Ayyyy!

I’m on what I call the Diva Diet: I don’t eat fattening food or drink alcohol unless someone else pays for it. That way, it has no calories! And most particularly, a Sapphire Collins has even fewer, because every fool knows bubbles are calorie-free!

Link Challenge: Booze!

Megan Fox was sotally tober when she said that (AgentBedhead)

Amy Winehouse boozed (AmyGrindhouse)

Brooke Shields defends the Paladin of Pisco, her Saviour of Sake, her Kamikaze Knight (BusyBeeBlogger)

Octomom isn’t drunk, just crazy (CeleBitchy)

Has Meghan McCain gotten into Mom’s pillbox? (NYDN)

Boy George’s sobering good looks (CelebritySmack)

Lady Gaga, straight up (BST)

STOP THE PRESSES VICTORIA BECKHAM IN FLATS (CelebrityDirtyLaundry)

Emmy Rossum pulled over, apparently just in time (CelebuWreck)

This video is psychoactive (Crunk+Disorderly)

LiLo to sober up? (DailyStab)

Ho, Ho, Ho, somebody got into the leftover eggnog (Gawker)

Is that a mickey in your pocket or are you just Come On, Get Happy to see me? (DListed)

Bennifer 2.0 on the rocks? (EvilBeet)

George Clooney is a tall drink of … where was I? (INO)

A sobering thought for Brooke Hogan (IBBB)

Dear Miss California, have a cocktail and calm down (JustJared)

Confucius sez just because there is vodka in the Green Room, doesn’t mean you have to drink it (PerezHilton)

Tarantino transvestites, tipples (FAB)

Medical emergency: blogger needs cocktail STAT! (Websters)

Is anyone sober on Twitter? (SeriouslyOMG)

Adam Lambert’s fans are drunk on his love (TenGossip)

Shitney Beers is the fiercest hillbilly trannie! (OMG)

Six years on from their final TV appearance and Gillian Anderson is still holding up fabulously, unlike her co-star who appears to have been continuously marinated in the smell of cheap gin and stale cigarettes.

The Hoff knows the mighty power of an 8 1/2 by 11 (Defamer)

Kimberly Stewart wears possibly the ugliest shoes the universe has ever seen (TheRadReport)

Katie needs a raise! (BittenAndBound)

Lindsay Lohan will NOT assume the missionary position (Yeeeeah)

David Beckham says his prayers (TheBlemish)

Jennifer Aniston’s Miss Havisham decorating scheme (POTP)

A little bit country, a little bit hip-hop, a LOT batshiat insane (ImNotObsessed)

Kelly Osborne, unmasked! (LARagMag)

Gentlemen, start your engines: Emma Watson is legal (Derober)

Tom Cruise will do anything for Becks, even endure soccer (DailyStab)

Mary-Kate Olsen celebrates New Year’s in April. Also, apparently, Halloween (JustJared)

Britney’s comeback plan (PinkIsTheNewBlog)

Pete Doherty maintains personal hygiene in prison  (AgentBedhead)

Brangelina is a contraceptive (CeleBitchy)

Shirley Manson is a grown-up (CelebritySmack)

Tilda Swinton just as strange as imagined (CircusHour)

Liveblogging Sex with Sue (CandyKirby)

Gwyneth Paltrow is an alien (GoFugYourself)

RIP PawPaw (Gawker)

Bar raised (Defamer)

Hammer dropped (AgentBedhead)

Lohan smashed (CrazyDaysAndNights)

Rick, rolled (Guardian)

Rowling potty? (Celebitchy)

Hunky Jesus (Mike Responts)

Presley poisoned! (GabbyBabble)

Hunk drunk (ASocialitesLife)

Carey doubt? (Bossip)

Amy Outhouse (Yeeeeah)

Nice…Spaniards (ImNotObsessed)

Manilow? NO! (SeriouslyOMGWTF)

Owen’s pickup (Popsugar)

Malthusian Catastrophe (Websters)

Mutual bonding (IDLYITW)

Alba time (DailyStab)

Go-Go’s gone (CelebritySmack)

Cognitive dissonance (CircusHour)

Infomercials: WTF? (LiquidGeneration)

The Butterscotch Stallion cannot outrun the consequences of his hotness (Defamer)

Amy Winehouse possessed by demons! (AgentBedhead)

The many faces of Tracey Ullman (Popbytes)

A day in the life of batshiat Britney (Celebitchy)

Nicole Kidman is not nocturnal, nor is she possessed of leathery wings? (WWTDD)

She is, however, visibly different from 20th Century Nicole Kidman (TressedOutCelebs)

Kanye’s girfriend decides he’s still too annoying to marry (Bossip)

Charlie Sheen to appear in his underwear? (ICYDK)

Amy Winehouse is Amy Winehouse’s Dad’s fault (HollywoodRag)

James Gandolfini hospitalized (CelebritySmack)

John Mayer is a pillhead (AllieIsWired)

Celebrity sex dolls (Radar)

Top ten fake celebrity blogs (Gawker)

Posh and Becks are leaving us because we just don’t love them enough. Kidding! (Mollygood)

George Clooney in Darfur (Popsugar)

One we could live without (DailyStab)

Has Sheryl Crow gone Scientologist? (PerezHilton)

Nicole Richie and Joel Madden buy a NYC condo (ImNotObsessed)

Iggy Pop knows you want him (GoFugYourself)

The Divine Miss M rises from the dead, returns to play Vegas (disembedded)

These boobs were made for Walken (AgentBedhead)

Lindsay Lohan vs Marilyn Monroe: duelling nekkids (CelebritySmack)

Mr. Amy Winehouse OD’s in prison again (Celebitchy)

Joan Collins, home on the range (TheMeatScale)

Chez Suri: The TomKat love nest (Derober)

Heather Mills stands by her man, whether he likes it or not (Dlisted)

Aretha fails to get respect from PETA (Bossip)

Jake Gyllenhaal dumped Kirsten Dunst for being Drunkst (Yeeeeah)

Jakey gets a makeover (PopSugar)

Kathleen Turner made of stone, not romancing (HollywoodRag)

Russell Crowe cast in new Austin Powers flick? (WebstersIsMyBitch)

Lily Allen, stripper chauffeuse (ImNotObsessed)

Poll: Who’s the hottest American President? (HolyCandy)

Travis Barker dates up, Paris Hilton dates down (DailyStab)

Heath Ledger: Saint or Sinner?  (Defamer)

Do women want gossip that hates women? (Jezebel)

Celebrity toplessness reaches critical levels: McConaughey alert! (Gawker)

McDreamy and McSteamy Valentines cards 4 u! (Defamer)

Twisted celebrity Valentines (GalleryOfTheAbsurd)

Happy Singles Awareness Day! (Jezebel)

Happy National Impotence Day! (Fleshbot, site NSFW)

Slash’s son is a chip off the old testicle (AgentBedhead)

Valentine’s Day love sayings (Quotes)

Gay modern love stories (Gawker)

Send Lane Garrison a Valentine (CelebritySmack)

What Material is the Material Girl made of? (CelebrityCosmeticSurgery)

Jennifer LOVE Hewitt is a flower girl (DailyStab)

Jane Fonda talks dirty (Celebrity Cowboy)

Is Katie Holmes carrying dodecatuplets? (ASocialitesLife)

Lindsay Lohan’s low-maintenance, love-ready ‘do (HolyCandy)

Kelly Osborne, ice queen (Dlisted)

The Beautiful People just want to look like… (CityRag)

For the sake of L.O.V.E. I am posting a Rumer Willis link (JustJared)

Jamie-Lynn Spears and her babydaddy still together at month 5 (ImNotObsessed)

Kirstie Alley’s body thetans cost her the Jenny Craig gig (Popbytes)

Mr. T pities the fool who’s gone all metrosexual this Valentine’s Day (HolyMoly)

Nelly Furtado may be sperminated (PerezHilton)

Rolling Stone drives stake into Britney Spears with unholy hackiography (Defamer)

Britney’s only Goth from the waist down (DailyStab)

Pete Doherty seeks new life as Smackbob Nopants (Gawker)

or maybe the Easter Bunny? (AgentBedhead)

Top 10 reasons to miss Anna Nicole Smith (Jezebel)

Lindsay Lohan goes dark (CelebritySmack)

Amy Winehouse will bring the funk, may bring the crack to the Grammies (TMZ)

We traded the UK Snoop Dogg for Amy (HolyMoly)

Eva Mendez more Disco than Goth, in rehab for coke (LARagMag)

Scott Weiland, Velvet Revolver front man, back in treatment (GenosWorld)

ScarJo and PeCru go pansexual for ex-sexagenarian Woody Allen (Gabsmash)

Goths Celebs of the Day: Demi and Ashton wear all-black to his 30th birthday party (HolyCandy)

Kill me now: Cher and Tom Cruise were lovers? (Dlisted)

Top 5 celebrity Goth chicks (Hi-5)

The Last Supper of Trent Reznor (LolNIN)

Another reason to drink as if you need one (WorkoutMommy)

Mystery man in black (ImNotObsessed)

Brittany Snow joins the Trenchcoat Mafia (DerekHail)

Lost Boy still lost, still blood-sucking (PerezHilton)

Dita von Teese as the Girl Next Door (SkunksBlog)

Kat von D will never tattoo another agent as long as she lives! (Mollygood)

Kirsten “Vampire Chronicles” Dunst vanishes (Celebitchy)

Madonna is immortal. Because plastic can’t die (TheMeatScale)

Sorry, no Angelina Jolie or Avril Lavigne stories today. Haven’t you heard? They’re not Goth.