Truly hath the poet and wise man said that no royal wedding, christening, or restraining order hearing is complete without a Bad Fairy. Given the charmed lives led by heir to the British throne and his intended bride, and the fact that his Great-Aunt Margaret is dead, there is no particularly obvious candidate for the office. We in the Manolosphere would like to present our own official candidate for this office:

Tara “I’m a drug addict, not a pedophile” Palmer-Tomkinson.

Co-starring with Mickey Rourke in The Boxer?

Cocaine is a helluva drug, people, and with an $800 dollar a day habit it doesn’t matter how many nose jobs you throw at it; you’re essentially throwing good money after bad cartilage. Tara, the woman once rumoured to have taken Prince William’s virginity, is invited to the wedding, but wants to get her nose done first. At this point, however, it becomes a Michael Jackson situation: there needs to be something there to work on in the first place.

Let’s toast Tara’s heart’s desire with your choice of a Mad Fairy cocktail or a Donkey’s Nob (made with Coke, of course).

And some gossip links:

Rebecca Black is SO JEALOUS of this woman (raincoaster)

Hugh Jass has nothing on this guy (Lolebrity)

Karl Lagerfeld, now *I* want to kill you (Ayyyy)

Vodka: is there anything it can’t do? (Manolofood)

The Anti-Gwyneth makes a mean Monte Cristo (AgentBedhead)

I’d cut off her head for that hat (BusyBeeBlogger)

There was an Octomom who lived in a shoe(box)... (CelebDirtyLaundry)

Did anyone see Perez Hilton or Michael Lohan at the scene of the crime? (CelebritySmack)

Princess Margaret is dead, so who will be the bad fairy? (CelebVIPLounge)

Kim Kardashian, Turkey, these things write themselves (DailyStab)

Courtney Cox is no Friend! (EarSucker)

Rebecca Blacklash! (FitFabCeleb)

PETA will get her! (GirlsTalkinSmack)

Who harshes on Robin Sweetest Man In Showbiz Williams and lives???? (HaveUHeard)

Planet Earth takes Lady Gaga DOWN! (HollywoodHiccups)

Tinkerbell’s new rival (INeedMyFix)

Fix! Fix! The fix is in at People! (MathewGuiver)

Old Britney vs New Britney (PoorBritney)

Karl Lagerfeld has some funny priorities

Lagerfeld encourages starvation. “I used to place food in my mouth, but then spit it out again,” he said. “That way I got the taste without the calories. I haven’t done that for a long time, but it is a good way to beat the frustration.”

Oh, Karl. Before Julian Assange came along, you were my favorite Bond Villain. Now? You’ve suddenly turned into my Least-Favorite Auntie in the Home, Doped to the Gills and Still Convinced She’s Making Perfect Sense.

Go on and give her what for in the comments section:

Diane Von Furstenberg

We are living in interesting times, but there are consolations during times of uncertainty. We can, for instance, take solace in art, whether “pure” or applied, and some of the greatest achievements of fashion as art have come from Japan.

Yohji Yamamoto strapless stripes

Yohji Yamamoto wedding dress with hoop skirt

Issey Miyake staircase dress

Have a thoughtful cup of sake and meditate on the universality of the language of beauty.

The Julian Assange Action Figure (raincoaster)

Sense of Perspective failure (ayyyy)

Your John Cusack Unicorn Chaser (Lolebrity)

Can you ever see this enough: booze and danger (ManoloFood)

(self-promotion) Online social media workshops (raincoastermedia.com)

Really, REALLY white man cannot dance (AgentBedhead)

When did Joan Rivers become Barbara Eden (BusyBeeBlogger)

Celebrity Mini-Me times Five (CelebDirtyLaundry)

Would you be the filling in a Bieber sandwich (CelebritySmack)

Stifler goes to rehab (CelebrityVIPLounge)

Does Ryan Phillippe even act anymore (DailyStab)

Is there no twitter halfway house for Demi (Earsucker)

Charlie Sheen is still DUH WINNING (FitFabCeleb)

Courtney Cox adds fuel to those Aniston rumours (GirlsTalkinSmack)

Fisking the Bachelor (HaveUHeard)

Skateboarding bad boy is bad boy. NEWS (HollywoodHiccups)

The latest celebrity vanity album (INeedMyFix)

Liz Hurley IS a wonder, woman (MathewGuiver)

Britney for Japan relief (PoorBritney)

Yay, a celeb who looks like me in a bikini! (TheSkinny)

Baby Beckham wears pink (TheSkinnyChic)

Related articles

• Yohji Yamamoto (style.com)
• The latest fashionista exhibition from the V&A: Yohji Yamamoto (theflightoffashion.wordpress.com)
• Yohji Yamamoto To Get Museum Retrospective, Coffee Table Book (thegloss.com)
• Yohji Yamamoto: the people’s designer who cuts loose from the catwalk (guardian.co.uk)
• Fashion and Objects by Walter Van Beirendonck and Mates (redbeardedoctopus.wordpress.com)
• Thirty years of Japanese fashion (lostateminor.com)
• Issey Miyake | Paris Fall Winter 2011/2012 (modedimitri.wordpress.com)
• 132 5. Issey Miyake by Tokujin Yoshioka (karmatrendz.wordpress.com)
• Future Beauty: 30 Years of Japanese Fashion (supermisskorea.wordpress.com)
• Confused Couture – Commes des Garcon Fall 2011 Was Full of Schizophrenic Fashion (TrendHunter.com) (trendhunter.com)
• Comme des Garçons (fashionrecruit.wordpress.com)

Uncle Karl is disappointed in you, my dear.

Chanel designer Karl Lagerfeld is known as the master of the subtle touch. Here he subtly touches Flaming Florence (of “and the Machine”) in a futile effort to get this squalidly colorful creature out of his shot.

Diddy? Oh yes he DID!

Are you WINNING? Diddy sure is, and PWNING too. BOOM!

RIP OD (CelebritySmack)

REM RT (CelebrityVIPLounge)

WINNING! photoshops (CityRag)

SO FAR, Demi. So far… (DailyStab)

Adele is pro-gossip (DippedInCream)

Everybody but me has a book deal and a sex tape (EarSucker)

Three planets that size make a solar plexus system (FitFabCeleb)

Remember Lily Allen? (GirlsTalkinSmack)

One gets Africa, one gets New York? (HaveUHeard)

Aw man, don’t bling that thing! (HollywoodHiccups)

They have country music in Belgium? (INeedMyFix)

Roseanne Barr and Charlie Sheen? (MathewGuiver)

KFed/FedX Xpands (PoorBritney)

“Country Music’s newest star” (PopBytes)

TURBAN SIGHTING!!! (TheSkinny)

Bikini baby bump (TheSkinnyChic)

Christian Louboutin has a lot to answer for (for which to answer? Whatever) in particular these heinosities for both sexes:

For Gentlemen:

This Louboutin demonstrates what men think of as "spikes"

And for the Ladies:

To Lady Gaga, these are just fluffy

Now, I’m sorry.

No, I’m not.

But these BOTH look like either two people suffering from EPIC plantar warts (isn’t it nice they found each other? I bet the romcom would star Jennifer Aniston and Ben Stiller, and be nearly as painful as the disease) OR they were lovingly hand-crafted in an Italian atelier from the intimate membranes of a Stegosaurus with history’s worst case of genital warts.

Having planted that lovely thought in your head, I’ll now degrade you further with todays corny links.

Britney Spears is corny (Lolebrity)

Just say YES to creamed corn and ketchup with this delicacy (Manolofood)

“Evergreen” is still the top kernel of corn (raincoaster)

Joan Collins’ liquor is a little more rarefied (ayyyy)

Gaga’s brains are totally frittata (AgentBedhead)

Chris CORNell (BusyBeeBlogger)

Duelling cornballs, nobody wins! (CelebDirtyLaundry)

Bagel-to-Perogy communications perfected (DippedInCream)

Kingston’s just a niblet off the ol’ cob (CelebritySmack)

What the Adele? Isn’t WalMart too cornepone? (CelebVIPLounge)

Elisabetta Corn-all-ass (CityRag)

Aw, shucks, Canada’s hottest export returns! (DailyStab)

Gaga’s husky voice comes from the Whiskey Yoga Diet (GirlsTalkinSmack)

I always forget which one is Korny (FitFabCeleb)

Bieber creamed! (SeriouslyOMG)

Daniel Radcliffe is all Aw Shucks (CeleBitchy)

She’s a niblet, and shrinking! (TheSkinny)

Nice stalks! (GossipTeen)

Is that a corncob in your pocket, Brad, or??? (HaveUHeard)

Simon Cowell is picking Canada’s best crop of niblets (INeedMyFix)

If Gwyneth Paltrow is a vegan, does that make her a cannibal? (AmyGrindhouse)

Britney got her silks combed (PoorBritney)

Sui, Sui, pig, pig, pig (PopBytes)

Mariah’s ready to pop (EvilBeet)

If Alaia weren't already (at least "career")dead, this would kill him off

It was sweet of Gwynnie to try to save her corporate puppet-masters some dosh by doing her own makeup, but she really shouldn’t have done it with her thumbs just to prove she could. Also, I’m relatively sure that when Baume&Mercier signed her, they expected her to show up in something more attractive than pink wifebeater with Vegas Novelty Hooker Bottoms. Seriously, has Alaia been kidnapped and replaced with some spangly reject from Juicy Couture?