I want Daphne Guinness’ Alexander McQueen outfit, and the invisible sword that presumably goes with it. And a moderately-sized vat of gin, STAT; this is a medical emergency. We lost to the US in an Olympic hockey game for the first time since 1960, and all of Canada is in bed, drunk and sobbing and holding on to it’s little Troll doll for dear life; all of Canada except me. Someone has to blog this pain away. I am in no mood to be trifled with, except perhaps by Hugh Jackman, and he should wear body armour just to be safe.

Alfred Hitchcock’s ultimate nightmare (Lolebrity)

Robert Pattinson is greased and ready! (AgentBedhead)

Jessica Simpson gets her mask on (AmyGrindhouse)

Jude Law, swordsman (BusyBeeBlogger)

Travis Barker’s boxing match aborted (CelebritySmack)

JLo misses hat trick (CeleBitchy)

Bag a king! (True/Slant)

Conan hits the road (DailyStab)

Dancesport according to Dita (CelebDirtyLaundry)

Hilary Duff teams with NHL Player (BricksAndStones)

Kate Moss, suited for action (DanasDirt)

Bigots! On! Ice! (Gawker)

Ice escapades with Johnny Weir (DListed)

Xtream Martial Arts Birthday Party? (EvilBeet)

The Champions! (INeedMyFix)

Ken Paves wins the Snatch and Grab (SeriouslyOMG)

The pairs event (UKPopSugar)

Here we see heir to the British Throne His Royal Highness Prince Charles Philip Arthur George, Prince of Wales, KG, KT, GCB, OM, AK, QSO, PC, ADC, Earl of Chester, Duke of Cornwall, Duke of Rothesay, Earl of Carrick, Baron of Renfrew, Lord of the Isles and Prince and Great Steward of Scotland presenting medals to soldiers of the famed and historic Black Watch. Which points up two things:

one, that the Black Watch has abandoned the wearing of Black Watch, and

two, that if we can see him the camo doesn’t work very well!

Which reminds me of the time I was walking down The Drive and saw this guy dressed head to toe in camo. Camo shoes, pants, jacket, tee, hat, and backpack. I deliberately bumped into him and said, “Oh, sorry. I didn’t see you.”

He didn’t get it.

The Revenge of Coco (Gawker)

Quentin Tarantino to helm Conan flick (AgentBedhead)

Neil Patrick Harris shares a touching moment with Mickey Rourke (Lolebrity)

Old Friends (AmyGrindhouse)

Sig Hell! (BusyBeeBlogger)

Putting the “Brit” in Britney (CeleBitchy)

Finally, someone impresses Simon Cowell (CelebritySmack)

Golden gobs (HolyCandy)

Angel Falls to Earth (this is not a repeat from Paradise Lost) (INeedMyFix)

Hilary Duff, Garbo impersonator (JustJared)

Ice this old qualifies as glacial, no? (UKPopSugar)

Not enough Cthulhu! (Movieline)

The Cupcake of Doom (Crunk&Disorderly)

Lindsay Lohan embarks on a new career (DListed)

Martha Stewart goes pole hog (EvilBeet)

Jay, even the angry lesbians are against you now. Surrender before you get maimed (GabbyBabble)

Re-assemble your celebrity (INO)

It’s the battle of the babes in bandage couture! Who do you think responds better to the designer mummification process?

Viva la Diva! (HolyMoly)

Pete in Paree (LondonBlog)

Christian Bale, Dancing Queen (raincoaster)

Penny vs Woody (AgentBedhead)

Blond on Blonde? (Websters)

Suri: “Srsly?“ (SeriouslyOMG)

Ink not mink (CelebritySmack)

Duff guff (CeleBitchy)

Miley face (CandyKirby)

Meerkat Messiah (GOTA)

Jailbird Joe (CelebWarship)

Lady of Leisure (IBBB)

RyRey Rejected! (Defamer)

Silly Lily (UKPopSugar)

Both of these pop princesses have had the honour of ringing the New York Stock Exchange opening bell, but which one do you think is more likely to give a much-needed boost to the markets?

She remembers throwing her shoes off the cliff above St. Tropez and her new husband having to step around nude couples on the beach looking for them after he climbed down, and, frankly, not much after that for the next three days.

So, you’re warned.

A Photoshop is Worth1000 words (AgentBedhead)

Spoiler alert: the dog does NOT die: the dog goes on to re-date John Mayer (Websters)

SantaCon is ON, bitches! (CityRag)

and this is Jim Carrey’s brain on drugs (ASL)

Tom Cruise does the Flop Ten on Letterman (SeriouslyOMG)

Pellicano for the Pen! (WizbangPop)

Best of British exports (UKPopSugar)

Pete Wentz overshares. Again. (HolyMoly)

Penn Badgley’s ballsy (JustJared)

JLo sperminated?!?!?!?! (ImNotObsessed)

Your chance to blow away Santa (IBBB)

Size queen (BusyBeeBlogger)

Yes, RuPaul Can! (DListed)

Looks like Grampaw forgot his teeth (CandyKirby)

And this may be Shenae Grimes’ brain on drugs (HollywoodBackwash)

Your token Brandy story (EvilBeet)

The Quaids settle with the hospital that OD’s their children (DailyStab)

Columbo even more confused now (CelebritySmack)

Hilary Duff was never a virgin! (CeleBitchy)

Suri Cruise uses four-letter words (AmyGrindhouse)

What are you talking about, of course these body-shaping belts work! See how the excess flesh from my waist has been pushed all the way up to my lips?