Tori Spelling on ice

Thank GOD someone finally put that woman on ice. Then again, that’s what you do to try to sell old fish that’s past its best-before date.

And now, your gossip links for today:

Anger Management, with Kirk and Spock (raincoaster)

Why Gnott? Because it’s a CRAZY IDEA, DUDE! (ManoloFood)

Makeover vs Makeover (Ayyyy)

The literary world got Snooki’d (AgentBedhead)

Happy Feet, live (BusyBeeBlogger)

Messing with The Great American Novel is F—– up! (CelebDirtyLaundry)

JayLor broke up (CelebritySmack)

Cheeto-Rama! (CityRag)

Video proof Goopy CAN TOO sing (DListed)

Vanity Fair ran out of dead women to cover (GossipTeen)

Josh Groban’s new single is amazing (HaveUHeard)

Britney wants butt hair? (INeedMyFix)

Britney rocks the “chemo headband” look (PoorBritney)

She’s in, she’s out, she’s in, she’s out, she’s a Lohan (PopBytes)

Gag! That's no lady!

Dear god. I think I can see her disco stick!

Christmas Caroling with GWAR! (raincoaster)
Julian Assange is no Time Lord (Lolebrity)
The most important question of our time (Ayyyy)
Care for a Tumbler? (ManoloFood)
This Christmas, give the gift of Goopy Schadenfreude (AgentBedhead)
Because Thetans are very low in fat and calories (BusyBeeBlogger)
Oh silly Shania, Canada doesn’t have hillbillies! (CeleBitchy)
RIP the only police detective to throw a “Come As Your Favorite 4th Century BC Greek Philosopher” costume party and get away with it (CelebDirtyLaundry)
Ho, ho, ho, and others besides the Kardashians too (GirlsTalkinSmack)
The Curse of 30 Rock strikes again! (HaveUHeard)
The lead cellist was extremely resistant to his suggestion to “bring his A-game” (INeedMyFix)
Take a tour of Jack Black’s colon! (SeriouslyOMG)

That’s a very respectable showing from Tom Felton, once again stealing the show from his arch-rival, Daniel “Nice Guy” Radcliffe. But does anyone else think he’s been watching a bit too much early Keanu Reeves? Booyah, Dude-Man! Let’s order a pitcher of Bud Light (and pour it into the window planter when nobody is looking) to toast these new speakers of American: The Freedom Language.

Old McDonald had a problem… (raincoaster)
Draco Malfoy cleans up good (Ayyyy)
The Andy Warhol New York City Diet (ManoloFood)
Joan Crawford’s dating tips (Lolebrity)
Il fait suffrir pour etre belle (ManoloBeauty)
Spoons are a girl’s best friend? (CraftyManolo)
A clever bale-out for the recession (GreenManolo)
When Dina Lohan has to tell you how to behave, you KNOW you’re in trouble (AgentBedhead)
Kellan Lutz has Madonna arms! (BusyBeeBlogger)
Even St. Angelina can’t save Bosnia (CeleBitchy)
Tony Danza heckles a priest at a funeral (CelebDirtyLaundry)
Canuckistan corners teh sex-ay (DailyStab)
Chupa schtupped (DListed)
Beyonce is bad! (GirlsTalkinSmack)
Eva Longoria Foursome (HaveUHeard)
You don’t have to be crazy to hate Bristol Palin (INeedMyFix)
Harry Potter finds his dead parents alive! (SeriouslyOMG)

Dita had the best Halloween costume of all this year: she went as a normal person!

Every year for Halloween I dress up as a normal girl. So this year, I wore jeans and little fleece-trimmed Ugg boot-type things and a t-shirt and a blonde wig and a tan….I went to a big party here in L.A. I went completely unrecognized, which was awesome. Not one person knew it was me. I was with my friend who’s a famous TV star and everyone was saying, ‘Can I take a picture of you?’ to him and no one asked me for a picture which was really great.

Eight Kilometers, the Justin Bieber Story (raincoaster)
John Cusack films a prequel (Lolebrity)
Paula Deen’s stoner burger (ManoloFood)
Saturday Catherinettes Caption Contest (Ayyyy)
Blade is his backup (AgentBackup)
Britney eats babies? (BusyBeeBlogger)
John Mayer’s latest victim (CeleBitchy)
The poor man’s Joaquin Phoenix hates Aniston too (CelebDirtyLaundry)
Unemployed senior gets a paying job! (CityRag)
Ginnifer Goodwin makes a slip-up (CojoStyle)
Gwyneth Paltrow is Gleeful (DailyStab)
Never Forget! (minor rock singers) (GirlsTalkinSmack)
Rihanna and Colin Farrell are so hot they crashed my Flash player (HaveUHeard)
The Eighties bite back! (INeedMyFix)
Isn’t 14 a bit young for support hose? (JustJared)
BritKink (PoorBritney)
Taylor Momsen Shakes and Bakes (SeriouslyOMG)
Emma Watson is an animal! (ASL)

Highly competitive actress Gwyneth Paltrow, pictured here at the Women in Hollywood tribute, leaned in and grabbed rival Hilary Swank, prior to powerfully flipping her coiffure-over-couture, as Swank begged for mercy. After that, she shotgunned a double vegan Apple Karate cocktail and proceeded to wipe the floor with poor Diane Keaton.

No stuffed animal would DARE do this to Gwyneth! (raincoaster)
Can’t you just see her doing this for little Moses? And little Chris? (Ayyyy)
Having Ms Paltrow for dinner? Try a gin marinade (ManoloFood)
Gwyneth wouldn’t be caught DEAD in that! (Lolebrity)
Another ice princess loses her prince (CelebrityBeehive)
Gwyneth Paltrow’s hard knock life (AgentBedhead)
Look, Gwyneth Paltrow’s sex life is none of our business (BusyBeeBlogger)
The only woman standing between Gwyneth Paltrow and her greatest dream (CeleBitchy)
Meanwhile, Gwyneth’s trashy alter personality lurks in LA (CelebDirtyLaundry)
Charlie Sheen’s night of debauchery in Gwyneth’s old room (CityRag)
Gwyneth only WISHES she looked this good (GirlsTalkingSmack)
Get your Goop on when you win these appliances (HaveUHeard)
Is this PattinClone good enough for Gwyneth? (INeedMyFix)

Want:

The Marie Antoinette Hoodie. Decapitate! It's great!

I NEED this in time for Bastille Day! Let’s toast to this excellent Threadless design with a glass of fine Armagnac diluted with just a splash of the late queen’s favorite tipple, Evian water. I can’t drink Evian straight; as Janis Joplin said, No water in my whiskey, man. It hurts my throat.

And now, your Friday gossip link roundup:

Happy Canadian Thanksgiving! (raincoaster)
Friday Caption Contest: Shadow of a Superstar (Ayyyy)
Katherine Heigl gets the new Colonic Facial (CelebrityBeehive)
Herman. Pee-Wee Herman. (Lolebrity)
Fresh, free-range Hamm (Gawker)
War Dog of the Week (Warning: sappy) (ForeignPolicy)
That’s no lady! (AgentBedhead)
Two minutes and thirty-nine seconds with James Franco (AmyGrindhouse)
Dolph Lundgren is just asking for it (BusyBeeBlogger)
Dora the Explorer on the rocks (CeleBitchy)
Lindsay Lohan is not such a twit anymore (CelebDirtyLaundry)
Kim Kardashian’s snack tray holds a drink (CelebritySmack)
Britney weaned the kids off Cosmos (CityRag)
Cojo vs Ronald McDonald (CojoStyle)
Amy Winehouse crashes a lap (CrazyDaysAndNights)
Wino has “something” up her nose (INeedMyFix)
I SAID, Pull up yo damn pants! (Crunk&Disorderly)
Awww, I bet on Aeschylus (DailyStab)
Sienna Miller loves dressing up in Grandma’s outfits (DListed)
Is Renee Zellweger Bridget Jones or Jennifer Aniston? (EvilBeet)
Gooooood morning, Republicans! (HaveUHeard)
Snooki is a lobster racist! (IBBB)
80′s cartoon trivia quiz (LitelySalted)
Grover stars in new Old Spice campaign (MovieLine)
Amy Winehouse’s Taxi Driver (PerezHilton)
Weird celebrity fetish news (SeriouslyOMG)
Creepy celebrity dolls (ASL)

Quote of the day: Jackie O would not have camel toe.
Tim Gunn

Apparently, looking like a hermaphroditic Moroccan bellhop is going to be big in 2011. And camel toe.

Everybody looks fab in go-go boots (Lolebrity)
Bill Gates’ Manhunt profile (raincoaster)
Tony Blair’s criminal mind (TheShebeenClub)
Ben Afflecks’ red carpet reign of terror (AgentBedhead)
Miley Cyrus’s grunge stripper look (AmyGrindhouse)
Caption Hamfleck! (BusyBeeBlogger)
Brad no longer Pitted? (CelebCosmeticSurgery)
Lou Reed snubs Susan Boyle (CelebDirtyLaundry)
Dream couple to reunite? (CeleBitchy)
Julia Roberts graded C (CelebritySmack)
Celebrity mug shots (CityRag)
Diane Krueger wins another fashion award (CojoStyle)
Tom Brady’s crackup (DailyStab)
Everybody loves a man in uniform! (DListed)
Look who has a record deal and you don’t (GabbyBabble)
Who wants to see Goopy yodel for two hours? (HaveUHeard)
Karl is laughing at Diane too (INeedMyFix)
Jon Hamm discussing porn and … you’re not still reading this are you? (JustJared)
Tacky press release of the day (MovieLine)
Megan Fox takes over Ben Affleck’s role in Dogma (PerezHilton)
Britney’s bodyguards bio’d (PoorBritney)
PUT THE MAKEUP BACK ON!!! (SeriouslyOMG)

Jennifer Aniston as Barbra Streisand as Snooki

It’s true. Once seen CANNOT BE UNSEEN. Snooki is everywhere, I’m telling you!

Jennifer Anniston as Barbra Streisand as Snooki in leopard

Are you a celebrity blogger who’d rather drink than link (and wouldn’t we all?) email me at raincoaster at gmail:
I’m starting a linking service to do your work for you! And I’m working on an ad network to launch in the fall.

And now, to our winners-and-losers-themed links

raincoaster won a makeover! (raincoaster)
Ned Flanders’ Deaf Metal (Lolebrity)
Shopping Spree Contest! (Shoeblogs)
Fat people win! (ManoloBig)
Who’s that (famous) man? (ManoloMen)
Abandoned cottage makeover (ManoloHome)
Sometimes everybody wins, whether they know it or not (ManoloBrides)
Gwyneth Paltrow finally wins my pity (AgentBedhead)
Spokesmodels Sandra Bullock and Betty White get down and dirty (AllieIsWired)
Britney Spears wins respect??? (AmyGrindhouse)
Scott Disick wins a 28 day vacation! (BricksAndStones)
Joel Madden dishes up a free dinner for the starving (BusyBeeBlogger)
John Goodman wins by losing (CeleBitchy)
Lindsay Lohan wins freedom, is still a loser (CelebDirtyLaundry)
Mad Men casting call contest (CelebritySmack)
Your eyeballs are the big losers here (CojoStyle)
You win some, you lose some (hair) (DailyStab)
The women of the world lose, big-time (DListed)
Jackie O wins at everything (EvilBeet)
The watermelon test (FourFour)
Look who won the box office! (GabbyBabble)
Win Real Housewives swag! (HaveUHeard)
This Details interview is a win for everyone except Tom Cruise (JustJared)
Somebody won the fertility lottery again (PerezHilton)
Torchwood wins, loses, wins, loses, wins, loses… (PinkIsTheNewBlog)
Who will Buy Britney for this Blogger! (PoorBritney)
Any day I can post a Prince William story, I’ve won (UKPopSugar)
Tila Tequila drives a Lambo, is still a loser (PopBytes)
This is why Craig Ferguson wins the universe today (SeriouslyOMG)