Tara “I’m a drug addict, not a pedophile” Palmer-Tomkinson.

Co-starring with Mickey Rourke in The Boxer?

Cocaine is a helluva drug, people, and with an $800 dollar a day habit it doesn’t matter how many nose jobs you throw at it; you’re essentially throwing good money after bad cartilage. Tara, the woman once rumoured to have taken Prince William’s virginity, is invited to the wedding, but wants to get her nose done first. At this point, however, it becomes a Michael Jackson situation: there needs to be something there to work on in the first place.

Let’s toast Tara’s heart’s desire with your choice of a Mad Fairy cocktail or a Donkey’s Nob (made with Coke, of course).

And some gossip links:

Rebecca Black is SO JEALOUS of this woman (raincoaster)

Hugh Jass has nothing on this guy (Lolebrity)

Karl Lagerfeld, now *I* want to kill you (Ayyyy)

Vodka: is there anything it can’t do? (Manolofood)

The Anti-Gwyneth makes a mean Monte Cristo (AgentBedhead)

I’d cut off her head for that hat (BusyBeeBlogger)

There was an Octomom who lived in a shoe(box)... (CelebDirtyLaundry)

Did anyone see Perez Hilton or Michael Lohan at the scene of the crime? (CelebritySmack)

Princess Margaret is dead, so who will be the bad fairy? (CelebVIPLounge)

Kim Kardashian, Turkey, these things write themselves (DailyStab)

Courtney Cox is no Friend! (EarSucker)

Rebecca Blacklash! (FitFabCeleb)

PETA will get her! (GirlsTalkinSmack)

Who harshes on Robin Sweetest Man In Showbiz Williams and lives???? (HaveUHeard)

Planet Earth takes Lady Gaga DOWN! (HollywoodHiccups)

Tinkerbell’s new rival (INeedMyFix)

Fix! Fix! The fix is in at People! (MathewGuiver)

Old Britney vs New Britney (PoorBritney)

Sharon Stone goes Om Nom Nom

At a recent press conference, Sharon Stone demonstrates a typical lunch from her own patented Hollywood Diet that’s responsible for her girlish figure and fresh face.

Boobs! Breasts! Chest! And Keywords! (raincoaster)

Fashion trolls can climb? (Ayyyy)

Challah, breakfast! (Manolofood)

Sean Connery is the top! (Lolebrity)

Robert Pattinson and pubes in the same sentence (AgentBedhead)

Ode to Californication (BusyBeeBlogger)

Stars shoulder the burden of fashion (CeleBitchy)

Joan Rivers vs Sarah Palin (CelebDirtyLaundry)

Paz’d out (CelebritySmack)

Canadian-dater is impure! (AllieIsWired)

Charlie Sheen, name-dropper! (Earsucker)

Nicole Kidman and Keith Urban sublet a womb (DailyStab)

Sandra Bullock knows bangs are cheaper than Botox (GirlsTalkinSmack)

For a sec I seriously thought that was Julian Assange with CZJ (HaveUHeard)

Montreal won the Golden Globes (INeedMyFix)

Kanye Kant Handle It (PoorBritney)

You don’t deserve Ricky Jervais! (PopBytes)

Hayden, that is not what they mean by “the layered look” (FitFabCeleb)

JLo bids high (GabbyBabble)

Celebrity philosophers in 140 characters (EvilBeet)

The TRUE winner of the Golden Globes (MovieLine)

Michael Lohan finally finds his perfect match (SeriouslyOMG)

Sonny and Cher, circa 1966:

Sonny and Cher knew how to rock the bobcat vest

And Jennifer Lopez, shopping on New Year’s Eve, 2010:

Jennifer Lopez is on the prowl! And dressed as Maude, the Mother of All Cougars

"Rebelle Fleur?" Rihanna?

Elle ne parle pas le Français. Nor her inkster neither. They should frappez la rue. Today’s links are brought to you by a lovely, dew-beaded glass of chilled Chablis.

This image is eternal (Lolebrity)
Keith Richards is a zombie (raincoaster)
raincoaster on the radio! (TheShebeenClub)
This blind item leads to undying infamy for “Interesting Nickname” (AgentBedhead)
Kanye wants braiiiinnssssssssssss! (AmyGrindhouse)
Zombie Karl Lagerfeld rolls with a hot pants posse (BusyBeeBlogger)
The Mummy speaks: backtracks (CeleBitchy)
Would a silver bullet work on this one? She MUST BE STOPPED (CelebDirtyLaundry)
The timeless (and possibly immortal) Osbourne family (CelebritySmack)
Crunk is not dead (CityRag)
It’s the END OF THE WORLD AS WE KNOW IT (CojoStyle)
Wrestlers fail the immortality test (CelebrityFashionWatcher)
Conan rises from the dead! (DailyStab)
The Mommy Speaks! (DListed)
Undying divas: JLo and LTay (Lainey)
He’s no druggy, he just heard they were preservatives! (EvilBeet)
Presenting the pagan priestess of pop (GoFugYourself)
The Eternal Empress of Romcom slaughters Bill O’Reilly (HaveUHeard)
Jersey Shore sacrifices your childhood dreams (IBBB)
The Ladyparts That Will Not Die just swallowed another victim (JustJared)
Interview with the vampire (MovieLine)
The JLo rumour that refuses to die! (PerezHilton)
How to make a Frankenstein monster (PoorBritney)
Paris attacked by android body parts (PopBytes)
Sneak a peek at Supernatural! (SeriouslyOMG)

I think I’m just going to call this pic of Jennifer Lopez and Marc Anthony at the Monte Carlo Grand Prix “Mixed Messages.” I am not at all sure what to call the below, except “unfortunate.”

Um, what is going on here? From the look on her face, it would seem that the lovely and talented Michelle Williams has lost a bet and been forced into this unflattering, bedazzled and ruffled sack of fug for her Cannes premiere. Her eyes say “Help me” while her body says…well, we can’t hear what it’s saying because it’s being smothered by an overgrown pillowcase.

Ian McKellen, Lord of the Blogs (TrueSlant)

Ian McKellen is DONE with this shizznit! (Lolebrity)

PJs for all! (TheManolo)

Someday my prints will come (ManoloHome)

Sheer silliness (ManoloBrides)

Blind flood puppy update! (ManoloBig)

Celebrity Dad Faceoff! Hugh Jackman vs Stephen Moyer (TeenyManolo)

Inside John Malkovich’s head (AgentBedhead)

Kate Moss burgled! (AmyGrindhouse)

Porn model now porn actress (BricksAndStones)

Rock Out to Beat Cancer (BusyBeeBlogger)

Britney wigs out! (CeleBitchy)

Celebrity trade wars (CelebrityBeehive)

Jonas Brothers UNCAGED! (CelebDirtyLaundry)

Butt Paris! (CelebritySmack)

Celebrity sex swapping (CityRag)

Rachel Bilson is a fembot? (CojoStyle)

Russell Brand, Elle of a guy (DailyStab)

Justin Bieber is a gift from god (EvilBeet)

Orange silicone creature frightens children (GabbyBabble)

JLo IS SATC (GoFugYourself)

Bono’s back! (HaveUHeard)

Padma dates down (INeedMyFix)

Don’t worry, Lindsay, this happens to everyone (IBBB)

James Franco goes ape (JustJared)

Cats get Lost (Movieline)

Jake Gyllenhaal brings teh sexay…to the front row? (PinkIsTheNewBlog)

Lily Allen schlubs out (UKPopSugar)

Grace Jones, superhero! (PopBytes)

The hottest men on tv (SeriouslyOMG)

Yes, it’s a special request Hump Day Hunk; normally we don’t take requests, but this was persuasively phrased and besides, we just like looking at Owen Wilson as often as humanly possible, so here. The nice suit and Keds look was invented for this man.

Tupac dodged a bullet…oh, wait. (Lolebrity)

It’s baaaaaack! (Manolo)

Ray Bradbury, interior decorator (ManoloHome)

Calling opinionated brides (ManoloBrides)

Suck it, Australia! (ManoloBig)

I hope they weren’t used! (TeenyManolo)

Manorexia’s poster boys (AgentBedhead)

Stop the presses: Tila Tequila is dumb???? (AllieIsWired)

Justin Bieber is black (AmyGrindhouse)

Stop the presses: Megan Fox is dumb???? (BricksAndStones)

John Travolta and Kelly Preston replace purse dogs with baby (BusyBeeBlogger)

Wait, Megan Fox really IS dumb (CeleBitchy)

The incredible, buoyant boobies! (CelebrityCosmeticSurgery)

How today’s stars will age (MSNBC)

Dame Elizabeth: Cowboy boots, muumuu, and a king’s ransom in gems (CelebDirtyLaundry)

Stop the presses: Lindsay Lohan’s parole officer is dumb???? (CelebritySmack)

Stop the presses: Bristol Palin’s clients are dumb??? (CelebVIPLounge)

Six Degrees of STDs (CityRag)

Woody Allen’s threesome (CojoStyle)

We nose, NeNe! (Crunk&Disorderly)

Jennifer Aniston has rhinoplasty by photoshop (DailyStab)

Queen of the prom…in San Quentin, in about two months (DListed)

Don’t let her near the diamonds! (Lainey)

This man is my HERO! (EvilBeet)

Stop the presses: Eliza Dushku fans are dumb??? (GabbyBabble)

Stop the presses: Kennedys DRINK??? (Gawker)

Diaper jodhpurs are NEVER a good idea (GoFugYourself)

Red Carpet Slideshow (HaveUHeard)

Prince of Pers- oooooh, sorry, what was I saying? (INeedMyFix)

Hamlet was bulimic? (IBBB)

Ryan Gosling’s blue movie (JustJared)

Edgar Allan Poe’s had a little work done (LitelySalted)

Who you gonna call? (MovieLine)

Johnny Depp in your face! (PerezHilton)

Kylie is magic (PinkIsTheNewBlog)

Robert Pattinson on Ellen??? (UKPopSugar)

Marion Cotillard has a sackful of mystery (PopBytes)

Lindsay will have to pull a Polanski (Radar)

Jake is trying to get my attention (SeriouslyOMG)

Ryan Reynolds wears the ugliest superhero costume of all time (TenGossip)

And, since you made it all the way to the bottom, you deserve some more Hump Day eye candy. Say hello to the future Mister raincoaster.

Jeff Says:
April 25th, 2010 at 5:42 pm

Nubbins thinks, “She’s embarrassed? I’m not the one wearing THAT dress.”

Congrats and imaginary swag to our first time winner Jeff. For his virtual trophy, let me present the icy-coolOakley Gascan shades, Ducati Special Edition. Not only are they the hottest brand on two wheels and the highest-quality view on two lenses, but their superfantastic iridium lenses very likely possess the super-power of blocking out overdressed divas!

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Sure, Cusack, you can try to date younger, but it won’t do you any good. Dude, you are SO about to be shot down. The petite costar here demonstrates that you’re never too young to master the stink-eye.

Glee for Yu and Yu for Glee? (TrueSlant)

Make it official! (TheManolo)

The War on Boobies! (ManoloForTheBigGirls)

Shrekalikes! (TeenyManolo)

Balls! (ManoloForTheBrides)

Kinkier than a Snuggie (ManoloHome)

Justin Bieber nipple slip! (Lolebrity)

Courtney not Loved by Gwen Stefani (AgentBedhead)

Sandra Bullock stealth baby (AmyGrindhouse)

Jessica Alba is handsy (BusyBeeBlogger)

Don’t worry, Rielle, everybody else does (CeleBitchy)

Gleecap (CelebrityBeehive)

Randy Quaid avoids stay at government-run “hotel” (CelebDirtyLaundry)

Lame duck quacks (CelebritySmack)

Grandma does the View (CojoStyle)

Matt Damon breeds! (DailyStab)

NOT one of Gayle King’s favorite things (Gawker)

Drunk and high is no way to go through life but WAITAMINIT ALEXANDER MCQUEEN (EvilBeet)

If Jack and Jackie were still around, this would have killed them off (HaveUHeard)

John Cleese is not an ATM (INeedMyFix)

Heidi Klum is NOT a freak (JustJared)

Well, perhaps not Roman Polanski (MovieLine)

RPattz is back in town (UKPopSugar)

Alex O’Loughlin remains perfectly still, terrified lest that thing on Jennifer Lopez’s head become angered and pour forth a swarm of stinging insects.

Farther down the red carpet, it appears that Kerry Katona needs to pee.

The formal jumpsuit: never a good idea when liquids may be consumed.