Yeah, I had a dream like that once too

I’m sure we’ve all had those dreams where we’re walking down the sidewalk, minding our own business, and suddenly we realize we are: a) late for the calculus final and b) wearing nothing but a nightshirt.

And shoes that clash.

Accompanied by an apparently insensate, somnambulistic Hawaiian princess zombie.

Yeah, that dream: Shaun of the Dead meets Gilligan’s Island.

Actually, that would be an awesome movie.

In this scenario it’s hard to see a bright side, but if Rihanna here is simply doing research for her part in the as-yet-unannounced Shaun of the Dead/Gilligan’s Island musical, I would say we ALL win.

Rosie what are they doing down there

It’s nice to see the old girl isn’t confined, constrained, or controlled by old-fashioned and impossible ideals of youthful beauty, but you’d think she would have at least lifted them off her hips for the red carpet.

Segueing effortlessly from Rosie Huntindon-Whatever, here are your celebrity links and a radically perfect musical interlude featuring Justin Bond looking, really, much the same as Rosie.

Dance, little Eastern European Hipster, Dance! (raincoaster)

Bullfighting, Canadian-Style! (Ayyyy)

For that warm, fuzzy feeling that comes only from a Dutch Oven of 80′s nostalgia (icecoaster)

Watch Gwyneth Paltrow Die!!! For free and everything! (Crasstalk)

At long last, something tasteful in the Trump Empire! (BusyBeeBlogger)

Betty White, cocktease, heartbreaker (CelebDirtyLaundry)

Rebecca Black is good enough, smart enough, and gosh darn it, nobody still likes her (CelebVIPLounge)

Charlie Sheen sure knows how to enrage people (EarSucker)

Can’t we eliminate her for that Vegas Showgirl Prom Dress? (FitFabCeleb)

It’s Mermaid vs Mermaid in the Celebrity Smackdown of the Cthulhusphere! (GirlsTalkinSmack)

Selina Gomez/Justin Bieber wedding video! (HaveUHeard)

This new kid is coming up fast. I see a movie plot: All About Biebs? (HollywoodHiccups)

Olivia Wilde must be awful low-maintenance (INeedMyFix)

Becks and a babe (Swoonworthy)

Smells like…Christina Aguilera? (TheSkinny)

Ke$ha makes Tara Reid look like Audrey Hepburn (TheSkinnyChic)

Selah.

Dude that is a HOLE lotta pant

Professonal golfer John Daly here exhibits all the classical restraint and good taste for which he and his cohort are celebrated at country clubs around the world.

Which must be why Donald Trump wants to get into the biz.

In related news, I used to work with an aspiring pro golfer at Starbucks, and I made him raise his right hand and swear never to wear dorky clothes. He promised to be the first hip-hop golfer in the world.

Also: these are pajamas. I own them, that’s how I know. Also, give thanks you’re seeing them now, and not once they’ve shrunk a bit. Austin Powers Moose Knuckle is not a good look on anyone!

And now, in an effortless segue, your celebrity link roundup for today:

If you got into Hogwarts… (raincoaster)

Swag: I has it! (Ayyyy)

Naughty Potters! (ManoloFood)

James Potter LIVES! (Lolebrity)

Return of the Living Dead (tv shows) (Crasstalk)

Mel Gibson has been a bad, bad boy! (AgentBedhead)

Jewel has a chip (BusyBeeBlogger)

Daisy Lowe is 22 going on 45 (CelebDirtyLaundry)

Zooey “Snobby Cow” Deschanel vs Journo (CelebritySmack)

Beyonce-daddy attempts reputation management (CelebVIPLounge)

Harry Potter, dirty tagger! (CityRag)

Oh everybody! Look, Renee Zellwegger has a new “Aniston Boyfriend” (DailyStab)

Kennedy castoff gets part-time job (EarSucker)

Baby Spice Impersonator earns five quick bucks (FitFabCeleb)

Haven’t seen much of you lately…until you wore THIS! (GirlsTalkinSmack)

Shia is full of Shiat (HaveUHeard)

That’s what you get for slumming, Nicki Minaj (HollywoodHiccups)

If finding dwarves hot is wrong, I don’t want to be right (INeedMyFix)

Britney beats back the Bad Boys of Fleet Street (PoorBritney)

Oh come ON, celebrity press. There’s no room in those Wranglers for a royal Babeh! (PopBytes)

Sergio Ramos, you almost make me want to watch soccer. But they wear more clothes than this (SwoonWorthy)

Lindsay Lohan shot! (TheSkinnyChic)

Selah.

Good Tuesday to you, my friends, good Tuesday. This is Glinda, current author of both Manolo Beauty and Teeny Manolo.

My lovely colleague raincoaster has been temporarily sidelined.  So I am stepping in to fill some very large, albeit gin-soaked, shoes.  Unfortunately, I lack raincoaster’s Assange/alcohol/Viggo obsessions, but hopefully she will be back sooner rather than later.

Today I present alleged singer Porcelain Black, fresh from the BET awards.

Hon, you know you’ve got problems when a 3 year old rocks the cone bra better than you do.

Seersucker Thursday

Finally, the US government does something I like: they celebrate the immortal holiday known around the world (or at least around the Capitol) as Seersucker Thursday. Guess what they do on Seersucker Thursday? Sure, wear seersucker suits, but they also…um.

Um.

Play seersucker games?

Seersucker sidesaddle?

Eat special seersucker foods?

It is indeed difficult to go wrong with seersucker, perhaps the greatest of America’s innumerable contributions to fabric; however, as the woman on the far right demonstrates, it is indeed possible.

although togas would work in the heat of summer

Diagonals? Really??? Diagonals? Somebody didn’t go to boarding school!

It is time to announce our winner in Friday’s caption contest. Who will it be? Well, it sure won’t be the woman who had to wear the damn thing.

Tennis Ball Dress

igirl99
June 18, 2011 at 5:13 pm

Ballsy!

Congratulations and virtual swag to first-time winner, igirl99. For her hypothetical swag, we virtually offer the imaginary Ettika black leather double wrap tennis bracelet:

You know what to do: do it in the comments section.

You won't believe how hard it was not to make a dirty pun for this caption

And your ballsy gossip links for today:

Bonsai Kitten: all new for 2011! The world’s greatest novelty pet fad is back and better than ever! (raincoaster)

You can call him Mister Tripod: is that a handycam in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me? (Ayyyy)

Hey Fidel, that’s for the Bay of Pigs! Celebrate July 4th with patrioalcoholism! (Manolofood)

Make Out, Not War! Now that is what I call a classic Vancouver response to a crisis. Stop, drop and roll…your girlfriend! (Lolebrity)

Does Green Lantern turn on the critics? You’ll have to read the review to find out, but what are the odds, eh? (Crasstalk)

Keanu Reeves: you can take the boy out of the 90′s but you can’t take the sad, emo 90′s backlash against randomly bestowed, crushing celebrity out of the boy. Apparently. (AgentBedhead)

Thanks for giving birth to he world’s most perfect baby, Natalie. Now get back to work! (BusyBeeBlogger)

Michael Lohan proves prayers do come true! In related news, Samantha Ronson is now a bus driver? (CelebDirtyLaundry)

If you don’t like the mealticket, get off the gravy train. Are we supposed to feel sorry for Paris Hilton now? (EarSucker)

A Decade in Sexiest Man Alive covers: which one is your panty-moistener of choice? (FitFabCeleb)

Celebrities in Cat’s Eye glasses. I knew Audrey Hepburn. Audrey Hepburn was a girlcrush of mine. And You, Missy, are no Audrey Hepburn. (GirlsTalkinSmack)

Kathy Griffin goes down on Bristol Palin??? What, clickbaiting again? Moi? (HaveUHeard)

Yes, all Canadians are as crazy as Jim Carrey. It’s true. It’s a FACT. So don’t even think about invading? Okay, thanks! Sorry for 1812. Really. Let’s have coffee sometime… (HollywoodHiccups)

Apparently calorie deprivation correlates to hallucination, at least according to this Kirstie Alley story. (INeedMyFix)

Ryan Reynolds shirtless sixteen times. Never let it be said I refused to pander. The things I do for you people! (Swoonworthy)

Selah.

Don Cherry we now our gay apparel

Thank god that Don Cherry, Living National Treasure, chose to wear this jacket for tonight’s final. Whenever I couldn’t bear to watch the Canucks, I could at least look at his jacket and pretend I was on mushrooms.

@EricStangel

Don Cherry’s suit looks like 1 of those pics where you unfocus your eyes & a dinosaur pops out