All I can say is, I’d better damn well be losing weight. Tofu, people! I’m consuming tofu! Of my own free will!

Has it come to this?

Katy Perry kissed a girl and broke a mirror (Websters)

Are Ellen and Josh the new Kiki and Herb? (TenGossip)(raincoaster)

Kate Hudson recycles (ASL)

Courtney Love, put that back where it belongs! (SeriouslyOMG)

Courtney’s sandblasting not party-resistant (PopBytes)

Unicorn chaser: Tiger Woods is a daddy again (WizbangPop)

Beyonce hates her feet? (UKPopSugar)

The Rihanna/Chris Brown lesson (EvilBeet)

ARoid (CandyKirby)

SJP goes dark (JustJared)

Brace yourself for Fantasia (IBBB)

I dream of … Maiysha? (GoFugYourself)

Kate Winslet worships her bum (GabbyBabble)

It’s Jennifer Aniston’s party and she’ll cry if she wants to (HolyMoly)

Madonna reenacts the Pieta (Defamer)

Kate Moss has met her Evil Understudy (AgentBedhead)

Britney burgled? (CeleBitchy)

Do you think any of these people could hold down a real job? (CelebritySmack)

Annoyingly wholesome, I know, but I’m supposed to be on a liquid fast in solidarity with the homeless no lie so I’m trying to make this as painless as possible. I’m allowed all the blended-beyond-solidity smoothies I can suck down before the homeless have houses or I pass out or my bowels explode, whichever comes first. Whenever it gets too painful, I console myself with the realization that Redbreast is a liquid too!

Viva la Diva! (HolyMoly)

Pete in Paree (LondonBlog)

Christian Bale, Dancing Queen (raincoaster)

Penny vs Woody (AgentBedhead)

Blond on Blonde? (Websters)

Suri: “Srsly?“ (SeriouslyOMG)

Ink not mink (CelebritySmack)

Duff guff (CeleBitchy)

Miley face (CandyKirby)

Meerkat Messiah (GOTA)

Jailbird Joe (CelebWarship)

Lady of Leisure (IBBB)

RyRey Rejected! (Defamer)

Silly Lily (UKPopSugar)

All actresses who could make men go weak in the knees, but only of us is clad entirely in kryptonite. Can you tell which one, dear readers?

The link to this recipe doesn’t exist, because I haven’t written it out yet, but just make Irish Coffee with maple syrup instead of sugar, and double the amount. While you’re at it, double the amount of whisky, too. It won’t all fit in the mug with the other ingredients, so you’d better put that extra shot in a small glass and maybe just sip it while you mix up the Canuck Coffee. Just a suggestion.

Gezundheit, Pete! (AgentBedhead)

Lily, you can’t smoke and snort at the same time (HolyMoly)

Michael, your career is bong gone (AmyGrindhouse)

Run,  Katie, run! (Websters)

Hey KFed, don’t let your kids run off to join the Circus (ASL)

If you think about it, Madge, that’s incest (Yeeeeah)

Could someone call Christian Bale’s mom to pick him up from the principal’s office? (DListed)

Chrissy, you’re no Terminator (Defamer)

Jen, honey, we’re just not that into bell bottoms (JustJared)

Chelsy, don’t let that one get away (UKPopSugar)

Morrissey, I’d have assumed you’d be at least a 78! (SeriouslyOMG)

Lindz, what comes between you and your Calvins (IBBB)

Gaga, you’re gaga (GabbyBabble)

Dakota Fanning, you go right back into your room and put your pants on (EvilBeet)

Hey, sportsfans, is that what you call a First Down? (CandyKirby)

Denzel, you need to leave some room for my boy Viggo (DailyStab)

It’s not loaded, Jenny (CelebuWreck)

Twitty Milk? The first Social Mediatard of the 21st Century is born (CelebWarship)

Never fire till you can see the whites of their eyes, but of course you can see hers from the Columbian border (CelebritySmack)

Lindsay, they were just trying to be consistent with the labelling of passengers (CeleBitchy)

Let’s just say it’s been one of those days. Actually, it’s been two of those da- make that “one of those weeks.” And it’s still only Thursday morning!

Vote for me! (ShortyAwards)

Nine Inch Noels (AgentBedhead)

Obama Bogarts (CeleBitchy)

Eddie Murphy gives Batman the kiss of death (CelebritySmack)

Jeremy Piven leaves Broadway for career as thermometer (DailyStab)

YOU don’t know how much Will Smith gave to Scientology. I DO!!!! (Defamer)

ScarJo donates bodily excretions instead (DListed)

What happened to Jenny McCarthy? (HolyMoly)

Kate Hudson and Anne Hathaway team up to induce diabetes (ImNotObsessed)

Separated at Birth, the Royal Edition (ASL)

Yes, Men, No, Zooey (EvilBeet)

Jennifer Aniston thrilled about upcoming Cougar Birthday (GabbyBabble)

The Invasion of Chynna (CandyKirby)

Suri is riding dirty (IBBB)

Gwyneth Paltrow’s favorite holiday recipes (JustJared)

Ben @ tha UN (PopSugar)

The infamous Brandy Alexander has the unique distinction of being the first drink of which my mother ever consumed an excess. She’d been assured that the cream would coat her tummy so the brandy wouldn’t hit her too hard. Been assured. By a liar.

She remembers throwing her shoes off the cliff above St. Tropez and her new husband having to step around nude couples on the beach looking for them after he climbed down, and, frankly, not much after that for the next three days.

So, you’re warned.

A Photoshop is Worth1000 words (AgentBedhead)

Spoiler alert: the dog does NOT die: the dog goes on to re-date John Mayer (Websters)

SantaCon is ON, bitches! (CityRag)

and this is Jim Carrey’s brain on drugs (ASL)

Tom Cruise does the Flop Ten on Letterman (SeriouslyOMG)

Pellicano for the Pen! (WizbangPop)

Best of British exports (UKPopSugar)

Pete Wentz overshares. Again. (HolyMoly)

Penn Badgley’s ballsy (JustJared)

JLo sperminated?!?!?!?! (ImNotObsessed)

Your chance to blow away Santa (IBBB)

Size queen (BusyBeeBlogger)

Yes, RuPaul Can! (DListed)

Looks like Grampaw forgot his teeth (CandyKirby)

And this may be Shenae Grimes’ brain on drugs (HollywoodBackwash)

Your token Brandy story (EvilBeet)

The Quaids settle with the hospital that OD’s their children (DailyStab)

Columbo even more confused now (CelebritySmack)

Hilary Duff was never a virgin! (CeleBitchy)

Suri Cruise uses four-letter words (AmyGrindhouse)

All of us star in the same movie, but only one hasn’t had to deal with relentless media scrutiny of their love life. Can you tell which one, dear readers?

Hot Tom and Jerry is actually a noxious drink, but it has a place in the canon if only because of its supporting role in Damon Runyan’s immortal Dancing Dan’s Christmas.

Bill Murray, 24 hour party person (AgentBedhead)

The Gossip Girl gossip (AmyGrindhouse)

Suri and Katie have the same stylist (BricksAndStones)

Sesame Street goes to Gitmo? (CeleBitchy)

Another Viggo? (CelebrityBabyScoop)

The latest Crazy Spears Family rumour (CelebrityCosmeticSurgery)

No, THIS is the latest Crazy Spears Family rumour (DailyStab)

Nobody wins when you play Russian Roulette (CelebritySmack)

Carrie Fisher comes full circle (Defamer)

As does Christina Aguilera (GabbyBabble)

Kim Basinger, however, is eternal (Websters)

Maverick’s Crackberry AWOL (DListed)

Who is this woman and what has she done with Audrina Patridge? (EvilBeet)

Middle-aged spinster displays desperation (CandyKirby)

Joel McHale gives the un-royal wave (IBBB)