Some call it sadistic abuse but Hollywood prefers to think of it as the ritual hazing one has to undergo to become an A-lister like Charlize or Will. OK so Jason Bateman probably won’t be able to sit down for a month afterwards, but it’ll all be worth it when he finally makes it into that hallowed group of thespians. 

Russell Simmons’ child support just got a little pricier (BlackCelebrityKids)

The quiet, dignified world of competitive athletics gets a new hero (AgentBedhead)

Six Hollywood secrets (Derober)

The Stars of 1993 (CelebritySmack)

Uma off the market (People)

Lilo’s secret sister (DailyStab)

Nicole Richie to write a cookbook (OK)

Sarah Larson (remember her?) stiffs staff (CeleBitchy)

Mini-Me’s sex tape partner is mad (WWTDD)

Hugh Jackman is…hmmmm…wha?…was I saying something? (CityRag)

Celebrity Ego Chart Fun! (EvilBeet)

Matthew McConaughey shouldn’t rely on the kindness of strangers (PopSugar)

Charlize Theron fears the blogs! (ImNotObsessed)

Dmitiri the phone-stalker stalked! (DListed)

The Mary-Kate/Spencer feud (Defamer)

Paris Hilton’s lost twin found! (CandyKirby)

Emile Hirsch rocks the Rimbaud look (JustJared)

Hawt or Nawt: Young John McCain (Raincoaster)

And so we learn that Hollywood celebrities are not that much different from inhabitants of the tree world. Without adequate hydration and sunlight, their bark peel away, colourful blossoms wilt and sturdy branches wither into dried-up twigs more suitable for kindling.

Who’s on Hollywood’s All Strop Team? (Defamer)

Poor Pete apoplectic over petrol prices (AgentBedhead)

Marrying for money never works, even when you’re Mariah Carey (POTP)

Not even Amy Winehouse dares stand up a Russian billionaire (CelebritySmack)

A million celebrities and only one nose (CelebrityCosmeticSurgery)

Charlie’s Angels reunion (DailyStab)

Mark Wahlberg vs the Golden Boys (ImNotObsessed)

Battle of the Jennifers: Aniston vs Connelly (CandyKirby)

Mary-Louise Parker really gets into her sex scenes (SeriouslyOMG)

Hermione bags an elephant (CeleBitchy)

How R.Kelly walked (Stereohyped)

Hilary Duff will not play your cameltoe games! (IBBB)

Queen Bee Amy Winehouse fires the beehive-builder (PRInside)

Kate Beckinsale demands butt double (HolyMoly)

Keanu airs out the pallor (DListed)

Charlize Theron speaks out about the Will Smith slap (JustJared)

Seal (angrily) seeks bukkit (GabbyBabble)

Who wore it best: Nicky Hilton or your grandma’s parlour? (CircusHour)

Oprah’s image in a million little pieces (Defamer)

Boondock Saints resurrected (AgentBedhead)

Survivor Micronesia recap–Help fight Ostenoperosis (RealityTVTalk)

South Park stops blaming Canada, starts blaming Britney instead (CelebritySmack)

Meet Kirstin Davis in person (GoneHollywood)

Liev Schreiber half nekkid! (JustJared)

Johnny Depp, shorn! (SeriouslyOMGWTF)

Demon Barber of Wilshire Blvd also attacks David Beckham (ASocialiteLife)

Scariest Celebrity Faces (Cityrag)

America’s Next Top Bitchfight (I’mBringingBloggingBack)

Winona Ryder can’t even afford to shoplift from Rodeo Drive anymore! (Celebitchy)

Shia LaBoeuf pleads not guilty to charge of being smokin’ hot (Popsugar)

Hannah Montana is killing babies! (Ecorazzi)

Kate Moss dances on Jim Morrison’s grave (HollywoodRag)

Charlize Theron’s zygotes are ready for action (ImNotObsessed)

The Mariah Carey Purity Quiz (PollsBoutique)

Suicide chez Mel Gibson (DailyStab)

Orlando Bloom is extreme (Fitceleb)

George Clooney’s manhood-enhancing cosmetic surgery (CelebrityCosmeticSurgery)