Ayyyy!

Pete Doherty doesn’t get out of bed for less than $60,000! (Gawker)

While my ukelele gently weeps (Defamer)

The $110 Hannah Montana Makeover (AgentBedhead)

Pink sez: lay off my ex! (CelebritySmack)

Horse bolted, barn door now locked: Jamie-Lynn Spears is grounded (HollywoodBackwash)

Twenty years ago Marc Jacobs stole something (BackseatCuddler)

PETA’s Worst Dressed Celebrities: they forgot one! (Dlisted)

Kelly Rowland sat on Bjork (TheBastardly)

Jessica Alba’s womb is double occupancy (DailyStab)

Tom Brady markets himself in his underwear (EvilBeet)

The natural beauty of Jocelyn Wildenstein (CircusHour)

What is Mandy Moore’s secret? (ImNotObsessed)

Edison Chen disproves guaranteed stardom of Paris Hilton’s career path (JustJared)

Blake “Incarcerated” Fielder-Civil gets a visit from the missus (PerezHilton)

What Britney will look like in 20 years (Mollygood)

Jessica Simpson is box office gold. No, seriously. (Websters)

Madonna’s kid is a perfect 10! (TeenyManolo)

Are YOU stalking Anderson Cooper? How to tell (Gawker)

This Week in Tabloids (Jezebel)

50 films that changed the way men dress (MensVogue)

7 that, thankfully, did not (Defamer)

Steve-O vs KFed; the throwdown (AgentBedhead)

Sharon Osbourne vs Heather Mills (CelebritySmack)

The Celebrity-Industrial Complex hasn’t finished with John Lennon yet (GabbyBabble)

Who wore it best: Katie or Tom? (PrettyOnTheOutside)

JLo is in labour, yo (Celebwarship)

Paula Abdul debuts robot voice in new video (AllieIsWired)

ScarJo and the 10 lamest tattoos in the world (Yeeeeah)

Does Madonna shave or wax her chest hair? (DoodleWhore)

What DID Perez say? (WOWReport)

Elle Macpherson is a wildcat (Gabsmash)

Elizabeth Hurley is a slave-driver (Celebitchy)

Amy Winehouse’s husband pimps her pictures to support his prison overdoses (HolyMoly)

Hayden Panettiere’s Candies (JustJared)

Ex-con approves of nekkid Lindsay Lohan (DailyStab)

Celebrity Drugs and Alcohol magazine (CircusHour)

Cindy Crawford in Mexico (ImNotObsessed)

Is Nicole Kidman risking her baby? (FitCeleb)

Colin Farrell cleans up nicely (Popsugar)

Jessica Simpson hates fat people (IDLYITW)

Congratulations to Sean Bean on achieving the big four! Now here’s a guy who doesn’t believe in “third time lucky” or the law of diminishing returns:

Actor Sean Bean has wed for the fourth time.

The 48-year-old Lord Of The Rings star tied the knot with girlfriend Georgina Sutcliffe, 29, at Marylebone Register Office in central London.

The couple originally intended to marry last month but cancelled 24 hours before the big day, citing “personal reasons”.

This time the low-key ceremony went without a hitch.

Sutcliffe wore a pale gold top with a black pencil skirt and carried a simple bouquet of white roses.

Sharpe star Bean was dressed in a navy pinstriped suit.

The small group of guests included the actor’s three daughters from previous relationships.

As for the blushing young bride, she will now have to work hard to gain the acceptance of her new stepdaughters.  It’s not an enviable task but as Meatloaf said (before “I can see paradise by the dashboard light” and after “You took the words out of my mouth”), two out of three ain’t bad!

The Divine Miss M rises from the dead, returns to play Vegas (disembedded)

These boobs were made for Walken (AgentBedhead)

Lindsay Lohan vs Marilyn Monroe: duelling nekkids (CelebritySmack)

Mr. Amy Winehouse OD’s in prison again (Celebitchy)

Joan Collins, home on the range (TheMeatScale)

Chez Suri: The TomKat love nest (Derober)

Heather Mills stands by her man, whether he likes it or not (Dlisted)

Aretha fails to get respect from PETA (Bossip)

Jake Gyllenhaal dumped Kirsten Dunst for being Drunkst (Yeeeeah)

Jakey gets a makeover (PopSugar)

Kathleen Turner made of stone, not romancing (HollywoodRag)

Russell Crowe cast in new Austin Powers flick? (WebstersIsMyBitch)

Lily Allen, stripper chauffeuse (ImNotObsessed)

Poll: Who’s the hottest American President? (HolyCandy)

Travis Barker dates up, Paris Hilton dates down (DailyStab)

Heath Ledger: Saint or Sinner?  (Defamer)

Do women want gossip that hates women? (Jezebel)

Celebrity toplessness reaches critical levels: McConaughey alert! (Gawker)

McDreamy and McSteamy Valentines cards 4 u! (Defamer)

Twisted celebrity Valentines (GalleryOfTheAbsurd)

Happy Singles Awareness Day! (Jezebel)

Happy National Impotence Day! (Fleshbot, site NSFW)

Slash’s son is a chip off the old testicle (AgentBedhead)

Valentine’s Day love sayings (Quotes)

Gay modern love stories (Gawker)

Send Lane Garrison a Valentine (CelebritySmack)

What Material is the Material Girl made of? (CelebrityCosmeticSurgery)

Jennifer LOVE Hewitt is a flower girl (DailyStab)

Jane Fonda talks dirty (Celebrity Cowboy)

Is Katie Holmes carrying dodecatuplets? (ASocialitesLife)

Lindsay Lohan’s low-maintenance, love-ready ‘do (HolyCandy)

Kelly Osborne, ice queen (Dlisted)

The Beautiful People just want to look like… (CityRag)

For the sake of L.O.V.E. I am posting a Rumer Willis link (JustJared)

Jamie-Lynn Spears and her babydaddy still together at month 5 (ImNotObsessed)

Kirstie Alley’s body thetans cost her the Jenny Craig gig (Popbytes)

Mr. T pities the fool who’s gone all metrosexual this Valentine’s Day (HolyMoly)

Nelly Furtado may be sperminated (PerezHilton)

Today’s a good a day as any to dust off the old crystal ball and see what the future holds for celebrity coupledom.  Here are my predictions - be aware that I don’t aim to shock, but to present entirely logical and wonderful possibilities.

Hunky Hollywood heartthrob approaching second mid-life crisis is looking for female with some meat on her bones.  Church of Scientology seeks new high-profile convert.  The rest, as they say, is history.

(more…)

Celebrity pickup lines (Agentbedhead)

Reasons to hate American Idol (ImBringingBloggingBack)

Rickrolling the Church of Scientology (Gawker)

Britney Spears is the Pied Piper of North Hollywood (CeleBitchy)

Colour me shocked: Paris Hilton neglects her pussy (Dlisted)

Colin Farrell will be best man at his brother’s gay wedding (Gabsmash)

Violet Affleck pats the bunny (CelebrityBabyScoop)

Lenny Kravitz in the hospital (CelebritySmack)

Fergie may have a pea in the pod (HollywoodBackwash)

Scarlett Johansson and Natalie Portman will eat your soul (DailyStab)

Nelly Furtado loses at the Grammys (GoFugYourself)

Dita von Teese dates down. Like, Backstreet Boy down (EvilBeet)

Barron Hilton runs down a gas station attendant, gets DUI’ed (Defamer)

Night of the Creeps: Kanye at the Grammys (fourfour)

John Mayer not checking into the Paris Hilton (HolyCandy)

Amy Winehouse goes from soundstage to lockup (ImNotObsessed)

Angelina loses an Oscar (Mollygood)

Emma Watson picks up Kirsten Dunst’s sloppy seconds (JustJared)

Gary Coleman is off the market, ladies (PerezHilton)

Well well, what have we here? Emma Watson and a lad who can’t seem to close his mouth? And not just any lad, but unkempt 27-year old rocker Johnny Borrell:

Harry Potter starlet Emma Watson stepped out with a racy new look at a star-studded party last night, but it was her choice of companion that raised eyebrows as she left with Razorlight rocker Johnny Borrell.

The 17-year old actress, dressed in a tight-fitting nude-coloured strapless minidress, and a pair of platform heels, was seen spending time at the star-studded Vanity Fair and Burberry Portraits private view party in London with rocker Borrell.

Borrell’s ex-girlfriend Camilla Fayed was also at the event.

At 27, Borrell is nine years the ingenue’s senior. But judging by Emma’s new look, the young actress is keen to let the world know, that she is no longer just Harry Potter’s know-it-all sidekick.

The Razorlight frontman, split from Spider-Man actress Kirsten Dunst last year. She reportedly took the split badly and was recently admitted to rehab.

Mark my words, he and his red-carpet-ready cowboy boots are bad news so Emma had best keep her distance from this lank-haired lothario.  Remember how the last young lady who got involved with him sank into a bottomless taffeta pit of despair?

Rolling Stone drives stake into Britney Spears with unholy hackiography (Defamer)

Britney’s only Goth from the waist down (DailyStab)

Pete Doherty seeks new life as Smackbob Nopants (Gawker)

or maybe the Easter Bunny? (AgentBedhead)

Top 10 reasons to miss Anna Nicole Smith (Jezebel)

Lindsay Lohan goes dark (CelebritySmack)

Amy Winehouse will bring the funk, may bring the crack to the Grammies (TMZ)

We traded the UK Snoop Dogg for Amy (HolyMoly)

Eva Mendez more Disco than Goth, in rehab for coke (LARagMag)

Scott Weiland, Velvet Revolver front man, back in treatment (GenosWorld)

ScarJo and PeCru go pansexual for ex-sexagenarian Woody Allen (Gabsmash)

Goths Celebs of the Day: Demi and Ashton wear all-black to his 30th birthday party (HolyCandy)

Kill me now: Cher and Tom Cruise were lovers? (Dlisted)

Top 5 celebrity Goth chicks (Hi-5)

The Last Supper of Trent Reznor (LolNIN)

Another reason to drink as if you need one (WorkoutMommy)

Mystery man in black (ImNotObsessed)

Brittany Snow joins the Trenchcoat Mafia (DerekHail)

Lost Boy still lost, still blood-sucking (PerezHilton)

Dita von Teese as the Girl Next Door (SkunksBlog)

Kat von D will never tattoo another agent as long as she lives! (Mollygood)

Kirsten “Vampire Chronicles” Dunst vanishes (Celebitchy)

Madonna is immortal. Because plastic can’t die (TheMeatScale)

Sorry, no Angelina Jolie or Avril Lavigne stories today. Haven’t you heard? They’re not Goth.

Continuing on the teetering yellow heels of Spiritfingers’ “Who Wore it Better?”

I’m not sayin’ anything…

I’m just sayin’

Mary-Kate is renting out Heath Ledger’s apartment (WOWreport)

Tyra Banks is a mess, not so hot (Gawker)

Heidi Fleiss is a different kind of mess, also not hot (TMZ)

Val Kilmer is the patron Saint of Knight Rider (Defamer)

The Four Horsemen of Scientology (WebstersIsMyBitch)

Eva Mendes escapes from In ‘n Out rehab (EvilBeet)

Jack Klugman not dead, now married. Sorry, ladies! (SeriouslyOMGWTF)

Rocker Zombie Force UNITE! (Mollygood)

Eighties Zombie on the loose! (HolyCandy)

Aretha Franklin, athlete! (Dlisted)

The Celine Dion workout (GypsyMiller)

Amy Winehouse to enjoy the Grammys from the comfort of her own sofa (USMagazine)

Angelina Jolie on Baghdad, in Baghdad (ImNotObsessed)

Charlize Theron hanging with the hottest pack of trannies in prepdom (DailyStab)

Why is Britney free when Gitmo is full? (CelebritySmack)

Madonna and her Mini-Me (AgentBedhead)

Gwynnie, sugar lump, I get it. I do. Even though you don’t know, we’re more alike than you might think. We’re both tall and fair, we both have enviable bone structure, we both have very strict diets (you’re a macrobiotic wackaloon who apparently hates bacon, freedom and happiness while I will only consume Oreos if they’re frozen AND double-stuft) and we’re both pretentious Anglomaniacs. But poodle, you’re still from L.A and, no matter what your borderline unhygienic but still remarkably hot husband Chris Martin tells you, you cannot technically become British “by injection.”