As you’ve probably heard, the Royal Couple was recently up here in Canuckistan, and as is traditional, we demonstrated for them all the colourful local customs like street hockey, kayaking, the use of the Oxford Comma, and the preparation and consumption of Kraft Dinner.
And, of course, the Canadian Bullfights.
Let nobody say we’re unfriendly! That silly paparazzo didn’t have a clue how to play this game. Fortunately, the Royals had indeed read their cheat sheet and knew just how to divert the bull’s attention.
Also: Unreported fact about their visit to Yellowknife: Prince William took three shots at the net in street hockey. The goalie was pretty good, and snagged the first two balls, but the third ball ricocheted off the frame of the net and hit a photographer in the … sports equipment.
Your intrepid reporter was there.
from my favorite French chanteuse, Mylene Farmer. Do you ever feel, particularly whilst perusing celebrity blogs, that you were drowning in froth? Then you will get this video, even if you can’t understand the words, which are translated over the jump.
The Royal Wedding entrance like none other. My shameful past as a Prince Andrew fangirl with full-on subscriptions to Majesty AND The Royals comes out as I say the Princess Ann and Camilla lookalikes are really startlingly good, but the emo cynic within me comes out when I note that even the fake Prince Harry has way more fun than the fake Prince William, who has way more fun than either of the real ones.
Now, let’s toast these glorious ersatzii with (what else?) a Buck’s Fizz and some common gossip links.
Tee Many Martoonis (ManoloFood)
Spa No Go? Oh. (raincoaster)
Is this how the Spears family started? (Lolebrity)
Tom Cruise sees red (AgentBedhead)
And it turns out he’s not even related to Viggo! (BusyBeeBlogger)
Evan Rachel Wood lives up to his name (CelebDirtyLaundry)
Vanessa Hudgens in tampon chain fashion tragedy (CelebritySmack)
And then Trump asked for its birth certificate (CelebVIPLounge)
Joey Ramone lives on. On white trash (CityRag)
NPH has double trouble (DailyStab)
Oh, Aniston, it’s SO mutual (EarSucker)
Mike Tyson is serious about this yoga thing, too (FitFabCeleb)
Elizabeth Hurley will never age. STOP IT ALREADY, BITCH! (GirlsTalkinSmack)
JSimp wigs out (HollywoodHiccups)
Shack up with Glee! (INeedMyFix)
Royal Wedding rehearsal shocker! (MathewGuiver)
Nicki Minaj drops the dildo for Britney (PoorBritney)
Fergie drops the “D-List Bomb” on the TSA (PopBytes)
Seriously, why don’t they just rename it “Tramps and Drag Queens Day” instead of Ladies’ Day? I need a Drag Queen Cocktail and some distracting gossip links.
Ellen Page is poetry in motion (raincoaster)
Cornify makes any website into poetry (raincoastermedia)
Jack Kerouac IS poetry (Lolebrity)
Gwyneth is greased! Hounds, release! (AgentBedhead)
ZOMG I think we know what sent Morrissey into his rage (BusyBeeBlogger)
Their bodies are wonderlands (CelebDirtyLaundry)
Bad Barbie is alarmy (CityRag)
PlayPenn Pals (DailyStab)
Celebrities, they text just like us! (EarSucker)
and Pauly D weeps into his mirror (FitFabCeleb)
RyRey is CGI’d, big-thighed (HollywoodHiccups)
Least romantic love scene description EVER (INeedMyFix)
Literary light crashes and burns (MathewGuiver)
Macho Man Can! (Swoonworthy)
Call it a deconstructive approach to the human face (TheSkinnyChic)
His protestations to the contrary, we have conclusive proof that Viggo Mortensen is a Red Wings fan.
And that’s just too gross to explain, even for me.
Wash your mind’s eye out with a Muff Diver shooter (no hands, please!) and a few gossip links:
Zachary Quinto has a message for young people (Lolebrity)
Who won the fashion wars? (Ayyyy)
The St Valentine’s Day Massacre/Roundup (raincoaster)
The most perfect food in the world, in 926 words (ManoloFood)
Charlie Sheen pulls an Edith Piaf (AgentBedhead)
You know, I’d pay good money to watch her in the UFC ring (BusyBeeBlogger)
Tila Tequila has gone Amish on us (CelebDirtyLaundry)
In fairness, I’d snub Avril Lavigne too (CelebritySmack)
Wait till Shia LaBeouf hears about this! (CelebVIPLounge)
I don’t blame him: EVERYONE hates Daleks (CityRag)
Anne Hathaway wears support hose! (FitFabCeleb)
Celebrity fashion week (GirlsTalkinSmack)
Gosh, Emma Watson, lay off the ‘roids! (GossipTeen)
Lance Armstrong has had more comebacks than Cher (HaveUHeard)
A bunch of Yanks at the Brit Awards, why? (INeedMyFix)
Britney’s leaking! (PoorBritney)
Who invited HER? (TheSkinny)
Awww, isn’t that cute? The Duchess of Alba and her boytoy Alfonso Díez are making it legal. Living proof, if any were needed, that an aggressive nose job that results in you breathing out of two large pores in the middle of your face is never a wasted expense, if it allows one to attract men known to society paper readers everywhere as “and Unnamed Friend”.
In honour of the lovely couple, let’s toast them with a classic Champagne cocktail fortified with a little Spanish brandy, and read some sexy gossip links:
inside raincoaster (raincoaster)
Kate Spade’s sexy movie (ManoloFood)
Fred and George Weasley KNOW they’ve got it (Lolebrity)
Sir Elton has some words for our generation’s biggest a$$ (AgentBedhead)
Chris Isaak’s steamy new video (BusyBeeBlogger)
Tila Tequila’s sex tape means we’ll never be rid of her (CelebDirtyLaundry)
WHAT is Gaga doing to herself in bed? (CelebritySmack)
ScarJo doesn’t let cobwebs grow on her ladybits (CelebVIPLounge)
VD Stars! (CityRag)
They get wet (GirlsTalkinSmack)
J Hud talks about her new body (HaveUHeard)
Anderson Cooper is NOT into beatings! (INeedMyFix)
Britney’s got yogabutt! (PoorBritney)
What’s Lady Gaga’s sex name? (PopBytes)
Chuck Berry on line one… (SeriouslyOMG)