barefoot mystery man feets

Okay, so my answer to the Mystery Sock post was a little oblique. And not everyone has jumped on the Assange fangirl bandwagon, so here is a penance post. This celebrity is a very solid if elusive and Garbo-esque B-lister with an A-List past and unquestionable sex appeal. Can you identify our Barefoot Man with the long toes?

What's worn under your kilt? I bet everything under there is in EXCELLENT working order.

You thought we’d forget your hump day hunk again, didn’t you?

You’re welcome.

Holey Sock, Batman! Who's that metrosexual?

It’s time to reveal our Holey Celebrity from last week. Although we had many entertaining and ambitious guesses (Courtney Love? I ONLY WISH!) we had no actual winner this time. Well, it was pretty esoteric, even though this particular celebrity has been seen in sock feet more than once or twice before. We may make Name That Sockster a regular feature, since it’s obviously quite tricky and none of our other mysteries managed to keep you in suspense for long.

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David Beckham straightens up quite well

It’s not every ball-basher who looks that good in a suit. Or his underwear, come to think of it. And now that we’ve set the tone, let’s cool down with a delicious and recursive Brandy Punch Cocktail Drink, which he assures us is one of his favorites. So bend your elbow like Beckham and enjoy these gossip links:

Hippies, mushrooms, social workers, and hockey. Of COURSE this is a story from BC. Bring your short attention span and leave your patchouli back in the Mystery Machine, man. (raincoaster)

A just god would not allow this. She’s Suri. But not Suri enough for this abomination. (Ayyyy)

My Drunk Kitchen isn’t nearly drunk enough for THIS unspeakable thing. And when your cooking show needs a safety spotter, you seriously need to rethink this concept. (ManoloFood)

Batman! Thank god you’ve arrived! That’s Iraq solved, then! (Lolebrity)

Real news is what happens when God isn’t looking. Or is that G-D? But it happened this morning. (Crasstalk)

Courtney Love and Adnan Khashoggi sitting in a tree…no seriously, she’s trying to make this happen. Are we totally sure there’s a drug she hasn’t tried yet? Because she still appears to be on all of them simultaneously. (AgentBedhead)

ZOMBIES! And I ain’t talking cocktails! Zombies rule (until Animals came along…) (BusyBeeBlogger)

A million Twihards just came. RPattz is looking for a lifemate. Helpmeet. Mate. You just fainted again, didn’t you? (CelebDirtyLaundry)

Cheryl Cole not ready for US prime time. No. Shit. Dude. (CelebritySmack)

Lady Gaga, I knew God. God was a friend of mine. You. Are no God. (CelebVIPLounge)

I got no farther than the concept of milking the Green Lantern before I had to take a bit of “me time” if you know what I mean and I think you do. (DailyStab)

Kim Kardashian already working on KKK? A just god would not allow this. Steve? Steve, baby? (EarSucker)

Lindsay Lohan flashes the plastic. I’m sorry, right. Even her VISA card is natural. (FitFabCeleb)

Peace out, dudes. No, seriously, peace out. Right outta my life. (GirlsTalkinSmack)

My OTHER imaginary boyfriend was on American Idol? Why, Steve and Julian will be so jealous! (HaveUHeard)

Bridesmaids outtakes. If we’re lucky this includes Jon Hamm P-slips. (HollywoodHiccups)

More proof the Gouvernator is no Kennedy. I’m sorry, but that’s no Marilyn Monroe, my friends. (INeedMyFix)

Jack Black, nekkid as a jaybird in front of the TSA. What would you give for an unobstructed view? (MathiewGuiver)

Okay, NOW I know who Shemar Moore is. And believe me, I won’t forget any time soon. (Swoonworthy)

Breaking Dawn breaking poster. This is news? Come on, Prince Hot Ginge, give us something newsworthy! (TheSkinnyChic)

Selah.

I’m a bad, bad blogger. Here I am all caught up in the playoffs and I let you go without your Hump Day Hunk. Well, no worries, he’s here now and none the worse for being late. At this age (even older than me!) he needs his beauty rest.

George Hamilton's mantle has been taken up

Someone needs to show this photo to Davy Jones, stat! And while we’re at it, this one as well:

Yes. I need to look at this again. And again. And, possibly, again.

Adrien Brody's prayers were answered when he made Hump Day Hunk

There’s just something about this skeevy bastard that I like. Maybe it’s that he’s a winning rally driver. Maybe it’s that he looks so intellectual, and dresses so Pool Shark. Maybe it’s that hell, it’s been a long time and … but there, I’ve said too much. And besides, I can’t run Prince Harry every week, can I?

Let’s toast to Adrien’s dream come true with a spirited round of Pool Shark, the Drinking Game and some gossip links.

Wine A-Z; the ultimate Go Cup! A jogging bra/wine skin combo? Why the hell not, my camelbak imbues my Sauv Blanc with aromas of Gatorade as it is. (Manolofood)

Van Gogh and Orcas Unicorn Chaser. Make your hump day a little smoother with soothing pictures of swirling stars and wild whales in Downtown Vangroover. Yes, orcas belong in a gossip roundup. I’m Canadian, dammit.  (raincoaster)

Top That! Princess Beatrice’s amazing Hat of Hideousness (+10) is for sale on eBay to benefit children, if not onlookers (Ayyyy)

George Clooney chickens out. The television remake of Men Who Stare At Goats was disappointingly downscaled. (Lolebrity)

Life, Death, Violence, Barbie, and extremely mixed messages. I’m not exactly sure where the war crimes tribunal comes into it, but apparently it does, somewhere. Also: Ken is a draft dodger? (Crasstalk)

Dear God, Johnny Depp is a kinky beast. Taking a page from Chuck Berry, he made Penelope Cruz dress up as a … no, I can’t even say it. Seriously, nobody would put Salma Hayek through that. (AgentBedhead)

Is House getting evicted? Hugh Laurie has a great big, leaky mouth. There, take THAT image into your Bertie/Jeeves slash-thinking mind. (BusyBeeBlogger)

Yet another Jagger kid poses nekkid. Surely I thought we’d run out of these potato-faced wonders by now, but apparently not. Is “Club Kid” really a career choice? (CelebDirtyLaundry)

This is perhaps the most terrifying headline of all time, until you smack yourself in the head and say “IT DOESN’T MEAN THAT YOU PERVERT” and move on. But still. (CelebritySmack)

Oh, Will Smith. It’s not the size: it’s how you use it! And using it to annoy an entire neighborhood is just Letting the Thetans Win. (CelebVIPLounge)

Bristol Palin, now surgically enhanced! But not improved: it wasn’t brain surgery, after all. (DailyStab)

Taylor Swift will out a bitch! This girl doesn’t exist off the record, and if you’re dating her, neither do you (EarSucker)

Lady Gaga is Asian? Golly, she MUST have had some serious work done; she doesn’t look it. (FitFabCeleb)

Owen Freaking Wilson and yeah, like, a bunch of other celebs in Cannes, but who gives a rat’s ass about them? Eh? OWEN WILSON! (GirlsTalkinSmack)

Jennifer Aniston’s steamy banana handling. Look ma, no hands! No desperation, either…that is so NOT the sound of faint weeping I hear. Nosiree Bob. (HaveUHeard)

L’innocent sentenced to live in mansion next door to coke connection. Poor thing. That’ll teach HER! (HollywoodHiccups)

Who’s the $100 million man? The one going around spreading herpes? Yeah, “That one who dated Paris Hilton” doesn’t really narrow it down any. (INeedMyFix)

Joan Rivers better watch her back: Kermit the Frog is after her job. The Red Carpet just got a little greener and a LOT cuter (PopBytes)

Adorable Prince Harry and adorable puppy being adorable. Adorbz! What are you still doing here? CLICKY CLICK CLICK! (Swoonworthy)

Caption the Gouvernator and his ex. I’m thinking something Harry Potter related. She reminds me of Emma Thompson’s character, the Divinology professor. (RightCelebrity)

Surely I’m not the only one who sees this.

Some people will do ANYTHING to get a part, I’m telling you. Playing politics is a big part of Hollywood, I guess.

Obama has Osama’s paperwork (raincoaster)

We need a decision: which of these classic beauties wore it better (Ayyyy)

Karl Lagerfeld brings the chocolate…if not the taste (ManoloFood)

Mission Accomplished 2.0 (Lolebrity)

Can we get Hamlet updated for bodybuilders? Yes, yes we can. (AgentBedhead)

Can Obama protect us from Charlie Sheen, Free Agent? (BusyBeeBlogger)

Can he get us a good, cheap date? Or do we have to stoop to this date-bidding site? (CelebDirtyLaundry)

PARDON RICK SPRINGFIELD!!! (CelebritySmack)

Can Obama provide a DNA sample? We’re trying to figure out who fathered January Jones’ child (CelebVIPLounge)

Bieber safety: an international concern. Should we take it to the UN? (DailyStab)

Declare Beckam’s Birthday a national holiday! (DippedinCream)

SAVE JENNIFER HUDSON! She is headed for oblivion! (EarSucker)

Can Obama get Miley Cyrus to keep it in her pants? (FitFabCeleb)

Ban the ballcap! Celebrities can afford better, surely? (GirlsTalkinSmack)

Can Obama capture the Canadian terrorist Justin Bieber (HaveUHeard)

In the name of all that is holy, STOP THE CELEBRITY NEPOTISM (HollywoodHiccups)

Can Obama save little Jaden Smith from a life of child labour? (INeedMyFix)

Can he get me an invitation to Goldie Hawn’s ranch, too? (MathewGuiver)

Will he appoint Britney Ambassador? (PoorBritney)

Can we lock Lohan up and throw away the key? (PopBytes)

America needs heroes like these! (SwoonWorthy)

Fight hunger! Feed the celebrities! (TheSkinny)

Sorry we’re late with this. Down with a spell of food poisoning: I should never have switched from vodka to lemonade. It was obviously too much for my system (also, lemon juice goes bad? WHO KNEW?).

This will make it all better.

Prince Harry and a puppy. You're welcome.

Awwww. Now that you’ve recovered sufficiently, let’s move on to some adorable gossip links.

Deflowering virgins on television? Eh, it’s a living for Sandra Rinomato. Does she know Harvey? (Crasstalk)

Spirit Animals: how do they work? Help me choose between Courage Wolf and Sexually Oblivious Rhino as my mascot (raincoaster)

Pitcher? or catcher? The all-important “what to put the booze in” question just in time for picnic season (ManoloFood)

Nigella Lawson undercover. Girlfriend, jihadi chic is NOT how you do a topless beach. (Ayyyy)

This is why cutoffs were invented. There … wait … hmmm? … what was I saying? (Lolebrity)

Win a pair of Whooga boots! Like the FB page and enter to win one of three pairs each month (Whooga)

ScarPenn/SeanJo trouble in paradise? Uh, well duh. And somewhere, Ryan Reynolds chuckles softly. (AgentBedhead)

Why do they put the coke THERE? Playboy Bunnies are dumb, yo. (BusyBeeBlogger)

No, seriously, I thought this was Carrot Top for a second. Someone needs to give Rihanna some conditioner STAT (CelebDirtyLaundry)

Kate Middleton does a discreet Michael Jackson crotch grab, paparazzi fails to notice? (CelebritySmack)

Time’s 100 Most Influential People once again leaves me off the list. I had to beg them. Discretion is everything to me (CelebVIPLounge)

We may get our wish: Snooki is slowly vanishing! Just hang in there till 2020 and she’ll disappear entirely! (DailyStab)

Anything to get laid, eh RPattz? Dreamy McSparklepants reveals his sordid social secrets (EarSucker)

Oh look, it’s old Mae West– oh wait, it’s Xtina. That lingerie must have more technology than a typical NASA launch to keep from self-destructing. That is one whole lotta surface tension (FitFabCeleb)

Honestly, Gaga, that was so ret- … uh, developmentally challenged! (GirlsTalkinSmack)

Kanye Kant (run his charity anymore, that is). Kanye West doesn’t care about other people? (HaveUHeard)

So how much DOES it cost to marry a crown prince? It’s important to do the math, people. (HollywoodHiccups)

Gwen Stefani invites science to knock her up. I know any number of labcoated genii who’d be happy to oblige (INeedMyFix)

Everyone loves a man in uniform. Or a hot lesbian. Just as long as they’re doing a Britney lipdub. (MathewGuiver)

The Britney performance the network didn’t want you to see! No, seriously, they went to commercial. (PoorBritney)

James Marsden with cuddly bunnies, chicks, etc. No, seriously, why haven’t you clicked this already? (Swoonworthy)

An Olsen Twin debuts the World’s Ugliest Pants. No seriously, the other one keeps cracking up. Guess who lost the bet in the dressing room? (TheSkinny)

Dances with Scientologists. This guy has been milking that one role for nearly 40 years now (TheSkinnyChic)