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Never Forget: Laura Palmer RIP

Laura Palmer RIP

Laura Palmer RIP

I can never decide if I’m an 80′s girl (DuranDuran makes my skin crawl, but I adore early Madonna and U2) or a 90′s girl (U2 again, Nirvana, and the post-punk scene), but Twin Peaks is certainly greater than anything the 80′s ever came up with (I mean, Dynasty?). And it was 25 years ago today that Laura Palmer died, kicking off the whole mysterious boondoggle, inspiring many, many more.

From the equally mysterious Gawker Dating site comes this anonymous posting…

Diane, I really need some help on this one.

No, I’m not stuck in the Black Lodge or possessed again. I’m just starting to get lonely on my endless assignment in this weird, remote place.

Sometimes I’m romantically pursued by teenagers, or else I fall for convent-bound types. But what I really need is someone who can appreciate a slice of cherry pie and a damn fine cup of coffee.

Do you know anyone like that, Diane? Because at this point I’m totally willing to relocate.

#m4w
#gawkerdating

20110503

Surely somewhere out there is a woman who just likes a slice of cherry pie and a damn fine cup of coffee…Volunteers to the left.

Do The Shat!

SHATNERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!

SHATNERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!

This would clearly be the best party game ever. And this little girl? Would win.

Happy Black Friday!

Here are a couple of really, really white people to help you celebrate!

and

Play Safe, Old Skool with Betty White

Betty White is a super Cougar

Betty White is a super Cougar

Alpha Cougar Betty White has some words of wisdom for the Mile High club in her new safety announcement video for Air New Zealand. In it she gets to gently paw a hunky flight attendant, cuddle up to Gavin MacLeod, and lead the (touring) cast of Cocoon through basic flight safety maneuvers. Because this is Betty White, and only because this is Betty White, this is full of win. In fact, I BUMPED AN ALAN RICKMAN POST to post this, that’s how in love with Betty White I am. And you know I loves me some Alan Rickman.

Watch. Watch and obey. All Hail Queen Betty.

Friday Caption Contest: Joanna Lumley Edition

You know what to do. Do it in the comments section for fabulous, entirely imaginary prizes. Yes, I SAID DO IT! Even if I have to spend another three hours trying to wade through the spam file until this gets fixed.

Joanna Lumley and unnamed friend

Joanna Lumley and unnamed friend

Marilyn Makeover!

Marilyn Monroe had her secrets

Marilyn Monroe had her secrets

Ever wanted to look like that? Sure, suuuuuure you haven’t. Wasn’t it Helena Rubenstein (hint: it was) who said, “There are no ugly women, just lazy ones?” So here, should you wish to take two solid hours to see how much you can look like Marilyn, is a tutorial on how to do exactly that, complete with some fascinating insights I’ve never seen anywhere else.

Faces of Mess: Goldie Hawn edition

Goldie Hawn Faces of Mess

Goldie Hawn Faces of Mess

Somehow you just knew Goldie Hawn was a happy drunk, not a stroppy one like Lindsay Lohan or a maudlin one like that aunt of yours who always gets into the cheap merlot and ends up weeping her mascara down her chin at the thought that she once had a shot at being Miss 4H Goat Cheese ’86 or whatever. Goldie looks like the kind of woman who’d down a forty pounder of JD by way of warmup and then try to lead the whole bar in a hand-holding singalong of Kumbayah or at least something from Bon Jovi. How can you not love her?

I once saw her and Kurt exiting a grocery store in Vancouver, and Goldie held the door for a little old lady. And yes, they both have the best asses on the planet, STILL: Kurt and Goldie, that is. I didn’t notice the little old lady’s.

The Beyonce Bounce

Beyonce Butt Bounce

Beyonce Butt Bounce

Contrary to appearances, that sound you hear is not Beyonce’s buttcheeks clashing together like tectonic plates. That sound you hear is Dame Diana Rigg rolling over in her grave, and she’s not even dead yet. This might just push her over the edge, though.

Diana Rigg is not amused

Diana Rigg is not amused

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