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Who’s That Girl? Marcia, Marcia, Marcia edition

was it Marcia or Marsha? THESE ARE IMPORTANT QUESTIONS

was it Marcia or Marsha? THESE ARE IMPORTANT QUESTIONS

Truth be told, in the early 70′s EVERYONE looked like that, or wanted to. I can still feel the scratchy polyester poorboy sweater (shudders). Click over the jump to see who this toothy kid turned into. And if you put a caption in for the Caption Contest, be patient for one more day. We’re still fishing them out of the Spam filter while recovering from the flu, so it could be a day or so before we give Clay Aiken his due.

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Pinkos

So THAT's what Reindeer Games are

So THAT’s what Reindeer Games are

Courtney Stodden, we have an early Christmas present for you: a trip in a time machine…Click onward to see the future.

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All in the Family

Gosling on Gosling

Gosling on Gosling

Even when she’s borrowing her son’s girlfriend’s clothes to accompany him on the red carpet, Ryan Gosling’s mother Donna never lets him forget where he came from.

PS I had surgery once, and as I slowly came out of the anaesthetic I said to my mother, who was wearing a belt in that exact shade of yellow-brown, “Where did you ever find a belt to match those diarrhoea coloured pants you have?” She later told me, “That’s when I knew you were gonna be okay. You were yourself again.”

Friday Caption Contest Results: Double Demi Edition

We’re catching up slowly but surely on the backlog, and have been so drugged up with Nyquil and Dayquil and Duskquil and Dawnquil that we didn’t even realize we’d done two Demis in a row (does that sum to one whole Hemi?). Nor that we had slipped into the second-person plural. So without further ado or further medication, we present our double Demi prizewinners:

Demi Lovato

Demi Lovato

Klee
December 2, 2012 at 10:45 am  #

After her first hook-up with Spiderman, Mary Jane experienced some odd side effects….

Congratulations and imaginary swag, as always, to multi-time-winner Klee! To celebrate her triumph we hypothetically present this beautiful, and entirely virtual, Carltonware Spiderweb Demitasse set. Cheers!

Carltonware spiderweb demitasse

Carltonware spiderweb demitasse

And now, for our second contest: Demi Moore.

Demi Moore

Demi Moore

Natalie Anne Lanoville December 8, 2012 at 10:58 pm #

Tired of going commando in the hopes of being snapped for cootersightings.com, Demi Moore settles for a side-eye from her daughter’s sax instructor.

Kudos and imaginary swag to Natalie, who has once again taken the prize. Bonus points for not cellulite-shaming.To honour her victory, we hypothetically present the virtual, and highly body-conscious, Royal Doulton Biltmore Demitasse Cup & Saucer. Make your kids green with envy!

No Such Thing as the Casting Tardis

Courtney Love's left boob makes a break for it

Courtney Love's left boob makes a break for it

Someone aught to tell poor Courtney that the casting call for the Red Queen is long over. Also that the woman sleeping with the director had it locked up from the beginning. Also, that if you’ve lost so much weight your implants are getting smaller, you need to eat a sammich.

Also, don’t be so shelfish.

Courtney Loves Canadian Thanksgiving

courtney loves it

courtney loves it

To tell you the truth, I kind of love it, too. It’s like she was on her way to a drag queen’s funeral, realized it just wasn’t fabulous enough, and stapled some wild turkeys and Shih Tzus around the hips. For Courtney Love, this is an improvement.

and THIS is why they call it “fierce”

Marta Marzotto

Marta Marzotto

Italian designer Marta Marzotto is indeed the epitome of fierce, and if you doubt it, she will most likely shiv a bitch, this ex-Countess having been sentenced to hard prison time for blithely making off with her almost-stepson’s patrimony. As if that weren’t enough, she’s related to my beloved Lapo! Why, she’s like a lost Gabor sister! Who’s to say those booties don’t conceal a tracking anklet of some kind? Just as soon as I reconfigure the DEW Line to trace Julian Assange’s movements, I’ll take a quick peek around Milan for Marta M. and let you know. We should probably keep an eye on this one.

She looks like she’d take her vodka neat, so let’s toast this crazy old cougar with some Cougar Juice Vodka and some gossip links.

The Importance of Being Guido: in which transcripts from the Jersey Shore are read in the style of Oscar Wilde(raincoaster)

Rihanna’s Waking Nightmare looks strangely like most of mine, actually (Ayyyy)

Bagel BBQ FTW! (ManoloFood)

That Kardashian Style! On display at closing time in bars everywhere (Lolebrity)

Worst TV Show Openings; why do I just know there will be a lot of 80′s in there? (Crasstalk)

Ben Affleck, ironic hairpiece wearer (BusyBeeBlogger)

Blaaaaaaaaaaaaaaake stays Brooooooooooooooooooooke! (CelebDirtyLaundry)

Mariah Carey is sefectly pober! (CelebritySmack)

Smoker Katy Perry, on addiction (CelebVIPLounge)

Those British coroners can make a mystery out of ANYTHING, can’t they? (DailyStab)

Lindsay Lohan, too, is serfectl – LISTEN PEOPLE IT’S SPELLED “Ketel One” AND IF I SEE ANOTHER “Kettle” I AM GOING TO COME OVER THERE AND GIVE YOU ONE OR TWO LUMPS WHERE IT’LL DO THE MOST GOOD OKAY????(EarSucker)

Harrison Ford is a GILF (FitFabCeleb)

6 celebrity pizzafaces (GirlsTalkinSmack)

Mister President, I am here to serve. That’s why I brought these kneepads (HaveUHeard)

RIP Amy Winehouse: no, Blaaaaake is not invited to the funeral (HollywoodHiccups)

Prince Hot Ginge at the races; Ladies, start your engines! (INeedMyFix)

Linnocent can’t afford therapy, because Saint Tropez is expensive, dammit! (PopBytes)

Bloggers take note: Alan Rickman appreciation=automatic inclusion in the links. Got it? (SwoonWorthy)

Annalynne McCord could use a good seamstress (TheSkinny)

Jay-Z and Kanye want you to watch them on the throne? (TheSkinnyChic)

Selah.

Chelsea Handler can’t handle it

You go right back to your room, young lady, and put on something appropriate

You go right back to your room, young lady, and put on something appropriate

…and by “It” I mean dressing for her own book launch. Dressing to shop for hangover cures at 3am in Walmart? Yup, she’s got that aced, right down to the Cougar Soccer Mom capris and dishwater roots.

Let’s wash the memory of this noxious ensemble out of our brains with a Cranky Creamsicle cocktail and some gossip links.

Operation Global Media Domination: The Intellectual Situation Yay! Mai snob appeal: let me show u it! (raincoaster)

Pippa Middleton is Anglo-Canadian And, apparently, insufficiently matchy. Fixed it! (Ayyyy)

Beer Bottle Sabrage with Matt Stache Booze, boys and blades: a few of my favorite things (ManoloFood)

Ke$ha, Britney, and Paint Huffer Dude One of these things is not like the others, and when Britney looks like the sane one, you know you’re in trouble (Lolebrity)

How is the Summer of 2011 Shaping Up on TV? Not bad, actually. In related news, people still watch tv… (Crasstalk)

Carrie Bradshaw Math No matter how you add it up, it still doesn’t equal Manolos! (TheFrenemy)

Princess Beatrice’s hat has a higher net worth than you do. It is, in fact, becoming more fascinating by the minute and three of Prince Andrew’s exes have already asked it out. (AgentBedhead)

I don’t really know who this is, but I feel his pain. And he’s half-nekkid! (BusyBeeBlogger)

Lady Gaga found two suckers? That’s a sandwich I wouldn’t take a bite out of (CelebDirtyLaundry)

Linnocent will NOT be playing Carrie Bradshaw. Or Samantha either (CelebritySmack)

Annoying Taylor Swift is annoying even while annoyingly raising money for charity. How annoying. (CelebVIPLounge)

Cannes you find a plausible excuse to look at all these butts? Sure you Cannes. (CityRag)

P!nk vs Pink. I wouldn’t take that bitch on for love nor money. (DailyStab)

Divorcing a Kennedy is expensive, eh Arnie? $200,000,000 or so, it appears. (EarSucker)

Japan has some taste! It deported 50% of the World’s Most Annoying Celebrity Couple. (FitFabCeleb)

Linnocent is smokin‘. Not hot. (GirlsTalkinSmack)

David Beckham invites you to give your opinion on his shirtless picture. Why not give it to him? (HaveUHeard)

Evangeline Lilly had a boy. And somewhere, a hobbit weeps quietly (HollywoodHiccups)

Justin Timberlake vs Justin Bieber! I call this for Mozart (INeedMyFix)

Your sad, cougarish aunt has a book launch…oh wait, that’s a celebrity! (MathewGuiver)

Britney Spears has conspiracy theories? Can’t these people go back to arguing about Roswell and leave Britney ALOOOOOONE? (PoorBritney)

Nobody lights up his life anymore. Yeah, I could have taken the high road with a suicide story, but he doesn’t deserve it. (PopBytes)

Eric Decker brings the awesome to twitpics. I’ll overlook the twee hipsterism that is Animal Hats just this once. (SwoonWorthy)

Selah.

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