Jesus is coming

Actually, you can forget that “is coming” part. Jesus is here!

For thousands of years, theologians have debated the form in which Jesus would return: humble carpenter, glorious ruler, media phenomenon. Now, my friends, the speculation is over. We know what form He will take: fabulous!

Jesus’s “I Am” statements are a key source of Christian doctrine. In fact, He must have been pestered half to blasphemy with all the ancient Baba Wawas and Oprahs saying, “Tell us about yourself,” to judge by the number of times he answered it. Among current Earth dwellers, who can mistake the astonishing resemblance between those statements and these, by Italian fashion designer Manuele Malenotti?

Walking on water? Check. Flying through clouds? Check. Reference to children? Check. Manual labour? Check.

Although I am not entirely sure Jesus ever said, “I am your hangover on Sunday night.”

RIP Dynasty designer Nolan Miller. In your honour we present this week’s catfight-tastic caption contest.

DON'T RIP THE DRESS, BLAKE!!!!

You know what to do: do it to Kreeper Karl in the Komments!

Karl Kaption Kontest

Tom of Finland clothing

We’ve been neglecting you. We’re sorry; the Easter Lindt hangover went on far too long this year (that’s what happens when you combine premium chocolate with allergy meds and wash them down with Jack Daniels WHO KNEW???). Here, to make up for it, are a bevy of brawnies from the Tom of Finland clothing line‘s fall/winter 1998 show, inspired by the (in)famous and iconic gay illustrator. What’s surprising to me is how good these clothes are; not jokey (except Mister Hot Pants and Earflap Hat) and essentially classics cut with an eye to enhancing a sexy silhouette.

Enjoy.

Hermes Giant Pants

Haute Couture is not always deconstructed georgette ballgowns or starched and origami’d canvas batwings. Sometimes it’s Giant Pants.

This image of a frankly fabulous Hermes wool jumpsuit comes to us from the well-named Giant Pants of the Thirties blog, which features, you guessed it, Giant Pants of the Thirties. For those of us with a PBS-nurtured fondness for Oxford Bags or Beach Pajamas, this is a visual feast not to be skipped. Who wants anorexic pants when they can have voluptuousness in twill, moleskin or corduroy?

For Stella we give thanks, because without her, who’d we have to laugh at all damn week? Announcing our winner for last week’s contest:

Stella McCartney

Mudhooks
February 26, 2012 at 3:12 am

Specially designed for Kim Kardashian…

Congratulations and imaginary swag to Mudhooks! To her we hypothetically present the avian-themed imaginary
Riki Rosetta Anastasia Small Satchel in White Ostrich Leather to honour this design turkey.

Oh, Stella, this is not your best work. We’re going to do it to you in the captions, and we’re going to do it to you hard.

Stella McCartney

Dear readers, we have a confession to make. While we’re aware of the talents of the original YSL, of Halston, of even He Who Shall Not Be Named, we are, frankly, always up for a little more fun than they typically represent. A little fillip. A little mod in our mode, if not, indeed, a little mad.

We have found our perfect spirit animal. He is sleek. He is chic. He is petit. And he is probably worth about $150 a pelt to the Europeans.

ribbon seal

Despite being a He rather than a She, this arctic ribbon seal that showed up, somehow, a mile upriver from the Pacific near Seattle must nonetheless be acknowledged to embody the same light-hearted yet rigorous line as the creations of fabled Sixties icon André Courrèges. We will let him keep his coat, even as we admire it, for lo, we’ve always felt we were of insufficient angularity to carry off the stark contrasts of black and white, much though we may admire them.

We shall call him André!

Courreges