I want Daphne Guinness’ Alexander McQueen outfit, and the invisible sword that presumably goes with it. And a moderately-sized vat of gin, STAT; this is a medical emergency. We lost to the US in an Olympic hockey game for the first time since 1960, and all of Canada is in bed, drunk and sobbing and holding on to it’s little Troll doll for dear life; all of Canada except me. Someone has to blog this pain away. I am in no mood to be trifled with, except perhaps by Hugh Jackman, and he should wear body armour just to be safe.

Alfred Hitchcock’s ultimate nightmare (Lolebrity)

Robert Pattinson is greased and ready! (AgentBedhead)

Jessica Simpson gets her mask on (AmyGrindhouse)

Jude Law, swordsman (BusyBeeBlogger)

Travis Barker’s boxing match aborted (CelebritySmack)

JLo misses hat trick (CeleBitchy)

Bag a king! (True/Slant)

Conan hits the road (DailyStab)

Dancesport according to Dita (CelebDirtyLaundry)

Hilary Duff teams with NHL Player (BricksAndStones)

Kate Moss, suited for action (DanasDirt)

Bigots! On! Ice! (Gawker)

Ice escapades with Johnny Weir (DListed)

Xtream Martial Arts Birthday Party? (EvilBeet)

The Champions! (INeedMyFix)

Ken Paves wins the Snatch and Grab (SeriouslyOMG)

The pairs event (UKPopSugar)

Shaun White ignores, to his credit, traditional advice for pattern on pattern.

Sven Kramer pwns NBC (raincoaster)

Padma’s pads (Lolebrity)

Suicide Girls Must Die (AgentBedhead)

Mel B. is 1/2 the wacko Britney was (AmyGrindhouse)

Colin Firth insufficiently gay for Tom Ford (BusyBeeBlogger)

Johnny Weir is too sexy for Vangroover (CeleBitchy)

Ali Lohan -> Dita von Teese? (CelebDirtyLaundry)

The Return of Cinnabun (CelebritySmack)

When Cougars Attack, starring Demi Moore and Susan Sarandon (CityRag)

Ewan McGregor is Out (DailyStab)

Flying Tomato drops bomb (Gawker)

The Return of Harriet Carter Wednesday (IBBB)

Kate Moss coulda been a neurosurgeon (INeedMyFix)

Do you want fries with that? (GoFugYourself)

Celine’s overshare will go on (Lainey)

Britney’s sour Candies (DListed)

We’re on a boat! (JustJared)

They’ve Lost the plot (Movieline)

The tears of a Canuck (PerezHilton)

Whatchootalkinbout Gary Coleman (SeriouslyOMG)

Twihardgasm! (TenGossip)

Justin Timberlake wants you to put a sock in it (ASL)

I have very little idea how these high-end charity benefits are supposed to work, but shouldn’t they only be putting goods on display that are actually going to be auctioned off?

Halp! Iz Mary-Kate Olsen! (Lolebrity)

Peaches gets her apricot kicked by NYC (AgentBedhead)

Ali Lohan’s Why HELLO There Kitty costume (Yeeeeah)

Hudson family murder suspect has long criminal history (CelebritySmack)

Julianne Hough suffers through Attack of the Ladyparts! (DailyStab)

Hollywood Zombie Boobies! (Defamer)

Deep Throat goes down for the last time (CandyKirby)

The Hills in black and white (IBBB)

Simon Cowell has a heart? (CelebrityDirt)

The Trollsen protest (Mollygood)

Is that a euphemism for “lesbian?” (PopSugar)

Now, I KNOW this has to be a euphemism, but for what??? (Websters)

Julia Roberts, however, is NOT about the euphemisms (SeriouslyOMG)

Donate to the Blogger’s Challenge (EvilBeet)

Hilary Duff has no respect for her elders (DListed)

Dita von Teese has the best Halloween costume! (CeleBitchy)

Britney Spears or Jennifer Love Hewitt in a bad wig? YOU DECIDE! (Lolebrity)

Job posting of the year: Courtney Love needs someone to document, then clean up after, the craziness (AgentBedhead)

Sam Ronson hates lesbians? (CelebritySmack)

Pete Doherty goes all John Cusack (HolyMoly)

Tori Spelling, Donna Martin, and The Secret (IBBB)

Porn stars: twice as fertile! (DailyStab)

ZOMG stop the presses: Clay Aiken is GAY???? (Defamer)

ZOMG stop the presses: Lindsay Lohan is GAY???? (Defamer)

Gold for gossip (Gawker)

Lisa Rinna is cougarrific! (GoFugYourself)

Clay Aiken is a Sarah Palin impersonator! (CandyKirby)

Gwyneth Paltrow has forgotten more than you’ll ever know about web design, mortals! (CeleBitchy)

Sharon Stone: you win a few, you lose a few. Too bad they’re your children (DListed)

Chris Rock schools Bill Clinton (Mollygood)

Dita von Teese debuts her teasers (UKPopSugar)

33 worst celebrity baby names (Babble)

What are you looking at me like that for? I’m just talking about a couple of simple folk recipes.

But soft…what light through yonder window breaks? David Lynch is the East, and David Duchovny is the Sun… (AgentBedhead)

Meg Ryan does not understand why she still has a job (CelebritySmack)

Eva Mendes wants to Manifest Destiny (DailyStab)

It’s crocs, fool. You’ve totally got it coming (CandyKirby)

Dollywood to Hollywood (Defamer)

Dita von Teese somehow sheds her inhibitions (BusyBeeBlogger)

Angelina Jolie’s nose knows she was different when she was 16 (SeriouslyOMG)

Lindsay threw some punches (IBBB)

Delayed Gratification: George Takei married his longtime partner on Sunday (GabbyBabble)

Dear Shannen Doherty, bitch… (CelebuWreck)

Miley Cyrus models church attire for the 21st Century (DListed)

Um, what happened to Ann Hathaway’s hips? (EvilBeet)

Does Islam hate SirSaint Paul McCartney? (CeleBitchy)

McCain says women are sexist (Mollygood)

Harry Potter and the crack pipe of doom? (Defamer)

Amy Winehouse is grounded! (DListed)

Mary-Kate sips around (PopSugar)

Can you give David Beckham a hand? (AgentBedhead)

Tatum O’Neil experiences the cruel and relentless beatdown of Rich White People’s Justice (CeleBitchy)

Pete Wentz is Out (CelebritySmack)

Celebrity sideboob (CityRag)

Angelina Jolie is normal (DailyStab)

Cynthia Nixon looking rather fiercer than usual (EvilBeet)

Get into Dita von Teese’s lingerie (BusyBeeBlogger)

Lindsay Lohan and Lily Allen to collaborate, end up killing each other (CelebWarship)

Michael Lohan: the shallow end of the gene pool speaks! (ImNotObsessed)

Is Naomi Watts pregnant again? (Us)

Every Leftie’s dream: torturing Christopher Hitchens (Gawker)

Rush Limbaugh will never go hungry (Mollygood)

Zac Efron is so hardcore (JustJared)

Sandra Bullock and Ryan Reynolds act out the Canada/US relationship (lolebrity)

The Hogans are the Oedipus and Elektra of the B-List (CelebuWreck)

Tom Cruise’s lawyer invokes Godwin’s Law on Dr. Drew (SeriouslyOMG)

Amy Winehouse is dealing crack (CelebrityDirt)

“Tila Tequila is a political power broker” isn’t a metaphor, it’s a stretch (AgentBedhead)

Beyonce is a work of art (CelebritySmack)

Jimmy Buffet is a natural (CelebrityCosmeticSurgery)

Ashlee Simpson is showing (HollywoodBackwash)

Angelina Jolie is a pig! (DailyStab)

Ned Flanders at the beach! (DListed)

Marcia, crossed (ImNotObsessed)

Milk of human kindness curdles after a certain age (CandyKirby)

I know who killed my career (CeleBitchy)

Amy Winehouse is a size queen (NowMagazine)

Brad’s boxes in box-office boxing match (ASL)

Dita von Teese hosts Ebony and Ivory party (UKPopSugar)