Ayyyy!

Obviously VERY carefully wrapped, that is. I’d hate to get that Postage Due.

I want Daphne Guinness’ Alexander McQueen outfit, and the invisible sword that presumably goes with it. And a moderately-sized vat of gin, STAT; this is a medical emergency. We lost to the US in an Olympic hockey game for the first time since 1960, and all of Canada is in bed, drunk and sobbing and holding on to it’s little Troll doll for dear life; all of Canada except me. Someone has to blog this pain away. I am in no mood to be trifled with, except perhaps by Hugh Jackman, and he should wear body armour just to be safe.

Alfred Hitchcock’s ultimate nightmare (Lolebrity)

Robert Pattinson is greased and ready! (AgentBedhead)

Jessica Simpson gets her mask on (AmyGrindhouse)

Jude Law, swordsman (BusyBeeBlogger)

Travis Barker’s boxing match aborted (CelebritySmack)

JLo misses hat trick (CeleBitchy)

Bag a king! (True/Slant)

Conan hits the road (DailyStab)

Dancesport according to Dita (CelebDirtyLaundry)

Hilary Duff teams with NHL Player (BricksAndStones)

Kate Moss, suited for action (DanasDirt)

Bigots! On! Ice! (Gawker)

Ice escapades with Johnny Weir (DListed)

Xtream Martial Arts Birthday Party? (EvilBeet)

The Champions! (INeedMyFix)

Ken Paves wins the Snatch and Grab (SeriouslyOMG)

The pairs event (UKPopSugar)

And nowhere to put it if she did!

PS. Jen, hon, we can see the butt gusset seams below the waist. Haven’t your people heard of lycra?

In the fashion world, it’s normal for a trend to start on the street and then be co-opted by couturiers, whence it makes its way to the backs of seemingly every two-bit chorine who ever got a seatwarming gig at the Oscars.

How hopelessly Twentieth Century!

These days the trend train chugs along thusly:

Possibly-Washed-Up Figure Skaters

Possibly-Washed-Up Singer/Actresses

Possibly-Flash-In-The-Pan-TransexualsPerformance-Artists

Cheer up J-Lo, waving goodbye to your thirties isn’t as traumatic as you think. Just wait till you hit 50, then you’ll see what happens to those lovely arms of yours.

Ayyyy! Puzzle corner now open for comments!

You too can have one for as little as the cost of owning your own football team!

While Madonna waits it out in Malawi for news on her latest proposed acquisition, it appears from the photo above that J-Lo has already successfully adopted two baby foxes. True, she’s only brought home their skins but that’s only so it’s much safer for the twins to play with!

The President is looking in our direction, I think he’s onto us – quick you scrawny fool, kiss me now! There is NO WAY I’m going to let us become the first celebrity couple to divorce during his term!

Tom Cruise sez Anonymous causes paranoia (AgentBedhead)

But he’s willing to risk the lives of nine unborn children (AmyGrindhouse)

JLo to divorce? Oh no! (HolyMoly)

Chynna falls off the celebrity rehab wagon (BusyBeeBlogger)

Nice day for a white wedding, Woody (SeriouslyOMG)

How to dress like Brad Pitt (ChicagoMetromix)

Rachel Ray wants to poison your pup? (CeleBitchy)

We still have Heather Mills to kick around (DailyStab)

Madonna and Guy have the classic Exes Family Christmas (CelebWarship)

The world welcomes a new Palintot (DListed)

Where there’s celebrity smoke, there’s … a cheap story? (Defamer)

Cate Blanchett in Vanity Fair (EvilBeet)

Kanye West does not chant or do New Year’s (JustJared)

Amy Winehouse’s taste isn’t getting any better (Websters)

John Travolta chats up mystery man (UKPopSugar)

What an incredible relief to no longer have to live up to a certain frenemy’s overly impeccable dress standards. To celebrate her departure for for more Italian climes, let’s officially declare today, Dress Down While Shopping For Diamonds Day!

Note: Ayyyy! Puzzle corner will return on Monday 5 January.

The infamous Brandy Alexander has the unique distinction of being the first drink of which my mother ever consumed an excess. She’d been assured that the cream would coat her tummy so the brandy wouldn’t hit her too hard. Been assured. By a liar.

She remembers throwing her shoes off the cliff above St. Tropez and her new husband having to step around nude couples on the beach looking for them after he climbed down, and, frankly, not much after that for the next three days.

So, you’re warned.

A Photoshop is Worth1000 words (AgentBedhead)

Spoiler alert: the dog does NOT die: the dog goes on to re-date John Mayer (Websters)

SantaCon is ON, bitches! (CityRag)

and this is Jim Carrey’s brain on drugs (ASL)

Tom Cruise does the Flop Ten on Letterman (SeriouslyOMG)

Pellicano for the Pen! (WizbangPop)

Best of British exports (UKPopSugar)

Pete Wentz overshares. Again. (HolyMoly)

Penn Badgley’s ballsy (JustJared)

JLo sperminated?!?!?!?! (ImNotObsessed)

Your chance to blow away Santa (IBBB)

Size queen (BusyBeeBlogger)

Yes, RuPaul Can! (DListed)

Looks like Grampaw forgot his teeth (CandyKirby)

And this may be Shenae Grimes’ brain on drugs (HollywoodBackwash)

Your token Brandy story (EvilBeet)

The Quaids settle with the hospital that OD’s their children (DailyStab)

Columbo even more confused now (CelebritySmack)

Hilary Duff was never a virgin! (CeleBitchy)

Suri Cruise uses four-letter words (AmyGrindhouse)

For just five cents a day you can feed a Hollywood stylist (CelebWarship)

Tom Cruise busts a move (AgentBedhead)

Paula vs Simon. It’s ON, bitches! (GenosWorld)

Beyonce beaten! (AmyGrindhouse)

Kiefer’s a star in our hearts and on our sidewalks (UKPopSugar)

Childhood trauma explains Pam Anderson’s taste in men (CelebritySmack)

Brad Pitt’s kids will ask him to get married (CeleBitchy)

The Black Hole of Hasselhoff (CityRag)

“I love you.” “What?” (Reuters)

The weirdest way to skip work (Crunk+Disorderly)

Oprah admits she fell off the wagon (DailyStab)

William Shatner plays doctor (Defamer)

Your Illinois governor scandal sheet (EvilBeet)

Jessica Simpson learned from these guys (FourFour)

Cate Blanchett’s Spanx are showing! (GabbyBabble)

JLo learns Angie but good! (GoFugYourself)

You know what they say: big feet… (HolyCandy)

The 5th Day of Harriet Carter Christmas (IBBB)

Rumble at Chuck E. Cheese! (CandyKirby)

The day the Earth stood still for Keanu and Jennifer (ImNotObsessed)

The Brangelina clan to expand again? (JustJared)

Miley Cyrus, silent at last (SeriouslyOMG)

Jim Carrey will do anything for a laugh (ASL)

Lindsay Lohan’s leggings are flying off! (Websters)