Is the preppy hiker type your thing? Jake Gyllenhaal has you covered. So to speak.

Having recently moved to an ecovillage (don’t laugh! okay, maybe a little) in the rainforest of the west coast, my selection of men has become somewhat limited. Basically, there are hippies, there are preppy hikers, there are a handful of billionaires whom I will never meet because they are helicoptered into and out of their estates, and there are fishermen who drink. The preppy hikers smell the best, but the hippies are the most fun. Jake Gyllenhaal here demonstrates both iterations of manly outdoorsiness. Preppy hiker above, ecohippie below. Scissors are oppressive, man!

Jake Gyllenhaal in hippie hiker mode

I’m normally a fan of the long hair, but now that I know it generally comes with associated smells woven in, I’m less enthusiastic. Which would you rather?

ten carats of PAIN!

I think these would only really suit a very feminine woman with four spouses, all of whom she was furious with. What’s that, Quadritamy? Mass assault?  Ha: What is that? Ah, who am I kidding? It’s LINDSAY LOHAN!

Guess SamRo finally put a ring on it.

Backstage with Dali (raincoaster)

Fresh Heiress (Ayyyy)

Who’s the Boss? (ManoloFood)

Don Draper, Math Man (Lolebrity)

The first step is admitting you have a problem, Gwyneth (AgentBedhead)

Jack Sparrow to fly again (BusyBeeBlogger)

Your annual Taylor Swift post-breakup “learning experience” post (CeleBitchy)

Boy takes Backstreet to Rehab (CelebDirtyLaundry)

Christina Hendricks, nudie Juggalo? (CelebritySmack)

Snowman of the damned (CityRag)

Imminent arrival puts crimp in Kate Hudson’s dating game (DailyStab)

Rachel Zoe repurposes (GirlsTalkinSmack)

Justin Bieber is allergic to stunt casting (HaveUHeard)

Too much macho in one photo (INeedMyFix)

Oprah cheeses out (PopBytes)

Yet another legacy model zones out (TheSkinny)

Jake Gyllenhaal. I was going to write a more elaborate caption, but I got distracted

Yes, yes, we’ve featured Jakey-poo time without number, but I defy you to watch this video and not give it up for him (although perhaps Anne Hathaway sort of steals it). Jake Gyllenhaal, talking about his favorite romantic love song.

Adolf Hitler, found at last? (raincoaster)

Who’s Sari now, Elizabeth Hurley? (Ayyyy)

Daniel Radcliffe is naked without it (Lolebrity)

Food porn, Yorkshire style (Manolofood)

I need this like I need another hole in the head (ManoloJewelry)

The Big O (GreenManolo)

Knit one, parle two! (CraftyManolo)

No lip from you! (ManoloBeauty)

Madonna has cooties! (AgentBedhead)

Enter the Soundgarden! (BusyBeeBlogger)

Katy Perry’s secret not so secret anymore (CelebDirtyLaundry)

The Dream Team: Cojo and Paula Abdul (CojoStyle)

Pastel on board! (DailyStab)

Get into Grace Kelly’s skirt! (GirlsTalkinSmack)

Yes, Carrie Underwood, this makes your ass look fat (HaveUHeard)

Sexiest Men Alive, or: Your Christmas Shopping List (INeedMyFix)

Harry Potter wears Canadian makeup (FabSugar)

Pity, if you will (if you can) the girls past and present of Sir Mick Jagger. For every one that becomes First Lady of France, there’s one that’s gone the publicly humiliating L’Wren Scott/ Georgina Chapman route and foisted a line of unsuitable, unflattering,ill-fitting duds on an unsuspecting public, like this poor, clueless member of the public right here. If I were Julia Roberts and I had to appear in public in that, I, too, would be tempted to bash out my brains right there, center stage.

Cute shoes, though.

Isabella Rossellini fills the convents! (raincoaster)

Parker Posey is no angel either (Ayyyy)

Putin aside temptation (Lolebrity)

Industry Swiftly makes Kanye prOn (AgentBedhead)

Conan O’Brien is a cunning linguist (BusyBeeBlogger)

Adrien Brody is pursued by a succubus from Hell (CelebDirtyLaundry)

Angels get pregnant? (CelebritySmack)

Celebrity hobos (CityRag)

Cojo eulogizes Liz Hurley’s dress (CojoStyle)

Recession fashion tips from Vivienne Westwood (CyberBoris)

Kanye in the Sky with a microphone? (DailyStab)

Anne Hathaway is Jake Gyllenhaal’s guardian angel (EvilBeet)

Don’t EVER touch Charlie Sheen’s watch (Earsucker)

These are your people’s choices (GabbyBabble)

and deliver us from Speidi (GirlsTalkinSmack)

Un-chain Hilary Swank’s heart (GoFugYourself)

A Kardashian is judging you (HaveUHeard)

Russell Brand leaves his wife for Prince Charles (INeedMyFix)

Victoria Beckham and her incubus step out in daylight (JustJared)

Shalit be time for trading places? (Movieline)

The government hates your boss too (PerezHilton)

and in related news, Castro is still alive (PoorBritney)

Before Pee-Wee! (SeriouslyOMG)

“Basher” Bassey demonstrates how a real Dame handles uppity paparazzi. Perhaps she’d had a few Street Fighter Cocktails beforehand.

MJ fans stopped, got enough (raincoaster)
Saturday Caption Contest: Johnny Depp 2.0 (Ayyyy)
Under New Management (ManoloFood)
The latest OH GOD IT CAN’T BE TRUE couple (CelebrityBeehive)
Walken in a winter wonderland (Lolebrity)
Bill and Ted’s not so excellent time machine (AgentBedhead)
Kathy Griffin has hit rock bottom (BusyBeeBlogger)
NOBODY messes with Joan Freaking Collins (CeleBitchy)
World’s worst couple back together (CelebDirtyLaundry)
When your star has faded, isn’t it “Cold boxing?” (CityRag)
Carousel of Couture (CojoStyle)
World welcomes two new Canadians (DailyStab)
Bert comes out (EvilBeet)
Celebrities bare their fangs (GirlsTalkinSmack)
Lady Gaga is a billionaire (HaveUHeard)
That’s 100,000 loonies, bitches! (INeedMyFix)
Mariah and mom come (JustJared)
Lock up your babehs! Madge is on the loose! (PerezHilton)
Britwick -> Lawyer’s office??? (PoorBritney)
Marky Mark vs Bieber Fever (SeriouslyOMG)

Gaga me with a chainsaw

Without a Tracy (Lolebrity)
Shoe rights for the proletariat! (Shoeblogs)
No extra charge for the roofies! (ManoloBig)
Celebrity Dad Faceoff: Idris Elba vs Gavin Rossdale (TeenyManolo)
The rules of engagement for marrieds (ManoloMen)
Chelsea Clinton’s wedding roundup (ManoloBrides)
The Plastic Fantastic (ManoloHome)
Free Snooki! (WOWReport)
Is this the end for Speidi? (ASL)
Eli Roth and his little girl vs the Sun (SeriouslyOMG)
Ed Chestwick (JustJared)
All the Jersey Shore that’s fit to recap (IBBB)
Pratt less of one than usual (INeedMyFix)
JWoww lies! (HaveUHeard)
The Hoff Hustles! (GoFugYourself)
Happy National Orgasm Day! (Science2.0)
Couture Yeti walkabout! (Racked)
When Kanye met Twitter (Lainey)
Marky Mark makes his mark on Hollywood (GabbyBabble)
This is some hipster’s dream girl (ICYDK)
Just one more reason to love Jake Gyllenhaal (AnythingHollywood)
Daniel Radcliffe is now legal in every country but Saudi Arabia (EvilBeet)
Swede cops a move (DListed)
Drew Carey now 50% off! (DailyStab)
America is emo (CojoStyle)
She’s gonna have EPIC talks with Michael Jackson’s kids someday (AgentBedhead)
If it smells like a Fishburne, eat it (Crunk+Disorderly)
Snooki faw down, go boom (CelebritySmack)
Tom Jones is the king of sessy! (CelebDirtyLaundry)
Ali Lohan now enhanced by 20% (CeleBitchy)
Stephen Colbert’s bitchslap fest (BusyBeeBlogger)

So she’s wearing underwear you can see through her dress, that hideous orange-red lipstick I already blogged about, and Uggs. Trying to look on the bright side: thank GOD she is wearing underwear.

Lock this man up immediately! (Lolebrity)

Red Shoes Diary? (TheManolo)

Fake Furniture? (ManoloHome)

Womb with a view (to controversy) (ManoloBig)

Should In-Laws be outlawed? (ManoloBrides)

Celebrity Dad Faceoff: Antonio Banderas vs Stephen Moyer (TeenyManolo)

Hitler would have LOVED the Bieb! (AgentBedhead)

We’ll never know what Willis was talking about now (AmyGrindhouse)

Kristen Davis abandons Manolo! (BusyBeeBlogger)

Sandra Bullock has superpowers (CeleBitchy)

Britney time travels to 1972 (CelebDirtyLaundry)

Cynthia Nixon has three lemons, and one’s not in her bodice (CojoStyle)

The Serbian Justin Bieber (DListed)

Girl, this isn’t a move UP (GabbyBabble)

Tom Cruise, nobody wants your risky business anymore (HaveUHeard)

Cloris Leachman for safe sex, doggy-style (INeedMyFix)

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And defy the fashion history of the last three years.

Normally, I’d say the Gladiator look is completely finito (and not a moment too soon), but for some reason I just can’t place I’m rather inclined to let this particular iteration go. No, wait; I’ve reconsidered. It must all come off right! now!

Hail our Capitalist Tool overlords! (TrueSlant)

Jay-Z is NOT amused (Lolebrity)

EVERYBODY POLKA!!! (TheManolo)

It runs in the family (TeenyManolo)

That does NOT say “cojones” (ManoloHome)

Balls! (ManoloBrides)

How. To. Wear. Shoes. (ManoloBig)

Hail our porn vampire overlords! (AgentBedhead)

Lindsay Lohan has a cunning plan… (AmyGrindhouse)

Sex and the City and the supporting cast (BusyBeeBlogger)

They sent them back to the volcano (CeleBitchy)

Fergie, Ghetto Duchess (CelebrityBeehive)

Nicole Kidman’s new shirt stuffers (CelebCosmeticSurgery)

Paula Abdul can’t count? Imagine! (CelebDirtyLaundry)

25 Cent (CelebritySmack)

Liza with a line! (DailyStab)

So THAT’s why Sonoma is popular for weekends away (DListed)

Hail our big-butted overlords! (Gawker)

Hail our Adderall-crazed overlord! (HaveUHeard)

Ol’ Googly Eyes and his Moll from Outer Space at a premiere (INeedMyFix)

Lindsay Lohan in Night Court! (IBBB)

Wait, someone put WRITERS on camera??? (MovieLine)

Jake Gyllenhaal whips out his big sword for the cameras (PinkIsTheNewBlog)

ZOMG Ginny is taller than Harry! (UKPopSugar)