Ayyyy!

Well whaddya know, it’s times like these when a little back fat would come in handy to fill out a dress. 

As a man you’ve probably wondered why is it that women tend to get more attention than you, that secret envy lurking in your heart like a no-good apple worm.  That’s because many of them have the mental acuity to use the colour pink as a fashion staple. Wear it on its own or with stuff you can purloin from your ailing aunt’s wardrobe.  Now is not the time to be fussy - attention is attention no matter how it’s gotten.

I think I liked it better when the House of Givenchy was synonymous with classic elegance instead of the end result of slipping on an oil spill and dislocating a shoulder.

Come on Janet, don’t be selfish.  Think of the less fortunate and the truly needy. You don’t even need yours at all! Surely you can spare a chunk out of your bangs to help out your friend there.  And it’s much less messy than donating a kidney!

I say the bigger the better!  It’ll make your enemies quake with fear and give you that much more personal space during the daily commute.  Just turn sideways before going through any doorways and you’ll be fine.

Forget about shoes, handbags, even jewelry - it’s time to make your man your most colourful accessory! 

If you only commit to two things this season, make these looks your fashion mantra for they will serve you well across the span of an entire day.  Not to confuse matters but you’ll find that the day look also works at bedtime and the evening look is also appropriate for the daytime if dark sorcery is involved. 

Here’s a challenge for those who think they know how to pick fresh produce - I have it on good authority that one of the above is far less juicy than the rest.  Without having sampled the wares, can you possibly guess which one it is?

Embrace your inner girl with the 3 Fs - flouncy, floral and flauntaloons. So feminine, you’ll soon find frills sprouting out of your ladygarden!

And here the audience thought that Liza was just going to reveal the winner of the Best Actor Tony Award. But really, what better way is there to get everybody to acknowledge that you’ve lost all those excess pounds and can fit into sexy lingerie again?

Tuck it in and tuck it high, my friends! Here’s hoping you bought dear old Dad something similarly stylish for Father’s Day.

Rising prices, job cuts, times are tough for lovers of fashion and don’t these designers know it. And with the forecast for more doom and gloom ahead, looks like we’ll be in rags and straitjacket straps for some time longer!