Ayyyy!

Let’s just say it’s been one of those days. Actually, it’s been two of those da- make that “one of those weeks.” And it’s still only Thursday morning!

Vote for me! (ShortyAwards)

Nine Inch Noels (AgentBedhead)

Obama Bogarts (CeleBitchy)

Eddie Murphy gives Batman the kiss of death (CelebritySmack)

Jeremy Piven leaves Broadway for career as thermometer (DailyStab)

YOU don’t know how much Will Smith gave to Scientology. I DO!!!! (Defamer)

ScarJo donates bodily excretions instead (DListed)

What happened to Jenny McCarthy? (HolyMoly)

Kate Hudson and Anne Hathaway team up to induce diabetes (ImNotObsessed)

Separated at Birth, the Royal Edition (ASL)

Yes, Men, No, Zooey (EvilBeet)

Jennifer Aniston thrilled about upcoming Cougar Birthday (GabbyBabble)

The Invasion of Chynna (CandyKirby)

Suri is riding dirty (IBBB)

Gwyneth Paltrow’s favorite holiday recipes (JustJared)

Ben @ tha UN (PopSugar)

Oh, they may have frou-frou names, but don’t let that fool you. Like many a stiletto-clad damsel, they have a kick like a mule’s hind leg.

In memory of Marjorie (FourFour)

You don’t have to be famous yet to hate your fans (AgentBedhead)

Canada dodges a bullet… a bullet named Baldwin (CeleBitchy)

Naaaaasty Celebrity PDA’s (PopEater)

Jennifer Garner needs your help! (DListed)

Brad Pitt, also, needs your help (Defamer)

All things considered, this year’s Sexiest Man Alive could be worse (CelebritySmack)

100 movie spoilers in 5 minutes (CityRag)

Jean-Claude vanDamme has a way with metaphor (CandyKirby)

Britney is running around on Ken Paves (CelebWarship)

Joan Collins at least knows her snow (SeriouslyOMG)

Johnny Depp does his Helena Bonham Carter impression (DailyStab)

Nicole 1, Paris 0 (PopSugar)

Real Lessons from the Real Housewives (IBBB)

At least SOME of Katy Perry is real (Websters)

The Vampire’s Kiss has no cure, but if Gatorade came in Garlic flavour it would be pretty close.

The lights are on but nobody’s home at the Playboy Mansion (BusyBeeBlogger)

Lindsay and Sam are mole people (CelebWarship)

Hugh Grant is working his way down the romcom co-star list (CelebrityDirtyLaundry)

Marilyn Manson doesn’t even try anymore (AgentBedhead)

Celebrities who don’t need masks to terrify (CelebritySmack)

Does Kate Hudson have a new victim? (DailyStab)

Heidi Klum is a goddess! (DListed)

They don’t make Bond girls like they used to (Defamer)

Punchline of the day (EvilBeet)

Karl Lagerfeld was in costume yesterday too (FakeKarl)

HalloWEENs (FourFour)

Colin Farrell is a bad boy (GabbyBabble)

For Juliette Lewis, every day is Halloween (GoFugYourself)

The gargoyles 0f NYC (CityRag)

The gargoyles of the A List (Worth1000)

Kate Moss without makeup (IDLYITW)

An interview with Satan (HolyCandy)

Grover works the red carpet (IBBB)

Let them eat cupcakes then! (CandyKirby)

THIS is reality tv? Polo??? (Mollygood)

Katherine Heigl goes green? (PopSugar)

What a dog that Jennifer Garner is (SeriouslyOMG)

Finally! Jamie Lynn has a job! (Websters)

As the look on Jennifer Garner’s face suggests, how can we be sure that this is just a dress and not really a rare dermatological disorder that manifests itself in the form of fleshy ear-shaped whorls, but smells like feet?  Indeed she’d be wise to keep her hands well away – who knows how horribly contagious these mystery skin afflictions can be and Hollywood is already a hotbed of fungal infections as it is.

David Hasselhoff stars in It Came from the D-List! (Lolebrity)

Zac Efron in Three’s Company (MikeyMars)

Matt Damon and Brad Pitt in Celebrity Dad Faceoff (TeenyManolo)

Gossip Blogger in My So-Called Life (raincoaster)

The Young and the Wasted: The Gawker 20 (Gawker)

The Spice Girls star in The (Gilded) Birdcage (AgentBedhead)

Jennifer Garner in The Family Way (CelebritySmack)

Method Man in The Man Who Fell to Earth (POTP)

Nicole Kidman in Heaven (CelebWarship)

Salma Hayek makes a triumphant return in The Single Life (DailyStab)

Corey vs Corey (Defamer)

Michael Lohan Jr in Continent (CandyKirby)

Revenge of the Unfairly Slandered Tomatoes! (IBBB)

Britney and KFed in Agreement (ImNotObsessed)

The Dark Knight in Box Office Boffo! (JustJared)

Flavor Flav in Articulate (Mollygood)

Kelly Osbourne in Stripes (UKPopsugar)

Ashanti in Chintz (Crunk&Disorderly)

Matthew McConaughey in Better Late Than Never (CeleBitchy)

Blaaaaaaaaake in Carcerated! (DListed)

Liveblogging the Oscars (Defamer)

Jimmy Kimmel is fucking Ben Affleck (Gawker)

Britney taken away by the men in white coats (TMZ)

Christina Aguilera has baby rage (Hollyscoop)

Eli Roth is a bedhead beyond belief (AgentBedhead)

Lindsay Lohan had too many double waters on the rocks (CelebritySmack)

Katie Holmes was delusional as a child (ImNotObsessed)

Directions to the Playboy Mansion (Derober)

Lessons from the Oscars (CircusHour)

Enough with the Oscars: who won the Razzies? (HolyMoly)

Worst idea for a musical ev-ar (SeriouslyOMGWTF)

Gary Busey’s attempted red carpet rape of Jennifer Garner thwarted by Ryan “Macho” Seacrest (ASocialitesLife)

Pot calls kettle black (PerezHilton)

Diablo Cody won’t wear your stupid million dollar shoes! (Mollygood)

The Jolie-Pitt baby bump debuted to massive acclaim (Websters)

Falling Slowly for the song of the year (EvilBeet)

Kimora Lee Simmons’ death by a thousand quotes (Celebitchy)

Ben Affleck is so macho (Dlisted)

Hugh Jackman is uh is uh what was I saying? (Popsugar)

Celebrity pickup lines (Agentbedhead)

Reasons to hate American Idol (ImBringingBloggingBack)

Rickrolling the Church of Scientology (Gawker)

Britney Spears is the Pied Piper of North Hollywood (CeleBitchy)

Colour me shocked: Paris Hilton neglects her pussy (Dlisted)

Colin Farrell will be best man at his brother’s gay wedding (Gabsmash)

Violet Affleck pats the bunny (CelebrityBabyScoop)

Lenny Kravitz in the hospital (CelebritySmack)

Fergie may have a pea in the pod (HollywoodBackwash)

Scarlett Johansson and Natalie Portman will eat your soul (DailyStab)

Nelly Furtado loses at the Grammys (GoFugYourself)

Dita von Teese dates down. Like, Backstreet Boy down (EvilBeet)

Barron Hilton runs down a gas station attendant, gets DUI’ed (Defamer)

Night of the Creeps: Kanye at the Grammys (fourfour)

John Mayer not checking into the Paris Hilton (HolyCandy)

Amy Winehouse goes from soundstage to lockup (ImNotObsessed)

Angelina loses an Oscar (Mollygood)

Emma Watson picks up Kirsten Dunst’s sloppy seconds (JustJared)

Gary Coleman is off the market, ladies (PerezHilton)

So this is how it’s gonna be, huh Jennifer?

Well FINE. You just BE that way. Trotting around looking all normal and well-adjusted with your normal and well-adjusted baby THAT YOU DIDN’T EVEN BUY! How do you think that makes us, the celebrity bloggers of the universe, feel? What about OUR needs or do we just not count anymore? It’s bad enough you and your stupid wholesome dimples brought Ben Affleck back from the booty-biting dark side, but you had to pass it on to another generation with that robo-cute baby.
Oh, and don’t get me STARTED on the naming. Violet? VIOLET? Would it have KILLED you to name her oh, I don’t know, like Rubber Rose Schenectady or Pinkwilly Grace?  GOD.  Some people can be SO selfish.