Ayyyy! » Catherine Zeta-Jones

Friday Caption Contest: the Megalithic Edition!

raincoaster — Mon, 25 Apr 2011 05:09:52 +0000

Don’t forget to enter this week’s chillen-themed Caption Contest with Sunny Suri Cruise and her handler.

Here are some back-issue winners and their fabulous, completely imaginary prizes:

DVF is a birdbrain

lali
April 7, 2011 at 12:02 am

Diane von Furstenberg models a Thanksgiving hat from her Autumn/Winter 2011 collection

Congrats and imaginary swag to lali, a first-time winner. To celebrate her mighty triumph, we virtually present the Oscar de la Renta Feather Cashmere/Silk Knit Top. Hopefully it’s her size.

Next up, we have everybody’s favorite Dorothy Parker channeler/Galactic and Hollywood princess, Carrie Fisher, looking like Ozzie Osbourne losing big at an online casino.

Carrie, Fisher of souls

dr nic

April 9, 2011 at 8:37 am

Dang, no Force Lightning this time either.

Kudos and imaginary swag to dr nic! To commemorate ~~his~~ her momentous triumph, we hypothetically present the entirely virtual and presumably protective against imaginary forces chainmail bandana and a whack of lightsaber lessons with New York Jedi.

Finally, we have our Zeta female, Catherine Zeta-Jones, looking like she’s starring in the softcore version of Zardoz (I’d watch that, provided they didn’t pair her with the 70-something Sean Connery).

Catherine Zeta-Jones starred

Frontier Former Editor
April 16, 2011 at 6:35 am

“To access your T-Mobile account information, press star star . . . .”

We’ll just give him a moment to collect himself. Sometimes men come unglued in the presence of true star power.

Better? Okay, to FFE, a returning champ, we hypothetically present the very Zeta-Jonesworthy weapon of mass destruction, the Flos Table Gun Table Lamp.

Friday Caption Contest: Catherine Zeta Jones bikini edition

raincoaster — Sat, 16 Apr 2011 05:36:32 +0000

You know what to do. Do it in the comments:

: Gee, Catherine Zeta-Jones, haven’t seen much of you lately. Comparatively speaking.

I think it’s pretty clear there can be but one cocktail accompaniment to this, and that is a Naked Martini, otherwise known as gin, straight up (note not neat; “straight up” is shaken or stirred over ice to put a little water and oxygen into it, and gets it nice and cold, and now your cocktail trivia lesson for today is at an end).

And now, your gossip links, including the one from which I stole that picture:

And this is what happened to Steve Jobs, Viggo Mortensen and Julian Assange (raincoaster)

Help poor John Galliano find another job! (Ayyyy)

Winedown with Jean-Georges! (ManoloFood)

I am Woman, Hear me roar! (Lolebrity)

He’d better never date Jessica Simpson (AgentBedhead)

“Hustler?” Gee, I knew she was looking for work, but golly! (BusyBeeBlogger)

We should feel sorrier for her because she’s wearing THAT (CelebDirtyLaundry)

The Empress of Lucite just got some more plastic (CelebritySmack)

Lock up your lesbians! Xtina is single! (DailyStab)

America is a Miley-free zone? (EarSucker)

Gee, Catherine Zeta-Jones, haven’t seen much of you lately, comparatively speaking (FitFabCeleb)

PWND! (GirlsTalkinSmack)

We LOST track of Evangeline Lilly (HollywoodHiccups)

Gwyneth Paltrow’s hip bones make the cover of Self (INeedMyFix)

Marilyn Manson official scrapes the bottom of the barrel (MathewGuiver)

Because nobody watches Britney vids for the singing (PoorBritney)

RIP Mr. Tiger Beat (Swoonworthy)

What does “Virgin Marathon” even mean? You hold out till marriage? (TheSkinny)

It was the jacket, wasn’t it? (TheSkinnyChic)

Tangerine Tom Jones gossip links!

raincoaster — Sun, 04 Jul 2010 06:45:08 +0000

Just in case you’ve ever wondered what our ancestors saw in high-waisted pants, here’s Tom Jones to clarify, in eye-ripping orange.

and now, your gossip link roundup:

Why do they love Michael Jackson so much? (TrueSlant)

Celine and Cher stare into the past and the future (Lolebrity)

Secret Love (TheManolo)

Love animals? (ManoloHome)

Who loves School Food? (ManoloFood)

Love to hate this type (ManoloBrides)

Leg-loving men (ManoloMen)

Which celebrity dad do you love best? (TeenyManolo)

Love the model, hate the artist? (ManoloBig)

Pigs in love (raincoaster)

Shirley loves Kristen (AgentBedhead)

Whitney Port’s new look: Love it or Leave it? (AmyGrindhouse)

Love floats? (BusyBeeBlogger)

Worst Guy in the World finds Love (CeleBitchy)

Everybody loves Susan Boyle (CelebrityCosmeticSurgery)

We all love to watch Paris go down (CelebDirtyLaundry)

Give your heavy metal patriotism some love (CelebritySmack)

Granny will love this (CojoStyle)

Gerard Butler speaks out about his secret love (DailyStab)

Don’t you love a good Lilo fight? (DListed)

Amy Winehouse, slave to love (EvilBeet)

Karl Lagerfeld’s advice on love’s little side-effects (FakeKarl)

Betty White loves LeBron and Cleveland (GabbyBabble)

Britney LOVES her coffee (GoFugYourself)

Rihanna shows the Look of Love (HaveUHeard)

Somebody’s in love with Matt Damon (INeedMyFix)

Mel Gibson loves four letter words (IBBB)

Men love Marisa Miller (JustJared)

Sending our love to Back to the Future: Happy 25th! (Movieline)

Love among the Vampires (UKPopSugar)

Everybody loves Liza! (PopBytes)

Nobody loves Stephen Fry’s new look (SeriouslyOMG)

Tom Jones: Chicken Thief (manolith.com)

Catherine Zeta-Jones Dressed for Any Occasion

raincoaster — Wed, 23 Dec 2009 04:23:27 +0000

The lovely and talented and apparently somewhat conflicted Catherine Zeta Jones shows off her multifaceted personality with this luxe ensemble: Beverly Hills matron on top, slutty Aspen stockbroker below.

Jasmine Tea and Almond Cookie Links

raincoaster — Tue, 28 Oct 2008 08:34:31 +0000

Katherine Heigl LOVES dogs! (Lolebrity)

Britney picks the scariest Halloween costume of all! (PopTard)

Celebrity trading cards: paper-thin, good-looking pieces with a short shelf life (AgentBedhead)

Amy Winehouse is a style icon to supermodels everywhere (CelebritySmack)

Wino is back on the ward (People)

My imaginary boyfriend will play the caterpillar in Tim Burton’s Alice in Wonderland (DListed)

Cabbage Patch politicians (PopEater)

Paris Hilton nervous about being shot into space (CeleBitchy)

Mary-Kate Olsen sperminated? (CelebrityDirtyLaundry)

ScarJo is about six and a half years early for the seven year itch (DailyStab)

Celebrity doctors need love too. They just prefer to find it on Craigslist (Defamer)

Rent a blogger! (Gawker)

Diddy diddles the planet (HolyCandy)

Bono’s youth outreach (CandyKirby)

Paging Andy Warhol (IBBB)

Tom Cruise manhandles Matt Lauer (Mollygood)

Root for Naomi Watts (ImNotObsessed)

Hugh Jackman and Catherine Zeta-Jones in the rock musical Cleopatra (UKPopsugar)

The Curse of DWTS! (SeriouslyOMG)

Amy Poehler popped (Websters)

Never leave a job half done

Spirit Fingers — Fri, 03 Oct 2008 14:31:12 +0000

There are hastily applied makeup jobs and then there’s the unfinished business of Catherine Zeta Jones’ lower face. Surely this must be the first time in history that a man has turned to his wife and thought ”Hmmm…maybe next time I should give her a bit more time to get ready.”

Off for the Linkend

raincoaster — Sat, 15 Mar 2008 00:17:30 +0000

Operation Reznorgasm complete! (AgentBedhead)

Mary Ann not into Maryjane (Defamer)

The Bad Boys of Blogging vs Beloved B-Listers (Jezebel)

Happy COMPLETELY INSANE Birthday, Tom Cruise (Gawker)

Fabio is completely secure in his masculinity (Cityrag)

Patrick Swayze is still on the cancer sticks (Popbytes)

Miley Cyrus is, like, a total brainiac, rilly (GabbyBabble)

Kevin Federline is Dirty Thirty (BittenAndBound)

ScarJo is not a cheap date (HotMommaGossip)

Judd Nelson candid…the Eighties are definitely OVER (TMZ)

Welcome to the jungle. Lilo keeps the Eighties alive (which explains why they’re still dead) (Yeeeeah)

Your token Irish beefcake for St.Patrick’s Dale. Pale and slightly fatty (WebstersIsMyBitch)

Nicole Kidman needs to trank up her bodyguards (Celebritysmack)

Helen Mirren is MORE sexy (JustJared)

If Obama were white, if Clinton were black (TheNewRepublic)

Charlize Theron accepts America (ImNotObsessed)

Britney erases Kabbalah (CelebWarship)

Kate Bosworth has David Bowie eyes (Egotastic)

The Heather Locklear suicide call mess sorted out (Celebitchy)

Madonna is trying too hard (DailyStab)

P Puff Diddy Daddy starts a cab service for the A-list (CelebParasite)

Catherine Zeta-Jones gives quotes she’ll come to regret (PerezHilton)

Catherine Zeta Jones, more sexiness to follow

Spirit Fingers — Tue, 11 Mar 2008 13:07:05 +0000

Catherine Zeta-Jones is back in the limelight, promoting her new movie and reminding us that she is still hotness incarnate:

The Oscar-winner has two children with husband Michael Douglas, and Death Defying Acts sees Zeta-Jones stepping into a motherly role on screen.”Obviously, my career is expanding and I am a mother and so I’m not going to be rip-roaring in corsets playing a 19-year-old because I’m not, I’m 38 years old,” she said.

“I’m actually really lucky and glad these other roles have come along and I can play a mother.”

But, she said, she wasn’t about to abandon sexy roles altogether.

“In my next movie, which is an untitled movie at the moment, you’ll be seeing a lot more of me, put it that way,” she said.

“I’m not going to be playing old grannies anytime soon.

“You see, I haven’t actually reached my sexiest point yet.”

This is heartening to hear and we look forward to seeing what Catherine has in store for us, even as her younger co-stars wring their hands in fear and worry at her impending peak in sexiness.