Ayyyy!

Having spotted this disturbing phenomenon at the Ports 1961 LA store opening, we pose the question “Why does nobody expose their heads at indoor fashion events anymore?”:
(a) To conceal the need for a root touch-up
(b) To protect hair from the ever-present dangers of UV rays, falling pieces of plaster and head lice
(c) Head coverings are now handed out at the door instead of gift bags
(d) Adds to the mystery of why one was invited in the first place

Tom Cruise is subdued at the Saggies (AgentBedhead)

Tom Cruise’s Wehrmacht ID (FrontierEditor)

John Travolta checks out the competition (Defamer)

Did you know: Without Scientology, you’re dead! (Mollygood)

Teh LOLcats h8 Scientology (raincoaster)

Amy Winehouse’s widower-to-be can hardly wait! (CelebritySmack)

Worst-dressed at the SAGGIES (Yeeeeah)

Pete Doherty loves teh kittehs (Dlisted)

Justin Timberlake is bringing the Ewok back (DerekHail)

Beckham’s boyzilian (Towelroad)

Perennially Possibly Pregnant Angie rocks the muumuu (TheBlemish)

Certifiably Insane Bjork rocks the Marushka Doll in Vegas look (BestWeekEver)

Debra Messing rocks like an Egyptian (WebstersIsMyBitch)

Jamie-Lynn Spears is hard-partying, baby-making (CelebWarship)

Kiefer! Kiefer! Kiefer! Donald! Donald! Donald! (Celebitchy)

Paris Hilton goes to a lesbian club, leaves with Brittney Gastineau (EvilBeet)

Kate Beckinsale’s pussy was on fire (HolyCandy)

Hayden Panettiere saves the whales! (ImNotObsessed)

Mischa Barton brings a Yeti back from Sundance (DailyStab)

New Kids On The starting Block? Or Not? (PerezHilton)

Your gossip blog unicorn chaser: St. George the Divine (GoFugYourself)

Sorry, it was there. I had to use it.

Larry Craig and the Village People get their groove on! (Disembedded)

Celebrities love Mr. Bones (Jezebel)

Life after Xena for Lucy Lawless (AgentBedhead)

LiLo’s new BF jilted his fiance for her (with bonus mug shot goodness) (CelebritySmack)

Pamela Anderson as: Hooker Bride Barbie! (DailyStab)

Colin Farrell and Natalie Portman do good (GlitteratiGossip)

Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt, not so good (GoFugYourself)

Donald Trump disses George Clooney and Angelina Jolie. Start the countdown to the assassination (HolyCandy)

LAPD investigates Orlando Bloom’s car crash (I’mNotObsessed)

Raising Suri Cruise by the book: Dianetics (CelebrityDirtyLaundry)

Michael Jackson on Kid Nation? Uh, so to speak. (JustJared)

Hayden Panettiere and Milo Ventimiglia not dating (OK)

Victoria Beckham cracks a smile (PerezHilton)

Kate Moss debuts her Joan Collins tribute collection (MollyGood)

Taye Diggs hotter even when goofy than any man you know (PopSugar)

Ellen DeGeneris releases the hounds (TMZ)

Kimora Lee Simmons, Russell Simmons, their kids, and Djimon Hounsou at the Pumpkin Patch (CelebrityBabyScoop)

Paris Hilton dumps another one (TheRadReport)

Celebrities cheat on their taxes too! (TheJellyfisher)

Debra Messing’s got a new job (Seriously?OMG!WTF?)

SPIRIT FINGERS: “I Am Not A Plastic Bag.”

MANOLO: “Express…” straight to Kirstie Alley Junction.

PLUMCAKE: Is it bad that when I first saw this I thought “damn, I think I forgot to put the tarp over the firewood?”

SPIRIT FINGERS: Guys, I don’t know if we should be doing this. Can we really judge a celebrity if we haven’t walked a mile in their sandals with their personal assistant by our side to carry all the shopping?

PLUMCAKE: It’s like a math problem. If xylophonic actress “A” has a drag coefficient area of C_d x YFt^2 when Y=rillyrillybig, how many big-boned residents of Boca have to sacrifice their lucky bingo schmattas?

MANOLO: Thank Heavens for that camisole.

PLUMCAKE: Thank Heavens that her flip flops have those little suckers on the bottom. Girlfriend would be at 30,000 feet over Van Nuys right now.

SPIRIT FINGERS: Maybe her car broke down again and she had to parachute into town for some provisions. Damn Toyota Priuses!

PLUMCAKE: No kidding, but she’ll get hers. Those Macy’s handlers are going to be pissed when they discover she’s run away.

MANOLO: Shelly Winter’s wardrobe! Helen Thomas’s hair color!

SPIRIT FINGERS: In the words of the immortal Karen Walker - “Grace, honey, that thing hurts like a hangover.”