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The Un-Blushing Bridesmaid

The Unblushing Bridesmaid
The Unblushing Bridesmaid

Lily Allen has always been known as the “Dirt with angelic face” singer, and it’s nice to see she comes by it honestly. This is what her sister chose to wear to Lily’s wedding yesterday, keeping up the standard of class, but of unspecified altitude.

Then again, maybe she had the dress fitted before she got the boobs fitted. And serve her right if she couldn’t breathe all night.

I dunno about you, but I definitely feel in need of something strong to wash that out of my mind’s eye. I recommend the Nuptial Cocktail and some gossip links.

Palin Poetry: the Palinleaks Haikus. America gets the Japanese poetic forms it deserves, as Sarah Palin’s emails get put through the Haiku Finder. Art really IS everywhere! (raincoaster)

Who needs the tooth fairy? Who needs Food Porn? We’ve got the Magic Rum Fairy! (ManoloFood)

Emma Watson is back in the harness. Gee, I didn’t know there was a new Matrix movie in the works. Still, this will come in handy for her battles with arch-enemy Fat Bastard. (Ayyyy)

Harrison Ford IS Errand Runner! I’d like to take a look at his Furby, if you know what I mean and I think you do! (Lolebrity)

Debbie Reynolds is selling off her children’s inheritance and YOU CAN BUY IT! Yes, it’s the celebrity crap auction of the year, and open for business! Someone call Harrison Ford, quick! (Crasstalk)

Starfuckery failure: pro edition. ScarJo needs to go study at the scabby, callused knees of Courtney Love. (AgentBedhead)

It’s time to draw the line! Catherine, Duchess of Whatever, the Artist Formerly Known as Kate Middleton, needs an eyeliner intervention, people. (BusyBeeBlogger)

Gary Dourdan is brought to your police department by the Letter E. Unlike the last time, when he was brought to your police station by the letters DUI. (CelebDirtyLaundry)

Mazel tov, kids. Now, can the world please forget about Lily Allen? (CelebritySmack)

Who are the 10 best actors in Hollywood? Other than the “I didn’t hook up with him” Kardashians? (CelebVIPLounge)

JWoww kisses a dog. So things are looking up for her in the romance department. (CityRag)

Ladies and gentlemen, start your gingham! Jessica Simpson, superchic fashion powerhouse, is cloning herself. (DailyStab)

Taylor Momsen…remember her? Well, it looks like she’s hooking up with an electrician now. (FitFabCeleb)

Paparazzis pap’d! Six celebrities spying on you. (GirlsTalkinSmack)

Jessica Alba’s kid is going to be VERY popular with the tabloids! Nothing like leaking on your mom in front of a row of reporters. (HaveUHeard)

Conan O’Brien enters the Greatest Commencement Speech Sweepstakes. Will he take it from Steve Jobs? It’s Team Coco vs Apple Fanboys in the final round: Dartmouth vs Stanford. (HollywoodHiccups)

I’ll take “let them get the damn picture instead of crashing the car with your children in it” for a hundred, Alex! On the other hand, how desperate must a pap be to try to get a picture of Tori Spelling? (INeedMyFix)

Prince Hot Ginge in his undershirt. It doesn’t matter what I type here; you’re not reading it anyway. (SwoonWorthy)

People still date Lindsay Lohan’s castoffs? In other news, Demi Lovato is apparently capable of making good decisions again. (TheSkinnyChic)

 

Mubarak Chic!

 

Yes, you CAN judge a book by its cover

Mubarak Chic: yes, you can judge a book by its cover

Truly has it been said that fascists generally have the best uniforms. When it comes to fallen dictators, however, the same is not true. Look at Hosni Mubarak here, former president of Egypt and current homeless dude. Never mind the cut of his jib, we can tell he’s earned those stripes. It may look like a regular old pinstripe suit, but if God is in the details I’d have to say this qualifies as blasphemy, because those stripes are actually made up of his name, printed over and over. Of such gaudy heights of self-aggrandizement may the average Mafiosi only dream.

Speaking of gaudy pinstripes, let’s drown our sartorial sorrows with a classic Bronx Cocktail and a few buttoned-down gossip links, shall we?

Baby on Board (raincoaster)

Nicole Kidman could use a sammich (Lolebrity)

London Fashion Week is for the birds (Ayyyy)

I scream! (ManoloFood)

He should fit right in with Lindsay and Gadaffi (AgentBedhead)

Charlie Sheen too busy winning to retain custody of his kids (BusyBeeBlogger)

Justin Bieber sells out to rich witch doctor? (CelebDirtyLaundry)

A simple summit with Lady Gaga (CelebritySmack)

Robert Pattinson cheats on Tai (CelebVIPLounge)

Babies: totally Team Coco (CityRag)

Katie “Sue” Holmes (DailyStab)

Kim Kardashian, Saviour of Autotune (Earsucker)

Save Oprah! (FitFabCeleb)

Another sign Russia is in desperate straights (GirlsTalkinSmack)

Oh man, the ski lobby hates celebrities (HaveUHeard)

ScarJo publicly toejobs Sean Penn (INeedMyFix)

Oh Em Jee, the Oscars are about to get awesome (MathewGuiver)

Britney’s V shots (PoorBritney)

Sad Mugshot Xtina is sad (PopBytes)

Amanda Seyfried’s magically transforming Doc Martens (TheSkinny)

Five Angels, only two backsides among them (TheSkinnyChic)

 

 

L’whut?

Proof positive that if you sleep with Robert DeNiro you get a career when you get dumped

Pity, if you will (if you can) the girls past and present of Sir Mick Jagger. For every one that becomes First Lady of France, there’s one that’s gone the publicly humiliating L’Wren ScottGeorgina Chapman route and foisted a line of unsuitable, unflattering,ill-fitting duds on an unsuspecting public, like this poor, clueless member of the public right here. If I were Julia Roberts and I had to appear in public in that, I, too, would be tempted to bash out my brains right there, center stage.

Cute shoes, though.

Isabella Rossellini fills the convents! (raincoaster)

Parker Posey is no angel either (Ayyyy)

Putin aside temptation (Lolebrity)

Industry Swiftly makes Kanye prOn (AgentBedhead)

Conan O’Brien is a cunning linguist (BusyBeeBlogger)

Adrien Brody is pursued by a succubus from Hell (CelebDirtyLaundry)

Angels get pregnant? (CelebritySmack)

Celebrity hobos (CityRag)

Cojo eulogizes Liz Hurley’s dress (CojoStyle)

Recession fashion tips from Vivienne Westwood (CyberBoris)

Kanye in the Sky with a microphone? (DailyStab)

Anne Hathaway is Jake Gyllenhaal’s guardian angel (EvilBeet)

Don’t EVER touch Charlie Sheen’s watch (Earsucker)

These are your people’s choices (GabbyBabble)

and deliver us from Speidi (GirlsTalkinSmack)

Un-chain Hilary Swank’s heart (GoFugYourself)

A Kardashian is judging you (HaveUHeard)

Russell Brand leaves his wife for Prince Charles (INeedMyFix)

Victoria Beckham and her incubus step out in daylight (JustJared)

Shalit be time for trading places? (Movieline)

The government hates your boss too (PerezHilton)

and in related news, Castro is still alive (PoorBritney)

Before Pee-Wee! (SeriouslyOMG)

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Friday Caption Contest: Coco Loco Edition

Do your best/worst to my Ginger Imaginary Boyfriend in the comments section:

Coco Loco

Coco Loco

via JuliaSegal

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The origin of “Coco”

Coconut O'Brien accepts the Hoop of Victory for a win in the Petites division

Drag Queen Coconut O'Brien accepts the Hoop of Victory for a win in the Petites division

Oh, Coco, we knew you were a man of many talents; we just didn’t think winning a beauty pageant in Irian Jaya was one of them.

Also: who knew he was so short?

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Monday Medicinal Links

Dean Martin is my kinda guy

Ah, Dino: my dream man. Except for the being married thing. And the smoking. And being dead. And thus unable to mix me a medicinal tonic. Yeah, other than that, perfect.

I could use a medicinal tonic or six. You may have heard that I’ve been under the weather, and from the way I feel, the weather was wearing studded body armor at the time. I’m still not 100%, but with the help of a good man and/or a good pharmacist and/or a good bartender, I hope to have things back to normal around here relatively soon. And so, to the links.

Malcolm McLaren, the best mayor London never had (TrueSlant)

Eli Roth, regular guy (Lolebrity)

Marilyn Manson is SHOCKED! SHOCKED I SAY! (AgentBedhead)

Elizabeth Taylor is still on the market, boys! (AmyGrindhouse)

Johnny Weir is no size queen (BusyBeeBlogger)

Coco returns! (CeleBitchy)

Dick van Dyke raps! (CelebDirtyLaundry)

Downey, Junior, is a hottie (CelebritySmack)

More sex, more city (DailyStab)

Oprah was slumming (DListed)

Gleeful engagement (HaveUHeard)

Isn’t Kenny Rogers 100? (INeedMyFix)

Snooki keeps it real (IBBB)

Christina Aguilera is not herself (JustJared)

Britney in the Circus tent (PoorBritney)

Cougartown is handsy. Or is that pawsy? (UKPopSugar)

Hump Day Links: Johnny “Romeo” Depp Edition

Johnny Depp prepares to film a scene for his upcoming movie The Tourist , on set in Venice, Italy

“Juliet? You’re breaking up…look, why don’t we just meet at the churchyard? You bring the eyeliner and candles, I’ll bring some Evanescence CDs.”

He Pingping was a small wonder (True/Slant)

Bogie prepares to par-tay! (Lolebrity)

Iggy goes off-script (AgentBedhead)

The Betty and Veronica of male has-beens continue their respective roles (AmyGrindhouse)

Russell Brand can’t even walk barefoot correctly (BusyBeeBlogger)

Britney’s on the loose! (CeleBitchy)

Irish sayings for St. Patrick’s Day (CelebritySmack)

American Idol is killer (CelebDirtyLaundry)

Michael Lohan has a heart??? (DailyStab)

Kim Cattrall, Cat woman (INeedMyFix)

Kirstie Alley is cheap and irreligious! (HaveUHeard)

Shia Labeouf  should have gotten a hook! (GabbyBabble)

Have you seen Kate Winslet’s bum? (EvilBeet)

Betty White is a goddess! (IBBB)

Justin Biehber is a Twit! (LitelySalted)

Coco is a dictator! (Movieline)

Ben Stiller is a victim! (SeriouslyOMG)

Supernatural is covered! (TenGossip)

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Monday Moaning Links

Alexander McQueen's muse Daphne Guinness on the runway for Naomi Campbell's Fashion for Relief show

I want Daphne Guinness’ Alexander McQueen outfit, and the invisible sword that presumably goes with it. And a moderately-sized vat of gin, STAT; this is a medical emergency. We lost to the US in an Olympic hockey game for the first time since 1960, and all of Canada is in bed, drunk and sobbing and holding on to it’s little Troll doll for dear life; all of Canada except me. Someone has to blog this pain away. I am in no mood to be trifled with, except perhaps by Hugh Jackman, and he should wear body armour just to be safe.

Alfred Hitchcock’s ultimate nightmare (Lolebrity)

Robert Pattinson is greased and ready! (AgentBedhead)

Jessica Simpson gets her mask on (AmyGrindhouse)

Jude Law, swordsman (BusyBeeBlogger)

Travis Barker’s boxing match aborted (CelebritySmack)

JLo misses hat trick (CeleBitchy)

Bag a king! (True/Slant)

Conan hits the road (DailyStab)

Dancesport according to Dita (CelebDirtyLaundry)

Hilary Duff teams with NHL Player (BricksAndStones)

Kate Moss, suited for action (DanasDirt)

Bigots! On! Ice! (Gawker)

Ice escapades with Johnny Weir (DListed)

Xtream Martial Arts Birthday Party? (EvilBeet)

The Champions! (INeedMyFix)

Ken Paves wins the Snatch and Grab (SeriouslyOMG)

The pairs event (UKPopSugar)

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