Ayyyy!

It’s just not fair: as Mylene Farmer proves, sexy, elegant French chanteuses can look sexy, elegant, French and chanteuserrific even while falling flat on their faces.

And now for a few words from sexy, elegant French chanteuserati Mylene Farmer and Vanessa Paradis: Um, Mylene is so French she may in fact be NSFW unless you work at Playboy, so you’re warned. Vanessa is of course wholesomeness itself in corporeal form; how else do you think she snared Johnny Depp, eh?

Mylene:

Vanessa:

I’m sorry, Lapo. You know I love you, darling, but the Mad Scientist Whose Arms from the Elbow Down Are Reliving That Summer After Grad When We Did Shrooms at Burning Man look is just not working for you.

Ah, who am I kidding? Like I can afford brand-name drugs. I dunno what this is, but it dried up my nose just fine and hasn’t seemed to cause any sideaffex at al an i bot ity frum lenny out bac. i is fien.

oohmaz bad hare day (lolebrity)

dawn uv tha Twavatar (agentbedhead)

blak i’d p’s do robotface (amygrindhouse)

vangroover food prOn (busybeeblogger)

tila tekeela liarliarpantsonfire (celebritysmack)

maree antwanette at the brit awardz (holymoly)

jsimp seeks p-casso (celebitchy)

jiimmy kimmmmmellll gets it rite (celebdirtylaundry)

adam lmbert disconnex u (dailystab)

the ollllyimpic liveblog (gawker)

brangelina breeds monshishi (laughingstork)

st. angelina goez bak to her rutes (dlisted)

boggerpocalypse at b5 (earsucker)

saveypood no i did not make that up stoned thats what it actually said (movieline)

oh noes save teh fayk babehz~! (litelysalted)

what is this a photoshop contest (ibbb)

hello ur lyin (evilbeet)

meenwyle penny lane still undervalyood (gabbybabble)

undies win kellan lutz over (ineedmyfix)

menz fashun brit awardz im confyoozed wherez kfed (UKPopSugar)

axl roze 2 okkazhun (seriouslyomg)

i beeleev u have a hit (tengossip)

soaffie munks fone iz on vybrayte (theskinny)

Yes, it’s up on Friday! The winner of last week’s contest will be announced tomorrow, so you have till I wake up to get your caption on.

Now, of this image it must be said that at this point on a Friday night (fill in the blanks yourselves) I’m not entirely sure who German actor Erol Sander is, but he’s cute and I once trained a Samoyed named Errol and he was cute too, and Errol Flynn was cute and nefarious and had his autopsy conducted not far from where I’m sitting and apparently (and you didn’t hear this from me) the most interesting bits went missing!

Oh goodness me, I’m starting to sound like Plumcake, and I haven’t had NEARLY enough espresso for that, so without further ado we will invite you to post your caption in the comments. Best caption wins, as always, entirely virtual, and entirely fabulous, swag.

My, my. That’s quite a treasure chest you’ve got there. Model (no specific gender) and Madonna impersonator Gina Lisa Lohfink shows off a corset good enough to eat. Below, more chocouture from the Lambertz chocolate boutique fashion show.

I’m sorry, honey, but if your earrings have to tell us, you aren’t. Spanish singer Bebe demonstrates an ambitious accessory policy at the Madrid premiere of Nine.

It’s how you use it! Here tiny Euro Lapo (Baggins) Elkann works it on the dance floor, protected by the towering bulk of his girlfriend, Bianca Brandolini d’Adda.

Le Sigh. Could he be more perfect? Not only is he a hottie billionaire, but he’s small enough to fit in a standard carry-on!

Anjelica Huston and Charlotte Rampling may not be consuming tobacco at the moment, but they certainly know how to smoulder; add Catherine Deneuve to this duo and you’d have a three-alarm fire.

And yes, I have been reading old Walter Monheit columns, why do you ask?