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Ladies, please form an orderly line to the right.

On that note, let me present to you what has been described as “the funniest skit in tv history,” Mrs Brown’s Bikini Wax from RTÉ Television in Ireland.

Looks like a dead badger on flypaper.

You go right back to your room, young lady, and put on something appropriate

…and by “It” I mean dressing for her own book launch. Dressing to shop for hangover cures at 3am in Walmart? Yup, she’s got that aced, right down to the Cougar Soccer Mom capris and dishwater roots.

Let’s wash the memory of this noxious ensemble out of our brains with a Cranky Creamsicle cocktail and some gossip links.

Operation Global Media Domination: The Intellectual Situation Yay! Mai snob appeal: let me show u it! (raincoaster)

Pippa Middleton is Anglo-Canadian And, apparently, insufficiently matchy. Fixed it! (Ayyyy)

Beer Bottle Sabrage with Matt Stache Booze, boys and blades: a few of my favorite things (ManoloFood)

Ke$ha, Britney, and Paint Huffer Dude One of these things is not like the others, and when Britney looks like the sane one, you know you’re in trouble (Lolebrity)

How is the Summer of 2011 Shaping Up on TV? Not bad, actually. In related news, people still watch tv… (Crasstalk)

Carrie Bradshaw Math No matter how you add it up, it still doesn’t equal Manolos! (TheFrenemy)

Princess Beatrice’s hat has a higher net worth than you do. It is, in fact, becoming more fascinating by the minute and three of Prince Andrew’s exes have already asked it out. (AgentBedhead)

I don’t really know who this is, but I feel his pain. And he’s half-nekkid! (BusyBeeBlogger)

Lady Gaga found two suckers? That’s a sandwich I wouldn’t take a bite out of (CelebDirtyLaundry)

Linnocent will NOT be playing Carrie Bradshaw. Or Samantha either (CelebritySmack)

Annoying Taylor Swift is annoying even while annoyingly raising money for charity. How annoying. (CelebVIPLounge)

Cannes you find a plausible excuse to look at all these butts? Sure you Cannes. (CityRag)

P!nk vs Pink. I wouldn’t take that bitch on for love nor money. (DailyStab)

Divorcing a Kennedy is expensive, eh Arnie? $200,000,000 or so, it appears. (EarSucker)

Japan has some taste! It deported 50% of the World’s Most Annoying Celebrity Couple. (FitFabCeleb)

Linnocent is smokin‘. Not hot. (GirlsTalkinSmack)

David Beckham invites you to give your opinion on his shirtless picture. Why not give it to him? (HaveUHeard)

Evangeline Lilly had a boy. And somewhere, a hobbit weeps quietly (HollywoodHiccups)

Justin Timberlake vs Justin Bieber! I call this for Mozart (INeedMyFix)

Your sad, cougarish aunt has a book launch…oh wait, that’s a celebrity! (MathewGuiver)

Britney Spears has conspiracy theories? Can’t these people go back to arguing about Roswell and leave Britney ALOOOOOONE? (PoorBritney)

Nobody lights up his life anymore. Yeah, I could have taken the high road with a suicide story, but he doesn’t deserve it. (PopBytes)

Eric Decker brings the awesome to twitpics. I’ll overlook the twee hipsterism that is Animal Hats just this once. (SwoonWorthy)

Selah.

Adrien Brody's prayers were answered when he made Hump Day Hunk

There’s just something about this skeevy bastard that I like. Maybe it’s that he’s a winning rally driver. Maybe it’s that he looks so intellectual, and dresses so Pool Shark. Maybe it’s that hell, it’s been a long time and … but there, I’ve said too much. And besides, I can’t run Prince Harry every week, can I?

Let’s toast to Adrien’s dream come true with a spirited round of Pool Shark, the Drinking Game and some gossip links.

Wine A-Z; the ultimate Go Cup! A jogging bra/wine skin combo? Why the hell not, my camelbak imbues my Sauv Blanc with aromas of Gatorade as it is. (Manolofood)

Van Gogh and Orcas Unicorn Chaser. Make your hump day a little smoother with soothing pictures of swirling stars and wild whales in Downtown Vangroover. Yes, orcas belong in a gossip roundup. I’m Canadian, dammit.  (raincoaster)

Top That! Princess Beatrice’s amazing Hat of Hideousness (+10) is for sale on eBay to benefit children, if not onlookers (Ayyyy)

George Clooney chickens out. The television remake of Men Who Stare At Goats was disappointingly downscaled. (Lolebrity)

Life, Death, Violence, Barbie, and extremely mixed messages. I’m not exactly sure where the war crimes tribunal comes into it, but apparently it does, somewhere. Also: Ken is a draft dodger? (Crasstalk)

Dear God, Johnny Depp is a kinky beast. Taking a page from Chuck Berry, he made Penelope Cruz dress up as a … no, I can’t even say it. Seriously, nobody would put Salma Hayek through that. (AgentBedhead)

Is House getting evicted? Hugh Laurie has a great big, leaky mouth. There, take THAT image into your Bertie/Jeeves slash-thinking mind. (BusyBeeBlogger)

Yet another Jagger kid poses nekkid. Surely I thought we’d run out of these potato-faced wonders by now, but apparently not. Is “Club Kid” really a career choice? (CelebDirtyLaundry)

This is perhaps the most terrifying headline of all time, until you smack yourself in the head and say “IT DOESN’T MEAN THAT YOU PERVERT” and move on. But still. (CelebritySmack)

Oh, Will Smith. It’s not the size: it’s how you use it! And using it to annoy an entire neighborhood is just Letting the Thetans Win. (CelebVIPLounge)

Bristol Palin, now surgically enhanced! But not improved: it wasn’t brain surgery, after all. (DailyStab)

Taylor Swift will out a bitch! This girl doesn’t exist off the record, and if you’re dating her, neither do you (EarSucker)

Lady Gaga is Asian? Golly, she MUST have had some serious work done; she doesn’t look it. (FitFabCeleb)

Owen Freaking Wilson and yeah, like, a bunch of other celebs in Cannes, but who gives a rat’s ass about them? Eh? OWEN WILSON! (GirlsTalkinSmack)

Jennifer Aniston’s steamy banana handling. Look ma, no hands! No desperation, either…that is so NOT the sound of faint weeping I hear. Nosiree Bob. (HaveUHeard)

L’innocent sentenced to live in mansion next door to coke connection. Poor thing. That’ll teach HER! (HollywoodHiccups)

Who’s the $100 million man? The one going around spreading herpes? Yeah, “That one who dated Paris Hilton” doesn’t really narrow it down any. (INeedMyFix)

Joan Rivers better watch her back: Kermit the Frog is after her job. The Red Carpet just got a little greener and a LOT cuter (PopBytes)

Adorable Prince Harry and adorable puppy being adorable. Adorbz! What are you still doing here? CLICKY CLICK CLICK! (Swoonworthy)

Caption the Gouvernator and his ex. I’m thinking something Harry Potter related. She reminds me of Emma Thompson’s character, the Divinology professor. (RightCelebrity)

Stop! In the name of ... all that is holy

The Fake and Bake is strong with this one.

Let’s all have a glass of Bolli fortified with Stoli and a good hard look at ourselves in the mirror (are we really turning into our mothers?) and a few celebrity gossip links with a Mother’s Day theme.

The great Hillary Clinton cover-up (raincoaster)

Mother’s Day food porn (ManoloFood)

Guess the celebrity and her mom (Ayyyy)

Norman Bates LOVES his mommy (Lolebrity)

Rock on: Mother’s Day ditty from Dwayne Johnson (AgentBedhead)

Sheryl Crow’s building her own Partridge Family (BusyBeeBlogger)

That’s it, Bieber! Go to your room! (CelebDirtyLaundry)

Sean Penn, you listen to your mother! YOU COME BACK HERE YOUNG MAN!!! (CelebritySmack)

It’s okay, Kate, don’t be jealous. Mom always liked you best (CelebVIPLounge)

Is this woman the fiercest mom on the planet? (CityRag)

Baby Beckham is already colour-coordinated (DailyStab)

Mommy had better get out of rehab soon (EarSucker)

Uh, is this some kind of bizarre Hollywood fertility rite? (FitFabCeleb)

Celebs and their moms on Mother’s Day (HaveUHeard)

Sparklepants and the world’s most famous unwed mother pose (HollywoodHiccups)

Mom Julia Roberts wants to save millions of moms’s lives (INeedMyFix)

Xtina shows off her babyfeed silos (MathewGuiver)

Teen mom Jamie Lynn is scaring me (PoorBritney)

Saluting Sophia Loren, about 40 years late (PopBytes)

Happy mother’s day from Roseanne (SeriouslyOMG)

In certain circles George Clooney’s birthday was also a holiday (SwoonWorthy)

World’s most famous barren womb indulges in Salvation Armani (TheSkinny)

The torch is passed: Madonna’s girl-child releases a single (TheSkinnyChic)

This will make it all better.

Prince Harry and a puppy. You're welcome.

Awwww. Now that you’ve recovered sufficiently, let’s move on to some adorable gossip links.

Deflowering virgins on television? Eh, it’s a living for Sandra Rinomato. Does she know Harvey? (Crasstalk)

Spirit Animals: how do they work? Help me choose between Courage Wolf and Sexually Oblivious Rhino as my mascot (raincoaster)

Pitcher? or catcher? The all-important “what to put the booze in” question just in time for picnic season (ManoloFood)

Nigella Lawson undercover. Girlfriend, jihadi chic is NOT how you do a topless beach. (Ayyyy)

This is why cutoffs were invented. There … wait … hmmm? … what was I saying? (Lolebrity)

Win a pair of Whooga boots! Like the FB page and enter to win one of three pairs each month (Whooga)

ScarPenn/SeanJo trouble in paradise? Uh, well duh. And somewhere, Ryan Reynolds chuckles softly. (AgentBedhead)

Why do they put the coke THERE? Playboy Bunnies are dumb, yo. (BusyBeeBlogger)

No, seriously, I thought this was Carrot Top for a second. Someone needs to give Rihanna some conditioner STAT (CelebDirtyLaundry)

Kate Middleton does a discreet Michael Jackson crotch grab, paparazzi fails to notice? (CelebritySmack)

Time’s 100 Most Influential People once again leaves me off the list. I had to beg them. Discretion is everything to me (CelebVIPLounge)

We may get our wish: Snooki is slowly vanishing! Just hang in there till 2020 and she’ll disappear entirely! (DailyStab)

Anything to get laid, eh RPattz? Dreamy McSparklepants reveals his sordid social secrets (EarSucker)

Oh look, it’s old Mae West– oh wait, it’s Xtina. That lingerie must have more technology than a typical NASA launch to keep from self-destructing. That is one whole lotta surface tension (FitFabCeleb)

Honestly, Gaga, that was so ret- … uh, developmentally challenged! (GirlsTalkinSmack)

Kanye Kant (run his charity anymore, that is). Kanye West doesn’t care about other people? (HaveUHeard)

So how much DOES it cost to marry a crown prince? It’s important to do the math, people. (HollywoodHiccups)

Gwen Stefani invites science to knock her up. I know any number of labcoated genii who’d be happy to oblige (INeedMyFix)

Everyone loves a man in uniform. Or a hot lesbian. Just as long as they’re doing a Britney lipdub. (MathewGuiver)

The Britney performance the network didn’t want you to see! No, seriously, they went to commercial. (PoorBritney)

James Marsden with cuddly bunnies, chicks, etc. No, seriously, why haven’t you clicked this already? (Swoonworthy)

An Olsen Twin debuts the World’s Ugliest Pants. No seriously, the other one keeps cracking up. Guess who lost the bet in the dressing room? (TheSkinny)

Dances with Scientologists. This guy has been milking that one role for nearly 40 years now (TheSkinnyChic)

The Royal Wedding entrance like none other. My shameful past as a Prince Andrew fangirl with full-on subscriptions to Majesty AND The Royals comes out as I say the Princess Ann and Camilla lookalikes are really startlingly good, but the emo cynic within me comes out when I note that even the fake Prince Harry has way more fun than the fake Prince William, who has way more fun than either of the real ones.

Now, let’s toast these glorious ersatzii with (what else?) a Buck’s Fizz and some common gossip links.

Tee Many Martoonis (ManoloFood)

Spa No Go? Oh. (raincoaster)

Marilyn Monroe conquers the world! (Ayyyy)

Is this how the Spears family started? (Lolebrity)

Tom Cruise sees red (AgentBedhead)

And it turns out he’s not even related to Viggo! (BusyBeeBlogger)

Evan Rachel Wood lives up to his name (CelebDirtyLaundry)

Vanessa Hudgens in tampon chain fashion tragedy (CelebritySmack)

And then Trump asked for its birth certificate (CelebVIPLounge)

Joey Ramone lives on. On white trash (CityRag)

NPH has double trouble (DailyStab)

How many celebutards does it take to dance on the head of a mushroom? (DippedInCream)

Oh, Aniston, it’s SO mutual (EarSucker)

Mike Tyson is serious about this yoga thing, too (FitFabCeleb)

Elizabeth Hurley will never age. STOP IT ALREADY, BITCH! (GirlsTalkinSmack)

Let me get this straight…If you sleep under Miley Cyrus’ armpits, you will never have nightmares? (HaveUHeard)

JSimp wigs out (HollywoodHiccups)

Shack up with Glee! (INeedMyFix)

Royal Wedding rehearsal shocker! (MathewGuiver)

Nicki Minaj drops the dildo for Britney (PoorBritney)

Fergie drops the “D-List Bomb” on the TSA (PopBytes)

Huh? Seriously? Kirstie Alley was onstage at the same time? (Swoonworthy)

Miley Cyrus appears to have a shin cellulite problem??? (TheSkinny)

 

]]> http://ayyyy.com/somehow-this-is-prince-harrys-fault/feed/ 0 http://ayyyy.com/the-bad-fairy/ http://ayyyy.com/the-bad-fairy/#comments Tue, 12 Apr 2011 04:57:49 +0000 raincoaster http://ayyyy.com/?p=7222 Truly hath the poet and wise man said that no royal wedding, christening, or restraining order hearing is complete without a Bad Fairy. Given the charmed lives led by heir to the British throne and his intended bride, and the fact that his Great-Aunt Margaret is dead, there is no particularly obvious candidate for the office. We in the Manolosphere would like to present our own official candidate for this office:

Tara “I’m a drug addict, not a pedophile” Palmer-Tomkinson.

Co-starring with Mickey Rourke in The Boxer?

Cocaine is a helluva drug, people, and with an $800 dollar a day habit it doesn’t matter how many nose jobs you throw at it; you’re essentially throwing good money after bad cartilage. Tara, the woman once rumoured to have taken Prince William’s virginity, is invited to the wedding, but wants to get her nose done first. At this point, however, it becomes a Michael Jackson situation: there needs to be something there to work on in the first place.

Let’s toast Tara’s heart’s desire with your choice of a Mad Fairy cocktail or a Donkey’s Nob (made with Coke, of course).

And some gossip links:

Rebecca Black is SO JEALOUS of this woman (raincoaster)

Hugh Jass has nothing on this guy (Lolebrity)

Karl Lagerfeld, now *I* want to kill you (Ayyyy)

Vodka: is there anything it can’t do? (Manolofood)

The Anti-Gwyneth makes a mean Monte Cristo (AgentBedhead)

I’d cut off her head for that hat (BusyBeeBlogger)

There was an Octomom who lived in a shoe(box)... (CelebDirtyLaundry)

Did anyone see Perez Hilton or Michael Lohan at the scene of the crime? (CelebritySmack)

Princess Margaret is dead, so who will be the bad fairy? (CelebVIPLounge)

Kim Kardashian, Turkey, these things write themselves (DailyStab)

Courtney Cox is no Friend! (EarSucker)

Rebecca Blacklash! (FitFabCeleb)

PETA will get her! (GirlsTalkinSmack)

Who harshes on Robin Sweetest Man In Showbiz Williams and lives???? (HaveUHeard)

Planet Earth takes Lady Gaga DOWN! (HollywoodHiccups)

Tinkerbell’s new rival (INeedMyFix)

Fix! Fix! The fix is in at People! (MathewGuiver)

Old Britney vs New Britney (PoorBritney)

 

]]> http://ayyyy.com/the-bad-fairy/feed/ 0 http://ayyyy.com/friday-caption-contest-carrie-fisher-edition/ http://ayyyy.com/friday-caption-contest-carrie-fisher-edition/#comments Sat, 09 Apr 2011 01:51:01 +0000 raincoaster http://ayyyy.com/?p=7211 Caption Carrie in the Comments for fun and fabulous, completely imaginary prizes!

Carrie Fisher fishes for a caption

]]> http://ayyyy.com/friday-caption-contest-carrie-fisher-edition/feed/ 3 http://ayyyy.com/hump-day-hunk-links-leonard-nimoy-birthday-boy/ http://ayyyy.com/hump-day-hunk-links-leonard-nimoy-birthday-boy/#comments Thu, 31 Mar 2011 06:03:31 +0000 raincoaster http://ayyyy.com/?p=7176

It's true, everyone loves a bad boy in a leather jacket

Happy 80th Birthday to Leonard Freaking Nimoy! You’ll always be a week and a day younger than William Shatner!

Now I think I’ll carefully sip a thimbleful of Romulan Ale in his honour.

Gramps Gets Down! (raincoaster)

This is why the pinkos never win (Lolebrity)

The Eternal Question: Mugler edition (Ayyyy)

Sophia Loren tries out a new look (ManoloFood)

That’s my dating life sorted then! (AgentBedhead)

Blind Item Egoist! Let me guess: Prince Philip? (BusyBeeBlogger)

It’s a dog’s life. Meanwhile, I stay in Motel 6 (CelebDirtyLaundry)

It’s Tween vs Tween! (CelebritySmack)

Angelina to step into Dame Elizabeth’s sandals (CelebVIPLounge)

Sean Penn gets made over (CityRag)

Khloe Kardashian Kovers Kosmopolitan (DailyStab)

Reese Witherspoon calls RPattz a dirty, dirty boy (EarSucker)

Lilo doesn’t look a day over 40 (FitFabCeleb)

James Franco: we get the public intellectuals we deserve (GirlsTalkinSmack)

Preppy label amputates model’s arm! (HaveUHeard)

Britney, Jackass, the jokes write themselves (HollywoodHiccups)

Do YOU have what it takes to be a Torontonian? (INeedMyFix)

Kingston Rossdale is a playa! (MathewGuiver)

Enrique can’t out-diva Britney (PoorBritney)

Thar’s gold in them thar hills alive with the sound of music (PopEater)

Judge Judy’s oral issue (Radar)

Now HERE Is some decorative royalty! (SwoonWorthy)

Tom and Katie have a time machine, apparently (TheSkinnyChic)

So Liv Tyler and Jimmy Fallon get in a time machine… (SeriouslyOMG)

 

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