One of these things is not like the other

Celine demonstrates the authentic, little-known Quebecois-Canadian Tuxedo technique, here incorrectly applied to an American Tuxedo. Vote below:

And now, let’s have a dashing Tuxedo Cocktail and a few stiff gossip links:

Paul Rudd, birthday boy (raincoaster)

Lindsay Lohan’s staple food (ManoloFood)

Carrie Fisher captures your captions! (Ayyyy)

Angelina not so Jolie (Lolebrity)

Beastie Boys have got to fight! for the right! to remake material from 20 years ago (AgentBedhead)

John Legend is my imaginary boyfriend even if he does love Adele and golf (BusyBeeBlogger)

Kate and William are bringing my invite in person (CelebDirtyLaundry)

Nicki Minaj is trying to muscle in on Carrie’s caption game (CelebritySmack)

Mandy Moore, the extreme closeup is NOT your friend (CelebVIPLounge)

Oregon: Greatest state or GREATEST STATE? (CityRag)

Keanu Reeves has big plans for your sex life (DailyStab)

Hugh Hefner takes a load off my mind (EarSucker)

Nicky Hilton appears to be chilly (FitFabCeleb)

Solange Knowles in: Who Invited HER? (GirlsTalkinSmack)

Pia J’adore (HaveUHeard)

Helen’s Magical Bosom (HollywoodHiccups)

Katherine Heigl is about to piss off the Knitting Lobby (INeedMyFix)

If you want to know what God thinks of money, look at who he gives it to (MathewGuiver)

Adele vs Britney (PoorBritney)

The Bride of Wildenstein lives! (PopBytes)

Hottest Male Athletes for your aesthetic appreciation (SwoonWorthy)

Kate Moss uses her mouth for something (TheSkinny)

Justin Bieber, keepin’ it teal (TheSkinnyChic)

I’m not exactly sure how to parse this platform-stiletto-and-cropped-sweats look. Perhaps Mariah’s gym is flooded?

Nuts! Sami Salo’s balls of steel hit the ice, go down (TrueSlant)

Cthulhu sex tape shocker! (raincoaster)

Karl Lagerfeld haiku for u! (Lolebrity)

Whose shoes? (TheManolo)

Nips Akimbo! (ManoloBig)

Out! Out! (ManoloHome)

Stick a fork in it! (ManoloBrides)

Demons begone! But only on weekends! (AgentBedhead)

Gisele inspires thoughts of death! (AmyGrindhouse)

Hayden Christensen back from career death (BusyBeeBlogger)

St Bono is invoked for protection against sanctimony (DippedInCream)

Vampire babies! (CeleBitchy)

The tears of a Golem! (CelebrityCosmeticSurgery)

Lisa Marie wants offerings to the dead! (CelebDirtyLaundry)

Death runs in the family (CelebritySmack)

Keith Richards is Benjamin Button! (HolyMoly)

Career ambitions slaughtered! (DailyStab)

Sir Ian McKellan not quite dead yet! (DListed)

Necronauts need money, too ya know! (EvilBeet)

A threat from Skeletor! (GabbyBabble)

Is Calvin Klein a soul vampire? (Gawker)

The franchise that CANNOT DIE! (HaveUHeard)

Yetis! (INeedMyFix)

Zombie Katherine Heigl? (JustJared)

Helen Mirren and Doppelganger Mirren! (LitelySalted)

Salute the dead! (MovieLine)

Kiefer is eternal! (UKPopSugar)

The tomb is open but the body is dead! (SeriouslyOMG)

Mary Ann not into Maryjane (Defamer)

The Bad Boys of Blogging vs Beloved B-Listers (Jezebel)

Happy COMPLETELY INSANE Birthday, Tom Cruise (Gawker)

Fabio is completely secure in his masculinity (Cityrag)

Patrick Swayze is still on the cancer sticks (Popbytes)

Miley Cyrus is, like, a total brainiac, rilly (GabbyBabble)

Kevin Federline is Dirty Thirty (BittenAndBound)

ScarJo is not a cheap date (HotMommaGossip)

Judd Nelson candid…the Eighties are definitely OVER (TMZ)

Welcome to the jungle. Lilo keeps the Eighties alive (which explains why they’re still dead) (Yeeeeah)

Your token Irish beefcake for St.Patrick’s Dale. Pale and slightly fatty (WebstersIsMyBitch)

Nicole Kidman needs to trank up her bodyguards (Celebritysmack)

Helen Mirren is MORE sexy (JustJared)

If Obama were white, if Clinton were black (TheNewRepublic)

Charlize Theron accepts America (ImNotObsessed)

Britney erases Kabbalah  (CelebWarship)

Kate Bosworth has David Bowie eyes (Egotastic)

The Heather Locklear suicide call mess sorted out (Celebitchy)

Madonna is trying too hard (DailyStab)

P Puff Diddy Daddy starts a cab service for the A-list (CelebParasite)

Catherine Zeta-Jones gives quotes she’ll come to regret (PerezHilton)

Q: What’s better than beating out Daniel Craig, Johnny Depp and Rupert Grint to win the first National Movie Award for best male performance?

A: Getting goosed expertly by Helen Mirren while she jollily regales you with tales of her naked beach capers.