Lindsay is LAX but luxe

Lindsay Lohan has it going on. She knows that when appearing before a judge to argue yet again that you shouldn’t go to jail yet again for breaching your bail conditions yet again, one needs to look one’s very best. She’s shown here making a much-needed appointment with her waxer.

An hour ago I never knew this man existed, and now here I am, posting his videos on this celebrity fashion blog. And he’s not even a British celebrity (the other major source for People of Whom I Have Never Heard).

He’s Malibu Hamish “The Illusion.” Surfer. Skateboarder. Dude. Possibly the dudiest dude of all time, dude.

Enjoy the second-hand high you get from watching this video of how to give yourself a totally bitchin’ bowl cut, man. Just click Play and let it happen: 84,000 people have already watched this, so the guilt load is shared widely.

Rock on, dude. Malibu Ken isn’t in it.

How I love the interwebs. You could just be minding your own business, trawling the celebusphere for evidence of poor accessorizing amongst the Kardashian Klan when suddenly, you’re confronted with the world’s most compelling BEFORE picture: stark evidence that while our fascination with glamour may result in some remarkable transformations, that these do not come without pain or their share of ugliness.

On that note, let me present to you what has been described as “the funniest skit in tv history,” Mrs Brown’s Bikini Wax from RTÉ Television in Ireland.

Looks like a dead badger on flypaper.

Here’s America’s Sweetheart Brad Pitt at Cannes this week, alongside a shot of him in the same spot two years ago.

It's Pitt vs Pitt

What do you think? I’m of the opinion that I like the Colin Farrell look better on Colin Farrell, myself.

Colin Farrell looks askance at Brad Pitt

The Royal Wedding entrance like none other. My shameful past as a Prince Andrew fangirl with full-on subscriptions to Majesty AND The Royals comes out as I say the Princess Ann and Camilla lookalikes are really startlingly good, but the emo cynic within me comes out when I note that even the fake Prince Harry has way more fun than the fake Prince William, who has way more fun than either of the real ones.

Now, let’s toast these glorious ersatzii with (what else?) a Buck’s Fizz and some common gossip links.

Tee Many Martoonis (ManoloFood)

Spa No Go? Oh. (raincoaster)

Marilyn Monroe conquers the world! (Ayyyy)

Is this how the Spears family started? (Lolebrity)

Tom Cruise sees red (AgentBedhead)

And it turns out he’s not even related to Viggo! (BusyBeeBlogger)

Evan Rachel Wood lives up to his name (CelebDirtyLaundry)

Vanessa Hudgens in tampon chain fashion tragedy (CelebritySmack)

And then Trump asked for its birth certificate (CelebVIPLounge)

Joey Ramone lives on. On white trash (CityRag)

NPH has double trouble (DailyStab)

How many celebutards does it take to dance on the head of a mushroom? (DippedInCream)

Oh, Aniston, it’s SO mutual (EarSucker)

Mike Tyson is serious about this yoga thing, too (FitFabCeleb)

Elizabeth Hurley will never age. STOP IT ALREADY, BITCH! (GirlsTalkinSmack)

Let me get this straight…If you sleep under Miley Cyrus’ armpits, you will never have nightmares? (HaveUHeard)

JSimp wigs out (HollywoodHiccups)

Shack up with Glee! (INeedMyFix)

Royal Wedding rehearsal shocker! (MathewGuiver)

Nicki Minaj drops the dildo for Britney (PoorBritney)

Fergie drops the “D-List Bomb” on the TSA (PopBytes)

Huh? Seriously? Kirstie Alley was onstage at the same time? (Swoonworthy)

Miley Cyrus appears to have a shin cellulite problem??? (TheSkinny)

 

What can I say? It’s Anarchy day.

See? A law-abiding seatbelt wearer

Also, I have a bit of a thing for plausible, real-world Bond villains. Why don’t you try to talk some sense into me over a couple of Vesper Martinis?

The Booze Reaper (Manolofood)

V for Vogue! (Ayyyy)

Dr Drew’s got 99 problems (Lolebrity)

James Bond in drag (raincoaster)

The latest has-been to pull a Joaquin Phoenix (AgentBedhead)

Hunk dumps troll (BusyBeeBlogger)

Thetans Strike Back! (CelebDirtyLaundry)

OMG a celebrity who’s clean? (CelebrityVIPLounge)

Mariah Carey’s night of mommyglamour (CelebritySmack)

But will she be naked or neurotically sweary? Enquiring minds want to know (DailyStab)

Appearing on FunnyOrDie is not “Winning” (EarSucker)

Robert Pattinson run off the road (FitFabCeleb)

Arwen vs Kanye (GirlsTalkinSmack)

Latest Awful Celebrity Couple (HaveUHeard)

Putting the “hipster” in “Vampire” (HollywoodHiccups)

I guess I’m not getting that job then (INeedMyFix)

Brad, those shades are the Pitts (MathewGuiver)

Britney vs Bullies (PoorBritney)

Theft tapes are the new sex tapes (TheSkinnyChic)

Christian Louboutin has a lot to answer for (for which to answer? Whatever) in particular these heinosities for both sexes:

For Gentlemen:

This Louboutin demonstrates what men think of as "spikes"

And for the Ladies:

To Lady Gaga, these are just fluffy

Now, I’m sorry.

No, I’m not.

But these BOTH look like either two people suffering from EPIC plantar warts (isn’t it nice they found each other? I bet the romcom would star Jennifer Aniston and Ben Stiller, and be nearly as painful as the disease) OR they were lovingly hand-crafted in an Italian atelier from the intimate membranes of a Stegosaurus with history’s worst case of genital warts.

Having planted that lovely thought in your head, I’ll now degrade you further with todays corny links.

Britney Spears is corny (Lolebrity)

Just say YES to creamed corn and ketchup with this delicacy (Manolofood)

“Evergreen” is still the top kernel of corn (raincoaster)

Joan Collins’ liquor is a little more rarefied (ayyyy)

Gaga’s brains are totally frittata (AgentBedhead)

Chris CORNell (BusyBeeBlogger)

Duelling cornballs, nobody wins! (CelebDirtyLaundry)

Bagel-to-Perogy communications perfected (DippedInCream)

Kingston’s just a niblet off the ol’ cob (CelebritySmack)

What the Adele? Isn’t WalMart too cornepone? (CelebVIPLounge)

Elisabetta Corn-all-ass (CityRag)

Aw, shucks, Canada’s hottest export returns! (DailyStab)

Gaga’s husky voice comes from the Whiskey Yoga Diet (GirlsTalkinSmack)

I always forget which one is Korny (FitFabCeleb)

Bieber creamed! (SeriouslyOMG)

Daniel Radcliffe is all Aw Shucks (CeleBitchy)

She’s a niblet, and shrinking! (TheSkinny)

Nice stalks! (GossipTeen)

Is that a corncob in your pocket, Brad, or??? (HaveUHeard)

Simon Cowell is picking Canada’s best crop of niblets (INeedMyFix)

If Gwyneth Paltrow is a vegan, does that make her a cannibal? (AmyGrindhouse)

Britney got her silks combed (PoorBritney)

Sui, Sui, pig, pig, pig (PopBytes)

Mariah’s ready to pop (EvilBeet)

Pete Wentz has a no fro and, apparently, a hostage

Poor little Bronx Mowgli Wentz! Not only are his parents divorcing, but Daddy has obviously gotten the Rebound Hairdo de Tutti Rebound Hairdos. Gone is the emo fringe: say hello to the Oh No, Bro Fro.