Ayyyy!

Courtney Love, Chickenhawk.

Mark Twain sings the Greatest Hits of the 70’s (Lolebrity)

Gangsta! (MaterialBitch)

Oscar Campaign Violations (Movieline)

Courtney Love sics the FBI on Ed Norton (PerezHilton)

Nazis for Jordan! (UKPopSugar)

Suicide a felony? (PopBytes)

Beaver shot (SeriouslyOMG)

St. Angelina bails out (ASL)

Tyler Durden’s Rules (CopyBlogger)

Keith Urban is an icehole (Manolo)

Canucks Amok! (Gawker)

The Crazies come out at Midnight (TenGossip)

Rapper quarantined! (WOWReport)

Crazy young drunk girl vs crazy old meth mom (LitelySalted)

Tiger Woods drained (JustJared)

Suri ditches the ‘rents (IBBB)

Lady Gaga attacks! (INeedMyFix)

Prada axes models (HollywoodBackwash)

This is what DIVORCE is for, people (EvilBeet)

Avril Lavigne crosses the line (DListed)

Kelly Ripa’s biker cred (DailyStab)

The Mischamobile got towed (Celebslam)

Pete Doherty’s babysitter sentenced (AgentBedhead)

The White House Party Crashers claim their first scalp (CelebDirtyLaundry)

Blog hijacked! (CelebritySmack)

Kirstie Alley, frontman (CeleBitchy)

Did someone steal Daniel Boone’s hat? (HolyCandy)

Hugh Jackman gets cut! (BusyBeeBlogger)

Levi Johnson’s court order (AmyGrindhouse)

At last we learn the backstory to the shot herd ’round the world. Oh Snoop, we’ve all been there.

Claire Danes knows how to work a trenchcoat (Lolebrity)

Celebrities! They’re not like us! They can walk in these shoes! (CelebToast)

The best 404 message online (AgentBedhead)

Om Nom Nom WHA???? (AllieIsWired)

Brittany Murphy, Casey Johnson, Basic Health Rules laid to rest (AmyGrindhouse)

Demon in sheep’s clothing (BWE)

Anne Hathaway flips the bird (BricksAndStones)

Alexis for Alexis! (BusyBeeBlogger)

Ooh La Little Girl Lingerie? (LaughingStork)

Kate, I think you dropped something (HolyMoly)

Sandra Bullock will cut a bitch (LitelySalted)

Forget Mischa Barton, try Carole Channing! (LaineyGossip)

Kristen Stewart in court for prostitution (TMZ)

Ralph Lauren snubs in public! (CelebrityMound)

Ellen for President? (CelebrityDirtyLaundry)

Tom Brady’s 2-month-old can run??? (CelebrityBabyScoop)

Oooh, ACDC MUST DIE!!!! (CeleBitchy)

Jay-Qui? (CelebrityVIPLounge)

Possibly the most terrifying headline I’ve ever read (CelebritySmack)

Kanye survives horrifying ordeal (CelebSlam)

Bublé’s bongo bowl (CityRag)

Dennis Quaid’s farmer’s tan (CrazyDaysAndNights)

The Real BabyMamas of Atlanta (Crunk+Disorderly)

Brangelina lives! (DailyStab)

Paris has gone to the dogs (DanasDirt)

Nicknames of the literati (Gawker)

The return of PuppyBowl (DListed)

Betty White is terrifying (EvilBeet)

Small Wonder it was cancelled (FourFour)

Janet Jackson is a Janet Jackson impersonator (GabbyBabble)

Best Dressed/Worst Dressed at the Grammys (GoFugYourself)

Snooki’s makeover (ImBringingBloggingBack)

Qween no longer on Scene (INeedMyFix)

How Hugh Jackman rolls (HaveUHeard)

World’s most expensive benchwarmers (HollywoodBackwash)

Flack pointedly does NOT deny Paris Hilton is dumb (HollywoodRag)

Sniff Beyonce for $50 (HollywoodTuna)

KFat achieves self-awareness (ImNotObsessed)

Leif Garrett busted NOT A FLASHBACK TO 1975 (Janet CharltonsHollywood)

Virgins versus Texting! (JustJared)

PETA vs Avatar (Movieline)

Jessica Biel definitely not Jewish (FitCeleb)

Frances Bean taking singing lessons (PerezHilton)

Stock Anderson Cooper Adorable Story (PinkIsTheNewBlog)

Russell Brand shoots, scores (UKPopSugar)

Jamaican Bobsled Team not so cool (WizBangPop)

Orlando Bloom is all wet (PopBytes)

Kelly Clarkson in flamewar (RadarOnline)

Re-Enchanted (SeriouslyOMG)

Tila says the butler didn’t do it (ASocialiteLife)

Conan O’Brien’s Valentine to Britney (SquareEyes)

Saffy, darling, are you slumming in this movie? (TenGossip)

John Mayer needs to take off the Wayfarers (TheBosh)

Mischa Barton wins Best Supporting Hose (TheSkinny)

Bill Gates on Manhunt? (raincoaster)

Mr Bean goes to the Spanish Parliament (Guardian)

Iran. Iran so far away (Gawker)

Guido 2.0 (Lolebrity)

Eli Roth hacked and attacked by 200 Mexicans (Twitter)

Remix Trent Reznor (AgentBedhead)

Ellen Photoshops her way into the AI lineup (AmyGrindhouse)

RPattz and KStew ambushed! (AllieIsWired)

Lilo is robbed! (BusyBeeBlogger)

Rihanna’s outfit slashed! (INeedMyFix)

Pete and Ashlee hack the paps (CelebritySmack)

Redmond O’Neal busted again (CelebrityDirtyLaundry)

Mariah Carey’s jewels cased (HolyCandy)

OctoDoc takes the rap (CeleBitchy)

Angel stops cougar attack (DListed)

Celebrities caught in action (CrazyDaysAndNights)

Mischa Barton turns hooker (DailyStab)

The LA Coroner is mystified (EvilBeet)

Sean Penn is a stooge (GabbyBabble)

Madonna takes the rap (INO)

Halle Berry hacked! (JustJared)

Gay blades Jim Carrey and Ewan MacGregor come out (Movieline)

JSimp’s hairy sitch (PopSugar)

More deets on the Bear Jew Werewolf Shark attack (TenGossip)

Joan Rivers is a threat to national security (LitelySalted)

Dressing for the occasion, my friends, is not just a good idea: it’s the LAW, and breaking it can subject you to fierce penalty from the fashion police. So remember, when you’re going out pope-tackling and will likely end up on the front page of every newspaper in the world, that’s probably the time to put away the old “lucky pope-tacklin’ sweatshirt,” hit the Chanel counter for a little makeover, and maybe pick up something comfortable, something that lets you move, but something that won’t make you look quite so much like a sad little Jean Teasdale wannabe run amok.

This?

Is not how you want to be remembered, honey. When you’re pretty sure to lose out to the other side, your only revenge is to at least look better than they do.

Yeah, good luck with that!

In the spirit of Celebrity Dad Faceoff and The Monday Hotness, and with an acknowledging fist-bump to the literary meme going around the Manolosphere, we present Hump Day Links. Uh, no reason I chose that title.

And for, uh, no particular reason other than – ah – my proper esteem for public intellectuals, today I present:

The Men of Vanity Fair

Michael Lewis

William Langewiesche

Sebastian Junger

Uhhh, what was I saying? Right, public intellectuals and literacy and all like that there. Yeah, Dorothy Parker is my homegirl.

I don’t know about you, but I could use a refreshing Cold Shower after that! Now, to the hunk hump links!

Cool nekkid vamps (AgentBedhead)

Guess the hottie (AmyGrindhouse)

Soon to be the biggest-selling gift item ever (BricksAndStones)

Dexter, killer dad (BusyBeeBlogger)

Tots for t*ts (LaughingStork)

RPattz just needs the love of a good six-pack (CeleBitchy)

Clooney, Crawford, and choppers (AccidentalSexiness)

Tom Brady’s sports sisters (CelebritySmack)

Gerard Butler forecasts hot and humid! (TenGossip)

Simon Cowell takes another victim (DailyStab)

Sherlocked Up Holmes (Gawker)

Peter Andre loses 140lbs (GabbyBabble)

Douglas Family Values (EvilBeet)

Gerard Butler has something to tell you (DListed)

Justin Timberlake hits the Open Road (INO)

Leo, topless (JustJared)

The man who invented Himbos (Movieline)

Heath Ledger’s King Rat (UKPopSugar)

Jack Nicholson, party animal (SeriouslyOMG)

It’s a MAN, BABY! (HolyMoly)

Ryan Reynolds, topless (Websters)

Oh, and uh, Graydon Carter, of course:

No, I’m not drinking it. I’m just promoting it for a good cause. One must enter into the spirit of things, as it were!

Dora, the Gender Stereotype Explorer (AgentBedhead)

Chris Brown does not understand the meaning of “misdemeanor” (AmyGrindhouse)

Hayden Pannettiere doesn’t know what she does for a living (CandyKirby)

Britney Spears’s uterus makes a break for it (CelebWarship)

Forgive me, Xenu, for I have sinned (CeleBitchy)

Give me your tired, your poor, but not your Amy Winehouse (AllieIsWired)

Donald Trump talks sense? (CelebritySmack)

The LA Kings are truly desperate (CelebuWreck)

Drew Barrymore’s new job: Kate Moss impersonator (DListed)

Jimmy Kimmel is not f*cking Sarah Silverman (EvilBeet)

Matt Damon, centurion (GabbyBabble)

Reese Witherspoon deliberately upstages costar (JustJared)

The Princes of Hearts at large (UKPopSugar)

Betty White is Always Prepared (SeriouslyOMG)

as if Travis Barker doesn’t have enough problems (Websters)

The best Peaches Geldof beatdown you’ll read all damn day (HolyMoly)

Remember what Jessica Rabbit said. “I’m not bad. I’m just drawn that way!”

Fergie Ferg, Queen of Etiquette (Websters)

Never look a gift Tyra in the mouth (SeriouslyOMG)

Hayden Panettiere illegal, ejected! (ASL)

Jimmy Carter robbed! (WizbangPop)

Kate Moss’s day into evening look (UKPopSugar)

Ryan Seacrest low-fives (JustJared)

Britney and Justin’s awkward moment (ImNotObsessed)

Whitney Port’s bikini malfunction (IBBB)

A toast to Brad Pitt! (CandyKirby)

Ben Affleck and Jennifer Garner know Latin! (GabbyBabble)

Lil’ Kim attempts to upstage bereaved family (EvilBeet)

Wedding planning gone wrong (DListed)

Glenn gets too Close (HolyMoly)

Ann Coulter, 47, we salute you (Defamer)

For this, I went to Harvard? (CelebritySmack)

Pete Doherty’s career needs a shot in the arm  (AgentBedhead)

Britney Spears’s four letter lyrics (AmyGrindhouse)

The infamous Brandy Alexander has the unique distinction of being the first drink of which my mother ever consumed an excess. She’d been assured that the cream would coat her tummy so the brandy wouldn’t hit her too hard. Been assured. By a liar.

She remembers throwing her shoes off the cliff above St. Tropez and her new husband having to step around nude couples on the beach looking for them after he climbed down, and, frankly, not much after that for the next three days.

So, you’re warned.

A Photoshop is Worth1000 words (AgentBedhead)

Spoiler alert: the dog does NOT die: the dog goes on to re-date John Mayer (Websters)

SantaCon is ON, bitches! (CityRag)

and this is Jim Carrey’s brain on drugs (ASL)

Tom Cruise does the Flop Ten on Letterman (SeriouslyOMG)

Pellicano for the Pen! (WizbangPop)

Best of British exports (UKPopSugar)

Pete Wentz overshares. Again. (HolyMoly)

Penn Badgley’s ballsy (JustJared)

JLo sperminated?!?!?!?! (ImNotObsessed)

Your chance to blow away Santa (IBBB)

Size queen (BusyBeeBlogger)

Yes, RuPaul Can! (DListed)

Looks like Grampaw forgot his teeth (CandyKirby)

And this may be Shenae Grimes’ brain on drugs (HollywoodBackwash)

Your token Brandy story (EvilBeet)

The Quaids settle with the hospital that OD’s their children (DailyStab)

Columbo even more confused now (CelebritySmack)

Hilary Duff was never a virgin! (CeleBitchy)

Suri Cruise uses four-letter words (AmyGrindhouse)