Mr. Tiger Beat (Swoonworthy)

What does “Virgin Marathon” even mean? You hold out till marriage? (TheSkinny)

It was the jacket, wasn’t it? (TheSkinnyChic)

Caption Carrie in the Comments for fun and fabulous, completely imaginary prizes!

Carrie Fisher fishes for a caption