Archive - Jessica Alba RSS Feed

The Un-Blushing Bridesmaid

The Unblushing Bridesmaid
The Unblushing Bridesmaid

Lily Allen has always been known as the “Dirt with angelic face” singer, and it’s nice to see she comes by it honestly. This is what her sister chose to wear to Lily’s wedding yesterday, keeping up the standard of class, but of unspecified altitude.

Then again, maybe she had the dress fitted before she got the boobs fitted. And serve her right if she couldn’t breathe all night.

I dunno about you, but I definitely feel in need of something strong to wash that out of my mind’s eye. I recommend the Nuptial Cocktail and some gossip links.

Palin Poetry: the Palinleaks Haikus. America gets the Japanese poetic forms it deserves, as Sarah Palin’s emails get put through the Haiku Finder. Art really IS everywhere! (raincoaster)

Who needs the tooth fairy? Who needs Food Porn? We’ve got the Magic Rum Fairy! (ManoloFood)

Emma Watson is back in the harness. Gee, I didn’t know there was a new Matrix movie in the works. Still, this will come in handy for her battles with arch-enemy Fat Bastard. (Ayyyy)

Harrison Ford IS Errand Runner! I’d like to take a look at his Furby, if you know what I mean and I think you do! (Lolebrity)

Debbie Reynolds is selling off her children’s inheritance and YOU CAN BUY IT! Yes, it’s the celebrity crap auction of the year, and open for business! Someone call Harrison Ford, quick! (Crasstalk)

Starfuckery failure: pro edition. ScarJo needs to go study at the scabby, callused knees of Courtney Love. (AgentBedhead)

It’s time to draw the line! Catherine, Duchess of Whatever, the Artist Formerly Known as Kate Middleton, needs an eyeliner intervention, people. (BusyBeeBlogger)

Gary Dourdan is brought to your police department by the Letter E. Unlike the last time, when he was brought to your police station by the letters DUI. (CelebDirtyLaundry)

Mazel tov, kids. Now, can the world please forget about Lily Allen? (CelebritySmack)

Who are the 10 best actors in Hollywood? Other than the “I didn’t hook up with him” Kardashians? (CelebVIPLounge)

JWoww kisses a dog. So things are looking up for her in the romance department. (CityRag)

Ladies and gentlemen, start your gingham! Jessica Simpson, superchic fashion powerhouse, is cloning herself. (DailyStab)

Taylor Momsen…remember her? Well, it looks like she’s hooking up with an electrician now. (FitFabCeleb)

Paparazzis pap’d! Six celebrities spying on you. (GirlsTalkinSmack)

Jessica Alba’s kid is going to be VERY popular with the tabloids! Nothing like leaking on your mom in front of a row of reporters. (HaveUHeard)

Conan O’Brien enters the Greatest Commencement Speech Sweepstakes. Will he take it from Steve Jobs? It’s Team Coco vs Apple Fanboys in the final round: Dartmouth vs Stanford. (HollywoodHiccups)

I’ll take “let them get the damn picture instead of crashing the car with your children in it” for a hundred, Alex! On the other hand, how desperate must a pap be to try to get a picture of Tori Spelling? (INeedMyFix)

Prince Hot Ginge in his undershirt. It doesn’t matter what I type here; you’re not reading it anyway. (SwoonWorthy)

People still date Lindsay Lohan’s castoffs? In other news, Demi Lovato is apparently capable of making good decisions again. (TheSkinnyChic)

 

Whiskey Wednesday Humpday Links

Paul Newman, the only man who could get away with that hat

Well, I’ve pulled my second all-nighter in a week and it’s only Wednesday. Not only is it Wednesday, but a little bird called Twitter told me it’s #WhiskeyWednesday and the new Harry Potter movie is out, and that means that as soon as this all-night diner can rustle me up something warming I’m having a coffee with a double Fireball and then conking out while the rest of you are all working. Salut! Happy hump day! Here is a picture of Paul Newman in a floppy hat, demonstrating once again that the beautiful can get away with things mere mortals cannot.

John Galliano’s unholy ambition (Ayyyy)
Harold, Kumar, Team America World Police, and your daily civics lesson (raincoaster)
2 girls, 1 cup, 1 Chaplin (Lolebrity)
Unspeakable horror aboard a shipwreck! (ManoloFood)
Baby put in corner, survives to triumph (AgentBedhead)
Clive Owen, looking pretty (BusyBeeBlogger)
and you, madam, are NO David Bowie (CeleBitchy)
Justin Bieber in Playboy? (CelebDirtyLaundry)
I think this is a steampunk jeweled zombie dress? (CelebritySmack)
Don’t Tattoo the Hoff! (CityRag)
But HOW do you love a man in a wetsuit? (CojoStyle)
They’ve always seemed Sketchy to me (DailyStab)
Yes, we have socialized B-lister protection (DListed)
Charlie Sheen also reads Playboy for the articles (Earsucker)
Give that monster a cookie! And a job! (EvilBeet)
My invitation must be lost in the mail (GabbyBabble)
Hopefully this means she’ll be “acting” less (GirlsTalkinSmack)
Daniel Radcliffe actually IS Harry Potter (HaveUHeard)
Versace de-sexifies, rolls over in grave (INeedMyFix)
But seriously, how do you parody Nicki Minaj? (PerezHilton)
and Paris Hilton carries her Thanksgiving entree to the pantry (PopBytes)
Brendan Fraser in “Homeless or Hipster?” (SeriouslyOMG)

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Fashion term of the day: Mullet Dress

Actress Jessica Alba adjusts her dress during the Machete red carpet at the 67th Venice Film Festival September 1, 2010. The world's oldest film festival opened September 1 and closes on September 11. REUTERS/Alessandro Bianchi  (ITALY - Tags: ENTERTAINMENT)

Today we learn a new term from our friends at Celebitchy: Mullet Dress. As shown here on Jessica Alba, it describes a gown that says Party in the front, Tragedy in the back. Doesn’t she just look like a prom-themed novelty stripper caught on a loose nail halfway through “November Rain?” That’s not the look you’re going for, generally speaking. Also, she needs to pee really, really badly.

Jessica Alba arriving for the premiere of 'Machete' during the 67th Venice International Film Festival (Mostra) at the Sala Grande Palazzo, in Venice, Italy on September 1, 2010. Photo by Nicolas Briquet/ABACAPRESS.COM Photo via Newscom

Hot Tub Hobo! (raincoaster)
Meryl “The Silencer” Streep (Ayyyy)
Director Wars 3-D! (AgentBedhead)
Lindsay Lohan goes to war (AllieIsWired)
Gay war on gay spies is so gay! (TheAwl)
For god’s sake, Kellan, put on some armor! (BusyBeeBlogger)
Debuting the Kim Kardashian line of spiked breastplate (CelebDirtyLaundry)
Michael Bay launches attack on Bosnia (CelebritySmack)
It’s Starlet vs Celebutante in the war of the column inches! (CityRag)
Jessica Alba’s feet taken prisoner (CojoStyle)
Hunk-off! McConaughey vs Phillipe! (HaveUHeard)
Yoko attacks your ears (INeedMyFix)
The War on Drugs is over (PerezHilton)
Blogger vs blogger over Britney! (PoorBritney)

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Katy Perry Lights Up Her Own Life Links

 American Woman: Fashioning A National Identity Met Gala - Arrivals

And her own underwear, assuming she’s wearing any. Which, with her, is not a safe bet.

Jack Bauer, Hillary Clinton, Carlo Ponzi, Bernie Madoff, and Bessie the Cow (TrueSlant)

He’s no Saint (Lolebrity)

The secret to eternal youth (TheManolo)

Coffee; elixir of youth! (ManoloFood)

Meta-trash! (ManoloHome)

Ah, regret! (ManoloBrides)

Get schooled on history and boobage (ManoloBig)

Celebrity May/December twosome (TeenyManolo)

New music, old videos, get disciplined (AgentBedhead)

JAlb lays one on a MUCH younger girl (AmyGrindhouse)

Britney dials it in (BusyBeeBlogger)

Fun couple of the moment: Kardashieber (CeleBitchy)

Girl slightly more uptown now (CelebCosmeticSurgery)

New boy in the blogosphere (CelebDirtyLaundry)

JUSTICE!!! (CelebritySmack)

New noses, old faces (CityRag)

Bruce and his new Jersey Shore look (CrazyDaysAndNights)

Nobody is looking at the shoes in this ad (DailyStab)

Iggy Pop, immortal (DListed)

Looking good for 1000 years old, dude! (INeedMyFix)

The Banksy of Hollywood (Movieline)

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Hump Day Links: John Cusack Edition

2012 Japan premiere

Sure, Cusack, you can try to date younger, but it won’t do you any good. Dude, you are SO about to be shot down. The petite costar here demonstrates that you’re never too young to master the stink-eye.

Glee for Yu and Yu for Glee? (TrueSlant)

Make it official! (TheManolo)

The War on Boobies! (ManoloForTheBigGirls)

Shrekalikes! (TeenyManolo)

Balls! (ManoloForTheBrides)

Kinkier than a Snuggie (ManoloHome)

Justin Bieber nipple slip! (Lolebrity)

Courtney not Loved by Gwen Stefani (AgentBedhead)

Sandra Bullock stealth baby (AmyGrindhouse)

Jessica Alba is handsy (BusyBeeBlogger)

Don’t worry, Rielle, everybody else does (CeleBitchy)

Gleecap (CelebrityBeehive)

Randy Quaid avoids stay at government-run “hotel” (CelebDirtyLaundry)

Lame duck quacks (CelebritySmack)

Grandma does the View (CojoStyle)

Matt Damon breeds! (DailyStab)

NOT one of Gayle King’s favorite things (Gawker)

Drunk and high is no way to go through life but WAITAMINIT ALEXANDER MCQUEEN (EvilBeet)

If Jack and Jackie were still around, this would have killed them off (HaveUHeard)

John Cleese is not an ATM (INeedMyFix)

Heidi Klum is NOT a freak (JustJared)

Well, perhaps not Roman Polanski (MovieLine)

RPattz is back in town (UKPopSugar)

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Just another brick in the wall

2010 Tribeca Film Festival Program Launch Of Tribeca Film New Distribution

Jessica Alba smiles through the pain of knowing she walked straight into a freshly-painted brick wall and got it all over her dress!

Sandra Bullock Single! (True/Slant)

Marc Jacobs Tatty! (Lolebrity)

Miss Marilyn Manson! (AgentBedhead)

Miley Cyrus, Quitter! (AllieIsWired)

Spoilt Teen Sues! (AmyGrindhouse)

Kelly Osbourne “Special!” (BricksAndStones)

Mariska Hargitay Captioned! (BusyBeeBlogger)

Isla Fisher Hitched! (LaughingStork)

Lindsay Lohan Hired! (CeleBitchy)

Kristen Stewart Clumsy! (CelebDirtyLaundry)

Lindsay Lohan, Pantsless! (CelebritySmack)

Panda Kindergarten Awwww! (CityRag)

Joe Biden Profane! (DailyStab)

80′s Movies Remixed! (Defamer)

Simon Monjack, Classy! (EvilBeet)

Dan Choi, Hero! (GabbyBabble)

Mariah Carey Axed! (INeedMyFix)

Betty White Fearsome! (IBBB)

Britney Spears, Wet! (JustJared)

Jon Stewart, Awesome! (LitelySalted)

Laverne & Shirley Returns! (Movieline)

Robert Pattinson Plucked! (UKPopSugar)

Oprah Settles Suit! (Radar)

Kick-Ass Clips! (TenGossip)

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Jessica Alba, in need of a trim

Yakety yak

Jessica had long harboured ambitions of being the hairiest girl in the room. Tonight, with the help of a passing Mongolian trader, her wish would finally come true!

Mickey Rourke, last minute pre-Oscar schmoozing

Of course they're real

Best of luck with tonight buddy, and as Jessica Alba is probably thinking above, let’s keep your hands where we can see them.

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