From my new favoritest blog, the horrifying and delightful Celebrity Closeups. Do what you do best in the captions:

Vanessa Paradis up close and extremely personal

For your enjoyment and captioning, we present this epic example of a Fashion Show Fail. Enjoy?

Dolly Parton is a little uptight

It’s the strangest thing: of all the words in the world used to describe Dolly Parton’s wardrobe, “Uptight” is the last that should come to mind. That was, of course, before she appeared in public in this Wicked Witch of the West as Biker Stripper outfit. If the foundation garments rupture, it’ll ruin the Higgs Boson experiment.

what a tit

Sure. It makes total sense to me. She’s the wife of an executive at Rovio, which produces app juggernaut Angry Birds, and she just wanted to fly the flag for her husband’s company. Makes total sense.

But why is she wearing the pasty on the outside?

Santa’s just added one witty commenter to his Naughty List; that’s what I call a credential!

Spike is sad he missed out on that part in Bridget Jones's Diary

Natalie Anne Lanoville
November 26, 2011 at 10:18 pm
Shut down at the Buffy Christmas Party, Spike regrets the consulting fee he paid Derek Zoolander.

That’s two wins now for Natalie! And what has Santa Spike got in his sack for her this time? What could be better than a collection of Mark Roberts ’12 Days of Christmas’ Fairies?

It. Is. Time. To declare our winnner…

Not that anyone who had to look at this could be described as “winning” really, but…

REEEJ

Pooooooor Coco
November 19, 2011 at 1:07 pm
“Well, the Emperor really highly recommended this tailor, and I do enjoy the silky fineness of my new shirt; but… but… does this tie *really* go with my moobs?”

Congrats and imaginary swag to first-time winner and first-time entrant Pooooooor Coco. What shall we present our proud winner?

The emperor/empress worthy purple designer toga

Pick a toga

and no, I never thought I would type those words.

Speaking of which, they have failed me at the sight of the below. Hopefully you are stronger, and can leave your captions in the comments.

Oh Reej.

I woulda lost a bet: not ONE of you went for the Austin Powers angle when presented with Richard Simmons in an outfit he stole from my mother in one of her manic periods. But we had some good entries, and now we have a winnah!

Richard Simmons as Austin Powers

Natalie Anne Lanoville
November 12, 2011 at 12:44 am
After putting so much work into his e-Harmony profile, Richard was crushed to find out that Elton John was already married.

Awww, isn’t that always the way: the best ones are either married or gay! Or both! And now for the ceremonial presentation of the imaginary hypothetical prize. In this case, it has to be something just as fabulous as little Richard here, which narrows it down considerably. To second-time champ Natalie we virtually present this swinging Alberto Gozzi Optical Sky Blue Hobo Bag to rock the flower power.