Ayyyy!

Yes, yes, boring I know. Herbal tea gossip links just don’t have the dash of cocktail links, but what can I say? I’m giving my liver a month off for bad behaviour. It’s probably snorting Drano with Lindsay Lohan in Ibiza right this very moment.

Here’s a pic of Old Four Eyes to soften the disappointment.

Who Will Be the Olympic Torchbearer? (True/Slant)

Sandra Bullock’s Sure-Fire Oscar Strategy (Lolebrity)

Paris in Paris (AgentBedhead)

Babeh Becker (AmyGrindhouse)

Topless models make passes at men who wear (Tom Ford) glasses (BusyBeeBlogger)

Lilo too partied out to party? (CeleBitchy)

Ireland is SO grounded! (CelebritySmack)

Travolta’s toupe (HolyMoly)

The World of Plastics on display (IBBB)

Do they HAVE interns in hospitals? (DailyStab)

RIP Alexander McQueen (INeedMyFix)

Gwyneth Paltrow, Brown Rice Queen (LaineyGossip)

Alan Rickman reading love poems – thud! (UKPopSugar)

Are you DOWN with the CLOWN? (EvilBeet)

Another Vacation coming soon (CelebrityVIPLounge)

The secret to longer life (CelebDirtyLaundry)

John Edwards closes barn door after horse bolts (CelebrityMound)

Project Runway recap (HaveUHeard)

Robert Pattinson shower scene (HollywoodBackwash)

Lindsay Lohan, Closet Case (Movieline)

Lost Valentines (TenGossip)

It was just one of those days. One of those Double Jack Daniels Manhattan days. Actually, it was one of those TWO Double Jack Daniels Manhattan days.

Moving on…

Another reason to hate Gwyneth Paltrow (HolyMoly)

Lady Gaga NSFAustralia (AmyGrindhouse)

Lindsay Lohan drunk-dials US (BusyBeeBlogger)

Octovision! (AgentBedhead)

Bono goes fishing (PopBytes)

Honestly, who brings their own drugs to a jail visit? (CelebritySmack)

Pink’s washboard (TheBlemish)

Jessica Simpson soon to appear at an unemployment office near you (CeleBitchy)

Nerdcore man-candy at Star Trek promo (EvilBeet)

Eminem shares the Spock luv (Jezebel)

DRod gets deep sixed (DailyStab)

Rapunzel Man (DListed)

The Beatles are back! (GabbyBabble)

Harriet Carter Wednesday (IBBB)

Sienna Miller’s chest sponsored by Burger King and Spongebob Squarepants? (INO)

Madonna adopts Italy (UKPopSugar)

Lilo unrestrained! (POTP)

Twitter owns Ashlee Simpson’s baby pix (JustJared)

Head Start for Celebrity Babies (SeriouslyOMG)

Hugh Jackman drops in (ASL)

JLoHew’s escort faux pas (TENGossip)

One of us is hooked on the therapeutic anti-aging properties of tandoori dipping sauce. Can you figure out which one, dear readers?

I’ll get healthy if it kills me! Have I said that before? What do you expect, I’m utterly stoned on flu medicine! In any case, that great theory about spinach, that you can put it in anything because it doesn’t have any flavour? Is a myth. My mouth has an aftertaste known only to raw vegan extremists and pedigreed racehorses.

Skittles Vodka: just shoot it (BWE)

Hugh can do it (AgentBedhead)

Miley? Can sue it! (AmyGrindhouse)

He knew it! (AprilWinchell)

Beth Ditto just nudes it (CelebWarship)

Mickey Rourke talks sh*t (CelebritySmack)

Jane Krakowski’s cans can’t (CelebuWreck)

Barrymore on Grant? (CandyKirby)

Britney on Trent? (GabbyBabble)

Jessica splits her pants (CeleBitchy)

Courtney Love, heirophant (GoFugYourself)

All hail Tina Fey (EvilBeet)

A new job for Aubrey O’Day (DailyStab)

Peck or Sidney Poitier? (TeenyManolo)

Celebrate the Harriet Carter way (IBBB)

Heidi Klum’s got tubby, eh? (DListed)

Someone’ll get it from Michael Bay (Defamer)

Gwyneth will get it from Oprah Winfrey (Defamer as well, this was too good to skip)

Announcing James Roday (SeriouslyOMG)

Lily Allen’s overexposed tittay (Websters)

Blogs invaded by Jordan’s Peter Andre (UKPopSugar)

Ivana Trump goes on holiday (HolyMoly)

and this concludes our rhyming-on-flu-meds experiment for this evening.

How does it feel to be no longer the freaky one, Joaquin? Judging from the sidelong glance he’s giving his other female companion, it is clearly bothering him to no end.

Besides a gruelling exercise regime, it also helps if you adopt a macrobiotic diet and an insufferable attitude.

Annoyingly wholesome, I know, but I’m supposed to be on a liquid fast in solidarity with the homeless no lie so I’m trying to make this as painless as possible. I’m allowed all the blended-beyond-solidity smoothies I can suck down before the homeless have houses or I pass out or my bowels explode, whichever comes first. Whenever it gets too painful, I console myself with the realization that Redbreast is a liquid too!

Viva la Diva! (HolyMoly)

Pete in Paree (LondonBlog)

Christian Bale, Dancing Queen (raincoaster)

Penny vs Woody (AgentBedhead)

Blond on Blonde? (Websters)

Suri: “Srsly?“ (SeriouslyOMG)

Ink not mink (CelebritySmack)

Duff guff (CeleBitchy)

Miley face (CandyKirby)

Meerkat Messiah (GOTA)

Jailbird Joe (CelebWarship)

Lady of Leisure (IBBB)

RyRey Rejected! (Defamer)

Silly Lily (UKPopSugar)

Let’s just say it’s been one of those days. Actually, it’s been two of those da- make that “one of those weeks.” And it’s still only Thursday morning!

Vote for me! (ShortyAwards)

Nine Inch Noels (AgentBedhead)

Obama Bogarts (CeleBitchy)

Eddie Murphy gives Batman the kiss of death (CelebritySmack)

Jeremy Piven leaves Broadway for career as thermometer (DailyStab)

YOU don’t know how much Will Smith gave to Scientology. I DO!!!! (Defamer)

ScarJo donates bodily excretions instead (DListed)

What happened to Jenny McCarthy? (HolyMoly)

Kate Hudson and Anne Hathaway team up to induce diabetes (ImNotObsessed)

Separated at Birth, the Royal Edition (ASL)

Yes, Men, No, Zooey (EvilBeet)

Jennifer Aniston thrilled about upcoming Cougar Birthday (GabbyBabble)

The Invasion of Chynna (CandyKirby)

Suri is riding dirty (IBBB)

Gwyneth Paltrow’s favorite holiday recipes (JustJared)

Ben @ tha UN (PopSugar)