Funny, I wouldn’t have called her a dog, but I guess her new boyfriend is a furry. Wash that picture out of your mind with a couple of tall Salty Dog cocktails and enjoy your gossip links.

Happy Halloween from 1928 (raincoaster)
This Bear Jew takes no prisoners (Lolebrity)
How to dispose of the body (ManoloFood)
US now exporting celebrity wingnuts (CelebrityBeehive)
Crocman stalks Hollywood! (Ayyyy)
Shirley Manson recycles Garbage (AgentBedhead)
Jason Statham is unsafe at any speed (BusyBeeBlogger)
Katy Perry has a bad case of Russell Brand (CeleBitchy)
If these two crazy kids can’t make it, then who can? (CelebDirtyLaundry)
Cougar keeps her dog on leash for now (CelebritySmack)
Horrifying celebrity Halloween costumes (CojoStyle)
So that’s ONE blind item solved (DailyStab)
Beyonce returns from Sweden (EvilBeet)
The scent of revenge! (GabbyBabble)
Katy and Russell get even more bull (GirlsTalkinSmack)
Demi Moore tortures a child (GoFugYourself)
Kim Kardashian’s Halloween costume is definitely not a Treat (HaveUHeard)
Rihanna dresses up for Halloween (INeedMyFix)
Leo DiCaprio is going to be a serial killer (JustJared)
She has FANS? (PerezHilton)
The greatest musical triumph since Springtime for Hitler (PoorBritney)
Kristy McNichol is ageless (SeriouslyOMG)

I know, I know.

I don’t CARE! I like him anyway: he purty. I propose a toast to Ben Affleck’s enduring aethetic appeal, and to make that toast we shall raise a glass of this newfangled Brewmaster’s Black Lager from Okanagan Springs that I just tasted today, as I was being interviewed for a podcast in the back room of a pub, which is generally the way I like to be interviewed if it can’t be on the deck of my shiny new yacht or the terrace of my beach villa in Costa Rica. Yes, black lager; that is what I call affirmative action, and I intend to affirm it as frequently as my diet will allow. This has been an un-paid-for plug inspired by Ben Affleck’s hawtness. You may now return to your regular gossip links.

Poor Elvis (Lolebrity)
Cruise with Captain Charon (raincoaster)
James Franco is a wanker (AgentBedhead)
St Angelina consoles sadly unfabulous Pakistanis (BusyBeeBlogger)
Gaga’s got some meat on her bones at last (CeleBitchy)
Oh come on; next you’ll be telling us her boobs are fake! (CelebDirtyLaundry)
The caftan does JSimp no favours (CelebritySmack)
I’m on a (filthy) boat! (CityRag)
This is an awkward triangle! (CojoStyle)
Jennifer Aniston attacking by proxy (DListed)
Billy Ray Cyrus produced a goth? (GabbyBabble)
Taylor Swift has the best hair in the NFL (HaveUHeard)
Someone PLEASE give Dennis Rodman a radio show (INeedMyFix)
Some Twihard’s dreams are coming true! (PerezHilton)
Eli Roth wanted for questioning (Pajiba)
But Mommy IS white trash (PoorBritney)
So Cougartown is bi-curious now? (SeriouslyOMG)

Today we learn a new term from our friends at Celebitchy: Mullet Dress. As shown here on Jessica Alba, it describes a gown that says Party in the front, Tragedy in the back. Doesn’t she just look like a prom-themed novelty stripper caught on a loose nail halfway through “November Rain?” That’s not the look you’re going for, generally speaking. Also, she needs to pee really, really badly.

Hot Tub Hobo! (raincoaster)
Meryl “The Silencer” Streep (Ayyyy)
Director Wars 3-D! (AgentBedhead)
Lindsay Lohan goes to war (AllieIsWired)
Gay war on gay spies is so gay! (TheAwl)
For god’s sake, Kellan, put on some armor! (BusyBeeBlogger)
Debuting the Kim Kardashian line of spiked breastplate (CelebDirtyLaundry)
Michael Bay launches attack on Bosnia (CelebritySmack)
It’s Starlet vs Celebutante in the war of the column inches! (CityRag)
Jessica Alba’s feet taken prisoner (CojoStyle)
Hunk-off! McConaughey vs Phillipe! (HaveUHeard)
Yoko attacks your ears (INeedMyFix)
The War on Drugs is over (PerezHilton)
Blogger vs blogger over Britney! (PoorBritney)

via OMGBlog

Let’s face it, Dolly: you and I are the only ones who remember who Chesty Morgan was.

Are you a celebrity blogger who’d rather drink than link (and wouldn’t we all?) email me at raincoaster at gmail: I’m starting a linking service to do your work for you! And I’m working on an ad network to launch in the fall.

Eli Roth explains the VERY odd couple (Lolebrity)
The most Canadian story ever told (raincoaster)
2012 2.0 (AgentBedhead)
Katy Perry angling for a Spanx contract (AmyGrindhouse)
Brad Pitt will never be ugly enough to satisfy some people (CeleBitchy)
Mrs Brady to Dance with Stars! (CelebDirtyLaundry)
Jennifer Aniston’s nude year (CityRag)
Will Forte Will Leave (DailyStab)
This is Britney’s fallback (DListed)
Michael Jackson’s legacy endangered! (HaveUHeard)
You used to have to pay $50 to watch this in a booth (INeedMyFix)
Hippo breeding patterns in New Jersey (IBBB)
You’ll pry the crocheted cowboy hat from her cold, dead, manicured hands (PerezHilton)

I’ve held off giving this man his own Hump Day linkage, on the justifiable grounds that anyone dating Peaches Geldof must going through a terribly dark period of his life and deserves a little space, but then I thought, what the hell, maybe a little mild sexual objectification would cheer him up? And a reader sent me this, described at the only bearable 15 seconds of his appearance on Leno:

By the way, our honorary, virtual cocktail for today is the Pink Hound, which is a pink version of the classic Greyhound, ie vodka with pink grapefruit juice and ice, served in a tall glass. My current diet version consists of a tall glass, ice, and pink grapefruit juice diluted with half water. FML.

Are you a celebrity blogger who’d rather drink than link (and wouldn’t we all?) email me at raincoaster at gmail:
I’m starting a linking service to do your work for you! And I’m working on an ad network to launch in the fall.

The Cosby Family: the resemblance is strong with these ones (Lolebrity)
The hideous, unspeakable truth about purse dogs! (raincoaster)
I can’t pick a side in this bitchfight (AgentBedhead)
Nope, those are not Sandra Bullock’s thighs fraternizing with the enemy (AllieIsWired)
Beckham’s back (BusyBeeBlogger)
Who knew Teri Hatcher was a Klingon? (CeleBitchy)
Paris Hilton’s hairy situation (CelebDirtyLaundry)
Rush Limbaugh’s big fat fourth wedding (CelebritySmack)
Eye spy some bad plastic surgery (CityRag)
Hey Rod Stewart! How’s it hanging? (CojoStyle)
Kim Kardashian, Kougar (DailyStab)
DRad is the perfect man (Gawker)
Eat, Pray, Love Javier Bardem (HaveUHeard)
The world’s worst marriage proposal? (IBBB)
Simon Cowell’s shadow puppet army vs Roger Ebert (PerezHilton)
Uh-oh. Britney goes Gaga! (PoorBritney)
Twitter is toying with Jimmy Kimmel (SeriouslyOMG)

“You’d think an escape artist would want to have peripheral vision…”

“This looks so Broadway! I can just see Ann Miller tapdancing in this,” on Catwoman’s outfit. “I’m a fan of the Michelle Pfeiffer look, not the Halle Berry one. If your look is invoking the word “Halloween” that’s a sign it’s not working for you.”

And part two:

Are you a celebrity blogger who’d rather drink than link (and wouldn’t we all?) email me at raincoaster at gmail:
I’m starting a linking service to do your work for you! And I’m working on an ad network to launch in the fall.

Lindsay Lohan’s new low: cannibalism! (Lolebrity)
Celebutweet of the day: Mel Gibson (TrueSlant)
Don’t stop till you’ve got enough (raincoaster)
The magical healing power of shoes! (ShoeBlogs)
Not exactly the Dove of Peace (ManoloBig)
The sweet smell of Success! (ManoloMen)
CelebrityDad Faceoff: Bale vs Day-Lewis (TeenyManolo)
George Carlin was prescient (ManoloFood)
Reincarnating furniture (ManoloHome)
If Donnie Darko had lived, this would have been his wedding cake (ManoloBrides)
Kim Cattrall’s dream comes true (BusyBeeBlogger)
Vampires crushed by super-villain (CeleBitchy)
Switzerland is NO place for a family vacation! (CelebDirtyLaundry)
Pro-Am pornstar challenge! (CelebritySmack)
Brad Pitt once again beautiful beyond the lot of mortals (DListed)
The most mind-boggling piece of clothing in the history of the world (FourFour)
The Dream is over for Christina Milian (GabbyBabble)
Angelina defends her celebucub fashionista (HaveUHeard)
Pamela Anderson is going back in time! (EvilBeet)
Cindy Crawford is not mortal! (INeedMyFix)
But Betty White IS a god! (Movieline)
Prince Harry’s ex downgrades to reality tv (UKPopSugar)
How can you be so messed up you get fired from being a rehab patient? (PopBytes)
The King and Queen of America (SeriouslyOMG)
Who got cheated on the Emmy Nominations? (SquareEyes)

I was going to make fun of this woman for dressing like a lesbionic Martian flapper, but then I looked at the fine print and realized HOLY SHIT THAT’S VERUSCHKA and she is entitled to dress any way she likes.

And now, to the technology-themed link roundup.

I’ll have you know that Jackie Chan has never seen that troll farm in his life! (Lolebrity)

Is it time to upgrade to a new Mom? (TeenyManolo)

A scientifically-enhanced Madonna choking a chicken (Shoeblogs)

YouTube needs to take the Cure (Manolobig)

Modern superfoods not so super if you ask me (Manolofood)

Weddings go Back to the Future (ManoloBride)

Everything New is Old again (ManoloHome)

A return to classics at Louis Vuitton (BusyBeeBlogger)

Dakota Fanning travels forward in time (CeleBitchy)

Elton John was on hold for 43 years (CelebDirtyLaundry)

Kim Kardashian, new and improved (DailyStab)

Modern medicine + Twitter = EW! (EvilBeet)

Kick Ass 2.0 (GabbyBabble)

Alien Couture Blazer of the Future (HaveUHeard)

Canadians are fashion-forward (INeedMyFix)

Internet to blogger, internet to blogger… (IBBB)

Boy George has been using that I Hate Megan Fox app (SeriouslyOMG)

Prince shuts down his website, probably issued press release via carrier pigeon (Bossip)

Trent Reznor is the Anti-Prince (AgentBedhead)

The science of Ozzy Osbourne (AllieIsWired)

Lilo’s twitter account needs an upgrade from “Horribly Tacky” (AmyGrindhouse)

America, at this precise moment in time (BestWeekEver)

Reznor 2.0 on the way (BricksAndStones)

Rachel Dratch 2.0 on the way (CelebrityBabyScoop)

The future of Old Dude tv (CelebrityBeehive)

Hate Megan Fox? There’s an app for that (CelebrityCosmeticSurgery)

Don Johnson is a New Math genius! (CelebrityMound)

Mel Gibson vs technology (CelebritySmack)

Re-engineering the Calendar Girl (CelebVIPLounge)

Practical science for Lindsay Lohan (CelebSlam)

What, there are people who still use these? (CityRag)

Some icons are worth preserving (CrazyDays&Nights)

Thanks to modern science, we know what a catsuit made of Skittles looks like (Crunk&Disorderly)

Colin Farrell looks into the future (DListed)

Blogger vs Viacom (FourFour)

War of the Nerds (Gawker)

Alien Couture of the Future (GoFugYourself)

Cameron Diaz encounters Alien Growth Ray (HollywoodBackwash)

Amy Winehouse’s home-made cigarette carrier (HollywoodRag)

Scarjo channels Bardot (HollywoodTuna)

The Dion Spawn has been scanned (ImNotObsessed)

Tori Spelling has the very latest thing in wheels (JanetCharlton)

Ziyi Zhang transforms into sport star! (JustJared)

Fun with photos (of billionaires and their supermodels) (LaineyGossip)

The internet drives some people crazy (MaterialBitch)

If he could turn back time (MovieLine)

Vintage Bieber. No, that is not a typo (PerezHilton)

Test tube babydaddy Ronaldo (PinkIsTheNewBlog)

Amy Winehouse returns to the past as she steps into the future (UKPopSugar)

New priestly crime not the same as the old priestly crime (WizbangPop)

Blogger of the moment, in the mo (PopBytes)

Medical science to solve mystery kidnapping (RadarOnline)

Cedric Diggory is a trending topic? (ASL)

It’s like America’s Funniest Home Videos, courtesy of YouTube (SquareEyes)

Download Sheryl Too Thin and Too Tan Crow (TenGossip)

Cameron Diaz uses ancient sexual technique (TheBosh)

Kate Moss’s better living through chemistry (TheSkinny)

All of YouTube vs Xtina (WorldofWonder)

Twitpics of the Rich and Famous (YoungBlackAndFabulous)

Sure, Cusack, you can try to date younger, but it won’t do you any good. Dude, you are SO about to be shot down. The petite costar here demonstrates that you’re never too young to master the stink-eye.

Glee for Yu and Yu for Glee? (TrueSlant)

Make it official! (TheManolo)

The War on Boobies! (ManoloForTheBigGirls)

Shrekalikes! (TeenyManolo)

Balls! (ManoloForTheBrides)

Kinkier than a Snuggie (ManoloHome)

Justin Bieber nipple slip! (Lolebrity)

Courtney not Loved by Gwen Stefani (AgentBedhead)

Sandra Bullock stealth baby (AmyGrindhouse)

Jessica Alba is handsy (BusyBeeBlogger)

Don’t worry, Rielle, everybody else does (CeleBitchy)

Gleecap (CelebrityBeehive)

Randy Quaid avoids stay at government-run “hotel” (CelebDirtyLaundry)

Lame duck quacks (CelebritySmack)

Grandma does the View (CojoStyle)

Matt Damon breeds! (DailyStab)

NOT one of Gayle King’s favorite things (Gawker)

Drunk and high is no way to go through life but WAITAMINIT ALEXANDER MCQUEEN (EvilBeet)

If Jack and Jackie were still around, this would have killed them off (HaveUHeard)

John Cleese is not an ATM (INeedMyFix)

Heidi Klum is NOT a freak (JustJared)

Well, perhaps not Roman Polanski (MovieLine)

RPattz is back in town (UKPopSugar)

Let’s give it up for the hardest-working man in no business: the virtually unemployable yet always indomitable David Hasselhoff! Yes, the look may say “ageing gangster gigolo” but it’s a look to which I’ve been partial ever since that Star Trek episode where they went back to the Twenties. The shoes! The hats! The loud, loud suits!

Jennifer Aniston has the hardest-working plumbing in showbusiness (Lolebrity)

Lin Yu Chun and William Shatner completely work over Total Eclipse of the Heart (raincoaster)

Hardest-working Pratt in PR (AmyGrindhouse)

Hard labour in Hollywood (BusyBeeBlogger)

Ebert’s wife is the hardest-working spouse in tv (CeleBitchy)
Want to work hard for internet glory? (CelebrityBeehive)
Jessica Simpson too lazy for basic hygiene (CelebDirtyLaundry)
The hardest-working gossipeuse on Ustream (CelebritySmack)
Work hard for immortal mayhem! (Virgin)
It’s hard work, burying your soon-to-be-ex-husband alive (CelebToast)
Scott Baio works hard at being a twit (CityRag)
Jennifer Lopez just doesn’t work hard enough at Teh Fab (CojoStyle)
The hardest-working broodmare in the reality tv stable (DailyStab)
Do you want to work for Glee? Or just plain old money? (FirstClassFashionista)
Brenda wants to struggle! (FourFour)
JSimp shows off the hardest-working Spanx in fashion (GabbyBabble)
Peaches is the hardest-working junkie Scientologist celebuspawn starfarker in Coachella (Gawker)
Jennifer Hudson is working something out (GoFugYourself)
Rihanna’s Rib Recovers from exhaustion at hospital (HaveUHeard)
American Idiots spend hard-earned dollars on tickets to Broadway shows calling them idiots; how stupid is that? (INeedMyFix)
A Britney blogger’s work is never done (PoorBritney)
After all that work, you need your rest (IBBB)
It’s hard out here for a pimp (LitelySalted)
Busey wants you to WORK, lazy grocery imps! (Manolo)
James Cameron has been working WAY too hard (Movieline)
Glee does its Madonna homework (work) (PinkIsTheNewBlog)
Who’s been working hard? (UKPopSugar)
It’s cruel to put Zombie Bea Arthur to work! (PopBytes)
Secretariat has some guns! (SeriouslyOMG)
The Heat is On…Jake Gyllenhaal (TenGossip)

Ah, Dino: my dream man. Except for the being married thing. And the smoking. And being dead. And thus unable to mix me a medicinal tonic. Yeah, other than that, perfect.

I could use a medicinal tonic or six. You may have heard that I’ve been under the weather, and from the way I feel, the weather was wearing studded body armor at the time. I’m still not 100%, but with the help of a good man and/or a good pharmacist and/or a good bartender, I hope to have things back to normal around here relatively soon. And so, to the links.

Malcolm McLaren, the best mayor London never had (TrueSlant)

Eli Roth, regular guy (Lolebrity)

Marilyn Manson is SHOCKED! SHOCKED I SAY! (AgentBedhead)

Elizabeth Taylor is still on the market, boys! (AmyGrindhouse)

Johnny Weir is no size queen (BusyBeeBlogger)

Coco returns! (CeleBitchy)

Dick van Dyke raps! (CelebDirtyLaundry)

Downey, Junior, is a hottie (CelebritySmack)

More sex, more city (DailyStab)

Oprah was slumming (DListed)

Gleeful engagement (HaveUHeard)

Isn’t Kenny Rogers 100? (INeedMyFix)

Snooki keeps it real (IBBB)

Christina Aguilera is not herself (JustJared)

Britney in the Circus tent (PoorBritney)

Cougartown is handsy. Or is that pawsy? (UKPopSugar)