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Oh, Coco!

Karl Lagerfeld reportedly thinks that Coco Chanel would not have liked him. “I never bumped into Coco Chanel. It was better that way, she would have hated me,” he said to a rapt audience of students, none of whom were born when he took over designing for the House of Chanel. The changes he’s put in place to modernize the company and keep the designs fresh would have appalled and infuriated the irascible prot0-feminist founder. He added, “Some people say elegance is dead. They’re wrong. It has a new face.”

Miranda Kerr for Chanel

Miranda Kerr for Chanel

Dear Uncle Karl: That ain’t it.

PS, the face is up here!

Uncle Karl wants you

karl wants you

karl wants you

It’s been too long since we’ve checked in with our old friend Terrifying Uncle Karl. Here he is in all his sandblasted glory, from the tip of his ponytailed pompadour to the tips of his shit-kickers, not forgetting the fingerless hacker gloves made from the foreskins of stillborn T-Rexes.He would like you to lose weight. He would like you to dress better.

He would like you to look carefully at his tie pin. He just needs a routine retinal scan for his files. Look into the light. Remain calm. Now forget everything you ever knew about Target, mortgage your house, and go straight to Chanel. Now move along.

What? You think that wasn’t a truly horrifying scenario? You want to see a truly horrifying scenario? I was trying to protect you from it, but if you must: Click here.

Anna Wintour shows some skin

Arrivals for the State Dinner in honour of the Camerons

Arrivals for the State Dinner in honour of the Camerons

Specifically, the hide of the last Dragon Lady to attempt to stand in her way.

Whom she killed with one single basilisk glare.

Snow Bargain

We here at Manolosphere Global HQ were thrilled to the soles of our Manolos at the news that our beloved Uncle Karl Lagerfeld will be snowglobeified for Sephora’s Asian and European customers this year. Alas, Kaiser Karl has not allowed his gold-flecked mini-me to be sold to vulgar old Yanks, Meskins, or Canuckistanis. In these revolutionary times, I suggest we strike back! Fabulous (and fabulously-overpriced) ironic snow globes for EVERYONE!

Instead of this:

Snow matter

Snow matter

Buy this:

Yes. A $190, completely empty snow globe from Maison Martin Margiela. It perfectly represents our time: the emperor got dressed and put his hood up.

Fire and Ice

 

Uncle Karl is disappointed in you, my dear.

Uncle Karl is disappointed in you, my dear.

Chanel designer Karl Lagerfeld is known as the master of the subtle touch. Here he subtly touches Flaming Florence (of “and the Machine”) in a futile effort to get this squalidly colorful creature out of his shot.

Bi-curious?

Today’s trendoid is not complete without a green machine. Which of these designer contraptions will wheel away with your heart?

The economical $3500 Hermes:

bicycle hermes

bicycle hermes

Or what about the veddy, veddy posh $17,000 Chanel (at that price it should come with a decorative manservant to pedal)

bicycle chanelbicycle chanel

bicycle chanel

Or, if geek-flavoured laziness is your thing, how about a nice Chanel Segway?

Chanel Segway

Chanel Segway

Don’t forget the accessories: a stylish helmet and bike clips!

bike helmets I'd actually wear

bike helmets I'd actually wear

Chanel bikecuffs

Chanel bikecuffs

Hey Lindsay, are you thinking what I’m thinking?

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Guess the Celebrity #1 Revealed!

Coco Chanel 1910

It’s Coco Chanel! Congrats to abdabs, who was the first to guess correctly. The poor woman didn’t keep her looks as she aged, but as she was known to remark, she earned every line and lived large before single women were allowed to live even moderately.

Coco, yo!

Don’t mess with Coco, yo!

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