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Nightmare Fuel Fashion

Hello Dollie

Hello Dollie

On the one hand, it’s great to see Docs back. On the other hand, THIS. Thanks, Alicia Auaa.

Uncle Karl wants you

karl wants you

karl wants you

It’s been too long since we’ve checked in with our old friend Terrifying Uncle Karl. Here he is in all his sandblasted glory, from the tip of his ponytailed pompadour to the tips of his shit-kickers, not forgetting the fingerless hacker gloves made from the foreskins of stillborn T-Rexes.He would like you to lose weight. He would like you to dress better.

He would like you to look carefully at his tie pin. He just needs a routine retinal scan for his files. Look into the light. Remain calm. Now forget everything you ever knew about Target, mortgage your house, and go straight to Chanel. Now move along.

What? You think that wasn’t a truly horrifying scenario? You want to see a truly horrifying scenario? I was trying to protect you from it, but if you must: Click here.

Hat’s All: Philip Treacy

Philip Treacy Chinoiserie

Philip Treacy Chinoiserie

Philip Treacy is to hats what his oft-biz-partner (you have to specify nowadays) Alexander McQueen was to dresses: a supreme genius and a complete loonbat. Fabulous.

Here is his latest show from London Fashion Week. Dibs on the crazy multi-coloured feathered thingy with the iridescent train. Yes, a hat with a train: how could I resist? Although the large double wheel of pheasant feathers is also attractive, but probably only because the way the model is walking the front row of plumes is bouncing left when the back row is bouncing right. I’d have to buy her, and get her to wear it all the time, and what would be the fun in that? Actually, if he could make a leash that matched…hmmm.

Anyway, here’s your video. Sorry most of the captions for the Friday Caption Contest got caught by the spam filter over the weekend. I will have it taken out back and shot, I assure you. Prize presentation just as soon as I’m caught up on sleep!

Watch while you enjoy thumbing through a coffee table book of his best. Actually, they are sort of hats that were always waiting to be in coffee table books, don’t you think?

The Cowl of Cthulhu at New York Fashion Week

The Cowl of Cthulhu

The Cowl of Cthulhu

Kudos to designer Asher Levine, who is not afraid to hint at who’s really behind the global fashion conspiracy. Cultists always have the best after parties. Just ask The Blonds!

Blond Jaws

Blond Jaws

Is that an Elder Sign in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?

Murse of the Moment

Jil Sander Murse

Jil Sander Murse

This, my friends, is a paper bag.

It is not just any paper bag.

It is a paper bag designed by famed German minimalist Jil Sander, and it retails for £185 or $292.59US.

But you don’t want it.

This is the medium size, and at a mere 14″x8″x5″ it is nowhere near large enough to hold the dosage of shame you should have to cart around for paying for the damn thing in the first place.

Karl’s Konversion

Princess Choupette and Uncle Karl

Princess Choupette and Uncle Karl

Look at that poor face: it says HELP ME! ONE MORE TRANSFUSION AND HIS TRANSFORMATION WILL BE IRREVERSABLE!!!

Jesus Returns!

Jesus is coming

Jesus is coming

Actually, you can forget that “is coming” part. Jesus is here!

For thousands of years, theologians have debated the form in which Jesus would return: humble carpenter, glorious ruler, media phenomenon. Now, my friends, the speculation is over. We know what form He will take: fabulous!

Jesus’s “I Am” statements are a key source of Christian doctrine. In fact, He must have been pestered half to blasphemy with all the ancient Baba Wawas and Oprahs saying, “Tell us about yourself,” to judge by the number of times he answered it. Among current Earth dwellers, who can mistake the astonishing resemblance between those statements and these, by Italian fashion designer Manuele Malenotti?

Walking on water? Check. Flying through clouds? Check. Reference to children? Check. Manual labour? Check.

Although I am not entirely sure Jesus ever said, “I am your hangover on Sunday night.”

Friday Caption Contest: Nolan Miller Edition

RIP Dynasty designer Nolan Miller. In your honour we present this week’s catfight-tastic caption contest.

DON'T RIP THE DRESS, BLAKE!!!!

DON'T RIP THE DRESS, BLAKE!!!!

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