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No Such Thing as the Casting Tardis

Courtney Love's left boob makes a break for it

Courtney Love's left boob makes a break for it

Someone aught to tell poor Courtney that the casting call for the Red Queen is long over. Also that the woman sleeping with the director had it locked up from the beginning. Also, that if you’ve lost so much weight your implants are getting smaller, you need to eat a sammich.

Also, don’t be so shelfish.

Courtney Loves Canadian Thanksgiving

courtney loves it

courtney loves it

To tell you the truth, I kind of love it, too. It’s like she was on her way to a drag queen’s funeral, realized it just wasn’t fabulous enough, and stapled some wild turkeys and Shih Tzus around the hips. For Courtney Love, this is an improvement.

Hump Day Hunk: Viggo Mortensen

That's not hot sauce, ladies

That's not hot sauce, ladies

His protestations to the contrary, we have conclusive proof that Viggo Mortensen is a Red Wings fan.

And that’s just too gross to explain, even for me.

Wash your mind’s eye out with a Muff Diver shooter (no hands, please!) and a few gossip links:

Zachary Quinto has a message for young people (Lolebrity)

Who won the fashion wars? (Ayyyy)

The St Valentine’s Day Massacre/Roundup (raincoaster)

The most perfect food in the world, in 926 words (ManoloFood)

Charlie Sheen pulls an Edith Piaf (AgentBedhead)

You know, I’d pay good money to watch her in the UFC ring (BusyBeeBlogger)

Tila Tequila has gone Amish on us (CelebDirtyLaundry)

In fairness, I’d snub Avril Lavigne too (CelebritySmack)

Wait till Shia LaBeouf hears about this! (CelebVIPLounge)

I don’t blame him: EVERYONE hates Daleks (CityRag)

Your straight boyfriend will care about this story (DailyStab)

Jessica Simpson is as spontaneous as a NASA rocket launch (Earsucker)

Anne Hathaway wears support hose! (FitFabCeleb)

Celebrity fashion week (GirlsTalkinSmack)

Gosh, Emma Watson, lay off the ‘roids! (GossipTeen)

Lance Armstrong has had more comebacks than Cher (HaveUHeard)

A bunch of Yanks at the Brit Awards, why? (INeedMyFix)

Britney’s leaking! (PoorBritney)

Courtney Love perfects the “Dexedrine-addicted, glamorous auntie” look (PopBytes)

Who invited HER? (TheSkinny)

L’whut?

Proof positive that if you sleep with Robert DeNiro you get a career when you get dumped

Pity, if you will (if you can) the girls past and present of Sir Mick Jagger. For every one that becomes First Lady of France, there’s one that’s gone the publicly humiliating L’Wren ScottGeorgina Chapman route and foisted a line of unsuitable, unflattering,ill-fitting duds on an unsuspecting public, like this poor, clueless member of the public right here. If I were Julia Roberts and I had to appear in public in that, I, too, would be tempted to bash out my brains right there, center stage.

Cute shoes, though.

Isabella Rossellini fills the convents! (raincoaster)

Parker Posey is no angel either (Ayyyy)

Putin aside temptation (Lolebrity)

Industry Swiftly makes Kanye prOn (AgentBedhead)

Conan O’Brien is a cunning linguist (BusyBeeBlogger)

Adrien Brody is pursued by a succubus from Hell (CelebDirtyLaundry)

Angels get pregnant? (CelebritySmack)

Celebrity hobos (CityRag)

Cojo eulogizes Liz Hurley’s dress (CojoStyle)

Recession fashion tips from Vivienne Westwood (CyberBoris)

Kanye in the Sky with a microphone? (DailyStab)

Anne Hathaway is Jake Gyllenhaal’s guardian angel (EvilBeet)

Don’t EVER touch Charlie Sheen’s watch (Earsucker)

These are your people’s choices (GabbyBabble)

and deliver us from Speidi (GirlsTalkinSmack)

Un-chain Hilary Swank’s heart (GoFugYourself)

A Kardashian is judging you (HaveUHeard)

Russell Brand leaves his wife for Prince Charles (INeedMyFix)

Victoria Beckham and her incubus step out in daylight (JustJared)

Shalit be time for trading places? (Movieline)

The government hates your boss too (PerezHilton)

and in related news, Castro is still alive (PoorBritney)

Before Pee-Wee! (SeriouslyOMG)

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My Own Private I’da …

LONDON, ENGLAND - OCTOBER 21: Global ambassador for Cointreau Dita Von Teese poses for a portrait to promote the launch of the limited edition 'My Private Cointreau Coffret' at Selfridges on October 22, 2010 in London, England. The unique beauty essential & cocktail kit has been designed by Dita Von Teese and is available at Selfridges. (Photo by Chris Jackson/Getty Images for Cointreau)

Oh, even I couldn’t bring myself to make that pun about Dita von Teese, the woman who brought elegance back(?) to the profession of ecdysism. She’s seen here a) schooling Christina Hendricks in how to wear florals and b) launching a super-high-end Cointreau Coffret, which is basically a jewelry box full of booze and two glasses, which is generally the sort of thing I need, so call me, Cointreau. Americans can enter to win it by following the instructions at this link.

And now, to the Halloween-themed gossip links!

Stick it to zombies with this bedtime story for grownups (raincoaster)
Does Sharon Stone bathe in virgin’s blood? (Ayyyy)
Sarah Jessica Parker reeks of the open grave (Lolebrity)
I’m going as this spicy hot stuff for Halloween (ManoloFood)
Welcome your weekend of horror (CelebrityBeehive)
Lindsay Lohan to be saved from fate as flesh-eating monster (AgentBedhead)
Well, that’s ONE way to get a vampire’s attention (BusyBeeBlogger)
Can one of these heros save us? (CeleBitchy)
The sex tape rumour that Will! Not! Die! (CelebDirtyLaundry)
Every Day is Halloween! (CelebritySmack)
Celebrity Halloween treats (CityRag)
I’m sorry, Anne Hathaway, but this is horrifying (CojoStyle)
Kim Kardashian makes the punchlines too easy (DailyStab)
Elizabeth Hasselbeck is not long for this world (DListed)
Damien? (Earsucker)
Hideous corpse walks the Earth, needs pants (EvilBeet)
The year they cancelled Halloween (fourfour)
Zombie Justice for Anna Nicole Smith (GabbyBabble)
The Story That Will Not Die continues (GirlsTalkinSmack)
The Shoes That Will Not Die rise again (HaveUHeard)
Unspeakable golem creature forces human into servitude (INeedMyFix)
Jude Law vs Cthulhu! (JustJared)
The Halloween Hater’s guide (Movieline)
Emma Roberts calls for help! (PerezHilton)
Elusive creature sighted (PoorBritney)

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Dirty Martini Links

CANNES, FRANCE - MAY 23: Actress Linda Marraccini (Dirty Martini) attends the Palme d'Or Award Closing Ceremony held at the Palais des Festivals during the 63rd Annual Cannes Film Festival on May 23, 2010 in Cannes, France. (Photo by Sean Gallup/Getty Images)

Sari about that: renowned ecdysiast Dirty Martini models perhaps the only example of a bondage sari in existence.

Here are your Dirty Martini emo links. Why am I so emo today? Read the last post and then mix a pitcher of Black Widows for yourself and me.

Underemployed Jedi single dad starts drinking early (Lolebrity)
Brian Atene is at the Nembutal and self-doubt again (raincoaster)
Brian Atene invented Superman Vodka, he’ll have you know (raincoaster media)
Here are two decorative, talented men as a sort of unicorn chaser (TeenyManolo)
This mystery man is filthy (ManoloMen)
Blohan blew it (AgentBedhead)
More Don Draper! (BusyBeeBlogger)
Paris Hilton says “Marriott? I wish I’d thought of buying it! I love Pocahontas!” (CeleBitchy)
As if the world didn’t have enough stupid things that make you want to die in it (CelebrityCosmeticSurgery)
Hey Gaga, Scotch is fattening! (CelebDirtyLaundry)
Well, alcohol IS a preservative (CelebritySmack)
Dita, NEVER get between me and the Cointreau (CojoStyle)
My god, what were they ON when they greenlighted this? (DailyStab)
THIS man is intoxicating! (DListed)
This is the only man perhaps more perfect than Jon Hamm (EvilBeet)
Hallelujah and pass the Jesus Juice! (GabbyBabble)
I thought what happened in Vegas stayed there? Is that too much to ask? (HaveUHeard)
Where was SuperHamm when THIS happened? (INeedMyFix)
What’s wrong with Drink, Bitch, Sulk? (JustJared)
Can even Jodie Foster’s might save Mel? (PerezHilton)
If Pink is a drunk I love her even more (PoorBritney)

and now, your cheer-em-up unicorn chaser featuring OK Go and Puppehs!

Hump Day Hunk Links: Prince Andrew Edition

circa 1981:  Andrew, Duke of York standing by a Royal Air Force helicopter.  (Photo by Keystone/Getty Images)

Yes, Prince Andrew, Duke of York, ex-husband of Fergie, the former Randy Andy, uncle of the two reigning Royal Hunks. These two shots are living proof that the minute they discover golf they begin to go to seed. (side note: feathers are totally in this year)

ROTORUA, NEW ZEALAND - MARCH 17:  Prince Andrew, Duke of York makes a speech as he attends a ceremony to honour the gallantry of Lance Sergeant Haane Manahi, at Te Papiouru Marae, Ohinemutu on the third day of his seven day visit to New Zealand, on March 17, 2007 in Rotorua, New Zealand. Manahi was not awarded a Victoria Cross for his actions at Takrouna Ridge in North Africa in 1943 during World War II, despite recommendations that his gallantry warranted the highest award for valour. This year, the government, working with Te Arawa, the Manahi VC Committee, and Buckingham Palace, announced that it would hold a special ceremony to recognise Lance Sergeant Manahi?s deeds, and The Queen expressed her admiration for his bravery The presence of the Duke at the ceremony reflects her wish to be personally associated with the initiatives to recognise his gallantry.  (Photo by Phil Walter/Getty Images)

James Dean has a surprise for Roddy McDowell (Lolebrity)

Barack Obama’s terrorist connections! (raincoaster)

This is beyond(ce) good taste (AgentBedhead)

KFat is back (AmyGrindhouse)

Lindsay Lohan’s got a face for radio (BusyBeeBlogger)

Elizabeth Hurley is full of … hot water? (CeleBitchy)

Happy Birthday, Ginger Nice (CelebrityFashionWatcher)

Mariah is mum (CelebDirtyLaundry)

Best Lilo pun of the week (CityRag)

Bonono (CojoStyle)

Courtney Loves looking smart (GoFugYourself)

also loves her talcum powder! (PerezHilton)

Betty White kicking ass and taking names (HaveUHeard)

Gerard Butler’s bust (INeedMyFix)

Urine time! (IBBB)

Ronaldo is dating Damien from The Omen? (JustJared)

Daniel Radcliffe’s Out Outtakes (PinkIsTheNewBlog)

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Rihanna’s mots mauvais

rihanna rebelle fleur

"Rebelle Fleur?" Rihanna?

Elle ne parle pas le Français. Nor her inkster neither. They should frappez la rue. Today’s links are brought to you by a lovely, dew-beaded glass of chilled Chablis.

This image is eternal (Lolebrity)
Keith Richards is a zombie (raincoaster)
raincoaster on the radio! (TheShebeenClub)
This blind item leads to undying infamy for “Interesting Nickname” (AgentBedhead)
Kanye wants braiiiinnssssssssssss! (AmyGrindhouse)
Zombie Karl Lagerfeld rolls with a hot pants posse (BusyBeeBlogger)
The Mummy speaks: backtracks (CeleBitchy)
Would a silver bullet work on this one? She MUST BE STOPPED (CelebDirtyLaundry)
The timeless (and possibly immortal) Osbourne family (CelebritySmack)
Crunk is not dead (CityRag)
It’s the END OF THE WORLD AS WE KNOW IT (CojoStyle)
Wrestlers fail the immortality test (CelebrityFashionWatcher)
Conan rises from the dead! (DailyStab)
The Mommy Speaks! (DListed)
Undying divas: JLo and LTay (Lainey)
He’s no druggy, he just heard they were preservatives! (EvilBeet)
Presenting the pagan priestess of pop (GoFugYourself)
The Eternal Empress of Romcom slaughters Bill O’Reilly (HaveUHeard)
Jersey Shore sacrifices your childhood dreams (IBBB)
The Ladyparts That Will Not Die just swallowed another victim (JustJared)
Interview with the vampire (MovieLine)
The JLo rumour that refuses to die! (PerezHilton)
How to make a Frankenstein monster (PoorBritney)
Paris attacked by android body parts (PopBytes)
Sneak a peek at Supernatural! (SeriouslyOMG)

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