Having recently moved to an ecovillage (don’t laugh! okay, maybe a little) in the rainforest of the west coast, my selection of men has become somewhat limited. Basically, there are hippies, there are preppy hikers, there are a handful of billionaires whom I will never meet because they are helicoptered into and out of their estates, and there are fishermen who drink. The preppy hikers smell the best, but the hippies are the most fun. Jake Gyllenhaal here demonstrates both iterations of manly outdoorsiness. Preppy hiker above, ecohippie below. Scissors are oppressive, man!
I’m normally a fan of the long hair, but now that I know it generally comes with associated smells woven in, I’m less enthusiastic. Which would you rather?
Dedicated scenester and comeback aspirant Lily Allen sent a powerful visual message yesterday while attending the BAFTAs. The message confirmed long-held rumours in the celebusphere. It’s time, her outfit screamed, to take back our power, to flaunt our true nature, to throw off the disguises that have, for so long, allowed us to pass as other than what we truly are.
We are Reptiles. And we are proud.
Addicts of Mugwump fluid are known as Reptiles. A number of these flow over chairs with their flexible bones and black-pink flesh. A fan of cartilage covered with hollow, erectile hairs through which the Reptiles absorb the fluid sprouts from behind each ear. The fans, which move from time to time touched by invisible currents, serve also some form of communication known only to Reptiles.
In those days of grey terror the Reptiles dart about faster and faster, scream past each other at supersonic speed, their flexible skulls flapping in black winds of insect agony. The Dream Police disintegrate in globs of rotten ectoplasm swepty away by an old junky, goughing nad spitting in the sick morning. The Mugwump Man comes with alabaster jars of fluid and the Reptiles get smoothed out.
The air is once again still and clear as glycerine.
And that, dear readers, is probably the most accurate description of a night and next morning at Lily Allen’s house the world has ever seen. It’s hard out here for a Reptile.
To read more about Lily’s heretofor secret life, pick up this handy guide.
Back in September last year, news stories about One Direction member Harry Styles having lost a lot of money at a casino in Perth, Australia made the rounds. While the exact number of the lost money has not been published, it was high enough for the band to get a stern talking to from management. It doesn’t seem like Styles will give up gambling that easily. He even got a “17 Black” tattoo on his collar bone, known as James Bond’s lucky gambling number. Galacasino.com knew the One Direction boys wouldn’t be the only celebrities to be seen in casinos so they decided to take a look at who else liked to gamble
Hollywood giant Matt Damon thoroughly prepared himself for his 1998 film “Rounders”. The film is all about high-stake poker games and he wanted to be able to give the best performance possible. To that end he spent $25,000 on poker games to practice and refine his strategy. He hasn’t given up poker to this day and has been competing in numerous World Series over the years. He is often joined by his good friend and fellow Hollywood actor and director Ben Affleck. Other celebrities that can be found at the same poker table include Jean Robert Bellande and Tobey Maguire, who is said to have won about $10 million from live poker events and celebrity only tournaments.
George Clooney on the other hand is one of those celebrities who loves to gamble but is just not very good at it, at least not according to Matt Damon. Damon says that he has seen Clooney lose 25 hands of Blackjack in a row and Clooney admits that he is just not very lucky when it comes to cards. It didn’t stop him from playing though and he later on owed Matt Damon $600, which he paid him back the next day.
Casinos are by no means a man’s world. American actress Jennifer Tilly is known to be an excellent poker player. In 2005 she won the Women’s World Championship bracelet, an achievement which she describes as being “better than an Oscar”. She beat 600 other contestants and her boyfriend Phil Laak, who is a professional poker player, must have been very proud.
Did I watch the Golden Globes? Are you kidding, that’s what recappers are for! But I did do a roundup of the best Golden Globes themed GIFs (hard G, y’all) and pick out the biggest loser, fashion-wise, so you’re welcome.
If, like me, you missed the whole thing, watch this video that recaps it in ninety seconds flat. Like me.
Let’s start with respected theatre and motion picture actress Emma Thompson seen here demonstrating her classical RADA training in how to make an unforgettable entrance.
Also making a memorable entrance was Elisabeth Moss on the ManiCam (the ManiCam is a thing? Jesus, take the wheel).
The evening’s theme was “Negging,” flawlessly demonstrated here by my boy Bono.
Everybody’s least favorite heiress (after Paris Hilton) jumped on the negging trend; it will no doubt form the centerpiece of an episode of Girls in the near future.
Other celebs to leap aboard the negging juggernaut included:
Tommy Lee Jones
and the normally-sunny Julia Louis Dreyfuss
as well as Tina Fey and Amy Poehler, the hosts.
Satisfying. In fact, negging on Taylor was a sub-plot all night. That spirit is embodied here in Everyone’s New Favorite Spunky Blonde, Jennifer Lawrence.
Negging on JLaw’s couture Dior dress was a Thing as well, although it was not a GIF. Still, amusing and accurate.
The World’s Most Perfect Person negged her own shoes, and they were Louboutins, and went on to neg the entire process of awards-presentation, but of course she did it flawlessly!
And it all ended happily ever after.
Unless your name is Ali Hewson, of course.