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Well, you can’t blame him

Guy Fieri attacked his hairdresser today.

Guy Fieri's actual hair. Not an aerial photo of Hurricane Sandy.

Guy Fieri’s actual hair. Not an aerial photo of Hurricane Sandy.

Well, wouldn’t you?

In related news, there are actual Guy Fieri wig/brostache sets for sale, should you be desperate to add the finishing touch to your Douchebag costume this year.

Fieri falls down

There, that’s an improvement!

Hump Day Hunk: Celebrity Chef Bobby Flay

Bobby Flay, eh

Bobby Flay, eh

I’ve been house-sitting for the past two months, and while this palatial abode comes with Netflix, wifi, and a couple of hundred tv channels, I’ve got Food Network on basically 24/7. Can’t imagine why…

I like a man who comes with his own condiments

I like a man who knows how to handle his condiments

Leather-clad, badass ginger with fondness for the ponies, a possible attitude problem and an affinity for feats of athleticism? I’m signing up for THAT tasting menu!

Topless Beach: yor doin it rong

Nigella Lawson is undercover

Nigella Lawson is undercover

Oh, Nigella. We know you’re a toff from Oxford, girlfriend of a billionaire and all. We know that (until Sophie Dahl muscled into your territory) you’re the world’s favorite sexy chef. What we don’t know is whatever possessed you to go out on Bondi Beach dressed like a Jihadi version of Ursula Andress.

The name is...I forget my name

The name is...Uh...I forget my name

 

 

Friday Caption Contest: Catherine Zeta Jones bikini edition

You know what to do. Do it in the comments:

Gee, Catherine Zeta-Jones, haven't seen much of you lately. Comparatively speaking.
Gee, Catherine Zeta-Jones, haven’t seen much of you lately. Comparatively speaking.

I think it’s pretty clear there can be but one cocktail accompaniment to this, and that is a Naked Martini, otherwise known as gin, straight up (note not neat; “straight up” is shaken or stirred over ice to put a little water and oxygen into it, and gets it nice and cold, and now your cocktail trivia lesson for today is at an end).

And now, your gossip links, including the one from which I stole that picture:

And this is what happened to Steve Jobs, Viggo Mortensen and Julian Assange (raincoaster)

Help poor John Galliano find another job! (Ayyyy)

Winedown with Jean-Georges! (ManoloFood)

I am Woman, Hear me roar! (Lolebrity)

He’d better never date Jessica Simpson (AgentBedhead)

“Hustler?” Gee, I knew she was looking for work, but golly! (BusyBeeBlogger)

We should feel sorrier for her because she’s wearing THAT (CelebDirtyLaundry)

The Empress of Lucite just got some more plastic (CelebritySmack)

Lock up your lesbians! Xtina is single! (DailyStab)

America is a Miley-free zone? (EarSucker)

Gee, Catherine Zeta-Jones, haven’t seen much of you lately, comparatively speaking (FitFabCeleb)

PWND! (GirlsTalkinSmack)

We LOST track of Evangeline Lilly (HollywoodHiccups)

Gwyneth Paltrow’s hip bones make the cover of Self (INeedMyFix)

Marilyn Manson official scrapes the bottom of the barrel (MathewGuiver)

Because nobody watches Britney vids for the singing (PoorBritney)

RIP Mr. Tiger Beat (Swoonworthy)

What does “Virgin Marathon” even mean? You hold out till marriage? (TheSkinny)

It was the jacket, wasn’t it? (TheSkinnyChic)

 

The Bad Fairy

Truly hath the poet and wise man said that no royal wedding, christening, or restraining order hearing is complete without a Bad Fairy. Given the charmed lives led by heir to the British throne and his intended bride, and the fact that his Great-Aunt Margaret is dead, there is no particularly obvious candidate for the office. We in the Manolosphere would like to present our own official candidate for this office:

Tara “I’m a drug addict, not a pedophile” Palmer-Tomkinson.

Co-starring with Mickey Rourke in The Boxer?

Co-starring with Mickey Rourke in The Boxer?

Cocaine is a helluva drug, people, and with an $800 dollar a day habit it doesn’t matter how many nose jobs you throw at it; you’re essentially throwing good money after bad cartilage. Tara, the woman once rumoured to have taken Prince William’s virginity, is invited to the wedding, but wants to get her nose done first. At this point, however, it becomes a Michael Jackson situation: there needs to be something there to work on in the first place.

Let’s toast Tara’s heart’s desire with your choice of a Mad Fairy cocktail or a Donkey’s Nob (made with Coke, of course).

And some gossip links:

Rebecca Black is SO JEALOUS of this woman (raincoaster)

Hugh Jass has nothing on this guy (Lolebrity)

Karl Lagerfeld, now *I* want to kill you (Ayyyy)

Vodka: is there anything it can’t do? (Manolofood)

The Anti-Gwyneth makes a mean Monte Cristo (AgentBedhead)

I’d cut off her head for that hat (BusyBeeBlogger)

There was an Octomom who lived in a shoe(box)... (CelebDirtyLaundry)

Did anyone see Perez Hilton or Michael Lohan at the scene of the crime? (CelebritySmack)

Princess Margaret is dead, so who will be the bad fairy? (CelebVIPLounge)

Kim Kardashian, Turkey, these things write themselves (DailyStab)

Courtney Cox is no Friend! (EarSucker)

Rebecca Blacklash! (FitFabCeleb)

PETA will get her! (GirlsTalkinSmack)

Who harshes on Robin Sweetest Man In Showbiz Williams and lives???? (HaveUHeard)

Planet Earth takes Lady Gaga DOWN! (HollywoodHiccups)

Tinkerbell’s new rival (INeedMyFix)

Fix! Fix! The fix is in at People! (MathewGuiver)

Old Britney vs New Britney (PoorBritney)

 

Stephen and Stephen say howdy to emo links

Stephen and Stephen

Stephen and Stephen

I’m in quite a mood lately, so getting through the gossip links today is gonna take a double.

If this doesn’t fix the situation in Japan, nothing will (raincoaster)

Hello. My name is Harry Potter. Prepare to die. (Lolebrity)

Saturday Caption Contest: Elizabeth Taylor Edition (Ayyyy)

Rachel Ray’s hideous secret (ManoloFood)

Whoopi Goldberg is out to destroy your sanity (AgentBedhead)

Happy Birthday, AntiChrist! (BusyBeeBlogger)

Kim Kardashian will DESTROY you, Nightlife! (CelebDirtyLaundry)

Madonna will KILL MALAWI BABIES! (CeleBitchy)

This unspeakable monstrosity is a harbinger of APOCALYPSE! (DListed)

The AntiChrist is ready for his closeup! (DailyStab)

One lone hero against the Great Satan (FitFabCeleb)

because domestic abuse is great for ratings (EvilBeet)

The Four Hipsters of the Apocalypse? (GirlsTalkinSmack)

The Whoar! of Babylon (HaveUHeard)

RIP DJ Megatron (HollywoodHiccups)

Proud Parents of the End Times (INeedMyFix)

Remember how awesome people used to be? Yeah, well now they’re not. (PopBytes)

Kate Moss looks bad. Hell froze over after all (TheSkinny)

Apparently, time is now flowing backwards (TheSkinnyChic)

Here are the troubadours of Apocalypse (SeriouslyOMG)

 

Arsenic and Old Leather and Lace

Lois Aldrin rocks the bedazzled Canadian Tuxedo

Lois Aldrin rocks the bedazzled Canadian Tuxedo

Yay! Look everybody: it’s Ayyyy favorite Lois Aldrin, with her trophy husband, Buzz. It’s always nice to see a familiar face, even if the eyes are getting farther and farther apart.

Toast Lois and her boytoy with a few Leather and Lace shooters. Lois would do a tray of these entirely hands-free, you know she would.

I’d be the filling in a Steve Jobs/Jeff Goldblum sandwich (Lolebrity)

The Lord of the Kingdom of the Undead does not approve of this floozy (Ayyyy)

Roundup of news from Japan (raincoaster)

Matthew McConaughey is turning into a greyhound before our eyes (AgentBedhead)

Joan Jett is better than RedBull (BusyBeeBlogger)

Olivia Wilde thinks she can upgrade from an Italian prince (CelebDirtyLaundry)

She looks like Crispin Glover in an Edith Prickley costume (CelebritySmack)

Lindsay Lohan will stop at nothing (CelebrityVIPLounge)

Charlie Sheen, Celebrity Chef? (DailyStab)

Disney is REALLY scraping the bottom of the barrel (EarSucker)

They may be immortal, but they’re still not taking any chances (FitFabCeleb)

Scary clownceleb faces (GirlsTalkinSmack)

Celebrities care! Or at least fake it plausibly! (HaveUHeard)

The latest in celebrity injustices (HollywoodHiccups)

Tony Dunzo (INeedMyFix)

Justin Timberlake has a new plus one (MathewGuiver)

Martha Stewart is a surrogramma (TheSkinny)

 

 

Tori Spelling vs the Mob!

Tori Spelling on ice

Tori Spelling on ice

Thank GOD someone finally put that woman on ice. Then again, that’s what you do to try to sell old fish that’s past its best-before date.

And now, your gossip links for today:

Anger Management, with Kirk and Spock (raincoaster)

Why Gnott? Because it’s a CRAZY IDEA, DUDE! (ManoloFood)

Makeover vs Makeover (Ayyyy)

The literary world got Snooki’d (AgentBedhead)

Happy Feet, live (BusyBeeBlogger)

Messing with The Great American Novel is F—– up! (CelebDirtyLaundry)

JayLor broke up (CelebritySmack)

Cheeto-Rama! (CityRag)

Video proof Goopy CAN TOO sing (DListed)

Vanity Fair ran out of dead women to cover (GossipTeen)

Josh Groban’s new single is amazing (HaveUHeard)

Britney wants butt hair? (INeedMyFix)

Britney rocks the “chemo headband” look (PoorBritney)

She’s in, she’s out, she’s in, she’s out, she’s a Lohan (PopBytes)

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