Pity, if you will (if you can) the girls past and present of Sir Mick Jagger. For every one that becomes First Lady of France, there’s one that’s gone the publicly humiliating L’Wren Scott/ Georgina Chapman route and foisted a line of unsuitable, unflattering,ill-fitting duds on an unsuspecting public, like this poor, clueless member of the public right here. If I were Julia Roberts and I had to appear in public in that, I, too, would be tempted to bash out my brains right there, center stage.

Cute shoes, though.

Isabella Rossellini fills the convents! (raincoaster)

Parker Posey is no angel either (Ayyyy)

Putin aside temptation (Lolebrity)

Industry Swiftly makes Kanye prOn (AgentBedhead)

Conan O’Brien is a cunning linguist (BusyBeeBlogger)

Adrien Brody is pursued by a succubus from Hell (CelebDirtyLaundry)

Angels get pregnant? (CelebritySmack)

Celebrity hobos (CityRag)

Cojo eulogizes Liz Hurley’s dress (CojoStyle)

Recession fashion tips from Vivienne Westwood (CyberBoris)

Kanye in the Sky with a microphone? (DailyStab)

Anne Hathaway is Jake Gyllenhaal’s guardian angel (EvilBeet)

Don’t EVER touch Charlie Sheen’s watch (Earsucker)

These are your people’s choices (GabbyBabble)

and deliver us from Speidi (GirlsTalkinSmack)

Un-chain Hilary Swank’s heart (GoFugYourself)

A Kardashian is judging you (HaveUHeard)

Russell Brand leaves his wife for Prince Charles (INeedMyFix)

Victoria Beckham and her incubus step out in daylight (JustJared)

Shalit be time for trading places? (Movieline)

The government hates your boss too (PerezHilton)

and in related news, Castro is still alive (PoorBritney)

Before Pee-Wee! (SeriouslyOMG)

How very shiny and futuristic! The fashion of the future is already here, which means that the fashion of today is..somewhere else? Does this not make you want to cryogenically freeze yourself until such time when things improve, probably in the next millennium?

The True North, strong and free to look at posters for Kevin Smith films (AgentBedhead)

The VMA’s: from the ridiculous to…the ridiculous (CelebritySmack)

Hilary Swank to swell (DailyStab)

Take a walk down WTF lane with Nicholas Cage (Defamer)

Bai Ling admits her head is just a place to put wigs (CandyKirby)

I’m Bringing PrivacyWatches Back! (IBBB)

That poor horse should fire her agent (UKPopSugar)

So, just how fast DOES Sarah Palin type? (Radar)

Akon’s fans achin’ (SeriouslyOMG)

Miley Cyrus buys herself a pimpmobile (Websters)

William is Hurt-ing for an intervention (CeleBitchy)

Amy Winehouse loves J— D——, who was big in the 80′s (DListed)

That’s why it’s called VICE president, silly! (Bossip)

It’s the battle of the actresses portraying aviatrixes, Amy Adams as Amelia Earhart vs Hilary Swank as Amelia Earhart! Who do you prefer - the pert, dolled up Amelia or the plucky boyish version?  

There has to be a better way thought Giorgio Armani to himself.  Something that didn’t require him to go around manhandling every female celebrity of childbearing age to see whether they should be recruited into his posse of Armani Mamas.

So he mulled it over long and hard, sketching and stitching and fussing and churning out several failed prototypes until voila! The Baby Bump Detector was born. Like the Model T Ford, it comes only in black, of course.

“This is my Aloe C, which I dissolve in water,” she says, brandishing a giant orange pill. “Here’s my flax. This one’s for my immune system, and this one is my BrainWave—it’s great, like if I have a lot of lines to memorize.” Swank takes nearly 45 supplements a day, tossing them into her mile-wide maw at various hours according to a carefully determined schedule. “I just took my most important ones, which are my Oz Garcia Longevity Pak,” she continues, rattling the empty green packet. “I shoved them in my mouth right before I met you, which I actually shouldn’t do, because I choked on my vitamins once before.”

Of course with any excessive pill-popping, there are potentially serious side effects. But as long as one can memorise the script to unerring perfection, it matters little what uncontrollable limb-contorting gestures accompany the delivery of those award-winning lines.