So apparently the Met is throwing punk parties nowadays; well, I guess someone had to, what with CBGBs closed and the Mudd Club closed and Max’s Kansas City closed and…everything closed, and half the people dead. So they threw a party called “PUNK: Chaos to Couture,” invited the Living Dead, the Social Skeletons, and the mummified dowagers and their walkers to a gala and…

Sienna Miller was the best-dressed woman there?

Sienna Miller at the Met Gala

I know, I know, I’m losing my edge: first Katy Perry, now Sienna Miller. Both women I love to loathe, and both hit it out of the park in terms of the right fashion at the right time and place. It’s not easy to do glam punk, but Miller does it here with a jacket and headpiece worth more than Jonny Rotten ever spent on heroin in his entire life. But she still doesn’t look like she’s in costume; she looks like she could wear that with ripped jeans in a squat and be as relaxed and at home as Gwyneth Paltrow pretends to be when surrounded by food.

But that’s costume, gala punk. The Little Fashion Troll, he is the real thing.

Galliano is gloriously insane

And can someone tell me why, out of that entire fringey shorts over the camo shorts with the Pucci scarf with the prepster vest with the Derelicte jacket I am focused entirely on the feet and wondering where (and why) he ever got camel-toed British military socks? Do the Japanese do a lot of deer stalking in the Highlands or something? If they do, trust John Galliano to sneak up and snag their look when they’re not looking.

Rihanna’s high fashion

Ladies and gentlemen, there’s a reason Rihanna’s debut clothing line has been heralded as “High Fashion.” Let’s look at the respected designer as she is deep into the creative process.

Rihanna’s creative process

Hello Dollie

On the one hand, it’s great to see Docs back. On the other hand, THIS. Thanks, Alicia Auaa.

karl wants you

It’s been too long since we’ve checked in with our old friend Terrifying Uncle Karl. Here he is in all his sandblasted glory, from the tip of his ponytailed pompadour to the tips of his shit-kickers, not forgetting the fingerless hacker gloves made from the foreskins of stillborn T-Rexes.He would like you to lose weight. He would like you to dress better.

He would like you to look carefully at his tie pin. He just needs a routine retinal scan for his files. Look into the light. Remain calm. Now forget everything you ever knew about Target, mortgage your house, and go straight to Chanel. Now move along.

What? You think that wasn’t a truly horrifying scenario? You want to see a truly horrifying scenario? I was trying to protect you from it, but if you must: Click here.

Philip Treacy Chinoiserie

Philip Treacy is to hats what his oft-biz-partner (you have to specify nowadays) Alexander McQueen was to dresses: a supreme genius and a complete loonbat. Fabulous.

Here is his latest show from London Fashion Week. Dibs on the crazy multi-coloured feathered thingy with the iridescent train. Yes, a hat with a train: how could I resist? Although the large double wheel of pheasant feathers is also attractive, but probably only because the way the model is walking the front row of plumes is bouncing left when the back row is bouncing right. I’d have to buy her, and get her to wear it all the time, and what would be the fun in that? Actually, if he could make a leash that matched…hmmm.

Anyway, here’s your video. Sorry most of the captions for the Friday Caption Contest got caught by the spam filter over the weekend. I will have it taken out back and shot, I assure you. Prize presentation just as soon as I’m caught up on sleep!

Watch while you enjoy thumbing through a coffee table book of his best. Actually, they are sort of hats that were always waiting to be in coffee table books, don’t you think?

The Cowl of Cthulhu

Kudos to designer Asher Levine, who is not afraid to hint at who’s really behind the global fashion conspiracy. Cultists always have the best after parties. Just ask The Blonds!

Blond Jaws

Is that an Elder Sign in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?

Jil Sander Murse

This, my friends, is a paper bag.

It is not just any paper bag.

It is a paper bag designed by famed German minimalist Jil Sander, and it retails for £185 or $292.59US.

But you don’t want it.

This is the medium size, and at a mere 14″x8″x5″ it is nowhere near large enough to hold the dosage of shame you should have to cart around for paying for the damn thing in the first place.

Princess Choupette and Uncle Karl

Look at that poor face: it says HELP ME! ONE MORE TRANSFUSION AND HIS TRANSFORMATION WILL BE IRREVERSABLE!!!