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Panty Moistening Prince Harry and Puppy Post-Hump Day Hunk

Sorry we’re late with this. Down with a spell of food poisoning: I should never have switched from vodka to lemonade. It was obviously too much for my system (also, lemon juice goes bad? WHO KNEW?).

This will make it all better.

Prince Harry and a puppy. You're welcome.

Prince Harry and a puppy. You're welcome.

Awwww. Now that you’ve recovered sufficiently, let’s move on to some adorable gossip links.

Deflowering virgins on television? Eh, it’s a living for Sandra Rinomato. Does she know Harvey? (Crasstalk)

Spirit Animals: how do they work? Help me choose between Courage Wolf and Sexually Oblivious Rhino as my mascot (raincoaster)

Pitcher? or catcher? The all-important “what to put the booze in” question just in time for picnic season (ManoloFood)

Nigella Lawson undercover. Girlfriend, jihadi chic is NOT how you do a topless beach. (Ayyyy)

This is why cutoffs were invented. There … wait … hmmm? … what was I saying? (Lolebrity)

Win a pair of Whooga boots! Like the FB page and enter to win one of three pairs each month (Whooga)

ScarPenn/SeanJo trouble in paradise? Uh, well duh. And somewhere, Ryan Reynolds chuckles softly. (AgentBedhead)

Why do they put the coke THERE? Playboy Bunnies are dumb, yo. (BusyBeeBlogger)

No, seriously, I thought this was Carrot Top for a second. Someone needs to give Rihanna some conditioner STAT (CelebDirtyLaundry)

Kate Middleton does a discreet Michael Jackson crotch grab, paparazzi fails to notice? (CelebritySmack)

Time’s 100 Most Influential People once again leaves me off the list. I had to beg them. Discretion is everything to me (CelebVIPLounge)

We may get our wish: Snooki is slowly vanishing! Just hang in there till 2020 and she’ll disappear entirely! (DailyStab)

Anything to get laid, eh RPattz? Dreamy McSparklepants reveals his sordid social secrets (EarSucker)

Oh look, it’s old Mae West– oh wait, it’s Xtina. That lingerie must have more technology than a typical NASA launch to keep from self-destructing. That is one whole lotta surface tension (FitFabCeleb)

Honestly, Gaga, that was so ret- … uh, developmentally challenged! (GirlsTalkinSmack)

Kanye Kant (run his charity anymore, that is). Kanye West doesn’t care about other people? (HaveUHeard)

So how much DOES it cost to marry a crown prince? It’s important to do the math, people. (HollywoodHiccups)

Gwen Stefani invites science to knock her up. I know any number of labcoated genii who’d be happy to oblige (INeedMyFix)

Everyone loves a man in uniform. Or a hot lesbian. Just as long as they’re doing a Britney lipdub. (MathewGuiver)

The Britney performance the network didn’t want you to see! No, seriously, they went to commercial. (PoorBritney)

James Marsden with cuddly bunnies, chicks, etc. No, seriously, why haven’t you clicked this already? (Swoonworthy)

An Olsen Twin debuts the World’s Ugliest Pants. No seriously, the other one keeps cracking up. Guess who lost the bet in the dressing room? (TheSkinny)

Dances with Scientologists. This guy has been milking that one role for nearly 40 years now (TheSkinnyChic)

 

Shoe Horns and Corn Links

Christian Louboutin has a lot to answer for (for which to answer? Whatever) in particular these heinosities for both sexes:

For Gentlemen:

This Louboutin demonstrates what men think of as "spikes"

This Louboutin demonstrates what men think of as "spikes"

And for the Ladies:

To Lady Gaga, these are just fluffy

To Lady Gaga, these are just fluffy

Now, I’m sorry.

No, I’m not.

But these BOTH look like either two people suffering from EPIC plantar warts (isn’t it nice they found each other? I bet the romcom would star Jennifer Aniston and Ben Stiller, and be nearly as painful as the disease) OR they were lovingly hand-crafted in an Italian atelier from the intimate membranes of a Stegosaurus with history’s worst case of genital warts.

Having planted that lovely thought in your head, I’ll now degrade you further with todays corny links.

Britney Spears is corny (Lolebrity)

Just say YES to creamed corn and ketchup with this delicacy (Manolofood)

“Evergreen” is still the top kernel of corn (raincoaster)

Joan Collins’ liquor is a little more rarefied (ayyyy)

Gaga’s brains are totally frittata (AgentBedhead)

Chris CORNell (BusyBeeBlogger)

Duelling cornballs, nobody wins! (CelebDirtyLaundry)

Bagel-to-Perogy communications perfected (DippedInCream)

Kingston’s just a niblet off the ol’ cob (CelebritySmack)

What the Adele? Isn’t WalMart too cornepone? (CelebVIPLounge)

Elisabetta Corn-all-ass (CityRag)

Aw, shucks, Canada’s hottest export returns! (DailyStab)

Gaga’s husky voice comes from the Whiskey Yoga Diet (GirlsTalkinSmack)

I always forget which one is Korny (FitFabCeleb)

Bieber creamed! (SeriouslyOMG)

Daniel Radcliffe is all Aw Shucks (CeleBitchy)

She’s a niblet, and shrinking! (TheSkinny)

Nice stalks! (GossipTeen)

Is that a corncob in your pocket, Brad, or??? (HaveUHeard)

Simon Cowell is picking Canada’s best crop of niblets (INeedMyFix)

If Gwyneth Paltrow is a vegan, does that make her a cannibal? (AmyGrindhouse)

Britney got her silks combed (PoorBritney)

Sui, Sui, pig, pig, pig (PopBytes)

Mariah’s ready to pop (EvilBeet)

Two heads are better than one

If you’re selling MAC, that is.

Gwen Stefani and Gwen Stefani

Gwen Stefani and Gwen Stefani

One of these is technically waxen, but neither of them look particularly lifelike to me.

That’s Pants links

Gwen Stefani is pants

You know, if Gwen Stefani had worn those back when she was still single, she’d still BE single. I mean, Diesel Jeans I know. Depends Jeans are something for which the world as we know it is not yet ready.

Johnny Depp’s awesome flashbacks (Lolebrity)

raincoaster’s emo moment (raincoaster)

That’s his “rainbow face” (Shoeblogs)

Home Depot turns me on (ManoloHome)

Hatch your own commie pinko! (ManoloFood)

World’s ugliest majorette (ManoloBig)

Are you diva enough for this? (ManoloBrides)

New Dad State of Mind (TeenyManolo)

Ebony and Ivory and PDA (AgentBedhead)

From the iPad of the Artist Formerly Known As Sane… (AmyGrindhouse)

…and by “paps” we mean photographers, you pervs! (BusyBeeBlogger)

Elle MacPherson is horny, leathery (CeleBitchy)

The quiff of death (CelebDirtyLaundry)

Oh my god, it’s contagious! (DListed)

Pot informs kettle of its noiritude (HaveUHeard)

World’s craziest grampa (INeedMyFix)

Kelsey Grammer vs Sigmund Freud (SeriouslyOMG)

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Katy Perry Lights Up Her Own Life Links

 American Woman: Fashioning A National Identity Met Gala - Arrivals

And her own underwear, assuming she’s wearing any. Which, with her, is not a safe bet.

Jack Bauer, Hillary Clinton, Carlo Ponzi, Bernie Madoff, and Bessie the Cow (TrueSlant)

He’s no Saint (Lolebrity)

The secret to eternal youth (TheManolo)

Coffee; elixir of youth! (ManoloFood)

Meta-trash! (ManoloHome)

Ah, regret! (ManoloBrides)

Get schooled on history and boobage (ManoloBig)

Celebrity May/December twosome (TeenyManolo)

New music, old videos, get disciplined (AgentBedhead)

JAlb lays one on a MUCH younger girl (AmyGrindhouse)

Britney dials it in (BusyBeeBlogger)

Fun couple of the moment: Kardashieber (CeleBitchy)

Girl slightly more uptown now (CelebCosmeticSurgery)

New boy in the blogosphere (CelebDirtyLaundry)

JUSTICE!!! (CelebritySmack)

New noses, old faces (CityRag)

Bruce and his new Jersey Shore look (CrazyDaysAndNights)

Nobody is looking at the shoes in this ad (DailyStab)

Iggy Pop, immortal (DListed)

Looking good for 1000 years old, dude! (INeedMyFix)

The Banksy of Hollywood (Movieline)

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Hump Day Links: John Cusack Edition

2012 Japan premiere

Sure, Cusack, you can try to date younger, but it won’t do you any good. Dude, you are SO about to be shot down. The petite costar here demonstrates that you’re never too young to master the stink-eye.

Glee for Yu and Yu for Glee? (TrueSlant)

Make it official! (TheManolo)

The War on Boobies! (ManoloForTheBigGirls)

Shrekalikes! (TeenyManolo)

Balls! (ManoloForTheBrides)

Kinkier than a Snuggie (ManoloHome)

Justin Bieber nipple slip! (Lolebrity)

Courtney not Loved by Gwen Stefani (AgentBedhead)

Sandra Bullock stealth baby (AmyGrindhouse)

Jessica Alba is handsy (BusyBeeBlogger)

Don’t worry, Rielle, everybody else does (CeleBitchy)

Gleecap (CelebrityBeehive)

Randy Quaid avoids stay at government-run “hotel” (CelebDirtyLaundry)

Lame duck quacks (CelebritySmack)

Grandma does the View (CojoStyle)

Matt Damon breeds! (DailyStab)

NOT one of Gayle King’s favorite things (Gawker)

Drunk and high is no way to go through life but WAITAMINIT ALEXANDER MCQUEEN (EvilBeet)

If Jack and Jackie were still around, this would have killed them off (HaveUHeard)

John Cleese is not an ATM (INeedMyFix)

Heidi Klum is NOT a freak (JustJared)

Well, perhaps not Roman Polanski (MovieLine)

RPattz is back in town (UKPopSugar)

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Gwen Stefani and Zuma seek shelter

A kindly church worker assists Ms. Stefani and her youngest into a shelter for the Fashionably Homeless.

Gwen Stefani dressed in blanket fashion with son Zuma at LAX

Hobocoture. So hot right now.

Gwen Stefani’s New Religion

Stefani and Wintour

 

You know what they say in Nashville: the higher the hair, the closer to God!

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