Let’s give it up for the hardest-working man in no business: the virtually unemployable yet always indomitable David Hasselhoff! Yes, the look may say “ageing gangster gigolo” but it’s a look to which I’ve been partial ever since that Star Trek episode where they went back to the Twenties. The shoes! The hats! The loud, loud suits!

Jennifer Aniston has the hardest-working plumbing in showbusiness (Lolebrity)

Lin Yu Chun and William Shatner completely work over Total Eclipse of the Heart (raincoaster)

Hardest-working Pratt in PR (AmyGrindhouse)

Hard labour in Hollywood (BusyBeeBlogger)

Ebert’s wife is the hardest-working spouse in tv (CeleBitchy)
Want to work hard for internet glory? (CelebrityBeehive)
Jessica Simpson too lazy for basic hygiene (CelebDirtyLaundry)
The hardest-working gossipeuse on Ustream (CelebritySmack)
Work hard for immortal mayhem! (Virgin)
It’s hard work, burying your soon-to-be-ex-husband alive (CelebToast)
Scott Baio works hard at being a twit (CityRag)
Jennifer Lopez just doesn’t work hard enough at Teh Fab (CojoStyle)
The hardest-working broodmare in the reality tv stable (DailyStab)
Do you want to work for Glee? Or just plain old money? (FirstClassFashionista)
Brenda wants to struggle! (FourFour)
JSimp shows off the hardest-working Spanx in fashion (GabbyBabble)
Peaches is the hardest-working junkie Scientologist celebuspawn starfarker in Coachella (Gawker)
Jennifer Hudson is working something out (GoFugYourself)
Rihanna’s Rib Recovers from exhaustion at hospital (HaveUHeard)
American Idiots spend hard-earned dollars on tickets to Broadway shows calling them idiots; how stupid is that? (INeedMyFix)
A Britney blogger’s work is never done (PoorBritney)
After all that work, you need your rest (IBBB)
It’s hard out here for a pimp (LitelySalted)
Busey wants you to WORK, lazy grocery imps! (Manolo)
James Cameron has been working WAY too hard (Movieline)
Glee does its Madonna homework (work) (PinkIsTheNewBlog)
Who’s been working hard? (UKPopSugar)
It’s cruel to put Zombie Bea Arthur to work! (PopBytes)
Secretariat has some guns! (SeriouslyOMG)
The Heat is On…Jake Gyllenhaal (TenGossip)

Ah, Dino: my dream man. Except for the being married thing. And the smoking. And being dead. And thus unable to mix me a medicinal tonic. Yeah, other than that, perfect.

I could use a medicinal tonic or six. You may have heard that I’ve been under the weather, and from the way I feel, the weather was wearing studded body armor at the time. I’m still not 100%, but with the help of a good man and/or a good pharmacist and/or a good bartender, I hope to have things back to normal around here relatively soon. And so, to the links.

Malcolm McLaren, the best mayor London never had (TrueSlant)

Eli Roth, regular guy (Lolebrity)

Marilyn Manson is SHOCKED! SHOCKED I SAY! (AgentBedhead)

Elizabeth Taylor is still on the market, boys! (AmyGrindhouse)

Johnny Weir is no size queen (BusyBeeBlogger)

Coco returns! (CeleBitchy)

Dick van Dyke raps! (CelebDirtyLaundry)

Downey, Junior, is a hottie (CelebritySmack)

More sex, more city (DailyStab)

Oprah was slumming (DListed)

Gleeful engagement (HaveUHeard)

Isn’t Kenny Rogers 100? (INeedMyFix)

Snooki keeps it real (IBBB)

Christina Aguilera is not herself (JustJared)

Britney in the Circus tent (PoorBritney)

Cougartown is handsy. Or is that pawsy? (UKPopSugar)

Courtney Love, Chickenhawk.

Mark Twain sings the Greatest Hits of the 70′s (Lolebrity)

Gangsta! (MaterialBitch)

Oscar Campaign Violations (Movieline)

Courtney Love sics the FBI on Ed Norton (PerezHilton)

Nazis for Jordan! (UKPopSugar)

Suicide a felony? (PopBytes)

Beaver shot (SeriouslyOMG)

St. Angelina bails out (ASL)

Tyler Durden’s Rules (CopyBlogger)

Keith Urban is an icehole (Manolo)

Canucks Amok! (Gawker)

The Crazies come out at Midnight (TenGossip)

Rapper quarantined! (WOWReport)

Crazy young drunk girl vs crazy old meth mom (LitelySalted)

Tiger Woods drained (JustJared)

Suri ditches the ‘rents (IBBB)

Lady Gaga attacks! (INeedMyFix)

Prada axes models (HollywoodBackwash)

This is what DIVORCE is for, people (EvilBeet)

Avril Lavigne crosses the line (DListed)

Kelly Ripa’s biker cred (DailyStab)

The Mischamobile got towed (Celebslam)

Pete Doherty’s babysitter sentenced (AgentBedhead)

The White House Party Crashers claim their first scalp (CelebDirtyLaundry)

Blog hijacked! (CelebritySmack)

Kirstie Alley, frontman (CeleBitchy)

Did someone steal Daniel Boone’s hat? (HolyCandy)

Hugh Jackman gets cut! (BusyBeeBlogger)

Levi Johnson’s court order (AmyGrindhouse)

Olympic Medalist Moguliste Hannah Kearney of the US isn’t sure which to admire more: her gold medal or the sweet bouquet of BC Bud with which she was presented.

This is what she sees later that night (Lolebrity)

Stephen Baldwin does NOT fancy vampires (AgentBedhead)

Brittany Murphy’s shaky Foundation (AmyGrindhouse)

Tila Tequila falls on butt, suffers brain injury (AllieIsWired)

Bono has come back to me (BusyBeeBlogger)

Stephen Colbert brings it: 1812, The Rematch! (CeleBitchy)

Kiefer is down for the count! (CelebDirtyLaundry)

Jennifer Garner goes Elektra on VDay (PopEater)

Kevin Smith, mad Twitterbomber (CelebritySmack)

Hate NBC? Love families? Make them pay! (CelebrityVIPLounge)

Hugo Boss shops Canadian (DailyStab)

Joe Biden, you’re no Dick Cheney (Gawker)

Robert Pattinson is open to homoeopathy (DListed)

Britney’s special Valentine (EvilBeet)

The Olympic Schedule (HaveUHeard)

A year in the life of LiLo (IBBB)

Kelly Osbourne is still alive (INeedMyFix)

Perez and John Mayer sittin’ in a tree… (LitelySalted)

Pups & Order (NastyNets)

Make your own star baby (TenGossip)

Nekkid Brit: keeper or throw back? (UKPopSugar)

But are we, in fact, the world? (PopBytes)

Movie mulligans (Movieline)

Like the fact one is at Sundance.

So duuuuuuude, we’re at Sundance. And my buddy here? His name is Bird Runningwater, which was totally gonna be my name at Burning Man until he showed up, but, like, what- where was I? No, no, this is WATER. W-A-T-T-U-R!

Now is the time at Ayyyy when we dance!

Specifically, we dance to spunky Aussie sensation Tina Arena‘s “Now I Can Dance” video, which features a dazzling parade of quirky fabulosity culminating in a special guest appearance by someone who is the very embodiment of quirky fabulosity, and who I bet you didn’t know could play guitar like that, didja?

“Now I Can Dance“

Tina Arena

So I hope this finds you well
Sun is shining down eastern valley ways
There’s some news I need to tell you
Give my Mother a kiss
Tell her I’m ok
I recall her words
“If it’s too easy
It never lasts
I have compromised
But I’m finally free of the past
Now I can dance
Clouds have all disappeared
Freedom
I hold so dear
Cause nobody knows me here
Though I can only imagine the sadness
In your eyes
Please understand
Now I can dance
All alone the other night
I came to realise we’d be friends for life
It was always meant to be
For some people the heavens can get it so right
Like an angel you see
You have graciously offered a hand
You’d be so proud of me
Now I’m finally taking a stand
Now I can dance
Clouds have all disappeared
Freedom
I hope so dear
Cause nobody knows me here
Though I can only imagine the sadness
In your eyes
Please understand
Now I can dance
Now I can dance
Now I can dance
Clouds have all disappeared
Freedom
I hope so dear
Cause nobody knows me here
Though I can only imagine the sadness
you eyes
Please understand
Now I can dance
Though I can only imagine the sadness
In your eyes
Please understand
Now I can dance
So I hope this finds you well
Sun is shining down eastern valley ways
So good
Be free
Can dance and laugh and just be me
So good
Be free
The clouds above have disappeared

Here we see heir to the British Throne His Royal Highness Prince Charles Philip Arthur George, Prince of Wales, KG, KT, GCB, OM, AK, QSO, PC, ADC, Earl of Chester, Duke of Cornwall, Duke of Rothesay, Earl of Carrick, Baron of Renfrew, Lord of the Isles and Prince and Great Steward of Scotland presenting medals to soldiers of the famed and historic Black Watch. Which points up two things:

one, that the Black Watch has abandoned the wearing of Black Watch, and

two, that if we can see him the camo doesn’t work very well!

Which reminds me of the time I was walking down The Drive and saw this guy dressed head to toe in camo. Camo shoes, pants, jacket, tee, hat, and backpack. I deliberately bumped into him and said, “Oh, sorry. I didn’t see you.”

He didn’t get it.

The Revenge of Coco (Gawker)

Quentin Tarantino to helm Conan flick (AgentBedhead)

Neil Patrick Harris shares a touching moment with Mickey Rourke (Lolebrity)

Old Friends (AmyGrindhouse)

Sig Hell! (BusyBeeBlogger)

Putting the “Brit” in Britney (CeleBitchy)

Finally, someone impresses Simon Cowell (CelebritySmack)

Golden gobs (HolyCandy)

Angel Falls to Earth (this is not a repeat from Paradise Lost) (INeedMyFix)

Hilary Duff, Garbo impersonator (JustJared)

Ice this old qualifies as glacial, no? (UKPopSugar)

Not enough Cthulhu! (Movieline)

The Cupcake of Doom (Crunk&Disorderly)

Lindsay Lohan embarks on a new career (DListed)

Martha Stewart goes pole hog (EvilBeet)

Jay, even the angry lesbians are against you now. Surrender before you get maimed (GabbyBabble)

Re-assemble your celebrity (INO)

Bill Gates on Manhunt? (raincoaster)

Mr Bean goes to the Spanish Parliament (Guardian)

Iran. Iran so far away (Gawker)

Guido 2.0 (Lolebrity)

Eli Roth hacked and attacked by 200 Mexicans (Twitter)

Remix Trent Reznor (AgentBedhead)

Ellen Photoshops her way into the AI lineup (AmyGrindhouse)

RPattz and KStew ambushed! (AllieIsWired)

Lilo is robbed! (BusyBeeBlogger)

Rihanna’s outfit slashed! (INeedMyFix)

Pete and Ashlee hack the paps (CelebritySmack)

Redmond O’Neal busted again (CelebrityDirtyLaundry)

Mariah Carey’s jewels cased (HolyCandy)

OctoDoc takes the rap (CeleBitchy)

Angel stops cougar attack (DListed)

Celebrities caught in action (CrazyDaysAndNights)

Mischa Barton turns hooker (DailyStab)

The LA Coroner is mystified (EvilBeet)

Sean Penn is a stooge (GabbyBabble)

Madonna takes the rap (INO)

Halle Berry hacked! (JustJared)

Gay blades Jim Carrey and Ewan MacGregor come out (Movieline)

JSimp’s hairy sitch (PopSugar)

More deets on the Bear Jew Werewolf Shark attack (TenGossip)

Joan Rivers is a threat to national security (LitelySalted)