It’s been too long since we’ve checked in with our old friend Terrifying Uncle Karl. Here he is in all his sandblasted glory, from the tip of his ponytailed pompadour to the tips of his shit-kickers, not forgetting the fingerless hacker gloves made from the foreskins of stillborn T-Rexes.He would like you to lose weight. He would like you to dress better.
He would like you to look carefully at his tie pin. He just needs a routine retinal scan for his files. Look into the light. Remain calm. Now forget everything you ever knew about Target, mortgage your house, and go straight to Chanel. Now move along.
What? You think that wasn’t a truly horrifying scenario? You want to see a truly horrifying scenario? I was trying to protect you from it, but if you must: Click here.