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The (Un)Dress Code

Deep in the realm of comedy lies the concept of clothing for bloggers. I mean, like, if skyclad is good enough for Perez Hilton, it’s good enough for me. But that didn’t stop a company called Mod Cloth from coming out with the monstrosity they call the Blog Writer Dress:

Blog Writer Dress, otherwise known as You've Gotta Be Kidding Me, HoneyAs a full-time blog writer, you know that there’s no reason to sacrifice ease in the name of style when you’re swanning around for hours with your laptop in tow. This loose-fitting babydoll dress makes a perfect match of both with its functional button front, cuffed short sleeves, and dark grey trim. A star-like pattern adds to its charm, as do its useful pockets. Transition from typing at home to meeting up with your readers for cupcakes by adding a fitted blazer, grey tights and a high, sturdy pair of heels, and you’ll be feeling both comfortable and confident as you chat the night away.

Riiiiiiight. Look at this thing (perhaps between slightly parted fingers, while crouched in the fetal position). The only blogging this godforsaken tatersack is suitable for is nursing twins while liveblogging the Hee Haw Marathon. Thanks for alerting me to this…this THING, Gawker. I also note that they think not just that we should be wearing this (how does Nick Denton feel about that? I just don’t think these are Ryan’s colours) but that bloggers will pay $131.99 for the privilege.

Ridiculous! Everyone knows what real bloggers wear at work: Three Wolf Moon Footie PJs with Drop Seat they order off Amazon.com

Three Wolf Moon pjs with drop seat

Today in Welcome to the 21st Century News…

Spray-on clothing. Shirt in a can. Liquid Latex.

Seriously, people, it’s 2010 and things like this exist. Where is my freaking jet pack already?

Concept: Spray On Shoes

Reality: Liquid Latex


My god, there should be legal restrictions on who can wear that. Remember: skin tight latex is a privilege, not a right.

Reuseable: Fabrican

This is for the (rather limited) market interested in looking as if they’ve gotten intimate with a can of Snow Spray.

Those Were The Days: of gratuitous topstitching!

I found this little gem on Youtube and since we’ve been a bit 70’s retro lately (although the suspense lasted all of, what, 26 minutes?) I thought it would fit in well. Here is a video of some … interesting … items from the 1977 JC Penny catalog.

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Tim Gunns them down

NEW YORK - SEPTEMBER 10: A model walks the runway at the Guli Collections Spring 2011 fashion show during Mercedes-Benz Fashion Week at The Studio at Lincoln Center on September 10, 2010 in New York City. (Photo by Jemal Countess/Getty Images for Guli Collections )

Quote of the day: Jackie O would not have camel toe.
Tim Gunn

Apparently, looking like a hermaphroditic Moroccan bellhop is going to be big in 2011. And camel toe.

Everybody looks fab in go-go boots (Lolebrity)
Bill Gates’ Manhunt profile (raincoaster)
Tony Blair’s criminal mind (TheShebeenClub)
Ben Afflecks’ red carpet reign of terror (AgentBedhead)
Miley Cyrus’s grunge stripper look (AmyGrindhouse)
Caption Hamfleck! (BusyBeeBlogger)
Brad no longer Pitted? (CelebCosmeticSurgery)
Lou Reed snubs Susan Boyle (CelebDirtyLaundry)
Dream couple to reunite? (CeleBitchy)
Julia Roberts graded C (CelebritySmack)
Celebrity mug shots (CityRag)
Diane Krueger wins another fashion award (CojoStyle)
Tom Brady’s crackup (DailyStab)
Everybody loves a man in uniform! (DListed)
Look who has a record deal and you don’t (GabbyBabble)
Who wants to see Goopy yodel for two hours? (HaveUHeard)
Karl is laughing at Diane too (INeedMyFix)
Jon Hamm discussing porn and … you’re not still reading this are you? (JustJared)
Tacky press release of the day (MovieLine)
Megan Fox takes over Ben Affleck’s role in Dogma (PerezHilton)
Britney’s bodyguards bio’d (PoorBritney)
PUT THE MAKEUP BACK ON!!! (SeriouslyOMG)

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Hump Day Hunk Links: Ben Affleck and Black Beer

Sept. 8, 2010 - Hollywood, California, U.S. - Director Ben Affleck attends the photocall of ''The Town'' during the 67th Venice International Film Festival at Palazzo del Casino in Venice, Italy, on september 8th, 2010. K65734AM. © Red Carpet Pictures

I know, I know.

I don’t CARE! I like him anyway: he purty. I propose a toast to Ben Affleck’s enduring aethetic appeal, and to make that toast we shall raise a glass of this newfangled Brewmaster’s Black Lager from Okanagan Springs that I just tasted today, as I was being interviewed for a podcast in the back room of a pub, which is generally the way I like to be interviewed if it can’t be on the deck of my shiny new yacht or the terrace of my beach villa in Costa Rica. Yes, black lager; that is what I call affirmative action, and I intend to affirm it as frequently as my diet will allow. This has been an un-paid-for plug inspired by Ben Affleck’s hawtness. You may now return to your regular gossip links.

Poor Elvis (Lolebrity)
Cruise with Captain Charon (raincoaster)
James Franco is a wanker (AgentBedhead)
St Angelina consoles sadly unfabulous Pakistanis (BusyBeeBlogger)
Gaga’s got some meat on her bones at last (CeleBitchy)
Oh come on; next you’ll be telling us her boobs are fake! (CelebDirtyLaundry)
The caftan does JSimp no favours (CelebritySmack)
I’m on a (filthy) boat! (CityRag)
This is an awkward triangle! (CojoStyle)
Jennifer Aniston attacking by proxy (DListed)
Billy Ray Cyrus produced a goth? (GabbyBabble)
Taylor Swift has the best hair in the NFL (HaveUHeard)
Someone PLEASE give Dennis Rodman a radio show (INeedMyFix)
Some Twihard’s dreams are coming true! (PerezHilton)
Eli Roth wanted for questioning (Pajiba)
But Mommy IS white trash (PoorBritney)
So Cougartown is bi-curious now? (SeriouslyOMG)

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Fashion term of the day: Mullet Dress

Actress Jessica Alba adjusts her dress during the Machete red carpet at the 67th Venice Film Festival September 1, 2010. The world's oldest film festival opened September 1 and closes on September 11. REUTERS/Alessandro Bianchi  (ITALY - Tags: ENTERTAINMENT)

Today we learn a new term from our friends at Celebitchy: Mullet Dress. As shown here on Jessica Alba, it describes a gown that says Party in the front, Tragedy in the back. Doesn’t she just look like a prom-themed novelty stripper caught on a loose nail halfway through “November Rain?” That’s not the look you’re going for, generally speaking. Also, she needs to pee really, really badly.

Jessica Alba arriving for the premiere of 'Machete' during the 67th Venice International Film Festival (Mostra) at the Sala Grande Palazzo, in Venice, Italy on September 1, 2010. Photo by Nicolas Briquet/ABACAPRESS.COM Photo via Newscom

Hot Tub Hobo! (raincoaster)
Meryl “The Silencer” Streep (Ayyyy)
Director Wars 3-D! (AgentBedhead)
Lindsay Lohan goes to war (AllieIsWired)
Gay war on gay spies is so gay! (TheAwl)
For god’s sake, Kellan, put on some armor! (BusyBeeBlogger)
Debuting the Kim Kardashian line of spiked breastplate (CelebDirtyLaundry)
Michael Bay launches attack on Bosnia (CelebritySmack)
It’s Starlet vs Celebutante in the war of the column inches! (CityRag)
Jessica Alba’s feet taken prisoner (CojoStyle)
Hunk-off! McConaughey vs Phillipe! (HaveUHeard)
Yoko attacks your ears (INeedMyFix)
The War on Drugs is over (PerezHilton)
Blogger vs blogger over Britney! (PoorBritney)

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Hump Day Hunk Links: John Hamm and a Dirty Martini Edition

John Hamm got into full FBI mode as he shot a scene complete with a shoot out for the film The Town in Boston, MA on September 24, 2009. Fame Pictures, Inc

What do you think? Can even the mighty powers of John Hamm make chinos and a plaid shirt dapper? I’m unconvinced. I think one or two Dirty Martinis would help me make up my mind, or at least blur my vision sufficiently to get over the Suburban Dad-ness of the ensemble.

Are you a celebrity blogger who’d rather drink than link? Links for sale…lovely links for sale…

Emma Watson’s (filthy) dirty laundry (Lolebrity)
Dino and Diogenes (raincoaster)
Bieber in the gutter! (SeriouslyOMG)
Paris Hilton no longer a Wynner (RadarOnline)
Great news! We may soon fob Katy Perry off on the UK full-time! (UKPopSugar)
Even great news: More Bill & Ted! (PerezHilton)
The Justice League vs City Hall (Movieline)
White Collar Battery! (INeedMyFix)
Happy Birthday, Cameron Diaz! (HaveUHeard)
Seriously the worst Emmy outfit (GoFugYourself)
Demi Moore does Snoop Dogg (GabbyBabble)
Rihanna gets waxed (DailyStab)
Spicy is a Calendar Girl (CelebritySmack)
I’ll buy the first two, but not the third, Mister Lowe (CeleBitchy)
Get your hands on Stephen Moyer’s sock! (CelebDirtyLaundry)
Kate Hudson is not slutty! She’s “open.” (BusyBeeBlogger)
Let’s all hate rich people! (AmyGrindhouse)
What next, Lil Kim’s Calvados? (AgentBedhead)

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Rita Wilson’s the height of fashion

From top

29 August 2010 - Los Angeles, California - Rita Wilson. 62nd Annual Primetime Emmy Awards held at NOKIA Theatre L.A. LIVE. Photo Credit: Byron Purvis/AdMedia

to bottom

Aug. 29, 2010 - Los Angeles, California, USA - Aug 29, 2010 - Los Angeles, California, USA - Actress RITA WILSON  at the The 62nd Prime Time Emmy Awards held at the Nokia Theater, Los Angeles. © Red Carpet Pictures

Rita Wilson shows herself to be a fashionista at the height of her powers. That height? About fifteen feet from the floor:

Maid cleaning chandelier in hotel foyer