Ayyyy!

Our image of last week was apparently so terrifying that only an intrepid brace of commenters dared to risk snarking it. Congratulations to the winner of this historic and heated  coiffure to coiffure battle:

Jennie Says:
March 14th, 2010 at 1:58 am

The family Hermes uses the Star Gate to bring ancestors forward in time to battle the evil Fashion Troll…

Congratulations and imaginary swag to Jennie, whose reference to our favorite Fashion Troll cinched the win for her. Her prize for such captivating captioning? What else but a beautiful, virtual Hermes Birkin, stolen straight from the lap of Euro superstar Jane Birkin. Here she is at the Jean Paul Gaulthier show being distracted by the twinkling lights coming from inside Anna Piaggi’s head while I sneak up on her from the other side:

Here’s a better look, this time at Eva Longoria’s navy version: Ooooh, pretty!

What do you mean those Desperate Housewives don’t get along with each other? Nonsense! See, they even spit on each other for good luck!

Because if you’re going to trip over and fall flat on your face, would you rather do it in an elegant pantsuit or evening gown?

Blake Lively loves dogs! (lolebrity)

Gary Coleman is white trash? (Defamer)

Dakota Fanning, however, is not (AgentBedhead)

Eva Longoria Parker shills candy (DailyStab)

Bottom feeding on the LA dating scene (CelebritySmack)

Heather Mills is the earthly vessel of the divine principle of Schadenfreude (CeleBitchy)

Torontonian schools whiny busker/Oasis frontman attacked (HolyMoly)

We can’t believe it either, Jessica (PopSugar)

Jennifer Aniston is unbelievably thrilled to see you (ImNotObsessed)

France lays the smackdown on grifting for Xenu (Mollygood)

Smells like tween spirit! (BWE)

Britney Spears cleans up real good at the VMAs (EvilBeet)

This woman’s got her head screwed on wrong (IBBB)

Katy Perry’s stylist goes into production of silk purses (GoFugYourself)

Quote of the day: Katy Perry is nothing but Diablo Cody with an actual stripper’s body, instead of a former stripper’s body (FourFour)

Matt Damon vs Ben Affleck face off! (SeriouslyOMG)

Girls Gone Wild: Disney fake lesbian edition (Websters)

The real father of Bristol Palin’s baby (Radar)

Don’t you have to be a diva to throw a diva fit? (DListed)

Yor so vayn; Stallone and Madonna (Lolebrity)

Kiwi superstar! Liveblogging the Giant Squid of New Zealand (TePapa)

Woody Allen considering switching teams for Javier Bardem? (AgentBedhead)

Time after time Cyndi Lauper lays the smackdown on George W. Bush (CelebritySmack)

Keira’s singing inspired by Amy Winehouse (LARagMag)

Charlie Sheen once again gunning for Douchebag Daddy of the Year (CeleBitchy)

Baby Branding: so hot right now! (CelebWarship)

Would you work for Diddy-Squat? (Crunk+Disorderly)

Eva Longoria says she refused to wear skimpy outfits (DailyStab)

MGM bomb threat! (Defamer)

Celebrity Drunkface (CityRag)

Rage Against the Machine’s fans enraged, malevolently robot-like (IDLYITW)

Emmy Rossum confuses me too, kid. (JustJared)

Katie Holmes brings the 80’s back (DListed)

Sisterhood of the Travelling IForgotMyPants (PopSugar)

Kathie Lee Schadenfreude!!!!! (EvilBeet)

Have we ever thought of just letting the Confederacy go? (Mollygood)

Brangelunacy Live! (CandyKirby)

Miley Cyrus’ moneymaker makes $124 million a year (GabbyBabble)

Bob Saget roasted to Full City House levels (IBBB)

Are you fake gay too and just don’t know it? (Radar)

This is the BEST JOB IN THE WORLD AND I WANT IT! (Websters)

Scotty is Lost In Space! (raincoaster)

John Gotti Jr arrested for mob crimes! OMG! Stop the presses! (Gawker)

Suri has a muneez (Lolebrity)

Richard Simmons is a man’s man (Websters)

Guyliner goes mainstream (AgentBedhead)

Eyeliner works wonders (DailyStab)

Lance Armstrong comes out…of relationship (CelebritySmack)

Janice Dickinson, hot tranny mess (CelebrityCosmeticSurgery)

Tranny or Trash: YOU decide! (CandyKirby)

Britney’s new friend is hung like a horse (IBBB)

New Trannie Barbies: Xtina and Eva (ImNotObsessed)

Ashley Tisdale trawls for tuna (JustJared)

Paris Hilton, cobbler to the creme de la creme of drag performers (Mollygood)

So then, what does Tony Romo get if he wins MVP? (PopSugar)

NIN, straight up (PinkIsTheNewBlog)

America’s Got Confusion: there are professional Ozzy Osbourne impersonators? (Defamer)

Morrissey invades Israel (Gawker)

____er ____ed for ****ing in ___ (Radar)

Flannel-shirted Miley Cyrus will NOT kiss a girl! (CeleBitchy)

Tom Cruise no longer a mama’s boy? (InTouch)

Amy Winehouse is a vampire (DListed)

It’s no use looking at the dashboard for answers Tony, you should have figured out how to fix the problem when you were still parked in the driveway at home.  The best you can do now is to bail out as quickly as possible before those twin airbags explode all over the place.

It’s Anton Chigurh the cold-blooded murderer vs Eva Longoria the hotblooded Latina! One kills with monetary intentions, the other would kill for media mentions.